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Does it matter if it’s OCD or Autism or something else in terms of treatment, if it appears to be OCD that may be presenting?

I slept with my ex while getting to know my now boyfriend. I started talked to my boyfriend 3 months ago and he asked me to be his girlfriend about 3 weeks in. I wasnt looking for anything but when I met him, something about him just stood out to me so of course I said yes. While talking to him though, I had no idea whether he was really really into me like I was to him. I didnt know him well enough to know his texting style or how he showed he cared. One day he cancelled plans on me because he said he had forgotten he had made plans with his friends first. In the moment I took it pretty hard because I was like oh maybe I should lean back a little bit, maybe he didn’t really wanna hang out. He had been taking hours to text back that day so once he cancelled plans for some reason it triggered something in me like “oh here we go again”. Little did I know he had genuinely forgot the plans he made but I dont know, at that point i was just so in my head. I had already showered and was going to start getting ready so i figured I would still go out. I went to get drinks and long story short I slept with my ex. This was before we made things official. The guilt was eating me alive after he asked me to be his girlfriend. I know i didn’t cheat but it feels like i did. One day it got so bad I had to confess. He said he was hurt but that we weren’t together. After we had the conversation and my mind immediately went to “oh you told him you slept with someone else but you didn’t tell him it was your ex” so now i’ve been ruminating over that. and that turned into ruminating over every single little detail of that night. I feel sick to my stomach, its been so debilitating I cant really do anything anymore because of it. We already had that conversation and I thought i would feel better but my mind found something else to obsess over. I’ve been thinking about bringing it up and telling him it was my ex but I have no idea if I should. But I know that if i dont, it will eat me alive. I just dont wanna hurt him. I really do love him and he’s so sweet. He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me and the idea of losing him makes me sick to my stomach.

This subtype is so awful right now, I feel so sick, last thing I want to be is an awful racist. Younger me cried each time watching a movie regarding racism, and I would always end up sobbing saying it was so unfair. Or whenever someone said something obviously racist, younger me would always yell "Stop it! Just because they're a certain skin color doesn't mean they're _" or "Don't call them that!" I always felt like everyone needs to be included. Then again I grew up in a neighborhood full of black people, it was shady, and that already gives me the fear of accidentally stereotyping, but overall that also gave me exposure to what they would say and such. Because of the majority of the neighborhood was being of black people, when I was younger I thought the n-word was a "cool cuss word" created by black people, or a different version of "bro" plus using it until learning the true meaning. When I re-told my mistake everyone just found it shocking but also thought I was just being a clueless 7 year old kid, nontheless later on the gravity hit and I just felt so sick. Not to mention a long while ago, a close friend of mine said the slur which lead to drama; the passiveness in me, afraid of being seen as a betrayer caused more damage trying to excuse them with a "maybe they didn't mean it in a bad way?" (Err wrong move.) when I should've held them accountable. But I knew it was wrong, and they're still a friend but sometimes I'm worried that just makes me equally as bad. :^( I also just feel like a hypocrite. And what about some of my other close ones who accidentally said it when they were younger not knowing the meaning? Are they racist too, and will I accidentally get them canceled? Am I just forever tainted as a racist? Maybe.. but that label makes me feel both monstrous and afraid to even make close relationships to people who are black due to how internet perceives such mistakes and I'm just afraid they will one day see me as something so horrible. I'm so scared to do anything in fears of getting canceled or something similar, maybe the stories will get twisted and I won't be able to defend myself. But that doesn't scare me as much as the idea of accidentally making black people fear living more, I already feel so disgusted knowing the discrimination they face even today, I don't ever ever ever ever ever want to be part of the reason. (No longer part of the post but as in addition, that's why I have my bio as it is because I mean it. I love and appreciate everyone, no matter their color, overall race, gender, sexuality. Anything all of it, I see everyone as EQUAL and beautiful and just the thought of making anyone feel ashamed of who they are drives me into such pain.)

