Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I have a fear of losing control, and a fear of schizophrenia. so when I feel tired or fatigue or just any emotion really I think it’s a sign I’m going to lose control and then it makes me so anxious to the point I have a panic attack over the feeling of feeling tired. Anytime I feel a change in my body I take that as a sign I’m going to go insane? which makes me feel more anxious and makes it feel more real! Does anyone else feel like this or have any advice:( currently feeling weird and so anxious all cause I feel sleepy/ tired. It’s exhausting

I'm 17,and My mind is obsessed with the idea that I could get a neurological disease and everytime I think it I have to touch a picture of God in my room(I'm Hindu) and it makes me feel safe. I used to pray for 3 hours a night but lately I've been shortening it by saying 'promise to God to pray at exactly 12 and be done by 12:05' for example and this has relieved so much anxiety. Well today, I was really anxious and I decided to put some make up on and quickly take it off before bed but I took it off 1 minute too late and now I'm scared God will punish me because why am I even wanting to practice make up when it's a materialstic thing and this is 'Maya' translated to desires ignorance in my religion. I've gone through so many phases where aive tried to give up Maya and sacrifice things like chocolate, music even studying because it's a desire and I think that by sacrificing this I can make things happen like going to my dream uni. I feel awful right now because I went to pray too late and it was all because of Maya.

I’m going through what is hopefully just a really bad hypochondria episode where I’ve convinced myself I have schizophrenia. It’s been about 8 months and I’ve been through a range of crazy symptoms but the most prevalent symptom is getting crazy delusional thoughts like “what if my wife is a demon and trying to get to me” “what if nobody is real and these are all monsters/demons out to get me” etc etc. the thoughts are absolutely terrifying and they make me look at people differently, and i have to question myself whether I truly believe the thoughts or not, they feel so real, when they come on I almost catch myself genuinely feeling paranoid that they are 100% real and having a panic attack, but then the tiny bit of me that’s still rational brings me back to reality. And from then on I have to question myself all day “do I really believe this?” “Well you technically can’t disprove those things” “if it’s not real, then why does it FEEL real?” “This really is schizophrenia” “ what if it’s not schizophrenia but ACTUALLY real?” “who do I go to for help?” “What if I can’t trust anyone” etc, it’s literally hell. I can never give a satisfying “No, I don’t believe this” to these thoughts. I can go days and weeks and be able to confidently shrug them off and tell how ridiculous they are only for them to come back with a vengeance the next day. I could really use some reassurance even though I know it’s bad. I have never been like this before until I started obsessing over schizophrenia. I’ve been like this for 8 months now.

Someone who was sick made food for me but I didn't eat it because they were sick but I don't want to waste the food because that would be disrespectful as they took their time to make it. I just don't want to take the risk of eating it and then getting sick. I hate getting sick. I don't know what to do about this.

Does anyone have any tips on how to get a full nights rest? I had a pretty good afternoon/evening yesterday, yet still found myself waking up every 2-3 hours with anxious thoughts. Also I have this horrible chest pain in the morning, that usually takes me a while to shake. Not sure if that’s contributing to my lack of sleep.

So after a period of long depression and OCD episodes, I finally got my first job as a barista. I’m ready to start tackling my fears, one by one! Or so I had hoped… Unfortunately my trainers are not great at training. It’s been two weeks and only just today have I started making drinks. But apparently I’m supposed to be doing everything already. The other trainee (who was trained on different days and therefore by a different person) is already making drinks and handling the register, and my trainer for today was gloating about her success when I arrived And then I show up, and the mood changes…. Cue the baffled expression, confused customers, and frustrated managers as I stumble around, not really knowing what I’m doing, BECAUSE NO ONE TAUGHT ME! I feel sick, and I’m terrified I’m going to be fired. My OCD flares up at work too because of the stress, and I sometimes mentally shut down. And bear this in mind, outside of training, there is only ONE BARISTA per shift. So once I’m done training, I’ll BE THERE ALONE. And I’m supposed to be done training soon! But I only know how to work the register. I feel awful, and my anxiety over this has caused my insomnia to return. So I’ve barely slept….. This is technically just a rant. I can’t complain at work because I don’t want to cause any tensions between me and my coworkers….It’s all too much.

