Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Hi, so it’s been a while since I’ve been here. I got diagnosed with OCD in February, I started therapy with one of therapists on here for about a month and a half. Got too expensive so I couldn’t continue. I’ve tried to do a lot of the heavy lifting without being in therapy. Reached out to my doctor about med change and I’ve been trying to put in the work to accept uncertainty and live my life and just letting it be there. I don’t want to live my life in fear I don’t want to question and fear everything and have my thoughts attack me and battle my brain every single day. I feel like no matter how much hope or faith I have in myself to do all the right things nothing has truly broken the cycle. I know healing isn’t linear, I just don’t want OCD to take the wheel. I’ve finally started to believe in myself, so I started a CNA class. I’ve wanted to be a nurse all my life. I wasn’t diagnosed until a few months ago but it’s always been there, I’ve been on anxiety meds since I was 12. Out of high school I started to go to college for nursing, got a job at a hospital and got scared because I wasn’t prepared. OCD attached to that scary experience, ever since then I’ve been in and out of college for 6 years, just going into more debt trying to figure out what won’t scare me but OCD has latched onto everything I’ve tried. I’ve tried nursing at first, multiple different levels of thinking about teaching, business, hospitality, veterinary. But all I’ve ever wanted was to be a nurse so I’m trying to gain confidence in myself by getting my CNA again (I had it in high school but it expired so I’m redoing it). I am excited about it but today was day 3. Yesterday ,day 2, I started to get little fear spikes. A big trigger for me is quiet. Sitting in a quiet room makes me panic all the thoughts flood in, I get paranoid if they’re all watching me or I said something inappropriate or embarrassing, or did something or said something wrong etc. yesterday was small compared to today. It was quiet in the class and the instructor was just talking. I smelled popcorn being made, but for some reason I thought it smelled like urine. I had been sitting in the chair a while so my bottom was warm and the smell made me start to panic, fear swept over and I started to ask what if I peed myself and that was coming from me and everyone could smell it. I start to scan the room a little and someone kind of glances at me and I think to myself oh no did I? And I started checking myself discreetly. I started kind of adjusting myself, quite sweeping under my legs but it was still warm so I wasn’t sure so I kept checking and checking. I started to get an anxiety/ panic attack. Nobody knew but nothing felt real, felt like a dream, I felt like my vision couldn’t be trusted. I sat panicked quietly for 20 min and I couldn’t take it anymore and I had to stand up quietly, stumbling probably a little weird and went to bathroom to empty myself and check myself but u was still panicked even though everything was fine. Luckily class was over 30 minutes later but it has just made me distraught. I feel like I don’t belong anywhere I can’t do anything right. I was unemployed for 3 months at the end of 2025 because a different OCD theme took over and I don’t want OCD to win. I just don’t know what I’m doing wrong. Chat GBT is my best friend, I’m on there constantly and I know it’s horrible and doesn’t help if anything makes it worse. But I am constantly checking things and I just feel alone. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want sunshine and rainbows everyday. I just want to feel regulated and content and have structure. I want consistency and stability in my brain and life. I just feel defeated. I want to provide a good life for my husband and me and our future family, and I want a job I’ve always wanted and something I’m proud of and make my husband and family proud. Everybody in my family (excluding my husband) just thinks I’m lazy and job hop because I want to. I don’t. That’s the opposite. I don’t want to give up on myself, I want to work through this and be there for myself and take care of myself (my brain likes to tell me as well, if I do self care and work on myself I’m selfish). Things are better than the end of last year but I cannot go back there. I don’t know what to do, I will continue with my class I’m just scared I’ll have a full fledged panic attack during my skills exam in front of someone. I want to show myself I can do something but I feel that I keep failing myself. I’m flustered, I just wanted to vent and if anyone read all of this. Thank you for reading/ listening

Hi everyone. I’ve been struggling with severe anxiety and what I think may be OCD. My mind is constantly telling me that something is seriously wrong with my health, even when medical tests come back normal. I become hyperaware of every sensation in my body. I get chest tightness, feel my heartbeat very strongly, dizziness, muscle tension, and sometimes I feel like I’m about to faint. Every new symptom makes me think I’m having a medical emergency. I spend a lot of time checking my pulse, looking up symptoms, seeking reassurance, and worrying that doctors may have missed something. Even when I feel better, the fear comes back with the next sensation. It’s exhausting and it’s affecting my daily life, to the point I am not my self anymore I wanted to know if anyone else experiences something similar.

