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PET OCD Urgent. 😓Scared I violated my cat OK, my OCD is acting up because when me and my cat were cuddling, like I always do with petting my cats rear end or scratching or patting. when I hold them, one part of my hand holds their butt. (Not their actual you know what but the rear end area) But anyways, it was making me feel weird and I also tried to feel for my cats tail to see where I should end the petting because I was scared to pet further and touch his actual butt. (I was petting downward on its side and was feeling for where the tail started to see where I should stop because the fear of actually touching the cats actual butt scared me) But then to do an exposure for myself I just told myself Just keep petting his butt or shoot even put both hands there and cuddle with him, or just pet him all the way to the end of his tail, I even allowed myself to fully cuddle with him and snuggle with him. But the exposure is only making me feel worse, and making me feel that I acted on something bad. I was just trying to show myself and even said out loud “look nothing bad is happening” this is making me feel like I acted on an urge and hurt my pet. My cat is fine and likes to be pat on the butt or scratched, and also to get his tail played with. He likes being pet on his stomach as well but that is only sometimes. Typing all of this makes me feel so scared. Now I am having these obsessive compulsions with my cats, that I have to pet them near the rear end to prove to myself that doing that does not mean I hurt them, but it’s not making me feel better!!

A "perfectionist." As a child, that's how most described me. Little did I know it might've been related to OCD. When writing notes, if I didn't write a single letter correctly or the ink smudged, I'd tear the paper out from the notebook and re-do the whole thing. It would take me HOURS. Another thing I remember that I still catch myself doing is walking a specific way on the sidewalk. I'd have to start with my right foot, then my left foot, and finish with my right foot at the end of the sidewalk square. If I messed up, I'd feel the urge to turn around and restart from the last square. Knocking on wood also became a compulsion of mine (which I still do lol). Same thing with "step on a crack, break your mother's back." I remember kids in elementary telling me that, and I jumped on a crack to prove to them that it wouldn't happen, but then immediately after doing so, I grew extremely anxious. Because, "What if it's true and I just hurt someone I love?" That day, I'm pretty sure I went home and apologized to my mom for stepping on the crack, and she laughed. Bad intrusive thoughts every night about scenarios where my family would pass away, and I'd imagine how life would be without them. I'd cry about it every single night for years. This eventually evolved into a fear that, if I didn't hug my mom or dad before they left the house, then something horrific would happen to them. Then, even later, it evolved again into intrusive thoughts of ME doing violent things to them. It was horribly distressing, but I didn't tell anyone about it because I thought they'd be afraid of me. One time, I'd been convinced myself that my entire family and I's flight would crash. I begged my mom to cancel our trip because "I just had a feeling that this time, it really would happen." The next day on the flight, I passed out multiple times, but our plane landed safely, and we all lived! Mentally reviewing past conversations over and over again and even scripting out conversations. Constantly asking for reassurance about EVERYTHING. Even if it was something small. During Covid, I grew really paranoid. If I touched anything, I felt like I immediately had to wash my hands two or three times. The air outside felt "contaminated," and I'd get intrusive thoughts just walking around our neighborhood about catching Covid by just being outside. In the first month, I did actually end up getting really sick, but I don't think it was Covid. Still, this only worsened my paranoia, and I'd constantly plug my ears to check my breathing, or I'd check my pulse. I thought I would develop pneumonia and die in my sleep😭 There's probably more, but that's just a few of the memories I've been looking back on...

Sometimes I think " do I like kids?" "Would i get aroused if I saw content with kids?""What if I'm a pedo and cant accept it?" "What if I'm ok with these thoughts?" "What if I'm not distressed enough " "What if I enjoy these thoughts?" , i avoid kids as much as i can, i cant look at them bc I'm scared I'm gonna have some groin like response. I keep testing if I'd get turned on or if I'd have some groinal response to sexual scenarios with kids. Sometimes I think that if I took my life this would be over and i wouldn't have to think about this and i wish i doubted something else instead of things like this. I had similar situations just with different topics such as if i loved or found sexually appealing a guy while in a relationship and i kept asking myself those questions for months and i avoided going to school for weeks and when I went I'd cry and have anxiety attacks. I had it with past actions i obessed over and felt the need to exploit every detail and be honest because otherwise i was being a fraud. I had it for sexual things that happened when i was a child. Im not diagnosed with ocd but should i tell this to my local counselor? Can someone help? Give me advice or tell me anything?

