Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Recently I’ve been having scary intrusive thoughts about hurting myself or others. I’m so scared, what do I do?? I wouldn’t hurt a fly.

So I’ll be watching callout videos and I’ll get these sorta intrusive thoughts and feelings as if I’m defending or sorta wishing the allegations weren’t real… why? I don’t know…. Is this an effect of ocd? I don’t actually agree with a single action these losers do and like this has to be a new intrusion cause before my reaction was pure hatred and frustration… Honestly I’m extremely uncomfortable with the way my brain views these callouts…. I don’t agree with my brain but it feels like my own thoughts….

+18 TRIGGER WARNING I’ve been trying not to post as much on here, but it’s been a rough time facing these thoughts on my own. I’ve been trying to force myself to move on and not take my thoughts so seriously but it’s hard not to sit with them. Basically, to try to cope, I’ve been watching expose videos on internet drama and those who have been “cancelled”. Sometimes, though, it can just get to be too overwhelming as I start comparing myself with the people in these videos and I just want to cry because I’m just so disgusted with myself. I’m starting to question what’s real or not, if I’ve hurt people in the past or not, and separating my thoughts from my actions. I don’t trust myself anymore. I can’t find happiness in anything. I just keep pushing my friends and family away because every little thing triggers me. Sleep is the only time that I can find peace. Because then, I know that I’m not hurting anyone—including myself.

Struggling today with my thoughts and maybe some dissociation. I can’t get any clear thoughts. I felt like lately I’ve started to recover and then the past few days have felt so hard. I feel scared for the future. I am scared I don’t have enough hope for living with ocd. I am scared that I’m not gonna be happy. I’m scared I’ll chose to end my life over this. I’m scared I’ll want to end my life. I feel weird. My thoughts are jumbled today. Something feels like it’s going to happen and that’s what is giving me anxiety.

TW I am so scared that I am a horrible person.I deal with harm ocd and pocd.I consider them the worst themes I had.It feels so real .Like one day I could act on them.And I am so scared.I know I will never do something like that .I doubt everything I do.I feel like I am a fake person.Like I put a mask but seem innocent but in reality I am a monster.I am so scared and disgusted, especially because some similar things happened to me.I am scared I will become like that people.Like I am already like them. I just want to live in peace without these thoughts .I want to help people.I want to become a psychologist but I feel like a hypocrite because of the thoughts that I have

I’ve been really struggling with urges, a constant numb feeling to everything that feels like I don’t care about things (like my beloved dog) who were the most important to me, and this dizzying pressure in my head that feels like it’s attached to the urges and I can’t think straight or control my own actions. But I’m also scared that since the thoughts are literally constant (they flip around to anything and everything then go back to their greatest hits) and I’m feeling like I wouldn’t care if I did them, they’re not intrusive anymore. Am I losing it? Having harm OCD I never thought could make you feel like you’re actually going to act. Not just be afraid of it.

Okay, i leave for vacation tomorrow with my boyfriend and some of our friends. i’m so nervous about this trip and im really worried that i would hurt someone on this trip. i don’t want to hurt anyone, and im so so worried about it. i don’t even want to go anymore because im so stressed out. i’m not really getting any intrusive thoughts or anything but im still so anxious that im going to do something like stab one of my friends or my boyfriend, or lose my mind. i’m so worried. and then i seen this thing that said “people who hurt people do that because they want to and they plan it out” so now im scared that im subconsciously planning on hurting one of them even though i dont have a plan or anything and i dont want to hurt anyone. AGGHH😭

Hi everyone, I am currently experiencing what I believe is an OCD flare up. I have been diagnosed with OCD and I primarily suffer from Harm OCD. I used to only experience it about once a year but since my second child was born, I am experiencing it a lot more and live with almost constant anxiety and maybe depression? So the new thing is that I'm afraid I am developing psychosis. I am scared to look at my oldest daughter (4yo) because it scares me when she spaces out and stares off into space, chooses the color red for anything, or has dark circles under her eyes (she has asthma and always has them). I guess the fear is that I will be one of the those psychotic moms (specifically like Laurie Daybell) and think my child is possessed and hurt her. It is literally hard for me to look at her and I feel terrified to be alone with her. On top of that, I have intense guilt because it seems to be more towards her than my youngest. Has anyone experienced something similar? What type of ERP was helpful? Looking for a therapist now but it is so hard to find one that understands. It's so hard to talk about. Thanks for reading.

