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Tried to say "ok im just gonna accept that i'm gay" and you felt calm, like It was true and then It freaked you out wven more cause It felt real???

Hi everyone, it’s hard for me to share this but I wanted to give it a shot. OCD onset got really bad when I turned 19 and it’s been a huge struggle ever since. Even being able to accept help from NOCD was hard at first, I wasn’t brought up in a family that ever took OCD or other mental disorders as valid reasons to struggle. I’m turning 21 next week. These past few years have so much emotional baggage from OCD and trauma exacerbated by OCD. Sometimes I feel like it’s really hard for me to even assess the severity of my triggers and obsessions because I’ve become so used to being under constant distress. I can’t help but to feel at times that getting this disorder under control seems close to impossible. I’ve basically dropped out of college after trying to keep my head above water (and failing) for my freshman and sophomore year. I’m unable to study or even keep a normal job right now. I believe that now more than ever the world is in need of community building and organizing and I feel so much guilt for not being able to participate in that either. I feel like everything I want to be doing with my life right now, especially socially, feels so out of reach because of this illness. It makes it even harder to feel joy about life in this position, which can’t be good for my depression. I hope that soon I’ll be able to track my progress on here. I know growth isn’t linear and everything comes with time…but damn. This shit is hard.

I’m crying and panicking right now because I previously made a post about moral scrupulosity ocd and how it focuses on my partners jokes and I got an answer that triggered me very badly. I put that he used to say very “offensive/dark” jokes but I made him aware a while ago that some were too far and he realised/acknowledged it was wrong it and stopped and also thinks they are weird now too. He did it because he was influenced by past friends. He still makes some dark jokes but not on the same level as he used to and my ocd nitpicks them and I feel like I have to tell him off for every joke just cause I see a small handful of people on the internet be offended. The smaller jokes used to pass over my head but since my ocd symptoms it latches onto everything he does. I’m not sure if someone read my post wrong and thought my bf was continuing to make the old jokes he used to make but it looked like they were saying my bf is a really bad person which is extremely triggering for my partner focused rocd :( Whenever I see people comment things on my post that my ocd wants to hear I get reassured (I am aware that isn’t good for ocd 😞) and this is the first time I’ve seen the complete opposite and it’s what my ocd doesn’t want to hear and I got sent into a very bad panic. Is me reacting this way part of ocd??

content warning: talks of explicit acts and fear of cheating or attraction to another person I had a dream yesterday about breaking up with my boyfriend and now I had a dream I cheated on him. They scared me but I've realized that they don't really mean anything. I only am freaking out again because while I was self pleasuring earlier, I was thinking of my partner and watching him until I had an intrusive thought someone I just saw in a tik tok and that got me there. im so scared because I didn't mean to let my mind slip and I really feel like I need to talk to my partner about this because i feel so guilty and I know something like this would hurt me if the situation was flipped so I don't know what to do. why did I like the thought so much to that point??? how do I convince myself I don't need to tell my partner even though the guilt is setting in and it feels so wrong? I feel ashamed and unfaithful and terrible I hate that this happened how I do know what to do what if it wasn't an intrusive thought and I enjoyed it even though I tried to change my thoughts?

I am 16, my name is marie. I am in desperate need of help. Here are afew of my stories. 1. and ever since I was 8, I want to say, I have struggled with POCD. I always felt like a predator to my younger niece and cousin. I’ve grown to hate her for solely no reason, and with my two other nephews that came along, I’ve also grown to hate them. Only because I don’t want to seem like a predator, even though it’s in my mind, do I want others to know I hate them and have no liking for them. There were other cases where it isn’t my niece and nephews and I just always had a hatred towards children I felt like if I actually had a bad experience with them I would’ve seriously harmed them. 2. I have no connection to watching Gore, or I was never exposed to Gore until the age of 12, which was a hard year for me. In 2019-2020, I believe it was when a complete stranger, Ronnie Mccnut, killed himself on a livestream, and people made it an internet meme for years after, and still to this day, I see it. I can’t remember if it affected me at 12, but that was the only time I saw it. Now, at 15, in March 2024, it came back to me. It feels like a curse. I’m just so tired. The same nightmare has been going on for months. Since March, it’s more just memories than just nightmares. It feels stupid because I don’t know the guy, but I always have nightmares of him, and I haven’t even seen the video since I was 12; ever since. I cannot sleep ever since I have had no proper sleep schedule and could only sleep when it was daylight at 6-7 a.m. and wake up at 2-3 p.m. My friend is not helping; she’s saying he’s spirit is attached to me, and I’ve lived thinking for the past few weeks that he was attached to me and wanting to curse me in some way and I felt like I had to kill myself/ felt like I was going to die the same way as him. I always had a fear that if I came to someone online and told them my intrusive thoughts, they’d always use them against me. My other friend who is diagnosed with OCD says I have all the symptoms and I just need to be treated. I can’t afford it, and I hate therapy.. my father is always involved for the consultation and laughed at me the last few times. I was forced into an eating disorder clinic from my narcissistic sister and that did not go well. Ohio health care is no help and they don’t care for you. 3. I don’t remember much but around age 14 to beginning of 15 I always felt the need to die, I felt like I needed to kill myself for everyone’s sake there’s no explanation for this one I was a normal kid I was going to school, good grades I have friends I was going to events I just had this task to having to kill myself, yes I’ve attempted a ton at the age of 14 and luckily I haven’t had any serious harm done to me. There is nothing more to say to this it’s a fuzzy memory.