I can't stop thinking about things I have done wrong and feeling like the worst person in the world. I have been hanging out with new people but I get so anxious about it and feel like i shouldn't waste their time befriending them because i feel like they would hate me if they knew what terrible things i've said. I really am working on not being that negative cruel person anymore but i feel like I need to spend the rest of my life paying for my mistakes and torturing myself to make up for it. When I wake up I have a split second of calmness but once i'm lucid i get hit with the hardest feeling of dread and regret for just existing. I just want to confess everything ever to everyone I have ever met and have them tell me they forgive me and that i'm not the worst . I wish i could wake up as my 5 year old self before I did anything wrong and restart

Basically my younger cousins has started being friends with my friends, and her friends have joined. 2 boys who are her age, 18. I live in the UK by the way so the legal drinking age, we all go out together have a few drinks and stuff. Over the last few weeks/months we’ve all gotten close, only as friends nothing else. Me, my best friend, and the 2 boys realised we all play the same game so we’ve created a squad and play some evenings. Last Saturday one of the boys made it clear they have a small little crush on me, I shut it down immediately as I’m 24 and that age gap is not gonna happen. I was nice about it, said I value our friendship but no no no. I repeated it a few times. But it’s obvious it’s just a school boy style crush. But he then started messaging me privately which I didn’t think anything of as we play the game together and it was more talking about the night out and the fact I’m on a bit of a holiday from work (it’s insanely hot in the uk right now) it’s not been flirty or anything like that, just normal friendship chit chat. But now I’m convinced myself I’m doing something morally wrong. He’s younger than me am k giving him the wrong idea even though I’ve put it clear it’s a big no and it’s only friends? So I look like a pedophile? Constantly on my brain now I’m doing something wrong when Infact it’s literally just a close circle of friends chatting. I’m from a very small town with not a lot of people so everyone knows everyone, everyone is friends with everyone, it’s chill. But because I know he has a crush on me I’ve made it this big thing in my head. I look at him as a little younger brother type situation, he’s very sweet, we have a lot in common, and we get a long! So it’s just friends. But now I feel bad, like I’m leading the poor boy on when I’ve done nothing but say no! That I look bad for having an age gap friendship, that I’m not allowed to even though half the men I know in town are friends with all ages, half the women are as well. But me? I feel judged and scared

Hi! ☺️ I just got diagnosed this week and I’m feeling relieved and happy to have an answer but I’m also struggling with feeling like my thoughts and patterns aren’t as extreme as others so what if I don’t actually have OCD? Like maybe I don’t deserve the label or something? I don’t know. 🙃 I’ve also been having a separate thought of what if I was actually lying to my psychiatrist about my experience and nothing I told her was real and I just made things up to get a diagnosis? Which I know isn’t true because I do experience these thought patterns and loops but I don’t know I keep going back and replaying and doubting things. When I type this out it seems kinda silly but I’m just wondering if anyone can relate? Or if there’s any advice? Thanks! 😊

are you on meds? ive been struggling with ocd for about 4 months since this spiral started and have been prescribed Luvox already for a month and i worked my way to 200 but still feel pretty anxious ngl, i have considered my hormones may also play into it since i get my worse spirals on the week of my cycle so maybe i should consider also a form of birth control? let me know what you guys are on or if youre also on birth control and how that helps

I want this feeling to go away so bad. I truly don’t want to spend any more time down like this. I tried to go to work and I cried throughout most of my shift and now I have school and I just feel like I can’t compose myself. I have a massive exam tomorrow and I can’t stop worrying about everything that could possibly happen and everything that is going on in my personal life, which is just super overwhelming. I feel like there’s no hope and I’m just a massive problem to everyone I’m around. I want more help so bad, but my family prohibits me from any mental health help. I don’t know what to do.