I honestly don't know how to fix myself. All these terrible feelings and overwhelming thoughts constant is exhausting im so tired of it all I really just want it all to end any means nessecary. And yesterday I actually made that decision and then I overthinked it, not to not do it. But what I wanted people to know or feel. And I had to tell them before I go. So I tired with my girlfriend, I guess I was not subtle at all probably because I was honestly at the really emotional stage of my brain cycle at that point and so we both were breaking down and she was panicking and I felt bad I was doing that to her but I didn't wanna lie and reassure her but she wouldn't calm down and kept saying how much it'd hurt her and that she'd do it to. Eventually I realized I have to stay alive for her for now at least (till she dumps me) but deciding that doesn't make the thought stop. So if anyone knows how to do that I'd appreciate it. I can't keep dealing with this cycle of feelings of numbness then overwhelming emotions and derelization, and depersonalization, the thought of how I really want it all to end, is there constantly. But I made a promise and I'm trying to keep it.

Hi All! I was stuck in an OCD loop for a while surrounding real events around children. I also struggle with incest OCD and my biggest trigger is my brother. I love him dearly but he is a big trigger bc he has always been a lot younger than me, he is 17 right now. The other night he wanted me to toss the remote to him and had his hands up in front of his face. Instead I tossed it in his lap. My intrusive thoughts and fears are telling me that I did this purposely so I could hit his crotch. Now I am worried I hurt him and he would be better off / not as traumatized if I was dead. I know this is extreme but the guilt truly gets to me. How do you all cope with uncertainty? Do I talk to him about it and ask if I hurt him or will it just make him feel more weird? What if I did do it to gain pleasure from it - how do I cope and move on from this?

All day today I keep getting this image popping into my head of myself slicing my dog with a knife and it keeps giving me this weird feeling that I want to/have to do it. Like it keeps popping into my head when I try to relax and ACTUALLY making me think I’ll act on it. Is this still ocd?? It feels like it would be satisfied if I did it. I hate this. I’m so scared. I had to do ERP with a knife today and it actually felt like I was holding myself back from just doing it. This is not possibly normal.

I genuinely feel like this is the worst my ocd has ever been. I logically have no reason I’d want to harm myself. Great family, friends, job, low expenses at the moment. Not going through a loss. Feels like all day my brain is kicking the shit out of me telling me I need to kill myself or I should. Intrusive feelings and urges galore. Also so wrapped up in it that I’m unsure if it’s ocd or my own thoughts / I want them or not. Normally I’m the guy terrified to get on a plane because I’m afraid of death so this simultaneously makes no sense but also feels so real?? It feels like this is my fate now or something Any insight welcome