I think I may have a health-focused OCD pattern. I’m not trying to diagnose myself, but I can see how my thoughts and behaviors can fall into a cycle. I notice something small on my body a crust, dark spot, bump, soreness, weird feeling, or something that looks different and my brain immediately wants to know exactly what it is. I start thinking: What is that? Is it infected? Is something wrong? What if I’m missing something? What if it gets worse? Then I feel like I have to check it. I look at it in the mirror, touch it, press around it, take pictures, look from different angles, clean it, Google things, or ask someone what they think. For a little while, I feel better when I’m told it doesn’t look serious. But then my brain comes up with another question: What if the picture wasn’t clear enough? What if there’s something deeper? What if they couldn’t see what I can see? What if it changed since the last time I checked? Then I check again. My cycle can look like this: I notice something → I get scared → I check it → I get reassurance → I feel better for a little while → I start doubting again → I check again. Sometimes the checking itself actually makes things worse. If I keep touching, squeezing, stretching, cleaning, or pressing an area, I can irritate the skin and make it sore. Then I feel the soreness and think, See, something really is wrong. So another cycle happens: Small irritation → I keep checking → the area gets more irritated → it becomes sore → I get more worried → I check even more. The soreness is real. I’m not imagining physical sensations. The problem is that once I notice something, I have a hard time leaving it alone until I feel completely certain that nothing is wrong. And even when someone reassures me, that certainty usually doesn’t last very long. I think one of my biggest struggles is uncertainty. My brain wants a definite answer right now. I want to know exactly what something is, why it happened, whether it will go away, whether it could become dangerous, and whether I need to do something about it. But sometimes there just isn’t an immediate answer. What I need to practice telling myself is: “Maybe it’s nothing serious. Maybe I don’t know exactly what it is. I don’t have to figure it out right now.” I also need to learn that having the urge to check doesn’t mean I actually need to check. I can notice the thought: “I want to look again.” And instead of automatically doing it, I can respond: “That’s my OCD wanting certainty. I already checked. I’m going to leave it alone.” That is the part I need to work on resisting the compulsion instead of trying to eliminate every anxious thought. I can still take care of my health. If I have a real change like rapidly spreading redness, major swelling, pus, fever, severe or steadily worsening pain, or another clear warning sign, I can contact a doctor. But I don’t need to monitor every tiny sensation or mark on my body over and over again. My goal isn’t to convince myself that nothing bad could ever happen. My goal is to become comfortable enough with uncertainty that I can say: “I noticed something. I don’t know exactly what it is yet. I’m going to give it time instead of checking it repeatedly.” I want to get to the point where I can notice something on my body without it taking over my entire evening. I want to be able to leave the bathroom, put the mirror down, stop taking pictures, stop touching the area, and move on with my night even if my brain is still asking questions. I don’t have to answer every thought my OCD gives me. I can notice the thought without obeying it.

I genuinely think people with OCD are some of the strongest people out there. We silently suffer 24/7 in a mental prison of our own making, and yet we’re still here. Still trying. People without it could never fathom how hard it is to live with a brain that feels like it was designed to torture you. We are fucking warriors fighting constant battles that nobody else sees. Be proud of yourself that you are still here and trying to make a better life for yourself because you deserve it. I’m the only one in my family with this condition, so it’s difficult for them to understand the level of suffering I experience every day. I’m very grateful for this community of people who get how hard it is and continue to fight it. It really gives me hope.

i don’t know if i even fully have ocd at this point, im not diagnosed but i thought i did for a while because of research but im thinking what if it’s just anxiety? also i feel really weird because when im in public i feel like my eyes keep going places and looking at stuff i know im not attracted to or at least i dont want to be if i am, or i think/imagine really bad thoughts about stuff and it just makes me feel wrong. im also thinking, am i worrying because i feel truly guilty of these things? or am i just worried on how others may perceive me and how i perceive myself? is the shame i get from these things truly because i feel bad or because other people would look at it as bad? that’s if my mental cycles are even true. forgive me for this post but i guess i just want someone to tell me not to worry about it but i know thats just seeking reassurance. thank you for reading if you made it this far

My girlfriend is currently on a trip with a close friend she briefly went on a few dates with in the past. I trust my girlfriend and genuinely believe she has no romantic feelings for this person, but my OCD has completely latched onto the situation and is telling me that she could be cheating on me. I’m really struggling right now. Last night, my girlfriend and I got into an argument about the trip. I told her that I thought the situation was odd and that it made me uncomfortable. I wasn’t trying to accuse her of anything, but understandably, hearing that upset her, and we ended up arguing. Things have been okay today, but I can tell we’ve both been avoiding the conversation a little. We had a text exchange where she reassured me that she loves me and isn’t going to leave me, but I am still extremely triggered. I feel sick to my stomach and absolutely terrified that I’m losing her or that she’s going to leave me. Logically, I know this fear is coming from my OCD. I trust her, and I don’t actually have evidence that anything is wrong. But emotionally, it feels incredibly real right now. I’m having such a hard time sitting with the uncertainty without seeking reassurance or trying to figure out whether everything is okay. I know reassurance is part of the cycle, but right now the fear is so intense that I’m struggling to let it be there without reacting to it. Has anyone else experienced relationship OCD like this?