I’m not sure if anyone has gone through this with their harm OCD, but mine feels so totally different to when it started. When it started I knew how deathly afraid of these thoughts I was, they petrified me every time I thought of them. I would be hyper vigilant of everything, stay away from knives etc. Now, these thoughts and urges feel real and like it’s something I want. I find that I’m always thinking the thoughts on purpose and lately I’ve even found myself laughing at them. I’m not sure if this is testing or not, but I would laugh and make my way into the kitchen where all the knives are. I get urges just to pick knives up, even using my box cutter at work I get thoughts like ‘make sure you focus on the knife’ or ‘take it home with you’. I’m so scared that this is me now and I’m worried this is turning into a desire. Everytime I try and make plans, or go on a hike, or even eat, it feels like I’m making plans or excuses to carry out harm This is all directed at my new fiancee, and it makes me feel like I can’t be around her, or that I don’t love her.

I can understand why it makes me anxious in the first place but like isn’t it such a big part of faith or a relationship with God? People online seem to just feel so comforted by praying and reading into the stories of the Bible, am I just too self aware or is this just how my ocd tendencies work? I used to feel so much more at peace before this big religious spiral started about 9 months ago. And now that I know I should be doing these things like praying and stuff it’s making me scared to heal and go back to being oblivious to this whole thing. And I don’t feel comforted when they’ll say stuff like “just pray more and God will fix your heart” or stuff like that. IM TOO ANXIOUS!!!

Do people in your life recognize you have OCD or are you "flying under the radar"? I guess my question is like, with drugs you see someone and you know they are an addict and I'm wondering if people can see that I have OCD? As an OCD person can you see it in other people? And can non OCD people see it in you?

Anyone else feel absolutely defeated after work, I’m talking mentally, emotionally and physically beat where everything HURTS and you’re upper back to the top of your head is in severe pain from the stresses of OCD? I don’t even have the energy to speak when I get home to my family. I just feel Emotionless and dead. And getting out of my car just to the front door feels like the biggest task ever, my dad always says “here she comes dragging herself home from work!”

Hey guys I am not sure if this is normal but I am experiencing weird ocd thoughgs like existential and supernatural intrusive thoughts combined with derealization I get these terrifying what if stories, vivid horror images, and fears of going crazy to try and explain this physical anxiety like a fear of one day being possessed and attached with something supernatural or like being in a mental hospital and not being normal like stuff like that and they feel like if there is something off and like I am not normal and I am attach to something bad I am not sure what this is any advice would help

Hi everyone, for context I have experienced intense OCD on the false memory I cheated on my boyfriend. This morphed into thinking I wanted to cheat. For example, the other night I had the thought “I want to sleep with (co worker)” and this caused intense sudden panic and I ended leaving the party in fear I’d cheat. This past one year has caused intense anxiety and I’ve had some difficult nights begging my boyfriend to break up with me saying he deserves better. This is where it gets confusing. For the past 24 hours I experienced something I think would be described as limerence over my old boss. For context, I worked this job for 2 years, it was my first corporate job, I was 22 when I left, my boss (31 M), I thought he was attractive and there were periods he picked on me specifically. His approval consumed a lot of my thoughts during this time. When I was intimate with my boyfriend he would always come up and I’d suppress them or when I had random fantasies I’d never engage. I remember when I quit he hadn’t appeared in my thoughts in months and I was so happy. I left my job 1.5 years before my OCD fear of cheating theme. Then it came back and I felt guilty for wanting his approval etc… and when I shared this with my therapist, she said it is common for people in my situation to experience this and this sudden obsession I’ve done something wrong is being fuelled by this new fear I’ve cheated fixation. THEN yesterday my mind became stressed that I again did something wrong by wanting his approval but there was a new thought. I had the thought “would I have cheated on my boyfriend with him if I had the chance back then” and I genuinely felt uncertain. This uncertainty caused panic. But then all of a sudden I had rushing feelings of infatuation with this old boss and when I thought about my boyfriend I felt like I wasn’t attracted to him anymore. I found myself agreeing I’d cheat on my boyfriend for him and enjoying it? But at the same time in this 24 hours I refused to engage in all these sudden fantasies and I refused to look at his IG when I had a sudden urge to. I think deep down I knew when this would pass I would feel guilty for engaging in the fantasies/looking at this IG. But I suddenly felt like I was in love with him and wanted only him and would cheat to be with him. Anyways that lasted 24 hours and I felt like I was hit with a brick of what the heck no I love my boyfriend. I don’t care about this man. I feel terrible and consumed by guilt for looking at my relationship like that and agreeing I’d cheat. I know, it’s terrible. I feel terrible for all of this to the point I again felt the urge to confess and break up with my boyfriend. My brother took my phone away because I was begging to call my boyfriend. Has anyone experienced this? I don’t know what’s happened. I feel scared and lonely. And it should be noted never ever when I worked at this job I had the urge to be with this man, I just desperately wanted his approval.