TW// NSFW and childhood So today, I am making some big changes. I am going to see a psychiatrist, as I already have found a therapist on here. I am very scared to speak with them, though. My OCD themes are very sexual and taboo. I also had a weird childhood, I was exposed to pornography at around age 4 to 5 I witnessed things, had other children do things to me , and also witness family members being careless with their sexual interactions around me. I was very hyper sexual as a kid, and even up until now. I was touching myself at those young ages as well, compulsively, 24/7 and inappropriate places like school, in front of family, etc. I developed weird fantasies as a kid and watched very weird things, but around age 14 is when I started becoming aware of how these things do not align with who I am deep down, and it began to make me very anxious and uncomfortable, eventually leading me to find out and get diagnosed with OCD. A bad compulsion I deal with, like I said, before is self pleasure, but it has become a compulsion that it worries me that I like the nature of my OCD. I also experimented in such disturbing ways as a child that it haunts me now. And some fantasies have stuck, as they revolve around something traumatic I’ve seen as a kid. For example, the main one, is when I was younger, there was a family member who would be careless with pornography on their phone, self pleasure around me, etc.. so my brain has sexualized this for such a long time. But I love that family member, dear to my heart, and I would never want to do anything sexual with them harmful to them. I know this is getting long, but I guess this is my story? I am a little nervous, well, actually very scared, that the psychiatrist is going to tell me that I am my biggest fear, someone who needs to be kept away from kids, pets, society. I just feel so not normal. It makes me super sad and drained. If anyone has any advice, or even something that they can relate on, anything helps. Thank you.

I hate my ocd so much every single time I get new hyperfixation or special interest it has to ruin it destroy shatter I cannot do this anymore it's so fucking annoying. I dont really have a theme of ocd, sometimes it's something sexual, sometimes it's values and morals, sometimes it's hyper responsibility, but the main part is that, it always attacks my current special interest. For example, when I get sexual intrusive thought it wont be an intrusive image of myself or someone I know, but it's going to be an image of my favorite characters, or when I'll get a thought about my morals, it's going to be "your favorite character is based on misogynistic stereotypes" or "your favorite male character is the way they're not because they're severely mentally ill and traumatized, as well as disabled, but because they're a man and every men acts this way" So ocd is basically trying to make me go either insane or dead, all I can do is just keep being interested in what Im interested in and hope for it to go away after some time. Tho my therapist that I was going to a year ago told me to stop being interested in what Im interested in or get interested in something else, when it doesnt make even the littlest bit of sense?? I mean, it wont make my ocd dissapear it's just going to latch onto other thing im interested in?? Maybe something even more important? At this point Im just tired, I never actually were that suicidal as I am now, I mean, I dont really think about it all the time but I feel like Im completly ready to take my own life whenever I feel like I cant take this anymore, my mother after a year and a half started to trust me with taking meds to my room, so I can do it whenever I want. It gives me some sort of comfort

Idk. It was slightly daunting before ocd but now it’s more daunting. Especially with the relationship thing. Like I cannot conceptualize forever. My parents got divorced. Most of the relationships I’ve seen have fallen apart. I’m worried about making a mistake and living in the wrong relationship with the wrong gender my whole life but I was so happy and confident before. Now I feel like. None of that. I’m wondering. Who do I want to do life with? Who do I wanna sleep next to my whole life? Have sex with? Have a family with? Am I holding back from my real soulmate cuz I didn’t feel that intense draw towards my bf? I had breakup thiughts and random intrusive thoughts about me dying or smthn random like that but they never bothered me at all so I worry about them. Idk. I’m so tired Being bisexual makes this more confusing. Cuz now I’m worried I’m a lesbian cuz I can’t feel anything lately towards my bf besides slight anxiety, overwhelm and nausea. Idk. I’m tired and about to head to bed but I wanted to rant. Idk if anyone else feels like that if you do pls Lmk, especially with the nausea. I feel nausea around anything sexual lately. And I feel horrible cuz I do wanna be intimate but I have no energy and don’t wanna do it much lately.