My partner tries so hard to reassure me when I start spiraling, but after five or six times of repeating himself, I completely understand why he can start to feel frustrated. Unfortunately, when I sense that frustration, it only makes the spiral worse. I get so caught up in my thoughts that I end up asking unfair questions or making statements that don’t actually reflect what I think, feel, or believe about him or our relationship. The hardest part is that I can sometimes recognize in the moment that I’m being irrational, but knowing that doesn’t make the thoughts stop or make it easier to control my reactions. It feels like my mind is moving faster than I can reason with it, and before I know it, I’ve reacted to something I didn’t even truly mean. What scares me the most is the thought that I’m going to push him away or somehow ruin our relationship because of these spirals. I love him deeply, and I don’t want my anxiety or intrusive thoughts to become a burden that he has to constantly carry for me. I don’t know how to stop this pattern yet, and that genuinely scares me. I want to learn how to handle these moments better for myself, but also because for him.

(A bit of a long rant) is there anyone I can talk to about how they cope with a painful, traumatic breakup and how therapy might have helped them instead of social media? I’m not sure if anyone else can relate, but social media doesn’t exactly help. The algorithm on “healing” or “coping with grief” can be too much at times with the “journal prompts” and “reflecting” and then there’s quotes on how nothing can last forever which also doesn’t help. (Gets more complicated) I also tend to struggle with the concept of a “healthy breakup” and my mind fears a “breakup” (another main point) I really need someone to talk to who can probably guide me on this matter (gently from their experience) and especially starting with a therapist? What a therapist would do/ not do My fear is that a therapist would probably end up “triggering” me more by telling me things like “it was for the best” or “there’s no guarantees” “nothing lasts forever” or the “therapist talk” on “healthy things” I understand that with OCD, we can end up looking for guarantees (impulsively) —like wanting certainty that certain things can last forever or that something painful wouldn’t happen again. But I feel like there’s a difference between compulsively needing a guarantee and genuinely needing a bit of comfort to know that there’s still safety in this world and that it can get better or, I’m somehow worthy of things getting better? Especially after going through something traumatic (not sure if it’s OCD overlapping with trauma) hearing “life has no guarantees” reminds you all over again the worst will happen to destroy you. Using ai to vent has also made me realise that it’s been making me worst and I really want to get better. Sometimes ai triggers me by telling me what triggers me. It tells me that some things don’t last forever and it’s okay, it’s like finding beauty in a sunset that doesn’t last. That doesn’t exactly help but feels like another severe blow when I can’t really cope. I feel like I’m in a very fragile space but I feel like I’m too “complicated” to be understood. I just feel like a hallowed out detached ghost floating around in an “unpredictable world” Im also religious in the sense of having faith in a higher power but sometimes I feel like grief has taken a lot from me that I miss the person I used to be before all the pain. It’s like my safety has been completely ruined that I would rather spend my life being isolated, quiet and serving God in a monastery because maybe that’s the only thing that won’t shatter me. When I was younger, I used to be “independent”, I enjoyed my own company, I didn’t feel so scared because I “had” myself. I don’t know if it’s also because I would internally build up walls and could’ve been hyper-independent but maybe I was always just scared of losing the people I love. I really wanna believe things can get better, that I’m “safe”, that I’m going to be “okay” but I can’t. I just feel like I’m floating around because there’s “no guarantees”Being told that technically there's no guarantees feels like it implies that I'm just a punching bag and I can't even protect myself from anything and maybe I won't be able to. The idea of losing again is something I can’t take. I’m not sure if that could reveal things like “anxious attachment” or so but yeah.. lowkey just need a big hug.

I have been dealing with existential ocd for 5 years now. I've been in medication that helped but over time it stopped helping. I have panic attacks every day several times. I don't want to go into detail of my fears, but there are a lot and it's all the same theme. I started to notice that a lot of important moments are flying by me because i'm in constant panic mode and everything is meaningless. I really need hope that it is possible to recover. I'm starting college soon, I don't know if medication will help if I go back, i'm scared to start ERP. I don't know what to do anymore. I cry myself to sleep, I wake up from panic attacks. The only way I don't have this thoughts are in my dreams. Throughout the day, no matter what i'm doing, i'm constantly thinking about it. Please, if someone recovered from death/existential OCD, just tell me it is possible.

