it feels like i actually want to kill people. i know i don’t but it feels like i do. it’s like when i first got this theme i knew it wasn’t real but now i don’t know anymore. i don’t want to kill people, especially my family. i would never do that ever. but the urges and thoughts feel different now. even my reaction feels different. i feel like morals changed, i feel like a monster. i want to cry so bad.
i struggled with this subtype for a while and i totally understand how you feel. when it first started it was more so just the thoughts making me anxious but as it progressed and time went on it felt more and more like i was getting some sort of enjoyment out of the thoughts. the feelings were really convincing and i was basically convinced that i was a killer, or felt like i subconsciously wanted to be one or something. i want you to know that you’re not alone and this is just ocd trying to convince of something that isn’t true. people that are actually killers wouldn’t doubt these actions, people with ocd would. i don’t have this subtype anymore and i can confidently say i have no interest in killing anyone!! you’ll be okay just try and work on getting better, of course! you got this.
@justocd thank you! seeing that someone has felt the same way as me is def reassuring! i just can’t help thinking that i’m the exception, but that’s ocd! i just want to be free of these thoughts.
@stargirlll yeah of course, feel free to reach out w anything else
Hey! I made a podcast explaining my harm story if you ever wanted to listen, the link is in my Instagram bio. I also have a few posts I think you could relate to. You’re not alone https://www.instagram.com/ohcnotme?igsh=MXJ4a2NheXF5MTZ4cQ%3D%3D&utm_source=qr
@Mummaof2x thanks i’ll def check it out!
I know you are scared. I would be too. Hang on. Ocd sucks.
Hi! I used to struggle with the same thing you are dealing with right now. I know it’s so scary and confusing, but this is what i want you to remember. These are thought, they don’t make you a bad person or dangerous. Proof? You have these thoughts, but never once have you acted on them. That’s because they’re not you, that’s ocd talking. OCD takes your fears and tries to trick you into thinking you want to harm people, when really, it’s the opposite of who you are. Hope this helps!
I’ve been dealing with this harm theme for almost four months now, and well obviously life hasn’t been the best for me, the thoughts really circulate on hurting others, why couldn’t they just been about me instead? (I apologize to those currently suffering from self harm ocd) it’s gotten to the point where I don’t know if my thoughts are really intrusive now, and it doesn’t help that I get urges to act on these thoughts. Why have I been cursed with such vile thoughts why me why now. The only good news so far is that I’m finally going to see if this is ocd or not and get diagnosed by a psychiatrist once I start college here in a few weeks(Thank gatos for my college has mental health resources) but honestly it just doesn’t really feel like ocd. I don’t know if I feel anxiety because it’s not the typical anxiety I feel. While my compulsions are mental it’s just wierd. Like I’m worried that ERP wouldn’t work for me. Sometimes I get thoughts like, how do people live without these thoughts? And how do they occupy their time? I know I used to be like other people, yk where I wasn’t worried or concerned because of these thoughts, like yeah I’ve had intrusive thoughts before in the past and they absolutely scared me, but I was just able to get over them. So why now does it feel like i can’t shake them off? Why do they have to show up everyday? And why have I become so apathetic? Like my empathy and sympathy feel like they’ve disappeared? And it’s so bad that sometimes I feel like if someone close to me just passed away I would feel nothing. Like when I heard my abuelo had skin cancer I just felt nothing and I was obsessing over the fact that I didn’t. Has anyone ever felt this way? Is it just ocd or something worse?
I can't do this anymore I feel fucking insane my mind keeps telling me I want to k word people and if feels like my mind is making fucking plans. I'm diagnosed with ocd but I don't even know if it's ocd what if I'm just a terrible fucking person that actually wants to do this. My mind is literally telling me to go buy a weapon and hurt people like I get fucking urges. I can't keep food down and have not for the last few days I feel like I need to go to a mental hospital but I don't want to burden anyone in my family. Like my mind tells me specifically I want to do this but I don't want to but recently ive been having the thought of what if I did do it but I don't want to. I just want it to stop I'm a good person I don't want to hurt anyone at all. But what if one day I actually do want to do something. I can't do this anymore.
I feel like I'm fucking crazy. It literally feels like my ocd has a plan to hurt people like overtime my mind has made a plan and I was already questioning myself because I'm doing erp. I don't want to hurt people but my mind literally feels like its fully ready to do something. I can't do this.
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