Like a week ago i got up to drink some of my gatorade and it went down the wrong pipe and Immediately started coughing and my chest felt like it was burning really bad and I could barely breathe. Ever since then I have been trying really hard not to get water or other fluid in my lungs by drinking really slowly but it seems like im trying so hard not to get water in my lungs like now im doing it unintentionally by trying so hard not to and its probably a mental thing but I have been getting water in my lungs this whole week and then ill cough and then after for like a day it will feel like my chest is burning and I have shortness of breath and it feels like im going to cough up blood. I aspirated again today and now the feeling is worse than its ever been and it seems like it just keeps getting worse and I can barely breathe and my chest hurts so bad and its burning and feels like i can barely breathe and Im going to cough up blood. Im afraid if i get water in my lungs again accidentally Im going to have to go to the hospital and get like a feeding tube or something

I get stressed when I can't work or can get about. I would love to read by my body is telling me I need to do something. What works for you with ocd when you're stuck at home? First struggle with ocd in a while

I'm trying so hard to make progress with my ocd, and I have an awesome therapist who is helping me make more progress than I have in a long time, but life keeps giving me big helpings of stress, worry, frustration, and emotional turmoil. Today's helping is, my father took a fall today and is in the hospital with a fractured hip. My parents are older and their health is facing challenges, as it does for older people. I am not prepared to deal with this. My parents live 2 hours away from my, and my ocd has made it impossible for me to get to see them this past year. I know my time with my parents is limited, and my ocd mind f's are keeping me for making the most of the time I have with them. I can't begin to explain how much I want to curse the stars or whatever it is that has this pile of misery it keeps dumping on me. I'm really sick of life tormenting me.

Harm OCD has always been my main theme and I've been dealing with it from the age of 15 but a new theme appeared a few years ago of the fear of schizophrenia. Its the commands during an OCD theme that gave me the new obsession that its actually voices when it isn't. It's so annoying and I just wondered if anyone else here experiences or has experienced this?

There’s times where I just wanna escape from reality . So I tried smoking marijuana and I didn’t even smoke alot . And 4 days later after smoking , I feel very odd. Like something is wrong with me and I’m worried I’m going to be stuck like this forever . I don’t know what to do and I’m so scared . I can’t sleep , I can’t relax , my whole body is tensed up. I’m afraid . I don’t know what to do anymore

I had my first real severe OCD flare up almost two weeks ago and it scared the living crap out of me (intrusive thoughts). At the time I had no idea what it was and it was causing insane anxiety and panic attacks. After a bit of research and reaching out to numerous professionals for help with anxiety, I then learned it was OCD. I had a pretty bad week and then started to feel better. The thoughts were still there but I felt like I was learning / understanding how to just not fall victim to them. Now today, I had what I felt like was a bad day. Had what I think was a derealization type episode. Horrified it was going to turn me into someone else. I can’t even explain. I calmed down, but ever since it happened I’ve had ocd on loop about how that specific event happened and what could happen next time if it does happen again. Im truly scared for it to happen again. I was stuck in a loop for hours. Then now just all of the sudden I feel ok. Like a moment of clarity that I know what all of it was. Like I know it was the ocd. And that I’ll handle it better next time. And that I’ll be ok. But then my brain tries to tell me I have more than ocd. That I’m actually losing it. Has anyone experienced these moments before? I know people have good days and bad days but has anyone wone had days where they feel like it’s unbearable but then a couple hours later feel like you have your mind and rational back? Or should I actually be concerned there’s something else going on here? I meet with my therapist on Friday and will fill her in on all this, even though it’s only my second session with her, but just wanted to see if anyone could relate.