Hi everyone, This is somewhat of a complex post, and I have a hard time putting my concerns into words, but I'll try my best. If anything is unclear, I'm happy to answer questions. I want to preface this by saying that I'm not looking for reassurance about whether or not I have OCD. I'm more so trying to understand what "intrusive" means and how to identify what the "intrusive" thing was within my cycles. I was recently diagnosed with OCD by my psychiatrist, and I've been working on OCD-related issues with my therapist. I'm also on a low dose of Lexapro, which has helped take the edge off a lot. One thing that makes me question my diagnosis is that I don't always relate to the way people describe intrusive thoughts. The thoughts that seem to start my obsessional cycles often don't feel intrusive to me. They can feel like completely normal thoughts or questions that I intentionally think about, but then I become extremely distressed by them and get stuck in an obsessive cycle. For example, I've had what I would consider genuinely intrusive thoughts before, such as: "What if I swerved my car into this pack of pedestrians?" Or "What if I threw this baby against the wall?" With those thoughts, I immediately dismiss them without issue. However, I don't actually become stuck on it (obsess). I don't start wondering what the thought means about me, I don't analyze whether I secretly want to do them, and I don't feel the need to perform compulsions to ease any distress. In other words, I handle those intrusive thoughts like a non-OCD person would. My actual obsessional cycles tend to be different. They usually involve something that is genuinely possible in my life. The thought feels like a normal question turns into an extremely important and distressing one. For example, a few months ago, after going through a breakup, I was watching a YouTube video of an ex-couple talking. The comments were all saying that the guy in the video was a manipulative person and possibly a narcissist. Reading those comments made me briefly reflect and then think, "Am I a narcissist?" This thought didn't feel like an intrusive thought in the way the baby/pedestrian thoughts do; rather, it felt like a legitimate question, but one that I spiraled over. I started Googling things like "signs of a narcissist" and "was I an abusive partner." The more I searched, the worse my anxiety became. Eventually I shut my laptop, and I started ruminating specific events from the relationship to try to get rid of the anxiety or find "certainty" that I wasn't a narcissist. This is where the compulsions started: I would mentally review/check my memories for things like whether I had shown affective empathy. I would go over specific interactions and try to determine what my intentions really were. I also confessed mistakes to my friends and told them I was worried that I was a narcissist, psychopath, sociopath, abuser, etc. They would look at me and say, "Megan, really? No, you're not a bad person." I also worried about what my ex thought of me, but I never had any courage to ask because I was too worried about their answer. That episode lasted around two weeks, and the same "bad person" concerns have re-emerged since then, although not with the same intensity since starting Lexapro. I understand that it's completely normal to reflect on whether you made mistakes in a relationship, but the way my head went to putting such an extreme label onto small mistakes is what wasn't normal. I know that obsessions are described as intrusive and unwanted thoughts, feelings, urges, or images. But I don't know what my actual "intrusive thought/feeling/urge/images" is in these cycles. Sometimes I feel like I don't even have one. My cycle is: normal(?) question, distress, rumination, memory checking, Googling, reassurance-seeking, confession, etc. I don't perform those compulsions in that order every time. I also don't go into an obsessive cycle every time I intentionally think about something. Sometimes I can think about an upsetting possibility and nothing happens. Other times, something acts as a trigger, or my brain suddenly reminds me of something I could have done wrong, and I get pulled into the cycle. This seems to happen particularly when I'm feeling happy or relaxed, almost as though my brain suddenly finds something to worry about. I've also experienced health anxiety and relationship anxiety in the past. The health anxiety happened from genuine health concerns and lasted for a few years. The relationship anxiety happened because of actual trauma and undealt insecurities. But, within these "themes", I had trouble dealing with uncertainty, which threw me into the cycles. The morality/bad-person theme is what has made me question my OCD diagnosis the most, because the thoughts involved feel more like distressing questions than stereotypical intrusive thoughts. TL;DR: My intrusive thoughts feel different from the thoughts that trigger my OCD cycles. Intrusive thoughts (like imagining hurting someone) feel unwanted, but I can dismiss them without obsessing. My actual OCD cycles seem to start with normal-feeling questions like “Was I manipulative?” or “Am I a bad person?” that cause intense distress and lead to rumination, checking, Googling, and reassurance-seeking. Can OCD work this way, where the initial thought doesn't feel intrusive, but the obsessive cycle develops from the distress and uncertainty surrounding it? Thank you for reading.