Hello peeps! So for the past like 3 weeks I was struggling with SO-OCD where I was worried if I was gay or maybe Bi and so on. ( female) And I always thought I was straight or was straight but then the thoughts would come up and stress me out if i was either gay or bi. And the thoughts would stress me out and make me think a lot. I have a bf too for 6 years so as you can tell it caused quite a struggle in our relationship. Also been dealing with Relationship ocd as well which I feel like SO-OCD go hand in hand, in my opinion. It happened 2 Years ago too but this time it's just more intense I guess? So my question is, this past week I feel like I've been doing better, more okay than I was the last 3 weeks. But now I guess when I think about these thoughts or if I look at a female or see one I still kinda get what if thoughts or I do a compulsion and try to test myself if I would get with one and stuff. But now it doesn't bother that much. It's kinda like oh? Idk how to explain it but it doesn't give me that anxiety spike, at least rn. Sometimes it feels like my brain has accepted that I would? But like I can't tell if that's ocd or me actually being in denial still. It's hard to explain. But the other day I was at the book store with my bf and we were looking at the manga section and I saw a girl on one of the covers and it felt like I reaacted to her as a crush type deal? But I've always liked guys so it's confusing. I tried not to think too hard about it this week. But I do feel like if I see a attractive guy now or even a fictional one. It feels like my brain wants to skip passed it because it's not a girl so it's like "you can't look at a guy rn" Lmaooooo it sounds dumb but that's what it feels like 😂 Or sometimes I would think oh maybe I would get with one( a female)? And usually that line or thought would stress me out so much for the past 3 weeks. And now it's more like okay, maybe I would? But idkk??? So I guess my question is, is this like another ocd trick or is it me just like tired of the thoughts that my brain was like I need a break haha? Or could possibly mean I'm gay or straight just I'm denial or won't come out?? It's confusing I guess. I'm also in a relationship for years and I've been struggling with the thoughts cause obviously It causes a toll in our relationship. But now I just worry what if we're not compatible or like maybe I'm in denial? Like especially since the SO-OCD theme popped up it just makes me feel like what if I'm im the wrong relationship? It's just been tough cause it caused a dent in our relationship. Just relationship ocd things. He's been trying really hard to keep it together and not worry but I feel like I lost feelings for him due to all this worrying. I just get unsure what to feel or think now and days. ( ocd sucks lmfao) But I just wanted to know if someone has gone through something similar, if you are straight but had all these SO-OCD thoughts come and how did you face them? Also when I had harm ocd for a year, I literally did my best to avoid my bf cause I thought I'd hurt him cause I loved him so much you know? So this whole Relationship OCD and SO-OCD theme is annoying. I mean I hope it's SO-OCD and I'm not in denial but idk???? Ughshshhshhsgsggsgg. I have clinical depression too so it's even more confusing cause I be feeling emtionally numb sometimes so it adds more confusion haha 😎 I also just wanted to vent as well haha. Thanks for whoever took the time to read and whatnot! If you have any questions to ask me regarding what I said, I'm willing to answer too haha

I had a full blown panic attack the other night because I was in bed and woke up and was thinking I needed to get up because I was so anxious and I was thinking that what if something happened to me or what if I accidentally did something. Just to remind you I am in nursing school and working 2 days a week and am stressed and overwhelmed - any tips will be appreciated or encouragement

There is a theme with ocd such as harm ocd and they have very violent images thoughts or internal narratives/ monologues that are intrusive. If someone is brave enough to open up about it on this app and asked for help, please don't report especially if they have attached a trigger warning. They are not harming others, they have intrusive thoughts about it. There's a difference. Even if your theme differs, you must understand that.

Hey everyone. I could really use some advice. I finally hit what seems to be rock bottom today. This constant, horrible urge to hurt my puppy. It’s everything. And it feels like I really don’t care. I have no emotions. I can’t think straight. I’m holding myself back from actually doing something because I know deep down in my heart that’s not me. It’s a physically paralyzing feeling that feels like I want it. I don’t know what the difference is between this and someone who’s actually dangerous and losing it. Everytime I look at her it feels like I have a flashback in my head or something and I see a movie/get an urge to just do it. It feels like I have to even though I don’t want to. But at the same time it’s like I don’t care. I hate this. I valued my dog’s life so much. And I loved her so much. Now I feel nothing. I don’t understand. I’m going to give her to a family member later and probably check myself into a psych hospital. It may be the last time I ever see her but I don’t think there’s another option.

