Dr.google

what helps you guys cope with thinking you’re sick and you’re going to die any second? i can’t help but look something up on my phone when i feel something slightly unusual. once i see some condition or whatever, i stick with it until i experience something new, and the cycle goes on. i’ve always felt that if there was something wrong with me i wouldn’t want to know and would rather die. i’m not suicidal but i don’t want to live in a world where im sick or feel doom because there’s nothing to do about it. i’ve gone to the doctor plenty of times and i recently got a lot of blood tests. they said nothing was wrong with me other than the fact i have depression and anxiety. so every time i feel worried about something, i just refer back to that and tell myself im healthy, which i am. at the moment, i keep getting worried im going to have a stroke. although i am a teenager, it’s still possible. just now i felt left sided pain in my jaw that went to the rest of my face so i started to get anxious which made everything seem more intense. then i reminded myself that i have impacted wisdom teeth that are growing in which could cause that type of pain. last night my leg cramped up and it felt painful to move. it felt exactly like when your leg falls asleep and you get that paralyzed feeling (if that makes sense). then i figured that happened because i just had a week of band camp and my leg muscles were pretty sore, especially that leg. my family doesn’t have any history of health issues which doesn’t mean that im invincible but it also reduces the risk. all of this really picked up after band camp from last year (2023) im guessing its my body having enough of it being overworked.

I recently went to my PCP for routine bloodwork, that I wanted, just to ease my mind and make sure there weren't any issues that needed attention. When they called with the results, I couldn't answer the phone. I felt an immediate sense of doom, my hands got tingley, and I just couldn't answer. It took 45 mins of crying, pacing around, and convincing myself that everything was going to be alright, to finally be able to call back. I had this done on my own, I requested this so I could try to stay on top of my health, I had NO real reason to be scared of any results.. My health anxiety seems to be different than the majority of fellow sufferers. Most people will run to the Dr for any and everything. I am the opposite. I don't want to know. I'm terrified. I've been this way since I was a kid.... I want to know that I'm healthy, but actually going to the appointments and having the tests that can tell me that...is like a nightmare for me. Does anyone else have this type of health anxiety? Has anyone found a way to ease the fear? My logical brain tells me that if there ever is something wrong, I'd want to know as soon as possible, so I could get treatment immediately. But my panicky, overthinking brain, is more powerful and won't let me do that in peace. It's exhausting wanting to be healthy and keep on top of things when you can't muster up the courage to go to the doctor like a normal adult. UGH

I wanna talk about psychosomatic symptoms. How powerful are they for you? Because sometimes symptoms start for me before I even know it’s linked to a disease—but then I Google it and it intensifies. I kind of wanna hear about the power of y’all’s psychosomatic symptoms bc I think it may make me feel better.