Welcome to
the NOCD Community

What are your best pieces of advice? Other than get a therapist cause some of us are months away from seeing one.

Anyone else having sleeping problems with their ocd? Today had to be the worst… last night I honestly was having an ocd episode about me having a fear of doing something horribly wrong. I honestly don’t even know wtf is going on. I have groinal response, and my brain feels Like it’s gonna explode. I have been struggling with this for like a year and I know I have Pocd. I get fears every time I see my little sister, or just any little girl. Yesterday I locked myself in my room. And right as I woke up right now, I keep nodding my head no to the thought. This crap is really bad.

I wish I had someone in my life that understands this that i could talk to when i feel my panic attacks happening.I feel so exhausted my brain hurts and it’s attacking me every second of the day especially right now.Every day it makes thoughts abut something happening to me or someone i know and i can’t control it ,I am loosing weight and becoming unhealthier than before because my mind has made me think im gonna get hurt every time i eat.I tried eating right now even when the intrusive thought was horrible so that i could get over the fear but now my stomach feels weird and i am nauseous , which is leading to a panic attack.But im just crying alone because i cant explain this to anybody. (sorry for this i just had to write some of my feelings down)

My OCD makes me doubt my faith & God! It also makes me doubt myself, my values and literally everything! Makes me even doubt if this is OCD! I love God & Jesus! I know I gave my life to Him! Being reborn! I’ve seen the changes! It hurts to have these thoughts & feelings of doubt! I know it says OCD attacks what you care about the most! I’ve been having this for 6 months. It started as a thought of “is God real” now it’s like my mind has interrogated me over & over again making me question everything! Yelling accusations at me! Telling me I don’t “believe enough” or “maybe I don’t believe” or “I don’t love Him” and just stuff like that & I hate it! Sometimes whenever I think about it to much it gets so confusing or I need to “fix it”! I want faith & belief and I refuse to give up! I know I’m very hard on myself & I try to remind myself this isn’t a Faith problem but an OCD problem but my OCD tries to make me doubt that! Logic & OCD don’t mix. Has anyone gone through this? Please any advice?

Howdy, my names Donii. I have POCD and I frequently fear that I might harm any kids around me, so much so that I physically stay away from them sometimes. I obsess over these thoughts that go against my morals, they don't show up all the time but when they do, I can't stop thinking about it and then I get distressed and try to remove myself and do something to distract myself those thoughts. Like watching porn to try and replace the person I may be thinking about with someone random, or If the thoughts aren't too intense, I imagine the thought as a picture and burn it. I often fear that I am a pedophile even though those are the people I hate the most, just thinking about hurting kids and making them cry, makes me want to cry. I'm in therapy to help me with these thoughts and I've learned that I have these thoughts because of what happened to me as a child, I was exposed to a lot of sexual content as a kid and even explored things with other kids, I'm coming to terms with the fact that kids being curious about each other's bodies is normal although it shouldn't have happened at all. I always think about what happened back then and I think it's definitely linked to the way my OCD brain sees children, it's like I get reminded of what happened. Besides that, I have a whole nother thing about my grandma that I don't feel like getting into right now because this is already very long, but I hope that I am accepted here, I don't have a place to talk about these thoughts without feeling like a monster so I'm hoping this is where I can truly talk about it all.

I’m just wondering. Would God send me to hell because I swear? I am a Christian in my faith but I have to admit sometimes I may not come across that way because I swear like a sailor, can even come across as nasty at times like judgy? Me and my partner dirty talk when having sex and say things maybe god wouldn’t approve of?? But we aren’t doing it to cause harm to each other, and it’s our own private time, where we say things that turn us on that aren’t very “Christian like” if that even makes sense… do you think God will look down on me because of this? Or he would think I’m not worthy enough to be a Christian? Even me smoking and having tattoos and planning on getting more, what would God think of this? I need a good Christian opinion of this please 🙏🏼

I see an attractive guy, I test for sex mentally with me or with another good looking guy, and I don’t like it so I can move on. Then I imagine him solo doing something like giving himself a handjob and again I don’t like it. BUT now I see it from a girls pic like when I test by kissing a guy in my head it’s automatically a girl kissing the guy which causes arousal, same w the sex part it would imagine a girl giving him a blowjob or getting fcked and I can see her vagina. All this causes arousal, and I hope it’s because the girl is there but I can’t help but think this makes me gay. I’ve beat TOCD before so I won’t fall for that again. I also see a girl I like and question why does she like guys? If she likes guys then out myself in her shoes and would I like guys too? Idk what to do.