ik this is tmi. but i feel like i cant have a regular sex life or do my thing alone cuz my ocd makes me get mental images and i feel so disgusted to do it. or even if i get mental images before or just having intrusive thoughts the whole day, then i get some of the arousal non concordance, and since i can feel it down there i feel like i need to let that feeling down there out but i dont wanna yk do the thing cuz it feels wrong. or if i get the intrusive thoughts and images and try to forget and move on, then i see something that can get me in the normal mood after and i feel guilty. idk what to do cuz if i get those groinal responses I want to just not feel it down there cause it can accumulate and I just wanna let it out but if I just have those responses because it’s constant throughout the day, I feel like I struggle, but then sometimes I just forget and then I can see something that’s normal and like normal porn and I can get in the mood and then I just wanna let it out but I feel wrong and I don’t know what to do. It just feels disgusting. And I just feel like I get those responses down there a lot or I just feel like I have to wait for it because like I can feel it coming, but then sometimes it doesn’t or I don’t know if I just overthink too much and what scares me the most is like what if my thoughts are really true and what if my responses down there are constant because I like it and what if these thoughts that tell me they wanna like it are true like I don’t know what to do anymore like it’s just haunting me because I don’t want to like it and I don’t wanna be into that cause I’m not. I’m sorry , I don’t want to seem weird or too much, I just struggle alone too much. My loved ones wouldn’t understand and they will probably view me as disgusting. I feel disgusting. I just need advice or someone to relate to. Thank you for reading.

Tw. My post contains talk of porn/sexual themes, and fear of cheating. So I have rocd and some hocd. My hocd usually related to my rocd, but rocd is my biggest theme I deal with. So a couple of days ago I was on Twitter and I saw erotic things. I got curious and scrolled on the accounts. My body had a physical reaction to the problem and I was like "so my body had a reaction so that means I need to conduct my business". This is highly unusual to me because I absolutely DESPISE porn. I dont actively seek out porn or to look at other people so this reaction my body had was distressing. I don't look for porn for pleasure because i think it's very bad for the brain. Anyways I thought I pleased myself to porn and it scared me (even though I was thinking about what me and my boyfriend could do when i watched the videos). It wasn't a huge deal until yesterday. I got hocd thoughts and I had the compulsion idea of "maybe I should download Twitter again and look at lesbian porn to see if I'm gay". Of course I got curious and my body had a physical reaction. Same events repeated.. my boyfriend was in my mind when I conducted business. Now I feel extremely guilty. Not that I did it once but twice. I talked with my boyfriend last night and he said he considers watching porn cheating. He said actively seeking out and watching is cheating but... i genuinely cant tell if i actively seeked it out or not. Now I believe I cheated and I feel the urge to confess constantly. I feel horrible. I feel like I betrayed the love of my life. I have no desire to watch porn and please myself to the porn. I would rather please myself to him but I feel so guilty that I did it twice. Both were slip-up's. I don't think it was my genuine intention to seek porn and jerk off. I just reacted to my bodys reaction twice and now i feel like I cheated. Now when I talk to my boyfriend I feel anxious and remember my guilt (classic rocd). Advice on how to deal with this? Can someone give me adivce on how to navigate the guilt. I genuinely can't tell if I've crossed a boundary with my boyfriend and should tell him or not to avoid confessing. It feels so impossible to live with guilt of thinking I cheated. I need advice on how to deal with it. No reassurance please.

I’m trying to break my rumination, replaying my old sins and transgressions, urges to confess, and trying to use scripture to heal. Any kind words or verses you can think of? Also, you don’t have to be a Christian to respond. Jesus loves us always!

