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Hi everyone. I just want to vent because I am struggling with OCD so badly in a way that I haven't in a really really long time. Like doubting my memories and wanting to check/repeat movements and actions Ii make sure I don't touch things that I feel are contaminants. I haven't been like this in 3 years. It's hard to be back. It's scary. I know I can do it but god I'm so deeply frightened. I've always had a chaotic life, and it's been a really hard year with everything going wrong on top of it...but I think what set this flare up off is my relationship of 9 years (with someone I've known and loved since I was 17, and I'm 34) coming to and end and realizing that despite my efforts to heal this relationship....it is good that it ended because it was emotionally abusive. Like classic gaslighting, manipulating to meet boundaries, and constantly insulting me and me not noticing because of my trauma emotional abuse. I'm devastated to have both come to this realization and knowing I have to leave this behind because repair is not possible due to where my ex is at in this point of time. When we were together, our love seemed like the most certain thing in the world. I thought she was going to be the rest of my life, and I looked forward to being with her. I would always tell myself that no matter what happened in life I would have her...and with all the crazy awful bad luck things I had going on in my life she was a beacon of hope. It's so hard to lose that and to have to start all over again, working a scary job I hate and living alone in a home where i witnessed a violent death. Everything is so uncertain and scary and I know that one of the many (knowable and unknowable) reasons my ocd is flaring up is because I am trying to protect myself and trying to find certainty in the face of the unknown. I just feel so trapped and scared. Like my life will never get better and I'm doomed. It's so hard to wake up at 5 am to fight the urge to go in and out my front door to make sure I'm not touching the item I'm scared of contaminating me and feeling like if I do touch it....I'm dead. It's over. Theres no way to clean or repair it. That there's no coming back. I'm just really really really scared. It's scary to doubt my memories and perception again. I know it's because of stress and change and grief...but it's so hard. I've been doing ERP, inner child work, mindfulness and meditation and they help but it's still so frightening and they don't always help for long before I start getting scared and spiraling again. I know I have to go through this process and I know it will help me heal from the abuse....it just seems impossible and frightening and hopeless. I'm trying so hard to not give up and I am reminding myself that I've done this before and I can do it again and again. Please send good vibes

I'm freaking out because I saw a tiktok on cocsa and now I'm afraid I did it when I was super little. I had to be like 6 or so but I can't remember, i just remember being little, not even 10 yet i dont think. I remember i was with my younger brother and my dad and we were all playing hide and seek in a hotel. And then me and my younger brother were hiding in the bathroom. I remember us giggling and then I remember making him lift his shirt? Or us taking turns lifting our shirts? Then im not sure if we showed each other our genitalia or not, or if his pants were down. I genuienly cant remember but i think we did (me and a friend in lile 1st grade got in trouble for doing that once, so i wouldnt put it past me and i keep getting a vague memory of it so maybe we did). Then i remember kissing his stomach before my dad was like 'what are you guys doing?'. And we both just laughed and left the bathroom. When I was really young, I was exposed to porn and it messed up my brain. I dont think it was innocent even though I didn't understand like what I was doing because I was really little. Hes from my dads side (who i dont talk to anymore) so i havent seen or spoke to him in years. I weve gotten along before we stopped talking though, but still. What if I traumatized him?? What of I did cocsa or intended to/almost did?? What if he doesn't remember now but will remember later and be traumatized??

Why does false memory always pick on situations that are so far in the past? Mine literally came to me 6 whole years after a drunk night out that I couldn’t stop obsessing about. The scary thing for me is the real detail in my false memory that my ocd is now saying is ‘evidence’, my therapist keeps saying that the ‘evidence’ really isn’t evidence and deep down I think I do know that but for me it’s the real details that keep me hooked. It’s like how can ‘this’ be real but ‘that’ not be real if you get me? It’s all so confusing and my brain hurts. The brain is a wild thing.

I struggle with primarily contamination OCD however I’m starting to wonder if I also have a touch of false memory OCD. Is worrying excessively about whether or not I washed an item, or my hands, or if something touched something else and contaminated it in the recent or immediate past FM OCD? Or just part of the contamination OCD? 😊 thanks

I feel just genuinely depressed... living with POCD and False memory OCD about "unknowingly explicitly messaging minors" is the worst thing ive ever experienced in my life... i cant even ask for reassurance because no one will answer... im genuinely alone and i want to stop existing...

Its now three people that have triggered me. Genuinely one of the worst feelings in my life... ik im supposed to be uncertain, but how can i when people say my POCD / false memory OCD fear of "unknowingly explicitly messaging minors" might have been true...? Im genuinely so panicked and freaking upset...