The past two days, i dont know what it is, but none of my techniques have worked. Thought diffusion, understanding how ocd works, its like it doesnt register, like im not listening. I just feel really despaired, I keep automatically buying into my thoughts, and I feel like im in an inevitable path of doom.

From health OCD TO HARM OCD For a year I was running to the ER for ANYTHING and now I feel like i kinda want to die 🤣 Like WHERE IS ME?

I really love my mom. She is the best mom in the world. She loves us alot and takes care of us. But my younger sister is so mean. She always create problems for my parents. She always accuse my mom infront of my dad for something and want to ruin their relationship. Not only this, my mom is just ill now bcz she always do something bad to her. I cannot see my mom suffering like that. I hope my sister face karma. She is a hidden snake. She has ruined the peace and happiness of our home

I constantly worry that no one likes me. Did grow up as the scapegoat but my parent passed away 7 yrs ago and now I have been in therapy as well as my mom but my other two siblings refuse therapy. So there has been some healing between me and my mom which I’m happy about! But I’ve also been scapegoated in friend groups mainly bc there will be one jealous friend and then they try to get everyone to go against me. Anyway I have met a few friends here and there that have really impacted my life in a positive way. However, I can’t help but ruminate on how “everyone doesn’t like me” and then I go down a rabbit hole of searching on tik tok, google and Reddit trying to find some magical answer as to what is “wrong with me” and why I have issues with people even some family and yet there is no answer except that people just project their negative feelings onto me, and many other people have experienced that as well. But yet I still keep feeling like there’s something innately wrong with me. Even my therapists validates my experience and has taught me boundaries and explains how I’m not the problem yet I still loop with this thought. I also think this is linked to another ocd thought because I always tell myself I need to hurry up and prove to myself that my siblings can get healthy and I can fix the family dynamic issues and then find a perfect group of friends so I will be “happy” and then I won’t supposedly suffer and want to d*e. By the way I am not suicidal so thats why it’s kind of like an irrational thought. I did have suicidal OCD though but would never do that. So idk? What is this?

I need some support from anyone who’s willing to offer it, please. My ocd, particularly scrupulosity, has been making my life a living hell. I can’t ignore my suspicions and compulsions and they rule my life. I’m debating whether or not the God I rely on even exists, and quite frankly I’ve been thinking about suicide. I don’t know how to tell my loved ones. I was in a position where I had to talk someone down from suicide at a young age and it crushed me afterwards. I know suicide is wrong, and I’m scared to think about it, but I don’t know how I can live. I just need someone to know.

anyone else have this? It’s like every sound I hear when I’m home alone i worry it’s in my head. I often feel like i see something out if the corner of my eye moving and it isn’t keep in mind my peripheral vision is messed up from astigmatism so it’s most likely that.

Me and my online boyfriend have been broken up for a week because our mental health wasn't going great and we need to focus on our health first. After countless of stress and overthinking of many doubts and waiting for him, I am having many many many unwanted thoughts of a past ex and I have many worries all at once. self harming (hitting my head) is usually what I do to punish or correct my mind for even thinking such thing like ex from 9th grade. But I feel like after hitting my head so much, it made it more worse? TikTok and other social stuff is not helping me rn after seeing "soul ties" of ex's, relationships or mercury retrograde and it worsens. It makes me anxiety more worse. I don't know what to do and I'm more terrified than ever. All I wanted to do is wait for my online bf and believe in the good possibilities and hopes between us especially hope that we would reconcile when we are ready. As you know I really love this online boy and would never cheat or hurt him. Idc if we are apart I will wait for him and still be there for him yk. But my thoughts are so messed up and it's bringing like a feeling or werid emotion :( like a rushy feeling of unwanted excitement I suppose. I'm literally stuck. I'm stuck with these thoughts and I don't know what to do.

Every time I look at a child now I have these feelings and groinials and thoughts that I just can’t tell if they’re real or not bc it feels like it’s real it feels like I’m denying I’m attracted to them or something when I just notice that they are cute and have like attractive faces/feautures? And sometimes it feels like I notice them like an adult :/ but sometimes like if it’s like a vid or something sometimes I think it’s someone older but then I see longer and I’m like oof it’s not 🫠 like ughhh I just hate this idk what to do and I don’t want to be become an abuser I’m scared like I’ll be like my abuser and i don’t feel anxious like before bc I had these thoughts come up since 2020