Hi everyone. ❤️ I hope it's okay for me to post here even though I'm not the one who has OCD. My boyfriend has OCD, and I love him very much. Seeing how much he struggles sometimes breaks my heart because I wish I could make things easier for him, but I know I can't "fix" it. I also know that good intentions don't always mean I'm actually being helpful. That's why I wanted to ask people who truly understand what it's like to live with OCD. What are some things your partner, family, or friends have done that genuinely helped you? And, just as importantly, what are some things they did with good intentions that actually made things worse? I want to support him in the healthiest way possible, respect his boundaries, and be someone who makes him feel safe rather than accidentally feeding the OCD. I'm trying to learn as much as I can because he means the world to me. Thank you so much to anyone who's willing to share their experience. It would really mean a lot to me. ❤️

I’ve been on sertaline for 2 years now. Weened myself off of it over a course of 4 months but had to go back on due to extreme depression and compulsive thoughts. Has anyone been on sertaline but had better luck with a different SSRI?

Ive had these harmful intrusive thoughts starting when i was around 11-13, basically 2023 and it was the worst thing ive been thru at that time, by a month or a few it went away and i lived without it normally, then it would come back, goes and comes but it wouldnt be bad i would forget about it and get distracted easily from it, last week right before bed i just put my phone by me and wanted to sleep and it all hit, it was the worst thing ever, i dont recall anything i did differently that might’ve triggered it i was so confused, it was the worst ever, worst than how it was when it started, i felt insane i felt like i would get up n act up on these harmful thoughts, i didnt know how to calm myself down i just wanted something to stop all of it i dont want a distraction i dont want anything i just want it all to stop and its scarier bc ik theres nothing thats gonna help me, when that happened i ran to my mom i started talking to her about it but i didnt want her to be scared or uncomfortable cuz i wouldnt want my daughter run to me 6 in the morning telling me shes scared shes gonna harm someone, and its even worse thinking about it this way for me, i couldnt last minutes with her n ran back to my room bc i felt like the thoughts would take over and im too dangerous to stay in a room with my family, then with every day it would get even worse than that, it used to be that if i went out or did something not at home it would actually not follow me all around but then it didnt, which scared me even more cuz it made it feel real like this is what i want instead of just thoughts, 2 nights maybe i found something to calm me, i was just telling myself stuff n it would help until it didnt aswell, last night was really scary, its the worst mostly around 1-7am, i didnt know what to do or how to manage these thought it would just get so scary n i would start feeling my heart beating n start shaking and wait till im completely ready to fall asleep so i wouldnt last a second without my phone or think about anything while trying to sleep cuz i depend on distractions cuz the more i spend with my thoughts alone the more scary and the more it convinces me its scary and i dont want it to work bc its slowly is and i dont want it to be worse, im 15 and im worried this would never go away or i would actually act on them to calm myself which is the scariest thought, today i woke up and i immediately felt everything 10x worse, not a second break, i took a shower right when i woke up n i dont have my phone in the shower to distract me even a tiny bit so i was stuck n it got so overwhelming and my whole body started shaking n started having a breakdown in the shower till it all went numb from how overwhelming i felt, i think i mentioned this 10 times but once i stop crying or having a breakdown its also scary like its never a break bc i feel like it happens bc i dont care anymore n the fear is gone and this is what i want to do, i noticed the only time i get a break is when i sleep, idk what to do, my family doesnt want me to get any medications for it, idek if i need it yet cuz i havent started therapy for it yet, im starting this week, im going today to book a therapist and i really wish i could start today i dont want to start getting worse n worse

Hello, guys! I absolutely love poetry. If anyone wants to share their poetry here, please feel free to do so, I would love reading it! It can be ocd related or something else entirely! TW for the poem (I didn’t want to put a tw for the whole post bc it’s just the poem that may be triggering) 23 hours Of nails engrossed in mud That which is infused with feces And upon digesting mud One believes they mend it of its illness The dust causes them to choke 364 days Of drinking lead Begging their acid to rework it to gold 99 years Of collecting my blood Gulping it back into a body Returning it to some form Sand is sand Sugar is sugar Mixed, consumed, set alight, ground Alchemists burn away time Attempting to alter the fabric by which we live The only transformation they induce Is themselves to ash Lead is lead Gold is gold Water is water Lead is not wine My originals burn away their moments Trying to alter my fabric They are alchemist And they sicken themselves with my blood Maybe on the last hour, last day, last year, They may vomit back the lead Or die trying