I feel bit vulnerable to share this, but I feel it's important to voice a struggle i'm having (in case others are too). Per my current journey, i've decided (and have for quite some time) to not try and pursue relationships until I have figured out my "inner self" and have some more stability in my mental health. I think there's a common belief in society that getting into a relationship will solve all my problems cause i'll be happier with where I am instead of feeling lonely. I guess for me being aware of it is the first step- I have ambitions to have a partner/start a family- but I realize that takes a lot of emotional capacity and I feel I'm just not at a point where I can handle it. It sucks because it seems to go against what society is telling me to do, but I keep on reminding myself that is about my well being and mental health.

just wanted to share what happened to me yesterday. I had bad diarrhea but it kind of forced me to control/dial down my handwashing. So I got diarrhea at 12am and then had it around several more times after that, it didn’t stop til 11 am the next day(yesterday). Typically I wash my hands 3 times to feel clean after using the restroom and sometimes get stuck in the process of it when counting if it doesn’t feel right, so it’s time consuming and i’ve been trying to work on that, but I always give in. I thoroughly washed my hands only once after the second and third time I had diarrhea. I’m proud of myself and hopefully this permanently changes me to only washing my hands once bc a regular bathroom visit doesn’t need so much handwashing. though I still have steps and a process of how I wash them, but a step forward is a step forward. I felt like crap, hadn’t slept, and been sitting on the toilet and waiting it out so I think my brain wasn’t focused so much handwashing, plus I had other things to do so I wouldn’t have had time to do my lengthy handwashing process anyway. I was waiting to shower just in case I had to visit the loo again. I had to use my parents shower bc mine was occupied I feel uncomfortable in other showers I don’t like to touch other things in it, so i guess i was kind of stalling but I really wanted to shower. I showered like normal and my finger accidentally touched a sponge brush handle when turning off the water. if this had happened on a different day I would rewash my hands in the shower but my body wanted to lay down and rest asap so I didn’t give in and i just walked out and changed. I washed my hands later but for a different reason and it was short. While I still have contamination ocd about bathrooms and people not washing their hands after using it, lengthy handwashing was one of the bigger issues i wanted to tackle and so hopefully after what happened yesterday i can keep the time under control. Has this happened to anyone, where your ocd isn’t as bad and you hope it stays that way? To add, i am kind of worried about what caused my diarrhea though. so hopefully that doesn’t manifest into another part of my contamination ocd. i just have to be careful when handling food.

I have done lots of “bad/problematic/immoral” stuff in my past. My ocd latches onto this so badly :( I have a large social media platform and usually get 20k-100k views quite often. The stuff I did in the past was probably “cancel-worthy” stuff. I have the constant urge + scenarios in my head to make a video “confessing” that I’m a bad person and I deserve to be cancelled although I realised the stuff I did in the past was bad and I don’t do them anymore. The things could range from months ago to stuff when I was a child. Seeing famous people get cancelled is triggering for me and if I see someone being cancelled for something I’ve done in my past I get so scared and anxious and start searching and ruminating. I have a constant feeling of guilt that I’ll never be perfect or be able to call myself a “good person” My ocd also focuses on my partner. He used to say Offensive jokes and more but I made him aware and he realised and stopped. He still makes occasional jokes nowhere near as bad as he used to but when he makes a joke my brain is suddenly like “oh no what if people think that joke is problematic” and because I saw like one person on TikTok be offended by something similar, I feel the need to immediately tell my boyfriend that he shouldn’t say the joke and it makes him frustrated because it’s almost every day my ocd is nitpicking for anything slightly “bad”. He means no harm with the jokes and doesn’t make the same ones he used to as he matured more and realised they were weird but my ocd wants him to be an absolutely perfect person with perfect morals whatever and he isnt allowed to do anything even slightly bad or he’s an awful person. And same for me, I need to be perfect. Anyone else relate? And does this sound like moral scrupulosity ocd?