Im getting scared about this situation... For context. I was on an NSFW discord server. There was optional age verification but i would only message women who were verified. I messaged this girl whose DM's were open... we talked before she asked me my age first. I said I was 20 (which was true) to which she immediately responded that she was 18. We talked about why we were on the NSFW discord server and had playful banter. I then asked her when she was born because I wanted to make sure she was consistent with her age. She misunderstood the question at first and said she was born in Colombia. I then asked her for the date she was born on. At 5 AM when I was asleep, she said "13😭", before reaffirming her age as 18 approximately 8 minutes after... does this indicate if she was lying about her age...?

My pocd and false memory ocd have been going wild, and now two people have triggered me today... i already want this day to be over...

I was going through this website and I remembered there was a feature where you could bookmark posts. I don't have the NOCD app on my phone anymore; however, I read this one post that I bookmarked years ago that I thought would help anyone suffering from real-event ocd. *** This post was by Kyle Magri (October 20, 2020) *** A Quick Guide For Real Event OCD: Remember that it’s not the memory that is the problem, it’s the OCD that’s the issue Remember that OCD often distorts your past memories and can very often add details to make a memory seem worse than it actually was and can even create false memories. This is a challenging one but, let go of the need for certainly about your past memory or memories. Let go as best you can and be comfortable with uncertainty (this takes time, be self-compassionate) Remember that this type of OCD is not special or unique just because it’s based on a (likely distort and over exaggerated) past event, OCD attacks what is most important to us, our biggest fears and issues, it whatever way it can Real event OCD is fundamentally no different than any other type of OCD (and many people suffer from many different types of OCD all at once) The only differences in any type of OCD is what the obsession is over, thankfully, The treatment is the same, this is a moment in life what is a good thing to remember that you (and your condition) are not special Stop reassurance seeking and confessing. It may provide a little relief and lessen your fears but it will not fully take them away, again it’s not the memory that’s the issue it’s OCD’s grip on the memory Ban rumination! No matter how many times you ruminate about every detail and possible outcome of the past event will only make the thoughts more “sticky” in your brain. It’s hard, but stop giving the thoughts credence and let them go as best you can, try to catch yourself in the act of rumination Be mindful and allow the uncomfortable thoughts and feelings to just come and go, observe but don’t engage, this helps teach the brain not to attach to these thoughts and feelings and stops the brain for continuously sending the panic alarm. Meditation works very nicely for practicing mindfulness Ask yourself if you should waste your life trying to figure out the past, when you can focus on bringing what you want into your present and future. I know you don’t feel you deserve it. The main tenets of behavior therapy are: We cannot control our thoughts and feelings but we can control our behavior. If you change your behavior, your thoughts and feelings will follow. During this pandemic it can be hard, so try finding hobbies and other positive things to do to fill your day Be here now, this can be challenging but, do your best to live in the now and do what you can to make today great! The past is long over and the future is fantasy. Each day we are born anew and have an opportunity to improve. Most of not all Real Event OCD obsessions are over actions that we would never think of repeating and that we would have never done if we knew then what we know now. Be kind to yourself and remember who you are. Accept that there will be ups and downs, harder days and easier days, on your recovery journey Finally… self compassion not self forgiveness! Forgiveness implies that you have done some unforgivable act and need to work towards reparation for it. This process usually requires time spent discussing and processing the event. You may believe if you find a way to forgive yourself then you can stop obsessing about it. People in your life may have even encouraged you to work on it. With OCD, discussing and analyzing the event is not the approach we want to take. In fact, I’m sure you have already spent excessive amounts of time evaluating the situation and all its many angles, yet getting nowhere. Now, I’m not saying this is an event you are proud of. What I am saying is that it’s not the event that is the problem; it is the OCD that is the problem. There is a chance you would have moved on from the event if the OCD hadn’t grabbed onto it. And we don’t treat OCD with self-forgiveness because OCD exaggerates and distorts life events. Imagine that being stuck on this may not be due to lack of self-forgiveness but the way OCD traps you. OCD has taken over the life event, twisted it and has convinced you into believing it is a critical problem that requires forgiveness or punishment. Resources: Article: http://www.ocdspecialists.com/real-event-ocd/ Video on Real Event OCD: https://youtu.be/ojsA2z_Nf_0 Video on Letting Go: https://youtu.be/ZK6FVw4xfbg Video on “Going Through Hell”: https://youtu.be/toQMJeqdW48 Video “Drunk on Life” accepting the good, the bad and the s Gray area: https://youtu.be/WCsPCrZ4aq0 Jesus Prayer Mindfulness Meditation Guide (NOTE: if you struggle with religious OCD this may not be the best for you) https://youtu.be/6TTDjJ8Cv3Y Za Zen Mindfulness Meditation Guide (NOTE: if you have an issue with number obsession this might not be best for you) https://youtu.be/dDJ_wbjBL6c Book Recommendations: The Mindfulness Workbook for OCD by John Hershfield Christ The Eternal Tao by Hieromonk Damascene Anxious For Nothing by Max Lucando The Jesus Prayer by Frederica Matthews Green The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Edmund Bourne Our Thoughts Determine Our Lives by Elder Thaddeus F*ck Coping Start Healing by Dennis Simsek Anxiety, Trust and Gratitude by Nun Kathrine Weston NOTE: While all this information is very helpful it is always best to seek treatment and help from a therapist or psychologist. Use the information above is a part of your healing journey, get in touch with a therapist/psychologist to help you better work through these issues

