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hey guys! i’ve been recently struggling a bit with my rocd. it gets to the point where im like it just means this isnt right, and that im really obsessing because im scared to break up with them. but i dont wanna feel that way you know? it recently dawned on me that maybe the reason i freak out so much or have thoughts that id be fine without my partner is because i know i could handle a life without them? i get visions of that and feeling still happy. i dont want a life that does not include them but im having trouble being okay with knowing i can handle it AND feeling safe with accepting my thoughts my intrusive thoughts while still being with my partner who i love. it makes me feel like i SHOULD break up with them bc the thoughts give me that urge! the thoughts feel so real and like they must mean something and im having trouble conceptualizing WHY they come up and how to accept them while still having love for a partner. my main compulsions are ruminating and checking! any advice

Does anyone question that they'll go to hell because of your intrusive thoughts. I feel so scared about that because I grew up Catholic

I (15m)am a monster. I have done horrible things mistakes or not I don’t think people would ever forgive me. When I got into highschool when I was 14 I had a messed up mindset that being sexual was the way to go with everything and I was way to open to people who I just met. This led to me revealing personal things about myself that made others uncomfy and flirting with my friends all the time and making sexual jokes comments and just sexual flirting even when they said no (this was over text) Me thinking back on this makes me realize how uncomfy I made these people it’s sick I considered them my friends and ended up traumtizing them. One of them stopped talking to me because of my behavior they were scarred and they can’t even bring themselves to look at me and don’t even want me saying their name. Then there were these 2 guys who were older than me one was 16 one was 17. The 16 yr old was introduced to me by my online friend who is my best friend and I begged the 16 yr old for pics (idk how it started but after my friends ex randomly messaged me and sent me pictures and then blocked me right after I think I became addicted to chasing that high) the 16 yr old eventually sent me a pic but it was real and I stopped bugging him on it after that but i feel so bad I did that but my friend tells me not to feel bad cause the guy was weird but I still feel bad. Then the 17 yr old I did the same thing with him but went too far when I tried getting pics from him by using my best friends ass pics she sent me (she was 15) I don’t think I grasped how wrong this was but that’s not an excuse she eventually found it when I told her after she tried getting pics from the guy herself to try and help me and the guy got mad when she stopped talking to him cause we found it weird talking to him. I told her about how I sent the pics she said she felt sick but forgave me cause she thought I was gonna harm myself. Fast forward the guy told me after I had still been flirting with him that I s@d him (we never met in person ever) and I felt so guilty and apologized a lot and he got annoyed and told me that he had been kinda manipulative to me and kept me in a loop of mystery and I don’t talk to him anymore. But one of my other friends stopped talking to me after I was being by too emotionally taxing on him because I became very depressed and didn’t wanna life anymore and tried to stop lifing a few times. And now idk if I actually s@d someone if I did that to someone and now I think I’m a pdo and I think I s@d my baby cousins and my little brother and now I’m scared bf I can’t even get help because my parents don’t believe in therapy and even if I wanted to I’m scared because I don’t want to go to jail but I think I deserve it honestly why should a monster like me live. And idk how I can move on with my life ever why shouldn’t I be locked up if I ever got help like therapy I would go to jail and rightfully so I’m a monster.

Hey today I’m feeling very tired because of my OCD I’m just so tired of it. I feel I’m doing everything to get better. I disregard the thoughts, I’m trying to do things like I don’t have ocd but it doesn’t want to go away. I was doing fine for a long period of time and now I feel like I’m back a square one. It’s been almost 2 months now I’m battling with OCD and I’m just tired. Sure I have moments where it’s better than others, I also have days where I barely have OCD but I also have really bad days like today where I just don’t want to get out of bed. Last time I had a relapse it took my 4 weeks to get out of it I don’t understand why this time it takes me more. I’m starting believing that I will never feel better again. Anyway I’m gonna try to find the strength to get out of bed and to start my day. But I just wanted to share. It’s such a horrible illness.

Hi all, my ocd has been flaring up lately and I’m not sure why. I think it may be due to stress and anxiety involving school and the hurricanes (I live in Florida) anyways I keep having random intrusive thoughts involving my real event and a lot of false memories are popping up, they feel so real it’s like I can feel everything in them even though I haven’t actually felt them. It’s so weird, like sometimes I will watch a movie and be able to feel the texture of snow or a piece of clothing even though I’ve never felt it before. I have noticed when I get those “phantom” ? touch feelings that they cause a lot of false memory intrusive thoughts. I’ve also been having intrusive thoughts that because no one interacts with my posts on here that everyone hates me and knows about me and thinks I’m horrible and disgusting or that someone is talking about me behind my back and telling people to stay away from me and then I’m a horrible person. I hate OCD so much, I hate that I ruminate constantly on little things and mistakes I’ve made and things I can’t let go. I just hate it so much. Does anyone else struggle with these thoughts or even the “phantom feelings/touches” I’m not sure what to call them sometimes I also get them with certain foods or smells even if I hadn’t had them before or smelt them before. It’s so weird

Like 100% no doubt, just guilt and depression?

