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Sometimes my ocd causes me to be overwhelmed that I’m physically tired, and don’t want to move to not trigger my symptoms…

i can’t move on. the guilt and shame over my actions but also struggling to remember and 100% know what happened because I was very drunk is crippling. i hate this feeling. i quit drinking because nothing is worth losing her. i feel I done something awful like semi cheat or cheat and i feel the urge to confess. i even told to my partner about the situation and she forgave me and let me with so much grace and yet i still feel like there is more to confess even tho if she’s moved on why haven’t i when im the one who was a horrible person. like i ruminate and kick analyze and essentially find/create another detail that i dont even know if its relevant or real. my partner is the love of my life and i never want to hurt her and we plan on getting married so why does my brain try and convince me i want other people when all i want is her and our life together. then if i get too drunk it’s like my subconscious comes out and tries to sabotage my life and go against all of my values and trys to get me to act on intrusive thoughts? i can’t even put it into works im so confused and feel so lonely and shameful and at rock bottom. everyone is always telling me how good of a person i am and how incredibly lucky they are to know me and i feel like a fraud and a horrible person because of my mistakes. how do i move on and recover. and then everything becomes and obsession and my comparisons worded and it’s a downward spiral. anyone else shave similar experiences or helpful tips and ways to move forward without guilt. i just want peace and love.

Hi, I have never posted on a forum before because I’m scared someone will come back and say ‘it’s not OCD’. Anyway, I have always had obsessional thoughts. Always obsessed about my health and if I was going to die. I have always had intrusive thoughts and when I was around 16 I had my first awful one HOCD. This made me feel so sick and I couldn’t leave my bed. Would look at women and get groinal responses and would avoid anything LGBTQ. I then suffered with POCD, which I nearly asked to be sectioned over. Now, I am with my current partner (2months) and we are moving in together in 2 weeks. I have known him since I was 14 and have always had a thing for him. Anyway, last year there was this person at work who I forced and convinced myself to ‘like’ don’t even know if I even did to be honest. But his background is awful and everyone around me said it was a bad decision and I knew this too. We used to talk all the time but yeah, anyway… I said I didn’t want a relationship and distanced myself from him and never really thought about him. I’m now in my relationship with my current partner and I adore him. He is fully aware of what is going on in my head. I have also just started therapy. My head is comparing him to this guy at work. Makes me think they look alike, but this all stemmed from when my current partner was talking about his family past and I instantly thought oh no, I hope my family doesn’t think this is bad (they love him). So now, my head is saying ‘what if you love this other guy’ what if the reason you can’t get this out your head is because the universe is giving you a sign’ ‘what if everyone told you not to go there, then what’ the thoughts are endless and honestly, I can’t stop crying, it is making me physically sick, have panic attacks. I confess to my partner all the time and he is honestly so supportive! I feel like I’m mentally cheating or what if I’m denial. When we first got together I was fine. No thoughts and then bang I’m consumed. My head is filled with them. I feel congested with him. I feel disgusting. I look for reassurance. I constantly look on Quora and Reddit. I can’t cope. I love my current partner! And we tried getting together years ago but it wasn’t our time and since, I thought about him every now and again and now my brain is saying ‘oh see, what if it’s the same situation with this guy a work’ I just want coping mechanisms and relief. This honestly feels like torture.!!! oh and my head says ‘what if you go to therapy and discover your true desires and it turns out that it isn’t ocd’

We all know that ERP is the fix for OCD. Not in the sense that we will not have intrusive thoughts or urges or images. But the ability or mindfulness to recognize those thoughts and be able to deal with it. So the question is we know what ERP is and and how it's done. Still we haven't done it. Why? It seems we have the keys of our freedom in our hands yet we don't have the ability or courage to open the door and stay with what ifs and over-emphasis on how distress we feel. I understand that feeling. I also understand that how horrible it makes one feel. So all of these compulsions, rituals aren't us stopping bad things from happening. NO! It's all us trying to stop feeling bad. It's like an agreement with OCD. Like OCD asks you for a compulsion, and you do the compulsion. That's the deal. Except, you are suffering, and you don't like it. But somehow you are stuck, and you want to he unstuck, but to get unstuck the problem is you want easy steps. ERP isn't easy. Sorry, it's not. So here's your life. Can't you fight for this life so hard to tolerate the pain and discomfort of ERP for a short time than surging the rest of your life in misery with OCD. Think about it. Stay safe. Awais Bahar

I've had this theme for 25 years and have worked with children for 20 of them. It's striking how many on here now admit to having it. That's not the way it was even a few years ago on this app. I suspect the focus on the issue in the news and especially online/social media has a lot to do with it.

Did your anxiety over yourOCD ever get very intense for a period of time and later go down even though you still have the same intrusive thoughts and the same obsessions?