Since I was a kid, I have suffered with counting and even numbers to try to answer hypothetical situations in my head. “If the time is even, this person hates me” and vice versa. It came to a point, in conjunction with my panic disorder, where in mental health in-patient treatment they had to take down all the clocks. Then came the excessive planning and organization. I plan everything down to the minute. When things go wrong or off the plan I have what my then therapist referred to as a “sh!t fit.” I have tried numerous medications for my OCD, yet, somehow, my body always had an adverse reaction one way or another. I.e. serotonin syndrome, neuroleptic malignant syndrome, etc. The anxiety and panic that came with my OCD played heavily in my drug addiction. Calculating the exact number of pills, dosages, and combinations to help ease my anxiety and hyper-fixations. At extreme points, using pills to sleep away the pain and thoughts that things will not get better. It put me into a spiral of drug addiction. With the hyper fixation off from time and planning turning into the fixation on drugs and medicine. It put me through a whole other spiral. I had a therapist tell me that OCD is one of the three ways that anxiety can form. The other two being GAD and Panic disorder. As someone who has suffered with anxiety their entire life, I was glad to receive my diagnosis’s as an adult when I thought the world was falling apart. It gave me a sense of clarity. However, going back to my prior statement on the hyper fixation of prescription drugs and medicine, I thought the pills would be the answer. That was not the case. In fact, it was far from the truth. Yes, the drugs and the psychiatric services helped tremendously, but I have never seen a therapist or psychologist to receive one on one prior to in-patient mental health residential treatment. Most recently in September I had to be placed on a psychiatric hold and placed into an in-unit psych unit at the hospital for an attempt to end my life as my OCD was not getting “better.” My diagnosis’s upon leaving the psych unit was “Suicide attempt w/ OCD.” I am proud to say that upon receiving in-patient residential services for my duel diagnosis (Sedative, hypnotic, anxiolytic abuse and OCD), I have finally found a sense of clarity that things would get better. I hope that doesn’t change or go downhill. I accepted it and I know the diagnosis’s won’t go away, but I hope that life starts changing for the better. Thank you guys for sharing their stories on this app to give me hope that I am not alone.

my cat was smelling my other cat's bottom so to get him away i like quick "slapped" with the dorsal of the hand on his face and i got afraid that i did too hard so i compulsively did it again with similar strenght that i used to check if he was hurt and i regret it, like it wasn't a hard slap meant to hurt, but i did that impulsively and maybe i exceeded a bit over the limit in which it doesn't hurt. like he definetely reacted but i don't know if he was hurt, like he reacted in the moment but nothiny else, and he's lovey dovey. i dont think he was hurt but i feel bad. because if i did it once as a mistake i shouldn't have done the same thing again. i feel like an abuser. there are many things that are happening to me and im getting overwhelmed and i dont know how much longer i can hold on. because one thing i can't do is to forgive myself over mistakes.

This morning when I was half awake I had really dark depressing thoughts like I don’t care about my self so I should just do it & I don’t know if I wanna be here, when I first started having these thoughts it would bring on anxiety and would cry so much I even started throwing away dangerous items and avoiding things as these thoughts didn’t feel like me and I didn’t wanna die. Now these thoughts aren’t bringing on anxiety and I don’t know how to feel, so I don’t know if I should check my self into hospital cos it’s worrying me that I aren’t reacting to them. Advice please ☹️