I keep having intrusive thoughts that I am in love with my ex. I’m so afraid if I don’t sort through the thoughts then I’ll get in touch with him? I don’t want to hurt my bf so I feel so sick and just overwhelmed.

My daughter has been in treatment her on and off for the last few months. She is 16 and has been in a ROCD cycle since July 8th. She hates therapy and the way it makes her feel. She doesn’t want to do it anymore. She had a 2 week period where she didn’t say her ruminating statements to me but is now back at it. What do I do? I can’t force her?

I was doing so well last couple of years, then out the blue I got hit recently with an old theme. It’s so crazy that I’ve had nearly 2 years realising that the theme wasn’t real, now I’m back in it, it feels so bloody real, like 1% could happen through the ocd filter means it’s defo gonna happen and my life will be over

I’m really struggling because I remembered when I was a teen there was this game that became popular called Nekopara with like these anime catgirls in a cafe and stuff. I remember big YouTubers were playing it at the time, so I remember watching it. Well there was already some sexual innuendos, but Idk how somehow I found out there’s a version with like actual porn scenes with the characters. I remember looking up gameplay of that and watching it. I think I genuinely assumed it was fine because I mean if it’s a porn game it has to be 18+. Well idk what just made me remember it I was ruminating, and thinking some of the characters look like they could be really young. So I googled and it was saying the characters are like wayyy young and it just, I don’t know what to do. I feel like I should die or something I feel like I’m stuck I don’t know how to feel I feel panicked. I think I had even looked it up again when I was older and of age too. I’m 22 and free from porn but I feel like a predator but I know I’m not I genuinely had no idea. I had no idea. I know I had to have thought it was safe because it’s a literal porn game, YouTubers were playing the non pornographic version. I don’t know what to do. I keep telling myself I know what I saw someone say on google but surely there’s no way because they have to be all 18+ because it would be illegal and people wouldn’t be able to play it. I think I just maybe thought some anime characters look more cutesy but I feel repulsed. I was already worried because when I was like late 19, maybe just 20 I was trying to stop watching porn so I went on google and looked up hentai gif. I think I was thinking it’s fictional, better than going on a porn site since I’m trying to stay off those, and it’s just gifs. I didn’t have any intention other than wanting a visual. But as I’ve been ruminating I remembered I saw a few characters who were in uniforms and I had touched myself to them. I don’t understand how. I genuinely believe I didn’t have any idea what I was doing was so so wrong and I know I would’ve been so horrified. I can’t wrap my mind around how but I think I thought since it’s porn it’s 18+ and it’s ok. I didn’t have ANY intention to goo looking for underage characters. I remember feeling guilt but that’s because I had given in and seen porn content even if it was fictional characters in gifs. I only did it a few times then finally quit and was free from porn and have been since. I had only been doing this to try to quit porn. I had no idea what I was doing was so much worse. It makes me feel better that I know I had no evil intentions I think it was horrible genuine stupidity. I hadn’t thought about it until pics set in when I was late 20. But I just feel like I don’t know what to do with myself. I love kids so much, I never dare ever ever ever would look up you know what. But I just feel like if it’s fictional it’s HORRIBLE too. And I don’t want to have seen that and touched myself. I feel dirty and stained and I don’t know what to do. Please help me this is not who I am.