Maybe someone who needs to see this will see this... I want to vent my frustrations with the state of the world a bit, and how it fuels my OCD internal struggles, and I guess this is a fine enough place to do it. Would love feedback but I'm also fine shouting into the void. There's been an uproar over a trans woman working as a music teacher in an elementary school. Long story short, a targeted hate campaign by online extremists flooded the school board meeting with hateful messages and angry parents. Nasty things were said, and much of it implied her being malevolent in some way, even perverted, for being herself while in the vicinity of children. Now for context, I worked as a paraeducator for one summer, and that was some of the most difficult and draining work I've done, and I've chopped down trees! So I have a lot of respect for those who teach for a living. It's a thankless job in nearly every way. Bringing the joy of music to kids is probably one of the most noble things you could do with your life, right? Well, this woman was not treated with dignity, nor humanity. And it's not uncommon at all to see this. To get to the point, I'm also a trans woman, and have a traumatic history that resulted in POCD. It's extremely difficult to handle on its own terms, I dealt with it before I came out as trans and I deal with it now. Yet I feel it's actually gotten worse the closer I've gotten to my true self. It's just because the way hateful people talk about the trans community feels like it validates so many of the fears I'm constantly battling. And my OCD brain often echoes those external voices to torment me. It's extremely frustrating that people like me are scapegoated in the first place, but add in my trauma history and the resulting OCD cycle of constant worry, and it sometimes feels like the world is just a cruel joke at my expense. Because these two things were unknown to me all my life, I'm new to having OCD and I'm new to being trans both at the same time, even though of course they've always been true. And it's caused a lot of shame, self doubt, and even doubt from others. Even the most supportive members of my family have expressed doubts about my identity itself due to the prevalence of my mental health concerns... Like they can't unlink those two parts of me in their minds. Add in them finding out about the trauma around that same time, and WOW have they said some insulting, invalidating, and infuriating things about me. The themes I struggle with most seem to be sourced from both my childhood trauma and these hateful and/or ignorant voices of others. And because they're both valid external dangers, it's extremely difficult to see the difference between the intrusive thoughts of self-hate and the external things I hear. So they both end up feeling just as real. And it's hard to say they're not, because they are sourced in reality, and I know the thoughts go off the rails but... Look, when some people may genuinely think I'm demented just for presenting as myself comfortably, if they knew even half the thoughts I struggle with on a daily basis, their suspicions would be confirmed wouldn't they? And I'm especially afraid of that happening with my loved ones. So yeah, I'm dealing with these issues all at once and it feels like an exhausting game of whack-a-mole. Or maybe a hydra, I solve one problem and two more take its place. Thanks for reading, if you read this, and I wish you the best of luck in your own game of whack-a-hydra.

I think I’m experiencing healthy relationships for the first time in my life, and honestly, I didn’t know they could feel this different. I remember my old friends from middle school. One of them left me because I became depressed. She even called me a burden, and that really hurt me because I hadn’t done anything to them. It was their decision to leave me, and honestly, I never really understood why. I was very attached to them at that time. I was always asking how they were doing, and I was always afraid of losing them, even though they rarely cared about me in the same way. They even blocked me on social media. At that time, I was under a huge amount of pressure because of my OCD. I was really struggling, and it was obvious that I wasn’t okay, but they didn’t care at all. My old job was similar. It was very exhausting, and my previous manager used to make me feel like I wasn’t good enough. Whenever I made a mistake, he would tell me that I didn’t know how to do my job and say many things that made me doubt myself. Eventually, he told me that they didn’t need me anymore and that I wasn’t a good enough employee, even though I worked hard and took my job seriously, probably more seriously than some of the other employees. I was also scared to leave that job. I don’t really know why, but during that period I kept relapsing and going through difficult times again and again. But now things are different. Even my current manager, if something happens at work and he gets a little angry because I made a mistake—and I make some stupid mistakes sometimes 😂—he comes back and apologizes to me afterward. He corrects my mistakes, but he never does it in a way that puts me down or makes me feel worthless. Quite the opposite. I wasn’t used to this kind of treatment. My previous manager used to tell me that I didn’t know how to work and would say many things that made me feel bad about myself. And the funny thing is, my previous manager eventually contacted me again and asked me to work with him because I had experience. But I told him, “I don’t want to work with someone like you again.” My old friends also tried to reconnect with me, but I didn’t give them another chance. And now I have new friendships that are supportive, and one friend in particular who honestly treats me better than all of my old friends did. I never knew that friendship could feel this comfortable. She always gives me positive energy, and sometimes she even helps me with my work when I’m tired. Sometimes I haven’t slept enough and I’m already under a lot of pressure because of my OCD, and having someone who understands that and helps me means a lot. She supports me in my studies and my ideas, and having someone like her in my life gives me so much positive energy. And the support goes both ways. Sometimes she gets busy with her studies, so I try to take some of the pressure off her at work and cover for her when she isn’t there. I also support her emotionally and stay by her side when she needs someone. I think I’m finally starting to understand what healthy relationships actually feel like. It’s a strange but really beautiful feeling to experience this for the first time. 🤍

