Terrible urges

Hello, it’s been some time since I’ve been on this platform but I’m not sure where else I feel safe to talk about this. Every minute of every day, I have the most horrible intrusive thoughts imaginable and I am constantly disturbed and horrified with both these thoughts and myself. I understand that these thoughts don’t define who we are, but it constantly raises the moral questions of if my brain is capable of conjuring these thoughts, even if involuntarily, then what does that say about who I am. The only solace I have is that I’m always disgusted with these thoughts but I’m constantly afraid of being some kind of monster because I have these thoughts and I feel like a terrible person for having these intrusive thoughts. I am in therapy and on medication, but neither are making this any easier, at least not yet. I don’t intend on stopping either nor have I felt any urge to actually carry out these thoughts, but they haunt me every minute of every day and I can’t stop them.

I am really struggling. I feel like I have a constant harm related intrusive thought in my head, causing a horrible intrusive feeling in my head. Even if I’m just simply scrolling and see someone sometimes this feeling of an intrusive thought becomes present, leading it to become horrid intrusive thoughts and feelings. I would never want to hurt anyone. Let alone do it and I’m struggling so much. I feel like I have a constant harm related intrusive thought in my head and feeling. Which is reinforced when I look at people. It goes when im distracted and then i remember the horrid feeling. I feel like bursting into tears, ive had enough. Can anyone relate? I feel like a constant intrusive thought and feeling IN my head im so sad :( I feel horrid. Scared ill go crazy.

I can't do this anymore I feel fucking insane my mind keeps telling me I want to k word people and if feels like my mind is making fucking plans. I'm diagnosed with ocd but I don't even know if it's ocd what if I'm just a terrible fucking person that actually wants to do this. My mind is literally telling me to go buy a weapon and hurt people like I get fucking urges. I can't keep food down and have not for the last few days I feel like I need to go to a mental hospital but I don't want to burden anyone in my family. Like my mind tells me specifically I want to do this but I don't want to but recently ive been having the thought of what if I did do it but I don't want to. I just want it to stop I'm a good person I don't want to hurt anyone at all. But what if one day I actually do want to do something. I can't do this anymore.