I know I shouldn’t be seeking reassurance as I know this just fuels OCD, but I really need to vent. I just continue to feel so alone with these thoughts and worries. I feel pathetic for writing about this again on here, but right now it’s just overwhelming feeling. I have posted on here before about this, but basically I continue to have thoughts that people are out to hurt me, including family members. I don’t even feel comfortable at home right now cause I get these thoughts and I feel so fearful/anxious of them. I’m terrified this is more than OCD and that these are actual delusions. It’s always just in the back of the mind the past few days and it’s exhausting. Feeling like I can’t trust others and not even myself. Plus it goes a long with my harm thoughts, because I thought “if my mom is trying to hurt me, I need to hurt her first as a way to protect myself!” And I just feel so much dread thinking that. Like I’m actually going to do it and it makes me depressed and panicky. Plus I picture all these different scenarios, like me being in the hospital, my life officially over, losing my job, etc. I’m thinking the absolute worst. I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist with OCD at 15 and have had flare ups over the years on/off, but at the beginning of this year it started my worst flare up yet and has just continued to persist. First started with health, then turned to my usual theme of harm, and now it’s harm/mixed with fear of psychosis. I try hard to just let the thoughts be, but the anxiety persists and the thoughts won’t go away. It makes me feel so uncomfortable and hard to concentrate on anything. I just want to know if this is OCD or delusional thinking. I feel like I need to know for sure, to know that I’m actually safe and that I’m not a danger. If the longer I wait, the more damage I’m actually doing to myself. Thank you to whoever reads this and relates or responds. I appreciate this community and how open-minded and open-hearted you all are. This disorder is horrible how it makes us doubt and question everything.

I would like some advice for something that happened to me yesterday. I was on a call chatting with some of my close friends, and while on the call I was playing a video game. So for context, this game is called Rune Factory 5. It is a game in a series I have been playing since I was a kid. I continue to play the series because I have not found any other game like it; it is a fantasy farming RPG. Even with all these new farming games, none have the crafting system, in depth story, or monster-taming system that Rune Factory does. Now, another part of the game is that you can romance and marry one of the characters. Rune Factory does have some young looking characters, of which I’ve always stayed away from. I have POCD so I have in the past gone over characters potential ages multiple times in my head. So while on the call with my friends, I decided it would be fun if I sent them the two characters I was thinking of romancing and letting them vote. They are anime nerds like me. I sent them a photo of one of the characters, Scarlett, and they got kind of quiet and really didn’t like her. I was confused. Eventually they said that she looked too young and started making pedo jokes that made me uncomfortable. I went quiet at first because it was a trigger for my POCD. Then I did explain that I myself have a flat chest and a very young looking face, and so I didn’t think that automatically made the character a kid. I am almost 25 but often get mistaken for being much younger. I couldn’t think of how to explain further at the time, but the character’s voice lines and how she speaks also makes her seem older. (She’s not one of those Lolli characters that is actually 100 years old either btw) I did clear things up with my friends where they said they didn’t actually think I was a creep and they were just busting on me. But still it was very uncomfortable. Now when I think of playing the game and interacting with Scarlett I feel like a creep. I know I need to do some exposures with this and I don’t want reassurance but I also want a second opinion on what happened. I hope that makes sense. 😭

Hey no need for reassurance( please ) just wondering if anyone feels the same or just that I’m not alone. Please be kind It was really hard to write this thank u <3 Ive been struggling with severe severe depression and ocd and frequent panic attacks and the what ifs , I’ve had trouble recently being kind to myself because I just feel so weak when I have panic attacks and vulnerable I feel like I’m a failure somehow if that makes sense , it’s just so hard sometimes I’m really hard on myself often and I just don’t know what to do I have been feeling an increase in anxiety maybe because I’ve been struggling to let things go from the past and I am struggling a lot with anticipatory anxiety with ocd, I just hope someone has some words of compassion ( : I would really appreciate it thank u kind soul 🫂❤️

If anyone knows a lot about full metal alchemist brotherhood please reply!! I used to love full metal alchemist brotherhood but ever since I started having thoughts about liking pride it triggers me. Especially cause his character is a homunculus which need a disguise/host/container to be able to move around. Cause Pride is a humanoid shadow monster/villian created by a god with alchemy. And he’s supposed to be a child!! But then they say Pride is 300+ years old which triggers it for me because people say you can’t be physically attracted to characters who are demons or adults who look like literal children!! Like I don’t want to be attracted to pride if he’s an actual child!! Especially (SPOILER) when Edward recreates pride into a normal child cause he killed/removed pride “the shadow.” Shows that he’s a child!!! And I don’t want to be attracted to that at all!!!! I’m so confused and scared!!

