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I'm struggling really badly with terrible thoughts and urges. I feel I'm going crazy. Im a kind person and I can't cope with it.

I had an intrusive thought. It was sticky. It made my head buzz and my chest feel tight. I thought will this be all day? I haven’t felt so scared of a thought in a while. It was intense, and I was not sure what to do, other then check in with my body and not to give in to the fear or uncertainty! The time was 9:43 when I was terrified I may act on my thought and by 9:57 the thought went from…I will….i could….i may….it’s totally possible…..anyyyyyyyy minuteee noowwwww…to wow the moments passed!!? Give yourself 10 mins 😜

I’ve been feeling an overwhelming sense of doom/panic coming and going over the last few days. It’s so exhausting to pretend you’re fine but be dying on the inside. My fears center around my beautiful baby who I love so much. I have an overwhelming fear that I could lose control of myself or lose my mind and hurt her. The thought of that is completely intolerable, and I can’t think about anything else. I live in a constant state of sheer panic. Any advice? 😢

I hate this theme so much. It feels so real and dangerous. Intrusive thoughts of me hurting myself despite me not wanting to end my life at all. It doesn’t help when I get sad or upset, the intrusive thoughts come soaring in. It feels so real and I just want these thoughts to go away

i would want to be a teacher or an aftercare counselor, not for the rest of my life, just for right now and i do get along with kids sometimes im not really around them alot. i wouldn’t want to work with high schoolers or middle schoolers, a part of me does to be able to set them up for the real world and ive been through a lot so I could give advice, but nowadays they are so disrespectful so I would rather work with little kids. BUT, i see so many TikTok’s of women getting arrested (women teachers) for doing stuff to their students. i already have pocd, and this scares me. it makes me feel like i should just stay away because im gonna end up “giving in and turning into a p”. it freaks me out. i then think I should work there anyways as exposure, but then my ocd tells me it’s because i want to be around kids and im using ocd and exposure as an excuse :(

For people who have harm intrusive thoughts towards others and afraid to hurt anyone, how are u dealing with that?

Hi so I struggle with harm ocd and I believe I have gotten to manage the thoughts better as they are no longer eating away at me every minute as they were for the last month and a half( I still ruminate a lot) But I guess I am also depressed and the anxiety were too much and now I can’t really feel a lot of emotions, it’s not like they’re all gone but very suppressed I would say, like I can’t feel joy like I used to, I don’t feel anger or sadness especially when watching sad things or videos as much, I don’t feel guilty as much, like when I broke a family friends chair on accident, cognitively I felt bad as I offered to pay to replace it, but I didn’t really feel guilty, I have felt it in the past but since this flare up I haven’t been able to, and the anxiety is gone (which is partly good) but also a little unsettling, because I am a Very and I mean VERY anxious person I remeber in high school I would get super anxious to do something simple as picking up a tissue and blowing my nose, now I can’t really feel that and it’s helpful in some situations but it doesn’t feel like I am myself. I want to get rid of this numbness because I graduate this week and want to feel both happy and sad for when that day comes and not hollow. Any tips for anyone who’s going trough the same thing? Or has?

I have been dealing with harm ocd for two years, this crisis led me to lose my faith which was a big part of my life, to avoid friends, to lose my passion for writing… I still read and do sports but I just feel tired from having these thoughts whenever I see a stranger even though I go out and meet people. When it will go away? I feel sad and empty..

