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the NOCD Community

Once again I fell into the trap of using porn and eroticism as an escape valve, even though I knew that this was never a good thing. And as always, I got worse than before, sadder and more disappointed with myself. I'm a failure

this is going to be a strange post but bear with me!!!!!!!! a therapist i had once suggested looking at my ocd/intrusive thoughts as being in a car with some weird guy in the back who says all the upsetting ocd stuff. theyre back there and are annoying or offputting BUT ultimately you are driving and can just ignore the weird guy and remind yourself YOURE the one driving, basically. does anyone else personify their ocd thoughts/impulses/fears/etc? if you do, do you get along with this personified guy? or do you argue, or ignore, or shame it? i am currently in the camp of "i hate that guy and he scares me so i dont want to socialize with him" hahahaha. but i wonder, would being curious or empathetic towards the guy maybe help him chill out? i wanna know if anyone else has a personified relationship with their ocd too, and how you treat this personification. :) much love ☺️🌈✨🌷

my boyfriend is perfect. i cant believe how happy i am. but my ocd has this image of his ex gf and doesn’t drop it. Even tho she went insane at the end, they dated for 4+years. it just makes me feel like our experiences even cute aren’t original. i just want to let myself be happy but her face and etc is stuck inside my brain. i even stopped stalking but it didn’t really help. help.

I’m in a really good heathy relationship and have a completely supportive partner but I still always go out of my way to try and find stuff from his past to upset myself. Mind you my partner doesn’t even have much of a past but anything that has to do with another female will drive me absolutely up the wall. I try to find his ex’s and see their social media accounts and try to upset myself. Meanwhile these girls have no idea I even exist and don’t even care about my boyfriend. We’ve been together for 5 years and I’m about to be engaged and I’m STILL doing this to myself. Why?

i have severe existential ocd and get plagued with existential thoughts especially when i’m stressed. I have exams this week for finals and all i can think about is the existential thoughts and it’s causing me immense distress. i’m crying 24/7 and having multiple panic attacks a day. i don’t know what to do? does anyone have any advice?( please be gentle)

I lost my job after 10 years with the company because they combined our office with another office. My anxiety, depression and panic spiraled out of control. I was so afraid I would never find another job and lose everything I had and have no insurance. I got a new job within 2 weeks and was sure that would solve all my problems, but I continued to get worse. I went to my new job and pushed through one week and ended up in the hospital due to my high anxiety and OCD. I have been so many different drs since trying to get the help I need. I finally found a dr that has me on Prozac and I am working with NOCD. I just can’t seem to get rid of the fear of losing the new job I just got. It’s such a scary and sick feeling.

does anyone else find that when you start to get used to the thoughts/they stop becoming so distressing that it becomes difficult to decipher whether you want them or not? i know the fact im posting about it probably shows that i don’t but just out of curiosity do other people relate to that also?

Does anyone else feel their pulse, worry about the heart rate. Constantly worry about feeling bad? I have anxiety now and can feel it and it feels bad! I just wanna cry. Everyday is a struggle.

Had a really good day today in which I didn’t engage with many of my worries and didn’t ruminate, but of course that’s left me feeling like I’m just missing something to worry about or I need to look harder because I can’t just feel okay. Any tips?

So I’ve been in a pretty rough spiral/ocd spike for about a month now. I used to have this theme of being severely mentally ill or schizophrenic or psychotic and it went away for like 6 months and now it’s back full force. I have never hallucinated but I have this intense fear of what if I do. So with this theme I have these delusional thoughts that are just bizarre and I know how delusional they are but they feel so real and scary like I believe them. My body reacts by my stomach feeling uneasy and I’ll get a chill and just feel like I’m gonna be sick. Sometimes it doesn’t even have to be a thought per say.. it can just be a weird sensation or feeling and then I’ll become extremely anxious and borderline feel like I could panic. I can usually talk myself down from a full blown panic attack and but it’s just so distressing and I’m wondering if anyone else goes through this? I think it stems from a core fear of losing my family, ending up institutionalized away from my family and my family being devastated and judging me bc I “went crazy” please if anyone else can relate I’d appreciate any advice.

I don't understand what changed, it feels like I genuinely want what my thoughts are telling me to the point anytime I feel disgusted, disturbed, and or scared. It feels like I'm lying to myself, I'm so scared right now. Once before, this was the last thing I wanted to do to the point I swore I'd take my own life and now it feels like a complete 360. I don't know who I am anymore or of this is what I want, please, I just want someone to talk to or advice.

I seriously cannot tell if it’s ROCD or if I’m just in the wrong relationship… I am so scared and so sad. I am so tired of not being able to trust myself or my brain.

Does anyone needs to talk about their struggles or just literally anything?

Has anyone ever experienced the phase of falling into depression because of ocd?

I deal with false memories but they seem so real and i Hope they are not cause i wouldnt do anything of what i think i have done.. Today i woke up with even worse feelings about them.. I feel awful... Very bad day... I cant appreciate the good moments the way i want to...

I feel so overwhelmingly lonely. I have been lonely my whole life, and I feel like I can’t talk to anyone about it. I feel like a burden to my family and my friends and I feel like they all secretly hate me. I’ve been through a lot of really traumatic things over the last 18 months (abusive relationship/ stuck living with an ex/ finishing my degree/ family problems/ eating problems and of course having OCD doesnt help) and I felt so alone. I still haven’t been able to talk to people about the extent of it because I don’t know how. I have tried counselling but I just felt like my counsellor was very dismissive. Ive tried talking to one of my friends and she told me it was worrying her/ not to do it again. It was all manageable before I came off my medication, but I just can’t go back on it again because it made me gain so much weight. I really don’t know what to do. I’ve tried reaching out to old friends, making new ones, dating, herbal remedies, therapy, gym, moving house. Nothing is working. I feel like the only option is going back on my medication but I really don’t want to do that. Does anyone have any advice?