I’ve never used this site before, in fact, up til now, I’ve always felt like my OCD is something I don’t even have. I’m diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and I always assumed that was the only thing that caused my persistent thought patterns. Lately, my therapist has been noticing more intense patterns that resemble OCD. My older brother and grandmother are diagnosed with OCD and it runs in my more distant family as well. (This is sort of a long rant and I don’t expect anyone to see it. I just need to get it out of my head.) Since I was around 12, I’ve had these little habits and fears that didn’t make much sense. I have face tics that happen in specific patterns. Example: first I raise my eyebrows and close my eyes, then I relax those and scrunch up my nose, then I relax my nose and pucker my lips. Always in that order and I do it until the urge to do it goes away. Throughout high school it went away, but I’m under a lot of stress right now (19) and it’s coming back persistently. Some of the things I’m experiencing now are: Having to physically move away from a railing out of fear I’ll lose control of my body and throw myself over. I have panic attacks when there’s an itch in my throat because I fear it will make me cough, which would make me gag, which would make me throw up, and I’m terrified of throwing up. I haven’t done it since I was 7 years old, since my mother (now dead) convinced me I can “think it away”. I watch the same episodes of the same tv shows over and over. But that could just be a comfort thing. I pop menthol cough drops every second of the day. Without them, I feel like I’ll be stuck without them and nowhere to run to. I always keep at least 10 on me everywhere I go. Sometimes, I’ll do an action that makes me feel unlucky so I undo it, hoping that the universe didn’t notice and nothing will happen as a consequence. If I see something really unsettling or disturbing on accident, I can’t get it out of my mind ever. I remember things vividly from years ago and I have to intensely distract myself or consciously make myself think of anything else to make the thought disappear. Sometimes, I look at people as I’m out and about and I think about how at any moment, I could lose control of myself and spout some horrible absolutely disgusting things about them and then everyone around me would know what a horrible person I am. Of course, I’d never think the things that pop into my mind, so I always feel almost paranoid that someone actually heard what I just thought. I experience this sort of, mental paralysis if something in my life is suddenly different. If my room is messier than usual, if I miss an assignment, if I have to make a sudden phone call. It feels like I can’t force myself to go anywhere or do anything because something is different. I changed my major during my first semester and for the rest of the semester I didn’t go to a single class, or do a single assignments. I stayed at my boyfriends place and just did laundry and dishes because it was all I could will myself to do. That may just me being weird and have nothing to do with OCD. Of course the harmless habits: having to have both feet on the ground when getting out of the car before the driver closes there door. Holding my breath while walking past open doors. Closing my eyes when passing a window or mirror. Really can’t explain those, I’ve been doing that forever and I don’t know why that even started. I’ve been going through a break/break up recently. I didn’t realize it, but my need for certainty and my persistent thoughts about my boyfriend that we’re never true were damaging us as a whole. No matter how much he proved his loyalty, those thoughts of him definitely cheating on me would interfere with how I treated him. I always needed to know where he was because if I didn’t know, suddenly he was out betraying me (in my mind of course) to him it was because I was just immature and didn’t have a life of my own. (Which is partially true) However, no matter how many times I’ve tried to control that behavior, no matter how many medications I was on, the thoughts persisted. The only thing that changed with medication was how badly I was affected by them. He basically said that we can take a break and come back when we’ve bettered ourselves. He refuses to tell me when because he thinks that will give me an easy way out and not have to actually better myself since I know he’s coming back. So, because I have no idea when he’s coming back, if at all, it’s been driving me absolutely insane. All my behavior patterns have been worsened and even some new ones have formed. I constantly check his account to see if he’s followed new people. If the numbers stay the same, I can feel calm. If they change, my day is ruined and I spiral. I keep asking the universe/god/whatever to give me signs to ensure that things are going the way they’re supposed to go. It was recently my birthday and I got to blow out two sets of birthday candles so I felt extra lucky when I used my wishes. (Of course I can’t say what the wish was but we can all assume) It was the anniversary of the day we met yesterday and it snowed (I live in south Texas) so I took that as another sign. I sat outside last night in the snow and saw deer appear out of nowhere and I took that as another sign. I sleep with his shirt and some plushies he gave me and one of our cats toys. I kiss each of them and say goodnight to them every night because if I don’t, I feel the universe will take that as a sign that I don’t love them and they’ll never come back to me. I’ve written thousands of reassuring words about our relationship and about him in my journals and notes app. No matter how many times I reread and rewrite them, those horrible gut wrenching thoughts of him already forgetting about me come to my mind and I do everything I can to get them out. As I was diagnosed BPD I was on a few medications that did keep thoughts like this (which I didn’t consider could be OCD at the time) at bay. I was on 200 mg of Seroquel, 200mg of Trileptal, and 200mg of Gabapentin. They did a nice job at keeping those thoughts out, although they would slip through and make me spiral every few weeks. However, I ran out of medication over two months ago, and I have no insurance right now. So I’m really started to feel those inescapable thoughts torture me every second of the day. (I’m aware that a lot of these things could be explained by my BPD and There’s a very good chance I don’t have OCD at all, I just found a lot of symptoms that resonated with me here as well. They could be co-morbidities for me, I could have one or the other, or I could just have BPD and am just imagining the OCD… not really sure) I know this was a total word dump and I doubt anyone will see this. (If anyone does see it, however, please avoid any relationship advice. I know what I want and the choices I make are never influenced by others and most of the time, relationship advice just worsens my thoughts. I really am just looking for any advice on these sort of thought and behavior patterns rather than their subject matter.) (I’m also 19 and know very little about life so pls be kind <3)