Hey guys, just wanted to introduce myself my names Matt. I was first diagnosed with ocd at the age of 14. I am 29 years old currently. I really had it bad for awhile then I got out of the hole and saw the light. Now I feel like I'm back in it. I've been inpatient at ocd facilities like mclean and Roger's. I consider myself very fortunate and that's where part of the guilt comes in for whatever reason. I've been supported a lot of my life especially when the ocd was really bad and I couldn't function in society. I got back on my feet but recently experienced rocd for the first time. The fear it instilled in me..im struggling massively at the moment. I find that the intrusive thoughts come in and have a strangle hold on me and the sadness and emptiness that follows. I was diagnosed with depression but its hard to come to terms with it. I feel that the ocd is just so awful now. I have experienced a couple sub types in the past..a big one being harm ocd and health related ocd..contamination to a degree. I used to reread when I was in school and that was hell in itself just trying to chase a feeling of perfectionism. I've done ERP plenty of times in the past but ceased the therapy as I got better. Now I'm seeking therapy through nocd which I've never tried before. I really hope I can get myself on track because it really feels like the weight of the world is on my back. I want to pursue music as it's always been an important tool for coping and connection. I can't explain how it makes me feel it's just amazing. I've been working on my vocals but there are so many barriers right now. I feel so sad and I just want to isolate myself. It's up and down emotionally. I'm adjusting to medication that I discontinued awhile ago and now I'm back on it. It's a slow grind. I literally feel like the stress at work is becoming too much as I'm essentially caring for others when I can barely care for myself right now. I work as a life coach with individuals diagnosed with Autism spectrum disorder. I know I'm really bouncing around here on all of subjects but I feel like the more and more I speak up about my diagnosis and spread awareness of ocd the more I'm feared of being misunderstood. I think it's truly another "what if" ocd fear. It is so hard to get a grip on the ocd because the rumination is so bad. To be honest it's hard to open up about ocd in general. I just keep thinking as a male I have to keep it together and I shouldn't be emotional that it's weak. I feel like I was fed that before in my past. I honestly appreciate having a community like this I'm grateful. It's so odd I just want a big hug but at the same time it's too much to be that vulnerable.

Hi! So I can't stop thinking that I am a bad person .. Idk .. I doubt everything .. I can't stop thinking about all may past actions and I cant stop thinking that I had bad intentions in everything .. Also I keep having thoughts about what if I really want to hurt someone .. I keep having intrusive thoughts about harming people .. I am so scared Idk if I really want or its just intrusive.. but they cause me distress... Any advice? Is someone going trough the same thing?

Does anyone ever walk by something that triggers a wave of anxiety and think, "Wait, what was I doing?" and question if you hurt someone or killed someone? For example, I was walking out of work to meet my father and had to walk by the trash can in front of the building. At this time, I also saw a man a few yards away. As I walked by the trash can, I got a wave of anxiety and thought, "Wait, what happened? Why am I thinking this? Did I do something?" I tried to move forward and ignore my surroundings, including the guy walking in front of me. I ended up leaving work to get lunch and began to doubt myself.

Hello. This is my first post and it’s going to be a confession of sorts… I was recently diagnosed with OCD and it has been really clarifying, scary, and confusing to navigate alone. I am also going through a lot of changes in my personal life. I recently graduated college and I am currently healing from a very difficult break up with my partner of 4 years. I don’t handle uncertainty or change very well so this period of my life has been super stressful and uncomfortable. My recent diagnosis and break up have taught me a lot about myself. I first realized I might have OCD because my mental health and— what I now know to be compulsions— became so destructive to my physical and emotional wellbeing that I actually began googling questions about repetitive self mutilation. The first result was something about the link between OCD and self harm. There were some examples of what compulsive self mutilation can look like, and it strongly resembled the things I have struggled with my entire life. For me, self mutilation is the compulsion I struggle with most. At times it has been incredibly debilitating. From there, I became obsessed with reading into OCD (I find this pretty ironic and funny). The more I research about it the more it resembles the things I have struggled with for as long as I can remember. I realized that the overwhelming guilt, shame, and anxiety I feel constantly are not the consequences of being a bad person, but rather the symptoms of OCD. It feels super validating to learn that the inner turmoil I’ve struggled with my entire life is something other people experience and is actually treatable. I started working with a psychiatrist who specializes in OCD and ended up getting formally diagnosed with moderate to severe OCD. Since learning this, I am beginning to understand myself in an entirely new light. It has in no way been easy. I hit rock bottom and— just when I thought it couldn’t possibly get any worse — I hit an even lower rock bottom. I’m not saying this out of self pity or to try to fish for sympathy, I’m just hoping that I can make someone struggling with a recent diagnosis feel less alone. I have felt very alone in this journey even as I learn that many people struggle with similar things. I still have a lot of learning and growing to do, but I am actively seeking treatment and I’m doing what I can to manage my OCD. I’m really grateful for this platform and I am relieved to know that things can actually get better. I think the next step for me is to start ERP therapy, but right now that sounds really scary and exhausting. Even so, I’m quickly warming up to this form of treatment as I research about its effectiveness. Everyday I discover more ways my life has been impacted by OCD. It’s very painful to realize that the overwhelming shame I feel about my obsessions and compulsions has actually been the reason I’ve lived the first 23 years of my life undiagnosed. My diagnosis has also shed new light on my past relationship and has helped me sort through some of my emotions in this healing process. … To anybody who actually read this whole thing: thank you. If nobody read it then at least I got this off my chest. I would really appreciate any advice on navigating a recent diagnosis and seeking treatment.