Im getting anxious because I kept staring at someone and then I got an intrusive thought what is a way to overcome it please help!!

a little bit of TMI but please don’t judge i HATE using the bathroom because i never feel clean no matter how many times i wipe. i spend hours in the bathroom (2+ hours) just wiping. its so uncomfortable, upsets my family which just induces shame, and i cannot stomach the idea of getting up without wiping until im absolutely 100000% sure i’m completely clean. i’ll wipe, check the toilet paper, it could be completely white but my brain says “no no one more time just to be sure” and its a cycle that loops for hours on end until i just can’t anymore and i’m either in pain, about to cry, or i just give up because its been hours and i just can’t do it anymore. i hate this, can anyone relate? how do you manage it?

this is probably gonna be all over the place so sorry in advance but lately my intrusive thoughts have been driving me up the wall and i feel so exhausted because of them. i recently pinched a nerve in my neck and its causing me a lot of discomfort (some dizziness & a little bit of stiff neck) and because of this, my intrusive thoughts have been so loud because i keep thinking i’m gonna faint every time i stand up since i’m a little dizzy (not enough to actually pass out), and i also keep worrying i’m gonna get paralyzed because my neck is stiff (i can still move it just fine). its like i logically know i’m worrying over nothing, but i can’t help it. its getting to the point where other symptoms are popping up like i cant sleep or relax, my stomach can barely handle food, and my muscles are tense at all times. i feel so exhausted. im disassociating so hard that i havent felt like ive been present for the last three days and its making me basically bedridden. its moments like these where i really wonder if itll get better. sometimes i feel too tired to even fight off the thoughts and i let myself panic. last night i had a small anxiety attack because i was so concerned about this pinched nerve and it made me feel so sick. i just want these thoughts to stop. how can i even teach myself to accept them and combat against them if i cant stop fixating on them? everybody says you need to stop giving the thoughts power and i fully agree, but god its so difficult to not worry. sometimes i dont even give the thoughts attention and they still give me physical anxiety symptoms. its just so exhausting. i guess all im wondering is will this get any better? i know it probably will, but i dont know…just moments like today make me really worry ill be like this forever. i dont even know what step to take to get myself back to normal at this point. ive been taking care of my neck to make sure i dont injure myself any more, and itll probably go away in a few days, but im afraid the mental affects will be longer lasting. i just feel lost and confused. my head hurts and i want to figure out how to relax myself again. i dont like seeing myself stuck in bed, forcing myself to focus on every thought and worry i have. im just tired

Hi this is the first time that i’m posting something on this and i’m very anxious because i am scared that i’ll say something wrong or something. So i have been diagnosed with ocd in 2022 i think? this year i’ll be going to a mental hospital for my ocd, ptsd, axiety and personality problems. The treatment will be a year in total. I came across this app and thought that it would be nice to talk to people who understand me, and to have a place where I can share the thoughts that make me feel embarrassed, without any judgement. I have been experiencing a lot of instrusive thoughts lately. I Have a girlfriend and she is the sweetest. But i keep having these thoughts like: she doesn’t find me attractive anymore, thats why we havent slept together this week. she never wants to have sex with me again. she wants to have sex with someone else. She misses her ex. she only cuddles with me to make me feel better and not because she wants to. I disgust her she thinks im disgusting because i have a higher sexdrive. I feel guilty and disgusting because so many thoughts are about sex and it makes me feel like a terrible person who only wants sex. Even though i know thats not true. I love her with my whole heart and that would stay that way even if she would never want sex again. idk does anyone have thoughts that are similar to mine and do you guys discuss this with your partner or not?

Ive tried to remain uncertain about this... I really tried... Im so depressed... and I feel alone... theres no hope... My pocd keeps saying that my worst fear of unknowingly cybering with a minor has actually happened and it's really triggering the hell out of me... I feel so horrible...My pocd keeps saying I "unknowingly erotically role played with a minor" when idek if this actually happened or not... this was nearly three years ago... (september of 2021) for context we were erotically role playing on an 18+ discord server, (she wasnt verified, but I assumed she was 18+ because we were on an 18+ place) and then she suddenly stopped responding, before leaving the server shortly after an unknown time... im so freaking anxious and scared... her grammar was fine at first, but then as we were going on, she kept making errors like "boxer" or "then" instead of "than"... my pocd keeps saying that I "UNKNOWINGLY EROTICALLY ROLEPLAYED WITH A MINOR" when idek if this happened or not... some people told me she sounds like/is a young adult... chatGPT tells me she sounded like a teenager... I genuinely dont know what to believe anymore... (these two photos are from her account, and the beginning of our ERP... I hope she wasnt a teenager... I really hope she wasnt...)

Recently I’ve been getting these awful intrusive feelings that I want to hurt people. And it actually feels like I want to do it or am about to do it. It feels like there is no way out. I am absolutely terrified. Why is this happening? I thought I was past all this but now it’s come in so much worse and out of no where. I am so scared that I need to be locked way. And when I’m in the middle of the panic, it feels like I cannot focus on anything else and that it will never go away.