anyone feel a sense of guilt and shame when even thinking about God, or wanting to read your Bible and pray? and constantly feeling like you’re too broken and a failure to come to Him? I haven’t even been praying or reading my Bible lately and it’s still always in the back of my head that I need to feel guilt and shame.

School started and for the past three days at school, my feelings toward my boyfriend have felt really confusing and different from how they normally feel. I still showed up for him and did things naturally, like holding his hand, leaning on his shoulder, kissing him, talking to him, and sometimes genuinely wanting to be close to him, but emotionally everything felt much more muted. Sometimes I’d look at him and feel almost nothing, sometimes I’d feel disconnected or numb, and other times I’d have this light anxious or static feeling in my chest. My brain kept asking me if I even loved him, why I didn’t feel the way I used to, if I was losing him, if I actually wanted to stay, or if I was just acting like I cared. Had a major spike last week where I was wondering if I did love him and if I wanted to break up with him, and I’ll be like fine I don’t then I’ll force myself what it’s like without him and I regret it . It was really bad since he didn’t talk to me during that week ( strict parents and he works late) then I keep giving up because it felt so real. It’s like I try to think back what we did together but it made it seem like I lost him or he’s slipping away from me . It scared me and I’ll get him something and it will feel fake. After that major spike, everything became strangely blank and muted. Now my brain doesn’t feel as loud or panicked as before, and sometimes I just feel normal, numb, or emotionally flat. Then my brain notices that I’m not panicking and uses that as another reason to question whether I care about him. Even though I’m muted, I still want to hold his hand, lean on him, cuddle him, sometimes kiss him, take care of him when he’s tired or sad, hear his random facts and stories, annoy him and have him annoy me back, and imagine us being lazy together and playing our calming game. I can remember good memories with him and sometimes want to talk to him about them and smile, but I don’t always get the warm or lovey dovey feeling I expect. Sometimes I’m happy with him while still feeling a light anxiety underneath it, and other times I just feel blank. I don’t know whether this muted feeling means my feelings for him have changed or whether my brain is exhausted from constantly checking, especially because my therapist said my brain might be tired from repeatedly doing these checks and might be having trouble figuring out what I actually want. She also mentioned something like ambivalence in relationships and desensitization. Now I feel stuck between wanting to understand what my feelings mean and being completely exhausted from trying to figure them out.

I’ve struggled with OCD since I was a kid, but now that I’m an adult, it shows up in different ways. Because of my low self-esteem and the situation I grew up in, I have hour-long episodes of imagining myself as the perfect person and the person I’ve always wanted to be. Sometimes it’s situations where I’m more in control or I have more respect. It feels almost like I’m a narcissist in my daydreams. Where the perfectionism comes in is that I go through these situations over, and over, and over again until I’ve fallen asleep or someone catches me dissociating. Music helps keep them going. Sometimes, after a movie, I act like the character or I’m interacting with them in my episodes. Because I repeat them over and over, I’ve spent hours doing so. I miss sleep, time with others, or tasks I need to do. I’ve felt alone because of this. No one talks about anything like this. It’s embarrassing to talk about because it shows how low my self-esteem is. I try to give off the "I’m okay," "I’m in control," "I can take care of myself" vibe. Does anyone else go through anything like this?

i’ve been in an episode for so long that i don’t even know what i’m worried about, at this point. i have general ideas of the themes of my worries, but whenever i try to think further about it, it just seems like my brain blanks and there’s just a wave of confusion. my brain isn’t letting go of nervousness even with the wave of confusion because i know that i still feel like i have things to worry about. i feel like i’m somehow annoying my therapist because i don’t even know what i think about everything and i have to identify this stuff in order to progress in ocd therapy. i feel like i’ve been exhausted after being in an almost 4 month long episode and i can’t think anymore but i still know that i have to. bad things keep happening and piling on to everything as well… don’t know how i’m going to get through this terrible time in my life.

