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the NOCD Community

I have a mix between harm ocd and religious ocd. It sucks so bad I miss the Christian I was. Sometimes the intrusive thoughts will sound like instruction from god to do harm. I know it’s a load of crap but when it happens it can be distressing. I hate that it latches on to the things we love the most. If any of you have experienced this or have your own complex mixes I feel for you ❤️‍🩹 hang in there.

I have been making progress with certain elements of OCD, however I still can't get comfortable with whether or not the stove is off when I go to sleep. I know I check it but if the knob feels slightly not over the off label I feel that the stove gas might be on and I don't know it. How do I overcome this?

it feels like i actually want to kill people. i know i don’t but it feels like i do. it’s like when i first got this theme i knew it wasn’t real but now i don’t know anymore. i don’t want to kill people, especially my family. i would never do that ever. but the urges and thoughts feel different now. even my reaction feels different. i feel like morals changed, i feel like a monster. i want to cry so bad.

I’ve been with my partner since November of 2022. In the beginning, we had great times together and I can still say that I truly care about him. However, my feelings for him started to decline a few months after we were dating but I was scared to cut things off because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. With my harm OCD, I would have intrusive thoughts about him, but I know deep inside that I really do care for him, but I’m not sure if I’m in love with him. I’m now trying to figure out if it’s my OCD that’s making me want to break up with him to stop having these intrusive thoughts, or if I genuinely want to. Has anybody else gone through this? Some advice would help!

Does anyone ever get scared that they are going to be stuck like this forever. Or that eventually you wont be able to fight against the thoughts and it just sends you into a spiral. Also sometimes it feels like an urge to act on these thoughts and its really scary and i dont know how to deal with this and im just really scared and i just wanna get better. Any tips?

I have probably the worst intrusive thought ever and I obsess over it big time. I’m scared that im the worst person ever with secret hidden violent desires and urges. Im so scared that ill become this murderer or perform an action i dont want to do. Today its been extra hard as I feel like I have an urge to do something. I feel like i am empathetic person ever like I even save bees from the pool when they are drowning. But this harm ocd makes me question everything and its a living hell and I feel so alone and scared and I dont want anybody to be scared of me and ive never felt more lonely in my life. I just want this to end.

i can’t move on. the guilt and shame over my actions but also struggling to remember and 100% know what happened because I was very drunk is crippling. i hate this feeling. i quit drinking because nothing is worth losing her. i feel I done something awful like semi cheat or cheat and i feel the urge to confess. i even told to my partner about the situation and she forgave me and let me with so much grace and yet i still feel like there is more to confess even tho if she’s moved on why haven’t i when im the one who was a horrible person. like i ruminate and kick analyze and essentially find/create another detail that i dont even know if its relevant or real. my partner is the love of my life and i never want to hurt her and we plan on getting married so why does my brain try and convince me i want other people when all i want is her and our life together. then if i get too drunk it’s like my subconscious comes out and tries to sabotage my life and go against all of my values and trys to get me to act on intrusive thoughts? i can’t even put it into works im so confused and feel so lonely and shameful and at rock bottom. everyone is always telling me how good of a person i am and how incredibly lucky they are to know me and i feel like a fraud and a horrible person because of my mistakes. how do i move on and recover. and then everything becomes and obsession and my comparisons worded and it’s a downward spiral. anyone else shave similar experiences or helpful tips and ways to move forward without guilt. i just want peace and love.

Does anyone ever get or even force yourself to think an intrusive thought to test your response and then think that didn’t make me anxious enough therefore…. I like the thought or I could end up doing the thought

it feels like i actually want to harm my family when i really don’t. i haven’t been getting that much anxiety anymore and now it feels like it’s my real thoughts. i don’t want to hurt them in anyway i love them so much, i’m so scared.

Can anyone else with ROCD tell me their experience with it and their partner? How you’ve navigated it and how it’s affected you? I just need ti know I’m not alone with my thoughts that throw themselves into me when I’m with my girlfriend. Thoughts of hating her, of hitting her, breaking up with her, being angry for no reason, and more recently a forced numbness that scares me. I think the numb could be separate and could be stress and burnout from taking care of her the past few weeks emotionally without breaks pretty much and I’ve been drained and I’m scared my love for her won’t come back but I’m sure that’s not true. I’m sure it will. I hope it will but before when I had these thoughts they scared me a lot more now in more numb to them. I get scared that if I’m not obsessing over her then I don’t love her, or if I don’t want to be with her 24/7 then I shouldn’t be with her at all. Could anyone share their experiences?