I feel like I wanna self harm and I'm scared I'll do it due to me having an intense fear of pain :( Do yall have any substitutes for self harm? /genq

vent // ‼️TW: implied thought of su*cide‼️ hey guys, this is my first post. just wanted to share something from my notes app to see if anyone could relate! and if not, just something to see of how I feel/think when intrusive thoughts are beating me down :D here it goes: “I feel like I’m burning up. drowning. trapped. what if I am a bad person….? it’s like I’m obsessing over and over…. overthinking….. it’s killing me…. and I feel selfish for not wanting to die….. how would I react to someone who is going through the same thing as me…..? of the opposite sex….? I feel like I can’t even think for myself…. I doubt everything….. what if the next thing I feel or decision I make is wrong? I just want to be good. it feels like I just shed into a new person the next day……. like the past is not me……. but it’s still the same body……. I feel like I can’t ever be clean again…. I’m stained…… if I could go back to being a child, I would do the right things and make sure to stand my ground……. it’s hard…… not knowing if I should continue or not….. but again, I don’t want to die….. how selfish of me….. not because of that…… why do I keep asking so many questions…..??? like I’m not even sure who I am…..??? I’m doubting myself again……. sometimes I feel like a child that’s still learning about rights and wrongs…….. is it possible that I’m different…..? I feel like I see the world differently……. everyone does….but for me……there are certain things I don’t understand…… it’s hard……. sometimes wanting to go……. but thinking of her…….. oh, if I could just protect her from the world……. if she could just stay happy being little…… it’s funny how I want to shield her from the wicked…… but what’s the point if I feel like I am wicked myself……????”

With all my themes I got into a bad habit of deliberately imagining thoughts to test myself and see how I react to see if I ‘like or hate’ them but it’s got to the point where nothing phases me and I don’t really get anxiety anymore and don’t even feel disgusted or feel like the thoughts are ‘negative’ and I started having harm ocd and it’s been bad it started off with a stabbing intrusive thoughts and then it jsut got worse and the thoguhts jsut started getting more graphic and gory and I keep imagining the thoughts to test myself and today it feels like I’m literally ‘choosing’ to imaging really graphic thoughts for no reason, like an idea will come to my head of something really bad and I keep going into it and creating really messed up scenarios and almost feels like I’m choosing and ‘want’ to imagine the most messed up gory thought I can, like it feels like I’m actually trying to imagine the most worst things on purpose and I don’t know why I’m doing that and it doesn’t even feel like I’m ‘testing myself’ it just feels likes I’m almost ‘curious’ or as if I’m just a messed up person and ‘like’ imaging really horrible things when I have the option not to, 2 years ago when I started having this problem I was physically shivering in fear from a documentary I watched that caused all this for me and now I’m sat here with no reaction no nothing and it feels like I want and am trying to imagine the most horrific thing I can think of and I get this weird thing where it feels like I’m about to laugh or smile, I’ve been telling my mom everything and idk what to do I’ve never had therapy for this either and I’m worried I’ve become my fears or started taking a liking to disgusting things because why am I thinking of such disgusting things when I have the option not to and I’m delving in to imagine disgusting scenarios like what an evil person would do when their ‘fantasying’ Idk what to do I don’t even understand how I feel anymore about anything

