Welcome to
the NOCD Community

For some reason, my thoughts aren't bothering me as much anymore and it's scaring me. I don't want to do those things, but why aren't they bother my? is this a good or bad thing?

My OCD is definitely flaring up. My husband of 9 years decided 3 years ago. After a bad OCD spiral that he didn’t want kids anymore (during this time we were mid IVF treatment and it covid season… lots of factors) he stated one of the reasons was my OCD. For the last 3 years, I went through therapy and have been quite successful in managing my OCD. However he hasn’t changed his mind… which I understand logically as it being his choice and respect it. Back then he said a divorce would be best cause I was making him feel like a monster since he wanted something different. But I decided that I’d try to change my mind.. I was 35 at the time and I knew my chances of conceiving were nonexistent. I still want children I always have. However in February when I brought up want to try IVF again, I asked if I’d have to do it alone and he said yes… we talked about divorce. He had a spring training trip planned and last minute he told me he didn’t want me to go. So I didn’t … during that time I suggested counseling and he never said anything in response to it. When he came back we had a moment and we were intimate… which I think blurred the lines and nothing has been brought up since. I feel my brain is spiraling and wondering what is real? I feel like he is avoids talking and I am always the one to have to push an issue… I don’t know what to do. Sometimes I think I should pack up and leave… and then other times I wonder if I have done enough or if this is all the cause of my OCD.

I’ve had OCD my whole life, but it was triggered and became debilitating just over two months ago. The themes have changed over the past two months, but the main thing has been relationship OCD. It started as me worrying about my fiancés past and then I started getting flashbacks to my past relationship and then it moved to feeling like he was going to leave me. The entire time, I felt guilty and anxious around him constantly, I couldn’t sleep and I wasn’t eating because I felt so nauseous. Then a couple of weeks ago, I had the thought, “What if you leave him? What if you don’t love him anymore? Remember how that one thing g irritated you? If you loved him, it wouldn’t irritate you so much. You must not love him.” After those thoughts, I have felt like there is a demon in my head. Everytime I look at my fiancé or talk to him, the initial feeling is one of love and admiration, but then the demon in my head takes over saying, “You don’t love him. Ugh he’s so annoying. You wish he wasn’t here.” These were never thoughts I had before my OCD got triggered to severely, so I know that these feelings are not really my feelings and are my OCD. Even when I was obsessing about his past or having flashbacks from my past, I never once thought that I didn’t love him. Sometimes, my fiancee feels like a stranger to me. It’s like I disassociate or something. Like I’m with him, but I haven’t been able to be present with him for the past two months because my mind is racing and always finding something wrong with something. I love him so much, and we’ve had to postpone our wedding because I’ve been so mentally ill and have been living with my parents the past couple of weeks, which makes it harder because I feel like I’m avoiding my trigger, which he can be a trigger for me because of my thoughts. I feel like not being married to him is making me worse. I know he is the man I love and the man for me and the man that God sent to be my husband. The fact that we aren’t married yet gives me a greater feeling of uncertainty that feels like it’s feeding my OCD. I think marrying him will help me, but I’m not sure if that’s the right decision for me right now. Has anyone else felt anything like this?

I’m so tired of these thoughts going through my mind. It’s like every day these thoughts are just in the back of my mind. I typically have a strong hold on these thoughts and don’t let them bother me but the past two days it’s been hard. It’s at the point where it feels like I’m lying to myself. I know deep down that I don’t ever want to be in a same-sex relationship. This thought doesn’t make me feel good. I’m just tired of the thoughts.

If I was 13 years old, and I made a severe mistake that I was told about someone doing it earlier in the day, but had forgotten about it because I had never heard of that mistake or done it before, should I be punished for it as a 22 year old?Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 13…… I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 13 when these real events happened and now I'm 22... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo...  I did not have full knowledge or full understanding on how horrible this mistake was... I was 13 at the time… now I’m 20… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 13… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 13….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15… and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭

I recently received my OCD diagnosis and am wondering if folks have disclosed this to their employer. Any tips or watch outs? I’m in a very corporate / competitive environment.

the fact that we are all real scares the shit out of me, idk if this is existential ocd anymore

Hey everyone, I haven't been on here in about 6 months because Ive been doing pretty well with my ocd. I still had flare ups but I managed them well. But now my health ocd is back and it feels like there's no hope. I can't be sure I don't have every single illness I'm afraid of, I can't stop checking my body for weird symptoms and sensations. I've been through this before but never this bad. My mind is spiraling 24/7 and I don't know how to calm down. Nothing helps. Most of the time I try to distract myself and do something but this time I can't. My brain won't shut off. It feels like Im living in a cage and it's slowly drowning. What helps you calm down quickly because I'm so tired and scared?

Hey, I haven't been on here in a while but recently Ive been having a major health ocd flare up and yesterday I noticed when I look at walls or something still like the sky, the ground I can sort of see like pixels or grit or static its hard to explain but I can't stop focusing on it now. Im scared that something bad happened but I think Ive seen this way my entire life I just never paid attention to it. Now Im very hyper focused on it and I'm really scared that Im gonna go blind. I can't distract myself from this at all

How do i know for what thoughts I should use non engagement and for what thoughts I should just label it and how do I know to which thoughts I should just let go?