So POCD and false memory is something I’ve been surprised to find I’m finally getting on top of. I’m getting little thoughts from other themes now though. Today I’m trying to tell myself I’m going to be a heroin addict. I swore out loud at that one and I’m in public. Keep in truckin’ sufferinos.

Should you let them share their ruminations and intrusive thoughts with you? How do you listen but not reassure them?

I’m stressing hard over one of my reoccurring ”false memories” (I hate calling it that because I don’t know if it’s false. The memory is so disturbing it always comes back to haunt me. For context, I used to be interested in watching really extreme horror movies. Like the ones on the Disturbing Movie Iceberg (not the bottom tier for obvious reasons). I have a horrible “memory” of possibly touching myself to a horrific scene in one of these movies (I’m unsure of which exact movie, 2 different ones come to mind). If this is real, I’m literally a monster. Even though the things depicted in these movies aren’t real, they are some of the absolute worst things I could have done that to. I don’t know what’s wrong with me… I’m supposed to hang out with friends tonight, but I feel like I need to hide myself away from them just in case this is real. Because nobody would want to be around somebody like that. I know watching those things in the first place is bad, but I can handle that. I can’t handle the possibility of me doing worse. Any advice on coping with something like this?

Hi team here is my two cents on OCD. I never post on this kinda stuff and on sites but I think it’s right to here. I’m in my 20s and 6 months ago woke up and had OCD and didn’t know a thing about it before. I regard myself as lucky that I found out what was going on so quickly. I know what it is like to both have and not have OCD having not had it for pretty much all my life. I have very good days and weeks of managing OCD to the point where it doesn’t exist but I’m writing this at a point where it’s been a bad OCD day. And that is ok. There will be bad days of it and I can live with that. What I don’t do is tell myself that tomorrow will be better because it might not be. If you tell yourself tomorrow will be better, it will be worse because that is a reassurance compulsion and you’re trying to find certainty that you do not need. I see a lot on here about “anyone else going through this?” And people answer back saying “you’re a beautiful person and your thoughts aren’t true don’t worry I’ve been through this”. That’s AMAZING that there is a big community who support each other and I LOVE it, but that won’t help you in fact, that only makes things worse for you. I could sit here and type about how none of your thoughts are true and that might help for 5 minutes until you just start doubting again. The thing that has helped me the most is accepting the fact that, whatever your theme is, it COULD happen. Nobody knows what the future holds and you have to accept the fact that anything is possible. You COULD get sick from that bannister on the subway, you MIGHT be a bad person, it’s POSSIBLE that you did do or will do that horrible thing you’ve been thinking about. Anything is possible. What keeps you trapped is trying to keep thoughts out of your mind or telling yourself that things won’t happen because, at the end of the day, anything is possible. Here is a list of some responses I use to thoughts that by the way, would make someone who didn’t have OCD and understand think I was a complete nutter so it really doesn’t matter what the thought is I promise you: “Well that could happen I guess” “We shouldn’t rule that out” “Big whoop cheers for that thought” “Nice one” “Is that the best you can do? Pretty weak effort tbh” By committing to using these responses you train your brain that whatever you’re thinking about is not actually a threat. OCD will say anything to stick around. It will tell endless lies to try and keep you trapped. It will change theme. False thoughts, feelings, emotions there are no gloves when it comes to OCD. It will do anything to try and stay. Whatever comes into your head does not matter. Whatever subtype, OCD IS OCD and theme is irrelevant. I write this all in the context that what I’m thinking about, MIGHT be true and this could all be a cover up for the bad person within. But that is the only way to beat it. To accept that anything is possible. Funnily enough, the more you don’t react to thoughts and use the responses above, the more the brain doesn’t wanna bring it up as often, and eventually, at all. Thoughts do not matter it’s your reaction (compulsion) that is what is keeping you trapped and what is giving thoughts meaning. I know it can feel impossible sometimes (“but I can’t live with the fact that this might be true, I need to know it’s not!!!”). You absolutely can live with the fact that anything is possible. This treatment does work. You are not the exception, you are the rule. Again I’ve written this whole thing accepting the fact that my thoughts could come true and might happen. And I can absolutely live with that fact. Even on a bad OCD day and there will be those, always remember to use a “big whoop…” attitude to what comes into your head. The more you don’t care, the better you will feel.