why did I have a dream where I basically cheated on my boyfriend???? what I can remember of the dream was there was some random guy (No one who I know he was just random) and me and him were "testing things" like hanging out and we were kissing and stuff???? and then I went through a grocery registration line and my mom was there and looked at me a certain way when I kissed the guy as to be like "you know you have a boyfriend what the hell" and then after I told the guy "hey maybe we shoukd stop doing this I don't think it will work out" and then I don't remember anything else I kinda woke up feeling super guilty. I don't even know why I had this dream I have never wanted to cheat on my boyfriend or had a desire to be with another man like that why did this happen. what do I do. I feel like in some way I'm being unfaithful by having that dream. even if im.nkt I'm worried the dream may mean something about me or my relationship. please someone give insighf

I have a friend who has pretty bad OCD. I wont go in to depth about what he worries about but its not the same as me and is more to do with sexuality. We talked for hours and hours about it yesterday and he definitely felt a lot better after talking to me about it. I have POCD and he knows about it, but not the specifics behind why I worry about it. Now hes told me his specifics I feel I have to tell him about it because "what if he would think im a creep if he knew about my OCD". Strangely from our conversation he ended up feeling way less bad and I ended up feeling more bad. Since the conversation I cant get it out of my head and Im getting a tight chest again. What should I do any advice? Thanks

So today im sensitive for a reason, but im working on it, and after listening music and hearing some words like "ending my life" and these kind of things made me triggered and i felt like i want to do it. It felt like bc its hard now i would do it, but its definitely not true cause now i dont think like that, but im scared why it felt so real. Im working on beliefs but i dont find any beliefs about ending my life... but this was so strong, i was afraid im actually wanting it or if i continue to think about it i will act on it cause of the feeling. It was like it wants to drag me in, i couldnt move away from it, and it felt like if i continue this i will like it and act on it. Im working on my beliefs but even if a change it it still comes back and i dont think this is actually my belief cause then i would believe that everytime, not just in a moment then after that i believe somethi g else... I cant wrote down actually how it felt, but it really was like im starting to believe in that and if i dont do something then i might act on it. Please dont write go to a hospital, i dont care about that, i want to heal from ocd...

This post will be for people 18+ and it is a topic on sexual attraction, if you are comfortable you can read but it’s completely up to you. I know I’m not the only woman that watches lesbian love for pleasure as we are all humans and our hormones go up. I’ve been watching lesbian love for years now (about 3 years) and in most of that time, not once did I question my sexuality until someone asked me a question that triggered my overthinking. Today after watching that, I was asking myself questions like what it would feel like to do this with a woman? How would it feel like to be with one? And because these thoughts came to my mind I freaked out because I keep thinking that I like females but never in my life and even till this day have I ever fallen in love with a women or even thought about marrying a women one day. I always want to have a husband one day and at least have a kid or two. But lately all this questioning has me confused to the point where I question if I’m bi or lesbian and if I even have SOOCD or if it’s generally just me tryna figure out my sexuality or if I’m just in denial. I am also talking to a man romantically and whenever I’m around him I feel happy and I’m always excited to talk to him and he also makes my heart flutter and my body burn for him. But because of these recent thoughts I’ve been having, it just confuses me and adds some stress. Any tips for how I can go about this?

(Kinda a rant sorry but there’s a point I’m making) Jersey shore is one of my favorite shows I was watching it and notice Deena having like a lot of things I relate to with pure ocd and her not being able to explain it and just breaking down and I looked it up and saw she dealt with ocd later in the show sammi talked to her and basically said how she acts and breaks down is annoying and exhausting another movie I watched turtles all the way down (about a girl with ocd) her best friend also had a talk with her about how it’s exhausting to be around her and I feel like I make people feel this way especially my boyfriend and family when I have ocd flare ups and obsessive thoughts i just feel like it’s really hard for someone who doesn’t have ocd to understand it so looking at it from the outside I understand why it could be annoying for other people to hear me constantly ask for reassurance and worry about the same things over and over and that’s exactly why growing up even I never really vented or talked to people about how I feel now that I have a bf I do it a lot more but I can’t help but feel like I’m being annoying worrying about the same things over and over everyone always tells me to stop thinking about whatever’s bothering me but the point of ocd is having OBSESSIVE thoughts I literally can’t stop thinking about these things and I noticed this is jersey shore too with everyone making fun of Deena and just telling her to calm down and stop thinking about it I feel like to other people it definitely looks like I’m just being annoying I wanna be able to talk to family and friends without feeling like a burden or being annoying I’m really self conscious also so a big thing for me is looking dumb or being annoying and I feel like that exactly what I am when I vent does anyone else feel this way how do you explain it in a way that’ll make people understand