Anyone with Harm OCD ever have to be a caregiver for the person you have the urges and obsessions about? I'm not going to survive this.

I’ve been wondering a lot these past two months have been really bad. I’ve had just about every theme of OCD from harm, sexual, existencial you name it. The only theme I haven’t had is germ OCD, I think it’s because I’m a nurse and I literary live around germs. This time around I’ve been obsessing with sleep and not being able to sleep, which has caused me to have depression. And now I’m like obsessed over my depression to the point where I’m literary questioning my own sanity, and my own experiences almost as if I’m over analyzing every experience and feel depressed over it evened good experiences feel like ass cus I just start doubting them. Has anyone experience this before? I got started on sirtraline and now I am obsessing over the fact that I need a pill to get better which I hate cus I’ve been able to beat my OCD unmedicated. Am I beyond help at this point ? I feel like I am a completely different person I don’t even remember what I used to be like.

Waking up in a panick everyday thinking if this is real life or not, the thoughts never stop, I just want to get better, I had a panick attack yesterday thinking this wasn’t real life, I coped with alcohol for the past 4 years, now when I wake up it’s straight to this isn’t real life and you should just hurt yourself, am I going crazy ?

This is something very difficult for me so I suppose I'm just looking for a bit of support. A bit of context before I get into my current situation: I'm not sure what facet of ocd this is, but one of the many things I struggle with would be worrying about intruders in my home, specifically mystical ones that would be disturbing in appearance. For a long time this made me afraid of my room, under my bed, the hallway, etc around the nighttime. I've done exposures around this with my therapist and it has gotten better. It's been a few months without incident until now. I just got triggered by a video on tiktok which sounds silly to say. I am also autistic and there has been a change in my routine (parents aren't home) so I think this has made me feel more vulnerable. I feel very afraid and unsafe and it's late at night, I'm trying to force myself to watch the video to prove it's not going to hurt me but I can't bring myself to look at it. I just feel like all of my progress has gone down the drain and I'm feeling very low. Wondering if anyone can relate or has any advice, sorry for the drawn out post here.

*trigger warning self harm!* Please note that the stigma around self hard I did some research on the reasons people do it and the stigma is that it is for attention. I don’t want this post to make that worse, this is the first time I have done anything like this and even though that is the reason I did it, that never represents a community as a whole. It makes me sick when people hate on others that are struggling. Do not continue with the stigma and please educate yourself before you make judgements as I did. Thank you Lately I have been feeling pathetic and stressed. I think I am definitely slightly depressed as I just don’t feel like I am doing anything. My life feels like it is standing still. Everyone in it I feel like is living and I am just sitting and doing nothing watching people do things. I especially don’t think my friends care about me. That hurts a lot because they are like a second family to me, especially my best friend. And it feels like they don’t reach out, they are in their own lives growing and I am shrinking and dragging them down. I just want to feel like people care about me. So I stoped eating a lot and drinking water. I thought maybe if I was in the hospital people would show that they care about me. But I guess that took to long for me, I couldn’t wait. So I thought maybe if I got a big cut and I make a big deal about it people would reach out? So I did that, it is not deep at all, I couldn’t do it. I just feel disgusting with myself. What kind of horrible human being does that for attention? No one and I mean no one does self harm just to get attention, that is literally the stigma around it. I am like the worst human being on earth. Why would I want the people I love to be worried or see me hurt? I just feel so pathetic and like a horrible human. Never ever doing that again.