It's like sometimes (only sometimes bc im mostly obsessing), I dont care how I feel in that moment. Like Iam numb to anything. There is not happiness or sadness. Like I dont care what happens to me, dont care about my friends, family, life. When I know deep down thats not how I really feel. In reality, I love my life and family so much. I just cant feel it at the moment. My poor husband and kids. I have to keep telling myself that is my OCD and that Iam a good person that does actually care about everything... Its so sad

Tomorrow is my birthday. My best friend and I are going to be front row for my 2nd favorite band of all time. I've been planning and hyping this up since October. I'm very excited, as I never do anything for my birthday besides having off of work. I've never gone out for my birthday before in adulthood because of covid and also lack of friends. This will be the first time. My best friend (who has their own best friend) and I have been extremely close for 6 years now, and have gone to a lot of concerts together. They started a new anxiety med last week and it is making them have an extremely bad episode of depression and anxiety right now, and they told me they don't know if they should go to the show tomorrow. They said they feel they can't drive in their current condition. I said I am willing to pick them up (even though I would rather not because they live an hour away), but I'm gonna be honest... I don't want them to come along. I don't want to go alone, either. I don't have anyone else at all who I can go with, and I can't tell my friend that I'd rather them not come if they're going to radiate horrible energy the entire night. I've been so excited for this for five months, and I've been doing fairly well lately overall- working a lot on art, feeling like me, and trying to recognize my bad thoughts better-- but now I'm just super worried. I feel like a terrible friend, like I'm being extremely selfish and hypocritical. I'm worried I'll make them feel worse. When I have an episode, I wouldn't want anyone to turn me away simply because of that fact. I always want as much support and comfort as humanly possible and am terrified of people being upset with me. When I'm feeling happy and fine, however, I don't want other people coming to me with their struggles. I don't know how to handle my own, let alone someone else's. This tends to come off as me being mean and insensitive. I deal with enough, and though I always try and help others, most of the time I just really don't want to. I'd rather not be reminded of what I struggle with myself. I'm afraid it'll rub off on me somehow because I don't like being reminded of my worst. I'm such a f^cking hypocrite and I don't know how to not be this way. My thoughts keep racing, telling me tomorrow's going to suck now, telling me how lonely I am because I only have one friend, telling me that this situation is going to trigger an episode of my own as well, that it's now suddenly so uncertain. I did give this friend an 'out'- telling them that if they are too afraid to tell me no, that I am giving them permission to bail with no hard feelings out of their best interest. This made me feel both so selfish and so selfless at the same time, because on one hand, I don't want to be around that bad potentially triggering energy, and on the other hand, I was giving up the only person I wanted or COULD to go to this concert with. I said that their decision won't ruin my birthday regardless, and that I can't be the one to tell them what to do. They said they ARE afraid of ruining my birthday but still want to go. We're talking right now and I admitted that I'm afraid of making them feel worse. I've never seen this person like this either, and it makes me scared of seeing them like this, and scared of how I'm going to handle this. I took a sedative as a precaution, because I felt this feeling would fester into something worse, and it cleared my mind up just the right amount for me to realize "hey, it's not my responsibility to make them feel better. It's my responsibility to enjoy my birthday!" Regardless, I AM going to this show and I AM going to have a good time. I just feel like I'm being a horrible, insensitive, selfish friend. This is the closest friend I've ever had and though others are telling me I have every right to be upset, I still feel like a piece of sh^t. I just hope I can get hyped up without going over the edge tomorrow. When I get too excited, I have a panic attack.

Does being on my period or having upcoming menstrual symptoms worsen my OCD symptoms? Is it because of the added pain, or the added chemicals in my body? Anyone else experience this?

I feel like the only 23 year old who’s failing. Like, everyone I know my age is working or going to school, and neither I’ve been able to do for the last 3 years because of my mental health, and a fear of trying and failing. I tried college and it didn’t work out, I tried working and it didn’t work out, so I’ve been trying to focus on my mental health and getting stronger before trying again but now I’m at the point I feel like I’m doomed to never accomplish anything ever again. Every day when I’m doing my household chores or running errands, or doing literally any productive thing, my brain yells the whole time “you’re not doing this task good enough” and “you can’t even do this right, imagine trying to hold a job?” And when I do a task and feel accomplished for a moment, my brain says “your friends are doing way more than this at their jobs, you shouldn’t be proud at all”. I’m so scared my entire life is going to be this hard, even though I’ve made strides in my mental health journey, it still never feels good enough. It’s still so hard and I’m still so scared I’m doomed to never accomplish anything

I have a big fear of dying and death. Is there anyone out there that isn’t afraid of this? If so, can you please give me your perspective on it?