has anyone else done this? today i got presented with one of my triggers, but when i first saw it i didn’t immediately feel the feeling i’d grown to associate with being triggered. normally had i been confronted by my trigger, i’d get a pit-like feeling in my stomach, heart racing, anger, and dissociation. today i looked at it and thought “huh, i don’t really feel triggered, but i know i should be. should i be mad at this?” the nature of my trigger is one that concerns my relationship, and this is where i made a mistake. i told my partner, “i can’t decide if i should be mad about this or not.” and that opened the flood gates to a 2hr long conversation surrounding my obsession and triggers. i feel really bad for not taking the opportunity to disengage from my habitual response. i didn’t feel triggered initially, but i triggered myself out of habit, because i “should” be triggered. i feel like recently my ocd has been dying off, at least this particular obsession. i haven’t really been doing any of my compulsions, and it’s not on my mind as often. regardless, i’m still really scared to accept that it is what it is and it’ll always be there. when given the opportunity to disengage or stay, i chose to stay. i hate that i did that. it felt like an aha moment, though. maybe this was necessary. a fight with my partner over something i chose to be upset about because it has historically been upsetting. do you ever feel like your ocd tries to get your attention even more when it’s dying off? how do you proceed without reaffirming the ocd when presented with a circumstance like this one? do you ever trigger yourself out of habit rather than because it really strongly bugs you ?

Hey guys I have officially been in NOCD for a month and the ERP is going well. However, I have been feeling a lot of hopelessness when it comes to my existence. I have also been questioning my purpose in life. I have also been scared of dying because it’s so inevitable and I don’t know when it’s going to happen. I have also been feeling a lot of guilt because I am a content creator and putting on a fake smile and pretending to be happy is the hardest. Has anyone ever felt that way? Does anyone have any advice?

I’ve known for a while that my anxiety gets worse right before my period. I guess my OCD does too. I’ve been feeling more stuck or “running the hamster wheel” this week mostly because next week will be my period. It’s incredibly frustrating having that OCD/Anxiety plus the hormone changes. I’ve been feeling like spontaneously crying then I will feel like screaming then other times I feel so stuck and fearful with my OCD and anxiety. Usually on my period I sorta mellow out a bit, especially with health anxiety. I know that the symptoms I feel is just from my period and nothing else major so it’s not as scary. Is there any kind of trick that helps you guys when your symptoms get worse during that time of the month?

I’m really struggling right now. I felt like I was doing really good today, and have been since I started Seroquel. All of a sudden, I start having an intense feeling of existentialism….it’s like I suddenly realized I was alive. And it feels a step beyond derealization/depersonalization….i understand what that it. But this felt like spouts, and if I focused on it - I was such an intense feeling of being “alive” and then it goes away….i can’t keep a hold of it enough to exam in it. It’s so scary, I haven’t had this feeling in so long….and it scares the crap out of time. The best I can explain it is that I suddenly realize I’m living but It’s like I’m in my own body and no one else is real - I DONT KNOW!!!! It’s truly impossible to explain and I’m freaking out! I just hope someone can somewhat relate or explain it better.

Can not sleep because my brain won’t switch off Can never get to sleep anymore because of overthinking too much It’s 3:31 and feel like tomorrow is ruined because I’m going to be tired and when I’m tired my ocd is 10xworse and my mood

My POCD randomly triggered over a friendship I have with someone who is eighteen. I’m sixteen and I have no intention of dating them however we do make jokes and are very affectionate. Nothing bad, normal internet friendships but it’s making me nervous that I’m somehow a victim or something even though I have no issues with it. Is this okay?

I feel guilty I’m feeling this way because I know people going through worse stuff than me right now so I can’t speak to them and feel so alone I feel like I’m making it up and putting on “bad mental health” and that I’m actually fine but if that’s the case why am I feeling so drained and struggling to get through the day Constantly having thoughts of s3lf harm again I don’t know what this feeling is anymore and I don’t even know what’s what I feel a mess I can’t explain what’s going on inside my head

I'm 17, and Im really obsessed with the idea that my mum could get cancer and I feel like I have to pray that she doesn't and every time I walk past a picture of God I can't be ignorant I'll have to pray. My thought process just now: 'Ok, so you don't take an hour praying, tell God you'll be done within 5 minutes and then you'll have to keep your word' Please god, help my mum not to get cancer, and all the other things I pray for I end up repeating this phrase again and again I could finish within the 5 minutes but something tells me this is offending God so I have to take longer I am exhausted from repeating it again and again Then I say 'I will only repeat this 5 more times and then trust you God, honestly' I end up repeating it 6 times by accident. I feel so bad I beg god for mercy and then I touch the wall once I feel like that was a sign of mercy somehow, I touch the picture behind God and then I tell God to give me all of that bad karma and not my mum To solidify this I have to touch the wall twice I can't see a psychiatrist but I have this kind of thing in my head 24/7 especially at night and when I'm trying to revise I can literally only focus when I promise to God that I will otherwise my head is just spiralling with thoughts like this Am I crazy :( I feel like I am

Can someone please tell me I’m not alone? Can you share your experience with getting intrusive S3xual thoughts please Because I feel like it’s not talked about and it’s something I really struggle with and I’m scared I’m the only one getting these disturbing and fucked up thoughts and scared I want them and that it’s actually me and not my ocd For example : I feel like I’m constantly constantly getting S3xualised thoughts of people I’m related to especially when I’m trying to have S3xual time

I have religious OCD. I love God & Jesus so much! But I’ve notice I get nervous when videos come up about God & Jesus because I get intrusive thoughts & feelings. For example randomly I’ll get negative feelings or thoughts on a sweet video of someone talking about God and how good He is. But it’s like sometimes my body (feelings) and mind (thoughts) will throw these things at me and make me feel a different way sometimes. I don’t like it! Does anyone else get this? Any advice?