Hello guys👋. I am a newbie here. Hope you are all doing well in the journey with OCD. Currently, I am studying biology stream (Chemistry, Physics & Biology). although I am curious sometimes the complexity of some subjects makes my mind blank. sometimes I am also unable to concentrate for long hours. And stressing too much on little details. I am an Investigative and Artistic type of person. I also value Creativity and independence. Many times I question myself, am I on the right track? I would like to know, What are your college majors or careers? How do these affect the quality of your life?

Having a really hard time living with uncertainty.

for almost a couple months now, i have been writing my thoughts in my notes all when it gets to be too much. i only have 3 entries right now, but i find that it definitely helps with so much built up frustration. i just wanted to share what i had written just now. maybe to give people some hope or motivation. … nothing i love more than being at college with paralyzing anxiety. loads of fun. as i’m reaching the end of this anxiety attack, i’ve been thinking about writing an autobiography about my anxiety and how it’s affected me since i was little. growing up being someone who had a constant anxious feeling whenever they left the house was definitely a struggle to deal with, especially at such a young age. i mean i look back to fifth grade, one of the worst years of my life, thinking i was never going to change my habits of crying at any given moment. i definitely felt judged by my peers and teachers. it was unfair because while i wasn’t comfortable telling people what i was going through, as i felt abnormal from the rest, judging a child for crying over wanting their mom is so cruel and unfair. now being 19, not only has my anxiety increasingly gotten worse, i’ve also gained perspective on how what i’m going through isn’t different to so many of those who can relate. it has definitely been a breath of fresh air to know that. by writing an autobiography, i want to tell everyone all the shit i’ve had to deal with in my mind and just let them know everything is going to be okay. it’s so scary not being able to escape your worst fears, but no matter how detrimental, you can make it through. i haven’t even almost gotten my way through this mess, but i believe i can live a normal life in the future without the constant anxiety 24/7. and there’s my reason to living. i wanna kick anxiety in its ugly ass. with that said, anyone reading this is so loved. please never feel alone and like you’re the exception to not making it through. don’t give the anxiety the satisfaction of winning. you’re so strong, i promise 🫶🏻

So here it goes. These last few weeks have been hell and unlike me and I’m truly starting to question myself on everything. 4 weeks ago I went on a vacation to visit family. 2 days into my trip I was settling down and getting ready to go to bed. I was doing my usual (Watching YouTube) which happened to be crime network which is something I’ve always watched with my boyfriend and never had issues with. Out of nowhere I get an extremely disturbing thought about hurting my family members I was with. This thought absolutely terrified me and made me extremely uneasy. I started acting really weird and went into the bathroom and go in the bathtub to ease my anxiety. That worked and I pushed the thought away taking it as a weird occurrence. The best day started ok. Me and those family members went out for lunch and for some fun activities. I remembered what happened the night prior and thought it was extremely weird. The next thing I know I was bombarded with that thought again. I got the same sense of dread I did and this ended up ruining the rest of the day and that entire vacation. I didn’t know what to think of all this and thought that this means I’m a horrible person and actually wanna do this stuff even though it’s stuff I would never do or desire to do. I got back from my trip and automatically went looking for professional help. As time went on I began to look back on my childhood actions and behaviors. I want to clarify that I was diagnosed adhd. I had anger issues and had a conduct disorder. I was particularly cruel to pets as a child (I absolutely regret all of this). As I have gotten older I have been able to control emotions and have strived to be a good person. I don’t like seeing anyone hurt or in pain. I am even going into nursing school this fall because I love helping others in need. Anyway I really started to analyze all of my actions and ended up convincing myself I’m a psychopath. The only way I am getting relief is by googling everything which only helps temporarily then I have to do it all over again. I first saw dr who didn’t really give me a diagnosis but prescribed me Prozac for my symptoms. I refused to take it after seeing one of the side effects was irritability. I have a fear of taking anything that could do that because I’m afraid of snapping and hurting someone or going crazy. I have also been avoiding alcohol out of a fear that I am going to lose control and hurt someone. A few days later I ended up seeing a psychotherapist and she told me that I am not a psychopath. She diagnosed me with schizotypal personality disorder with ocd tendencies. This diagnosis is what’s been throwing me for a loop these past few days. Because I am in constant doubt I have been googling and reading every article I can find just to prove to myself that I am not a bad person. Somehow I came upon an article that described the batman shooter in Colorado had been diagnosed with schizotypal disorder and that was the reason he did what he did. This is scaring me so bad because I am afraid I am like him even though I do not wanna do anything to hurt anyone. It scared me so bad that I had a literal panic attack because of finding this out. I’m an still very scared and have been looking for constant reassurance that I’m not like this guy. My life is literally taken up by this fear. If I’m not sleeping I’m reading and worrying. I can barley eat and my stomach is in a constant knot. I’ve been checking all of my emotions and this is causing me to feel so numb to everything. I can’t enjoy anything anymore. I cannot laugh or barley smile anymore because I am so scared and don’t feel like I deserve to because of my thoughts/diagnosis. My only reactions to my thoughts are now just a jolt of adrenaline and an automatic urge to go to google for reassurance. Does this sound like ocd or is this something more serious?