Mya11, hello.
Thank you for your kind words.
OCD is.... no words. I've had it for 37 years, yet with every passing year with it, I remember more and more vividly the happy, free, beautiful years before OCD struck out of nowhere so to say and slowly became my destiny.
Isolation is terrible. Sometimes, just to protect myself from being sad and depressed I do my best to convince myself that I am an introvert by nature and that I actually like being on my own or just with my spouse and that I am better off without other people in my life.
I like going out for walks, concerts, theater, I like talking to people, but there is something in me, that sort of gives the vast majority of people in my life the right somehow to use me and drop me without regret. I give my all, when I say no or there is nothing they can get from me anymore, they pretend I don't exist.
Just an example : I am pretty good at explaining thing for school to kids. I've had years and years of experience, was locally quite popular with kids and their parents. So their mommies pretend to care for me and be my close friends, just so I help their kids. I teach them, months on end, they never pay. Although they had promised to. Why would they pay an expensive tutor, if they can use me and get better help for free? And I am ashamed to ask for what I deserve. As soon as school is over, I seem to fall out from their memory.
All that helps me convince myself I am better off without other people.
But I am not. Feeling lonely can be devastating.
Thank you for your kind birthday wishes. 😊. My first wish this year comes from you. Thank you.
I am thankful for your motivation. I agree that my years made me who I am today. The only problem is that I don't really like who I am very much and I wish I could turn back time and grow to be a different, better, more confident person.
It's hard to break the vicious circle made of anxiety, depression, panic,..
I am happy I made you feel less alone. Eventhough I am still down and feel like a kitchen cloth dropped on the floor, you did lighten up my day. Thank you.
If you ever need a shoulder to cry on or an ear to tell your worries, I am here. I hope this day brings you beauty, joy and happiness. 😊
But I am not. I wish I would meet someone who liked me for me and not for my skills.