Hello everyone. The past 2 1/2 weeks I’ve been in day care clinic and they offered me to take meds. I think they talked about Citaprolam. I don’t know what to do. Lately I’ve been pretty stable and I have also been taking Johannis Herbs and it really has been helping me. But I wonder if a real antidepressant would hell me more?? I am just so scared. Everyone I ask either says I should take it or I absolutely should not take it. Would it be helpful even though I am stable right now? Do you have any advice?

It's hard even to write this. I will not be descriptive of any bit of content that can be in OCD problems, however I will be talking about how bad my problems are. I think it'd be better if this is only read by people without OCD (because i fear it might trigger/trouble other OCD sufferers). You don't have to read all of it, but if you want to give advice make sure you read the last small section which is after the ■■■ marker) I feel like likely nobody, even those with some similar OCD, even here in this app, wouldn't have such case that is so extreme and extensive and prolonged, and as it gets worse, and at times of flare up even when the flare up is over, my OCD is permanently worse, and it's so convoluted and with infinitely insane and overwhelming complications (a lot of what I'm saying is what some call intrusive 'thoughts', well, it has been part of my OCD for many years, but with time, and combined and more OCD that developed, it's just incomprehensibly bad, never heard of any similarly bad case. I have read what an OCD attack is. Helped to have some explanation therefore more understanding of myself. I guess I have had these times of severe flaring up. But I realised that what defines an OCD attack I have actually been having for a very long time, not just for small periods, but for months, and yeah though at times it's lesser than others, it's still to the extent that it's defined as an OCD attack. ■■■■■■■ Have gotten diagnosis. There's a lot of types and subtypes I have. But some isn't even categorised, some I've never seen identified by the world. And it's so all over the place and complex. Therapy hasn't been helpful (ERP/CBT). Medications (SSRI/antidepressants) are off limits as they've been quite bad for me and I can't be given anymore (long story). I'm in Australia. I've had several diagnostic tests with a clinical psychologist, I'll list which ones I scored highly on: •OCD •ADHD •Trauma/Complex_PTSD • General Anxiety Disorder for some of potential progress, like how medication for ADHD might help a big part of the problem, I'd need a psychiatrist which everywhere I checked I was told are so fully booked that I'd have to wait 1-2 years for ONE appointment. And from what I know it takes multiple appointments to see how a med works for you and if you should stay on it. Another small hope, in which there really isn't any progress at the moment, is Psilocybin psychotherapy. Has been proven immensely helpful for OCD in trials in America, and though this sort of treatment is appearing in Australia, they never mention OCD, and all the trials for it here have been for everything BUT OCD (it also happens to be the 2nd worst mental disorder on earth). It's been 1-2 years since it was approved for treatment-resistant depression only (still not very accessible, barely any professional even knows about it). Anyways, looking forward to hearing from you. (Please be a bit careful with what you write I'm at a quite triggerable state :| but still don't overthink it as in the end it's outside of your control). Thanks for your attention, I appreciate.

My brain is so messed up that I m having panic attacks at the doctor office just get nervous for no reason even when they call my name during the test I had to take couple deep breath my life su*ck why I can’t just be normal getting nervous and anxious for a doctor appointment only me my stupid brain I don’t think I can overcome this :(

Not sure this is the best title, but my situation is that every time I see my therapist, she adds another diagnosis. So, initially I went to her after being told by my ENT that my breathing issue sounds like OCD. Ok. Cool. I can accept that. Let’s work on it. But now, every session, she adds something else. Now it’s OCD, ADHD, depression, GAD, somatic symptom disorder, PTSD, and health anxiety. Is this normal? Do other people seek help for OCD and then get diagnosed with additional things?