Ok so someone asked me to hold their bracelet and while I was reaching for it I was telling myself repeatedly that I was just reaching for the bracelet not a body part. I think I did this because in the past when someone asked for a hug I was like, what if my hand touches her breast? And at the last second the thought popped up again and I was afraid I did something evil on purpose so it traumatized me. Anyway, I was hyper focusing on the bracelet and I was forcing myself not to have the thought of touching a body part but at the last second when I took the bracelet I imagined myself touching a body part like I had an urge to think that for some reason and now I feel like a monster and my mind is telling me it’s because I was secretly trying to do an inappropriate touch at the last second! Almost like that was me acting on it! Not sure how that’s possible though considering that area is far away from where they were holding the bracelet but I don’t know it feels so real!!! I have a fear of harming others I do not walk near anyone idk who I am anymore.

Hey guys! I am a recovered person from Harm OCD, but still dealing with tons of anxiety. I am really finding ways to feel understood, since around me I haven’t found anyone dealing with the stuff I do… From time to time, I get so much anxiety while I eat… Which makes it so hard for me to eat, because I get heavy symptoms such as a sense of a tight throat. It is sooo uncomfortable and it’s really making it so hard for me to eat, I am so worried :( I try to tell myself is just anxiety but that sensation just won’t go away ;( Help!!

i feel too far gone and like a lost cause like i have left my ocd untreated for too long that it’s peaked or at least i hope it can’t get worse sometimes selfishly i actually think i have the worst ocd anyone’s ever had in the history of ever and that no one is in a greater pain than me its every single second of every single day and even when im asleep its there for the last 2 years i have had a traumatic ocd dream every single night there’s absolutely no escape and i stopped feeling real such a long time ago in retrospect i realised my ocd started when i was 11 and im now 19 and it escalated so fast at a constant incline i dont get respite from my ocd its only ever gotten severely worse it started that i couldn’t see family for one theme and then men for another theme and then children for another theme and then women for another theme which eliminates absolutely everyone in the world i used to be able to make exceptions for my boyfriend and certain friends but now i cant im so scared and isolated i cant watch shows or films because of triggers i cant listen to certain songs for fear of manifesting the lyrics and i cant even sit in peace and let me ocd thoughts be and feel the discomfort as a form of recovery because im convinced dead people that i know can hear my thoughts and they don’t understand ocd because other than cleaning and liking order they would never have heard of it so im constantly having intrusive thoughts and explaining them away to the “people listening” i’ve never felt more suicidal in my entire life and i’ve attempted suicide about 5 or 6 times and even then i didn’t feel half of what im feeling now but i was younger than and didn’t have empathy for the hurt id be leaving behind and now knowing how selfish it is i can’t do it but its all i ever think about and the only thing that helps me feel better during a flare up is imagining hurting myself in the worst possible ways and dying and that’s what gets me out of the house is the hope that someone might stab me or run me over with a bus or truck or that i might get beaten to death by someone in an episode and when im not thinking that over my intrusive ocd thoughts im praying and hoping that i get a brain tumour that gives me 6weeks to live or that the stress and pain of my ocd will induce a heart attack or a stroke and i die that way so that im not the one causing the hurt after i die

I’ve been feeling the urge to avoid intimacy or purposefully engage (for reassurance that I won’t give into a compulsion) because of intrusive thoughts and fear that I’ll “check/test” my reactions. My OCD is making me so scared that I’ll purposefully think of a child and try to see if I like it. It’s so complicated but I guess I’m mentally checking if I would mentally check during intimacy. I’ve even envisioned myself checking and it’s making me so nauseous. I know it’s a compulsion like any other but the sound of “touching yourself to the thought of a child” sounds atrocious and vile. I’m terrified I’ll automatically start checking next time I am being intimate. I truly feel so worried. If anyone has gone through something similar, I’d appreciate hearing your experience. Or if anyone has any advice?

