- Date posted
- 1y ago
Im scared
This ocd break down really messed up this time I’m just full of guilt and shame I want to keep going but I never will have 100 percent of the scenarios I imagined never happened
This ocd break down really messed up this time I’m just full of guilt and shame I want to keep going but I never will have 100 percent of the scenarios I imagined never happened
Reading your post I see the word imagined and 100 percent. Those two words can help you. Knowing that your OCD imagination is at play and that it wants you to be 100 percent sure is the game it plays. This is where reality check can help you understand that this is exactly how OCD works.
Read this book "Needing to know for sure" - it may help you.
First, you shouldn't feel guilty about having intrusive OCD thoughts. Over 200 years ago, the English writer Samuel Johnson said/wrote: "We all have thoughts that would shame hell." That means people with OCD and people who don't have OCD. What you're experiencing is an OCD flare up, nothing more. Second, I learned in therapy that it's not the thought's content that's important, it's how you react to it. If you accept it as just a thought, shug, let it go and move on, the thoughts will eventually dissipate. Conversely, if you seek absolute certainty that the thought will never happen you'll on the OCD treadmill all day. Hope this helps.
I did a few sexual compulsions (only with myself of course) in the past (2 months ago , did it couple of times) and I regret it BADLY I want to die every time because of that because of the guilt that I can’t handle it I feel like a monster I can’t move on from this. I feel like I deserve nothing in life. I prefer to kill myself then do it again. Like what went on my mind. I wanted to check and get rid of the thought but I can’t live with the shame. I posted this a few times but cant move on. What I did was BAD sexual compulsion. My therapist said to me that people with ocd can have a sever compulsions. And I think I told her about this compulsion but I think she forgot so I’m planning to said it to her again so she will tell me if it’s actually ocd or not. And the fact that I did have another themes before Pocd but I don’t know if I have Pocd anymore cause I feel like a monster and like I crossed the line. I’m terrified that I went to far. I regret I badly. There is not a single day I’m not thinking about it and want to kill my self. That compulsion is against my morals like I become the person I was afraid of all the time. The shame will it me until the day that I die
Feel guilty for not giving into compulsions like rumination and confessing? I feel guilt for having an intrusive thought, trying to shrug it off or just giving it a few seconds of thought and moving along. This sounds like improvement but I still struggle with the anxiety and the guilt. The shame. I’ll be okay and then I’ll remember I have OCD and my stomach will drop and I just want to curl up and cry.
This flare up is getting worse. So my son brought me a paper he needed signed for school yesterday and I asked him to get me a pen. As he got the pen I was just looking at him and unintentionally glanced over his private area and immediately freaked out with guilt. My ocd started telling me I was staring and that I wanted to look there. I know I wasn’t staring and I don’t ever want to look there. Anytime I accidentally catch a glimpse of my children’s private areas I always immediately look away and feel so guilty even though it wasn’t intentional or wanted but my ocd is making me believe I did stare and now the memory of it is blurred the more I try to remember it exactly to disprove the ocd. I feel horrible and I don’t know how I can ever get past this. 😪
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