After a huge death at a relatively young age, followed by many years of cheating and emotional abuse almost directly after, I’ve been plagued with retroactive jealousy (I just found out this is a thing but it is sadly me to a complete T) and fears that partner is going to die. The retroactive jealousy is mostly me acting out compulsions that have slowly become a daily thing over the last two years. I’ve been checking my partners exes instagram and multiple of their social medias every day. Usually as soon as I wake up. I can’t help but see what they’re doing. It doesnt help that they’re so much like me but not. I can’t help but see them as better. Again, it’s been going on for almost two years now and I was wondering if anyone has any good advice on how to stop caring or to switch my mindset? I’ve tried to be open with my partner but I don’t think they understand how much I’m comparing myself and how much it’s effecting me. It makes me not even want to get up and do stuff for myself. On the other end with the thoughts of death, I want to stay with my partner but I always get so scared they will pass away sooner than later, or that I will once we start our lives together. If I don’t text them goodnight or “get home safe” or check their locations when they’re going home then I’ll have horrible anxiety and feel like something bad will happen. It’s also starting to affect my day to day. I know I’m asking for advice on very huge subjects but I appreciate anything! Thank you so much for reading. This is my first time using this app so I hope I’m using this correctly !

I hope someone can respond... Im genuinely so triggered and so anxious... This youtuber was accused of grooming a minor, making inappropriate sex jokes with a minor, and planning to meet up with him at dreamcon when the minor turned 16, talking about doing explicit stuff in the presence of minors, etc... this was all when the youtuber was 20 and the minor was 13... POCD is saying that my situation with me venting about 18+ HOCD stuff to people in the PM's on an OCD groupchat I found from NOCD, including minors, means that I am just as bad as they are... or worse... I pm'ed them from the support group and vented to them (including the minors) about my 18+ HOCD struggles... I dont ever want to ever be attracted to minors in any way... I dont ever want to ever engage in any inappropriate relations with minors in any way...

anyone else with ocd struggle w a vaping addiction or nicotine addiction in general i feel like it makes it so much harder to quit

Also just now someone messaged me with 17 comments and i couldnt see them... im so scared they think i did something inappropriate and horrible when i dont ever want to ever groom, or be inappropriate with minors in any way...

I’m so scared of my brain, it keeps giving me weird intrusive thought I don’t want and I’m terrified, my biggest suptypes are pocd and iocd, I can’t even be around me people I love anymore without being scared of what my brain is gonna come up with Like I can’t even be around kids anymore without feeling guilty and don’t feel safe leaving the house, I feel like I’m overly aware when there kids around me, and I try to avoid looking at them, every time I see a kid my brain gives me some gross thought that I know that I don’t want Im terrified of hurting a kid and I know that I never want to but I feel so disgusting, I can’t even think about my younger cousins without my brain being gross but my brain just won’t stop, it’s so distressing, I feel like being asleep is my only escape from it, I don’t even want to wake up anymore, I don’t want to die but I don’t want to be awake

I have been having a lot of fears and intrusive thoughts lately and it’s been hard for me to help myself believe that it’s all just ocd and not that im crazy. I just wish the thoughts of “what if this, what if that” would just stop. I feel like i am so close to just breaking down and spiraling. I have held it together for a while, just going day to day with these fears but it is getting harder and harder every day to not spiral out of control and have a panic attack. Constantly im thinking “oh you thought this person looks generally beautiful? You must be x, you are a horrible person” but i know in my head that it doesnt mean anything to merely think someone looks good, a lot of people are beautiful or have attractive features and someone just acknowledging it without any bad intentions or thoughts doesnt mean anything but i cant help but think that it means something bad. I dont know what to tell myself to just calm myself down. I would never do anything to hurt anyone and i have no desires to ever do anything bad or inappropriate to anyone, especially kids. I am just always thinking that some thought might mean something really bad, and all those thoughts are is that i notice features that might be considered attractive or beautiful

I have a balcony where I live and it’s right next to the pool. I go out there frequently to smoke, but most of the time people are frequently there whether it’s adults or kids sometimes im by myself. But when there are kids sometimes im scared that the parents think im weird for being out there on my balcony a lot. And sometimes if they scream or are playing or if someone is walking by I’ll look over but im scared the parents think im watching their kids in a weird way. Also sometimes i just like to look at people in public idk if thats weird, not stare, just observe what’s going on i like human interaction and also if its kids playing it gives me a feeling of nostalgia and missing that time. So im just scared what if parents think im a p??? for being out here?? I am just out here smoking and I go on my phone, I am a girl and not even past 20 so I hope they know im just sitting out here to smoke :( im just scared. And my brain is telling me im only worried because i am a p and im fooling everyone around me