My OCD is getting better but i get random intrusive thoughts ranging from different subtypes, like i’ll be enjoying life and randomly get a rlly depressing thought that makes me afraid because i don’t want to believe the thought, and then the next second it’s a horrible harm ocd thought or a religious thought or pocd Please no reassurance, it’s just that i was wondering if anyone dealt else dealt with ocd that is rlly random and not just one theme I think this happens when you beat one big theme and OCD starts coming back in smaller ways? Either way, ik the solution, leave the thoughts, accept the uncertainty, don’t do compulsions 😌

I really want someone to tell me that even if I am really a pedo that they would still love me. Idk. I know it won't cure my distress but it does help a little knowing I would have unconditional love from somebody... I'm so scared that I won't.

i feel like something bad is going to happen any time i make a change.. or do something different. like my hair or my makeup. or i’m getting a new phone soon and i was excited but now that im thinking about it im scared something is going to happen bc im changing my phone.

I was diagnosed with OCD in late last October despite having it since I was around 4 years old. I have a long history of not eating in order to ”keep control” and realized that I had been eating badly last year. My usual ocd topics in my life have been harm ocd, magical thinking ocd and especially existential ocd. Right after my ocd diagnosis and starting setraline I developed a really big health concern ocd about my heart. I’m constantly aware of my heartbeat and worried that there is something wrong with my heart due to mild malnutrition even though seversl medical care professionals have told me several times that my heart is completely fine and I dont have to worry about it. I started eating better recently on purpose and then ended up quitting caffeine and I feel so calm (I’m used to having anxiety 24/7) and now that is freaking me out because I feel so calm and I’m afraid of my heart and I keep focusing on it 247 even though I’ve made immense progress since starting my ocd recovery journey. I just cant seem to let it go, it feels strange for my heart to feel calm. I feel good and calm and then I start freaking out about it thinking that something bad is going to happen or that my heart will stop working…. I know writing these thoughts out loud help and it’s incredibly hard for me to do so because I’m afraid of ”manifesting” it by speaking it out loud. My heart is adjusting to not having caffeine and eating more and I know that that’s what it is but I can let it go. Does anyone have any tips on how to push through this? This is my first post on here, I really want to recover because ocd has controlled me since I was 4 years old and I’m ready to live happily and to work towards that. Luckily my loved ones are very good with me about it but I want to write here since they’re not fully capable of understanding the nuances of ocd. Thank you for reading my message I’m new here so I’m not fully sure what to do 😅

**TW for anyone who’s like me a picks up new fears** I’ve been struggling with intrusive thoughts about inappropriately touching people I care about. These thoughts are distressing, and I never act on them, but sometimes I feel this overwhelming tension or urge. To manage it, I end up doing things like lightly smacking someone’s knee or arm, or poking them in a safe spot like their ribs. It feels like it helps release the tension or stop the thoughts. It scares me because I feel like it might mean I’m dangerous, even though I know I would never actually hurt anyone. I’m assuming it’s some sort of compulsion. Does anyone else experience something like this? Any advice or insight would be so helpful—I’m just trying to understand this better.

The guilt that I feel won’t stop and maybe it shouldn’t but when I was 14 and just started highschool (I’m 15 now) I went into highschool with a messed up mindset idk if it was from the pandemic or not but I made friends and afterwards I messaged those friends and made sexual jokes/advances crossed boundaries and made them feel uncomfortable to the point now they don’t ever want to talk to me again and I don’t blame them.I even did the same to a 17 yr old who tood me I s@d him even though I never met him irl but I felt so sick I apologized multiple times but he told me that he was manipulating me the whole time to keep doing THISE bad things so I felt bad later but idk if he was being honest.and I asked my parents to get me therapy like 3 times and they agreed but the first session I told them that I was exposed to explicit content at a young age by my older brother and so was my younger brother and how I cocs@d my little brother when I was 9 and my therapist told my mom and she never brought me to therapy again and told me that I would go to jail. And my little brother told me he never remembered our older brother showing us that stuff or me cocs@d him which is weird because I remember both THISE things and I’m scared that he was so traumatized by THISE things he forgot about it.And I feel so helpless and sick of myself and can’t stop thinking what if I s@d my little brother when I was older that would mean im an even worse person a disgusting criminal and to make it work I have nightmares about me doing horrible things and I wake up feeling horrible and it sometimes makes my memory even worse and I don’t even know what to do anymore the guilt is LITTERALLY so crushing and idk what to do anymore it feels like I shouldn’t be able to continue my life.i just feel like I’m gonna go to jail sooner or later and I can’t even do anything anymore because I feel so much fear I don’t know what to do