This ocd break down really messed up this time I’m just full of guilt and shame I want to keep going but I never will have 100 percent of the scenarios I imagined never happened

can ocd give us false feelings? I had an intrusive thought and I’m scared I liked it.

I hope this post can find someone who is currently going through false memory ocd. I just want to say, I have been dealing with false memory OCD for the past two months. I’ve gotten into depression because of it. But today, I had an awakening that truly made me wake up from this nightmare. Call me weird, but I sat in my living room couch and pictured myself as how I was without OCD or its thinking patterns. I also pictured myself as how I am now with OCD tendencies. I started to conversate about what I am currently going through and I was just able to step out of that ocd bubble and stepped out as a normal person with normal thinking behaviors and let me tell you I laughed. I was so in that head space of not having the agony of fear and anxiety weighing over my head at that moment, instead I felt ‘free’ like when I did when I didn’t have OCD. My point here is, today I realized how much OCD can ruin your life and distort memories in this case. In terms of false memory or OCD adding stuff to a memory, it’s so funny how we fall into that trap. This may sound harsh, but realistically you just know when you do something bad or if you didn’t. Yes, bad memory can come into play and other natural/normal things. But a person with OCD with good memory, come on, don’t we see that our ENEMY is doubt. Your brain is just naturalized to grasp onto things that point out. For example, my real event OCD memory is about that I had an intrusive thought to be friendly to a guy behind my boyfriend’s back. All I can think ‘with ocd tendencies’ did i just act on that, did I smile more when I had that thought because I was smiling during this. See what I mean, a person with no OCD would come to me and say you just know. I didn’t go out of my way and start having a conversation with this guy, simply although my ocd finds it hard to grasp on to this but I was just smiling to whatever the guy was saying and this thought came in the midst that’s all. I realized that the ‘ what if’s’ are simple fears. There are no ‘what if’s’ from past events im sorry. It’s a simple yes or no because you just feel it within yourself. I also realized people with OCD over stretch things. For example, the day of my false memory I told my boyfriend that the thought was about flirting when I know it felt as being friendly because I wanted to give him worst case scenario. Not only that but I came across this YouTube video that distorted it more for me. This doctor on YouTube said ‘ you tend to remember a memory best, when you remember it the first time. I had an immense amount of anxiety now asking myself if the thought felt flirtation. But I will not let a video or no man come and torment it more for me. We have to be careful with things we hear and watch. To continue, We have to come to realization that if you are doubting yourself and omg did I do this or did it play out like that, come on step out of that bubble and see the root of this. So much unhealed trauma that we drag with us every day. The problem is never the problem but the way we interpret situations and how much of a big deal we make it when it’s so small. You know yourself and you know when you do bad things or not. It makes you unstable to sit here and doubt your every action. Accept for the things that you do and move on and stop dwelling on the what ifs. God has not called us to be double-minded but single-minded. The Bible says ‘ a double minded man is unstable in all his ways’ James 1:8. You got this, sit yourself as a person with a normal thinking pattern or who you used to be without OCD and picture yourself with your ocd tendencies in front of you and talk it out. God is with you, we can do this. “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7

I’m a rookie when it comes to ocd (I have had it almost all my life but got diagnosed 3 years ago). I want to know which books were most helpful for your recovery (my main struggles are with false memory, guilt, shame, and real event). Also, I have been reading Albert Ellis’s book “How to stubbornly refuse to make yourself miserable”, would love your opinion on whether it was helpful if youve read it.

I used to have an asbestos contamination obsession. It was pretty unhealthy. I learned how to identify the material and would go through bottle upon bottles of hand sanitizer to “protect” myself from likely nothing. Now my POCD, ROCD. and false memory ocd is making me hardly want to live. I called in twice this week and haven’t gone to classes at all. I’ve been in therapy through here for about 2 month but I’m getting worse. I get evaluated for meds next Friday and I’m having such a hard time thinking how far that really is. I haven’t left bed today. At least I was more functional with the asbestos theme. It was very annoying, but it was nothing like this

Anyone else with false memory / real event ever turn into a detective and start to guess details while looking back on old pictures to see if you’re correct about anything? If you have been correct about anything how did you cope? I’ve been correct about a radiator on a wall & I dunno if I’m being delusional here but it’s making me feel like my false memory is real even though I’m sure it’s not? I dunno if I’m just completely alone in this but I feel like it.

Is ocd always false? How do I deal with my coming thoughts "What if its real" then it would gave me an anxiety