Just wanted to let you guys know . I hop in from time to time to read and check in and wanted to let you guys know that I’ve dealt with a lot of the things mentioned here if not all . I am not a trained therapist. I’m just telling my own testimony in hopes to help others. 1. It’s not the thoughts that are the problem …. It’s the relationship we have with the thoughts. The more we realize that OCD thoughts have absolutely no meaning , the quicker you can move forward. The anxiety will lessen once your relationship changes and you’ll be able to overcome. 2. There’s not a different regime for each subtype . ERP is the best approach ..Don’t run from these thoughts …. Sit with them And retrain your brain to learn that they don’t mean a thing. If you’re having SOCD about a particular friend , have the courage to go out and hang with them. It’s tough but the more you expose yourself to the environment that you’re afraid of …. The more your brain realizes that these fears are irrational. If you’re having self harm OCD . Expose yourself to the things that you fear … At the root of OCD is fear and doubt….. it’s not the subtype itself …. Approach them all in the same manner. OCD hit me like a ton of bricks 4 years ago …..I struggled tremendously about 2 years before knowing how to handle it or even what it was. I lost my Job due to OCD and almost admitted myself in a hospital several times because I thought I was going crazy. It was almost two years of debilitating anxiety until I learned what I was dealing with was OCD. A few subtypes to name : health anxiety, sexual orientation ocd, self harm ocd, sleep anxiety , fear of being a pedophile. It’s like once I got over one ….the next would come until I realized they were all coming from the same thing ….that’s when my life started to change Fast forward, with the help of God, I learned to retrain my brain and not to worry about intrusive thoughts when they come in from time to time. actually learned to take them as the joke they are . The more I exposed myself … the more I trusted myself . Nobody else can reassure you … better yet you don’t need reassurance because it’s actually what keeps you in the cycle. Just Trust God Now I’m a Middle school teacher , in graduate school working towards my degree in counseling with a bright future ahead. I say this to say that, if I can do it , you can do it too …. I’m no different from any of you … I didn’t have a therapist at the time so take advantage if you do. Don’t view OCD as bad ….. it’s apart of you that you will learn to manage. I don’t regret OCD cause it has made me a less fearful person …. I’ve fixed fear and doubt that rooted from my childhood through the struggles of OCD . So it was a blessing in disguise. This is a temporary phase for all of you , trust me . And I know how hard it is to believe that when you’re in the middle of it . But remember. Once your relationship with the thoughts changes that’s when you Free yourself Love all 🙏🏾

i feel like crying. i keep coming back here but it’s the only place that calms me down. i keep getting thoughts and feelings that i’m going to give into these thoughts today. all i get is images of me harming my family members and i’m panicking so bad. i don’t want to hurt them, and now it’s saying that i actually do want to. it feels inevitable. i feel like a terrible person. i know i don’t want to do these terrible things. i was just fine a few minutes ago but it all just came back like always.

The thoughts I’ve been stuggling most recently is ”is the world real or am i really in a simulation” (solipsism and such) of course i dont truly belive in it but it feels impossible to disprove, and the thought of being completely alone distresses me greatly. I know i shouldnt ruminate but it feels nearly impossible to not when everything i exprience is in doubt. It also relates to my original harm-ocd. Anyone who can relate?

So I was outside with my mom buying fruits and i was enjoying it and no really bad thoughts were in my mind.Then we went to pay and i just looked up and there was a doll (one that appears in a horror movie,i don’t want to write the name because of anxiety😭)and when i first saw it i just thought it was cool and that’s it.then after a minute my mind said that its going to kill me or my family, or harm me going to poison my food (another type of intrusive thoughts i struggle with) and it just kept repeating itself even when i was thinking my own thoughts it interrupted and i couldn’t stop thinking about it.I told myself it literally makes no sense and to stop being scared about it but it just made it worse and i just started being really mean to myself for being scared of these thoughts i’m still anxious about it 😭🤦‍♀️

my harm ocd is saying that i have to carry out my harm thoughts and that i have to do it. but i don’t want to? i don’t know how to sit with this it makes me believe that i’m genuinely an evil person :(

Can OCD make you have a fear of depression? I’ve struggled with harm OCD for a while but now it’s morphing into “I’m depressed” theme. I got instant anxiety. Has anyone else experienced this where it convinces you that you’re depressed ?

if you read it this far, I hope you know that all of this will be over, if you keep on fighting, you are one strong fighter, and with God anything is possible, and your not alone. I pray God will give you peace and joy🤍🫶🏼

Big oof. We just put in an offer on an older home. Great bones just needs some love. I have such anxiety though bc the electrical is original from when the home was built in 1965. And I'm terrified the house is going to burn down and take all 4 of my dogs life's. We are getting the electric rewired but it'll be abt 2 months or so before that even starts. I can't sleep and I'm having night terrors. The house is too good of an opportunity to pass up! I know it'll probably be fine but the unknown is quite literally keeping me up. *pros The fire department is .5 miles away from the home lol Ugh. I know I should feel so fortunate to be able to even do this but, I'm terrified.

This one’s new for me but ocd is loving repeating a specific word right now out of the blue that sparks so much anxiety and makes my harm ocd act up too. I have a little complex mix of religious ocd and harm ocd. Anyone else know how to cope with word repetition.

I haven’t posted in a while mainly because my ocd has been better to manage. However I am experiencing what I call a “spiral week” which I haven’t had in a while. I have multiple ocd themes that come and go, but by far HARM ocd has always seems to stay and not let go. It feels as though I am trying to fight a monster inside and it so desperately enjoys to torment me. It’s hard when it grabs a hold of the ones you love in my case my children and sometimes family members😭❤️ I just need to remain positive and continue pushing!