Question for the women in this group — has anyone else noticed their OCD getting significantly worse at certain points in their menstrual cycle? I’ve noticed that my OCD tends to spike the week after my period, sometimes it’s the week before / during, but there seems to be a pretty noticeable hormonal pattern for me. What’s especially frustrating is that some weeks I feel like I have a lot of control - I can recognize my thoughts, practice my ERP responses, and actually see that it works. Then I’ll have a week like this where my mind is racing and the thoughts feel so much more intense, and it almost feels like I’m back at square one. I’m already on an SSRI and my OBGYN suggested trying birth control pill, but I’m hesitant because I’ve had a bad experience with it in the past. Has anyone else experienced something similar? If so, have you found anything that helps during those weeks? I’d especially love to hear from anyone who has dealt with the hormonal/cyclical aspect of OCD and what worked for them.🩵

Question for the women in this group — has anyone else noticed their OCD getting significantly worse at certain points in their menstrual cycle? I’ve noticed that my OCD tends to spike the week after my period, sometimes it’s the week before / during, but there seems to be a pretty noticeable hormonal pattern for me. What’s especially frustrating is that some weeks I feel like I have a lot of control - I can recognize my thoughts, practice my ERP responses, and actually see that it works. Then I’ll have a week like this where my mind is racing and the thoughts feel so much more intense, and it almost feels like I’m back at square one. I’m already on an SSRI and my OBGYN suggested trying birth control pill, but I’m hesitant because I’ve had a bad experience with it in the past. Has anyone else experienced something similar? If so, have you found anything that helps during those weeks? I’d especially love to hear from anyone who has dealt with the hormonal/cyclical aspect of OCD and what worked for them.🩵

This is very personal and very weird and I think it might be gross to some people. But it’s giving me a lot of anxiety it has been since yesterday and this morning and yesterday. But I need to talk about it and this is the only place I thought of going to because I don’t have anyone else to talk to about it right now. And it sometimes brings me comfort to talk about certain things on here so maybe I can get some help or advice or help. Or some insight or recommendations or insight. This is pretty embarrassing for me to talk about I think. But I need some help. So I’ll just start now. So basically I’ve been trying to use my vibrator since yesterday and it was working the first couple of times and I finally got the feeling I was looking for if you know what I mean. But after the first few times it stopped working for me and I couldn’t feel what I wanted to feel. And that didn’t give me so much anxiety but what did was the fact that I couldn’t remember what it felt like and the sensation and what it felt like. I tried picturing it in my mind but I just couldn’t do it which gave me a lot of anxiety. But what’a giving me anxiety now is that my vibrator is just not working for me right now. I don’t know if trying to remember the feeling and not being able to picture or remember or picture the feeling is giving me anxiety anymore but it still might be both things the vibrator not working and not being able to remember what it feels like when it does work and the vibrator not working. I know it’ll work for me eventually but I just don’t know when and I just keep telling myself that it’ll work again and it’s not like it’s never gonna work again and give me that feeling that I’m looking for. I just keep telling myself that it’ll work again. And I hope it does. Because it’s really bothering me and giving me really bad anxiety and it’s really bothering me. I might just have to lay on the floor on my stomach lol and listen to some of my favorite music with my head down or propped up on my arms or keep my head down. It sometimes helps with the anxiety of it all and everything that’s giving me anxiety and it helps with the anxiety. I just want this anxiety to go away already. And I’m hoping it will gradually subside gradually and go away on its own. But I just don’t know if it will unfortunately. Anyways that’s all I wanted to talk about. For now. I’ll probably be posting more throughout the day because like I said it kind of helps alleviate some of the persistent anxiety of what’s bothering me. Thank you for reading and listening and reading this. Any advice is greatly appreciated or just tips and tricks on how to get this to stop bothering me anymore. I hope you all have a good morning a good evening a good afternoon and a goodnight and a good morning:) I hope I can get through this day I really do. And I’ll try to. I hope I can get through this day I really do.