I (15m)am a monster. I have done horrible things mistakes or not I don’t think people would ever forgive me. When I got into highschool when I was 14 I had a messed up mindset that being sexual was the way to go with everything and I was way to open to people who I just met. This led to me revealing personal things about myself that made others uncomfy and flirting with my friends all the time and making sexual jokes comments and just sexual flirting even when they said no (this was over text) Me thinking back on this makes me realize how uncomfy I made these people it’s sick I considered them my friends and ended up traumtizing them. One of them stopped talking to me because of my behavior they were scarred and they can’t even bring themselves to look at me and don’t even want me saying their name. Then there were these 2 guys who were older than me one was 16 one was 17. The 16 yr old was introduced to me by my online friend who is my best friend and I begged the 16 yr old for pics (idk how it started but after my friends ex randomly messaged me and sent me pictures and then blocked me right after I think I became addicted to chasing that high) the 16 yr old eventually sent me a pic but it was real and I stopped bugging him on it after that but i feel so bad I did that but my friend tells me not to feel bad cause the guy was weird but I still feel bad. Then the 17 yr old I did the same thing with him but went too far when I tried getting pics from him by using my best friends ass pics she sent me (she was 15) I don’t think I grasped how wrong this was but that’s not an excuse she eventually found it when I told her after she tried getting pics from the guy herself to try and help me and the guy got mad when she stopped talking to him cause we found it weird talking to him. I told her about how I sent the pics she said she felt sick but forgave me cause she thought I was gonna harm myself. Fast forward the guy told me after I had still been flirting with him that I s@d him (we never met in person ever) and I felt so guilty and apologized a lot and he got annoyed and told me that he had been kinda manipulative to me and kept me in a loop of mystery and I don’t talk to him anymore. But one of my other friends stopped talking to me after I was being by too emotionally taxing on him because I became very depressed and didn’t wanna life anymore and tried to stop lifing a few times. And now idk if I actually s@d someone if I did that to someone and now I think I’m a pdo and I think I s@d my baby cousins and my little brother and now I’m scared bf I can’t even get help because my parents don’t believe in therapy and even if I wanted to I’m scared because I don’t want to go to jail but I think I deserve it honestly why should a monster like me live

this is an event that im not at all clear on, it took place 7 years ago when i was 12 (i am now 18). i was holding my baby cousin on the couch and using snapchat filters to entertain them per the usual. i used to love doing that, i was always the baby in the family so i was excited to have a baby cousin of my own. and then i think i looked down and noticed my hand was over their diaper area and they also had on a diaper & pants ofc), and then i rubbed over the entire front of it (ew)🤢 i think because of the area and curiosity, this is what i've tried to remember. and now my head is saying that i liked it and was turned on idk truly, it happened years ago it's all a blur. i don't know why i would do it. but i know i would never hurt them, i mean i've been obsessed with them since before they were even born! but i don't have any clear memory of what happened, but i do think it was something like that. I think i was too young to think much of it or see the full spectrum of things because they had a diaper on. but i still feel terrible, this is an old obsession because i almost offed myself 2 years ago because of the same dilemma. i broke completely down and was crying so hard i could hardly breathe. she told me to calm down, & that i was probably curious and i was young. but i still feel like i sa'ed them, even though i didn't actually touch their privates and definitely had no intentions of it either. and then someone on her told me if it was sexual intentions then it was sa, but i hardly remember the situation so i don't fully know. i can't live like this.

I am scared to go to sleep because of how bad my nightmares have been. I am exhausted. My doctor prescribed me Ambien, but I don’t want to become dependent on it. I feel like I am vibrating with anxiety when I’m lying in bed because I am flooded with violent thoughts while I’m alone with my thoughts. I feel exhausted all of the time. I feel like I have no one who understands. I feel so lonely and have no one who can empathize with how hard having consistent nightmares is. I’ve had them for about 20 years, but over the last 6 months it has gotten almost unbearable. I can’t take SSRIs because I have bipolar disorder as well, and it can trigger manic episodes. I am taking Prazosin for the nightmares, but it just feels like they will never end.

Something came up on my fyp on tiktok. The possibility of asteroid Apophis hitting the earth in 2029 and 2036. NASA assured it wouldn’t hit instead coming between the moon and earth. The comments are all fear mongering. They say you can’t trust NASA and they’d have a reason to lie to the common folk. If it was about anything else i’d wave it away because I don’t give sceptics the time of day but this is bothering me severely. I’ve been staring at a wall for the past hour absolutely terrified and trying my best not to reassure myself. This is horrible for me, because images of my own death and that of the world keep relentlessly attacking my psyche. I wish i could just wave this off but it’s sticking to me terribly.