I’m 20 years old and Christian.I’ve started having thoughts that one day I will be a drug addict and that I look like a drug addict.never in my life have I touched drugs or did them.i grew up in a household with people that did those things.my aunt passed away from it in 2015.my mom is set free because of making up her mind and jesus setting her free.I’ve dealt with other type of OCD thoughts.I’ve tried looking up fear of drugs and I found some people who struggled but not a whole lot like if I were to search up other OCD thoughts.every time I see someone that is struggling with drugs or is drunk it just scares me.I live in a small town so I can tell (I’m not in any way trying to assume someone else’s life but you can tell from certain people and I don’t judge them I really do feel bad for them).I’ve seen posts about people who’s face completely changed from drugs and it just terrifies me to the point where I’m going to panic.just like with harm OCD,I would see murder cases and immediately get scared that one day that would be me doing harm to someone.please tell me I’m not alone.I’m afraid of ever falling in love with someone who does do drugs,smokes or drinks because I know that who we hang around and get attached to,we will do what they do if we are not careful.hopefully this makes sense.again I’m not judging people who do them at all.I feel very bad for them because they are trying to fill a void with something that just isn’t worth it.at the same time it’s like I’m okay fearing it because it will keep from ever doing them because I know how much harm it does.I have thoughts and images of people drugging me.thoughts telling me “you look like a drug addict”.this is scaring me.some days I just want to move away where no one knows me.

Just obsessing because I’m worried I damaged my retinas because I didn’t realize the sun could cause damage throughout a span of a couple of hours and I thought it was just during the peak of the eclipse. I should have been more prepared. I was walking out to my car to head home probably like 15 mins before the peak of the eclipse and the sun reflected off my car into my eye for a second. And then I was in my car worried and I have a sun roof and i glanced up and saw it for a split second again. So I just feel like I should have better prepared and wish I could go back and not been careless. I keep trying to look things up but idk.

I'm stuck. My compulsions always centered around expelling all anxiety from myself, but now I've found something external that can't be neutralised - completely ego-dystonic centered around the most horrific thing I've encountered in my life and the thought that someone could know I had watched it and thought I was genuinely into it sexually. I always clung to this idea that I could expel enough anxiety that it wasn't bothering me. Wouldn't be perfect, but I could at least get rid of it enough to function well. But this has knocked me down completely: This is a thought that will always cause me anxiety anytime I think it, every social situation, every day at work is a ticking time bomb where I feel I have to avoid it. There's positives. I've learned a lot about my compulsions around perfectionism socially. After the anxiety passes I'm still confident, I'm still funny, it doesn't affect my personality. I know it isn't me. But I can't laugh off the subject matter like I would normally do, and no matter what I do I will always be able to think something that causes me anxiety on this. And when it does, my anxiety slaughters me. It throws me cognitively, if I've eaten anything, I get to taste it twice; that happened yesterday - Thankfully I have a great relationship with my manager and team leader so could convince them to keep it between us and keep working but the moment you feel your stomach go and the saliva starts to come, it's coming up whether you want it or not. The anxiety spike hits me when I wake up in the night, stopping me sleeping. When I'm enjoying myself 'too much, it brings it up to put me in my place. When I go to the gym or out with friends, the fear of the anxiety hits me. It's actually not even the situation anymore, it's the anxiety about the anxiety. But I've watched myself slide backwards from all the incredible progress I've made. I've made mistake after mistake feeding compulsions I never should've done, all the time working towards a different compulsion that I thought would magically fix all this. That's the most insidious thing about OCD. The more you try to fix it, the worse it gets. I've never had this before. Never something external that can't be resolved. I can't sleep much. Can't eat a lot. Watching my muscle mass deteriorate. What if it happens on a date? What if it happens in an interview? Why this? Why did my OCD latch on to something this disgusting (That one probably answers itself actually haha). Either this helps me finally realise that not all thoughts are meant to be resolved, reveals more about the OCD and helps me improve. Or it doesn't. Anyone had anything like this? A period of sustained downhill with the OCD that you pulled out of? Something external that you couldn't ever get confirmation of, but helped you in the end? Maybe didn't, but you still soldiered on anyway. Just looking for a little optimism tbh.

I wish there was a way to block googling medical symptoms- like a setting or something. Some physical boundary to avoid doing it