Anyone often worry were they arousing ovr someone because of intrusive thoughts and groinal responses? I was grabbing ny bag strap snd it was near my lap in public snd i worry was i doing something inappropriate. I get stuck snd dwell on it worrying then i worry more if i was doing something. But i was like why would i do a bad thing especially in public. Ugh its exhausting.

Yesterday I had the thought “Do I like having the thoughts just so I can fight them off?” And then I found myself almost WANTING an attack just so my ocd could be proven real to me

hi ! i am so happy with my relationship and suddenly i have thoughts and fear of what if im cheating in the future? what if i really want to do that ? i know that my thoughts is against my value and belief but these thoughts is going crazy everyday and it makes me believe that i will do it and i want to do it 😭 but the fact is i know i never wish to do that and it never popped up in my mind before this , this just makes me feel so crazy and extremely anxious that i cant sleep, i will going to University this October and i fear what if i accidentally like someone else ? what if i do that on purpose? plus my feelings is keep telling me to do that and it kinda whisper to my heart and makes me want to do that, i know that i never wanted to cheat or like someone else but it makes me feel so real 😿 i keep thinking is that mean i am a terrible person or i really want to do that? i dont know why it’s kinda gives me the wrong feelings and informations to myself . Pls dont judge me when you read this and i hope someone could help me if this also what you feel or any tips to deal with this. Thank you

Hi all, Looking for some advice. I’ve had ocd since late teens, I’m in early 40s now- mostly involving worries about being violent to others, pics throughout 20s. Then had kids and went back to violence. Had some great erp treatment and was able to manage ocd better. I starting living more how I wanted to. I took a promotion and then another last year. Into a senior management role. I work in criminal justice. At the same time as my second promotion, my wife took on a new job. We needed to share. A car and had debts so couldn’t afford x2 cars. The stress of work, kids, lack of transport, money etc led me to breakdown with stress. I had to stop work for a while, that was oct 2023. Whilst off a number of things happened. I got some talking therapy through work, but was only allowed 6 sessions (focused on early years truama I suffered). I went back down to a middle management job. My Gp advised I come off citalopram as I’d been on this for 15 yrs. (I agreed as I’ve always wanted to be “normal”) After the above - my ocd came back with vengeance. I spoke to a different Gp - he advised I try sertaline 50mg. So I did from December 2023. I’ve had various side effects, worse of which is tinnitus, night sweats, mood swings the Gp I spoke to in oct is maintaining it would be good for me to come off all meds. I’m back working with a Cbt therapist and trying to do erp. I have also decided I cannot manage the stress of my job and need to do something less stressful whilst I focus on recovery. But what I get confused about is what to do and when. Should I work on reducing my stress (the kids and work cause me real stress which often make me want to scream and then that feeds back into my ocd - “see there’s evidence you are dangerous” type thoughts. It’s getting me depressed. So I don’t know what to do first. If I go sick I only get full pay for a few more weeks. Should I deal with stress/anger first then ocd erp? Or can I do it all at the time? Should I wait for meds plan to be sorted whether I’m on of off? I do that at the same time as doing the stress/ocd/depression/work/kids thing…it all feel a overwhelming and I don’t know if I can do it all at the same time. Any thoughts really appreciated. Thanks :)

I am struggling a lot with my Perfectionism OCD and my Somatic OCD recently. I constantly find myself having to do things over and over again. Earlier this week, there was a dangerous spider that I had to kill but it felt like I didn’t kill it “correctly” and it’s been stopping me from being able to sleep for quite some time but I feel like an idiot whenever I tell someone who doesn’t have Perfectionism OCD “I killed a spider incorrectly.” As far as Somatic OCD goes, it’s not as bad, but I’ve been taking like 7 naps every day because I can’t stop thinking about when I’m going to next blink. I’m a relatively new person to OCD and I just feel like it won’t get better?

No matter how much I know it doesn't help me I can't help but do them. I can't help but try my best to find an answer and I never do. I just want to find an answer to something I impulsively acted upon one day and hope I'm not going to die because of it soon. My health OCD always tells me that. I hate what my addiction turned into and I hate that I've had so much trouble to stop it for good. I'm still trying to this day but I'm still worried about the smallest things about my health. I can't help but Google forums about sexual health because of how much I've watched porn and acted on it and how it's affected my physical health besides mental health. I spent so many times searching on Quora what an answer could be and there were times where I thought I found an answer that I can sit with. But then I end up worrying and thinking all over again and just repeat the cycle. What I hate so much about searching on Quora is getting related questions from underaged people. I always try to scroll past them quickly and not read them because they're too disturbing and they trigger me. I just can't seem to find an answer that will help me. And groinals make this so much worse for me because I don't intend to read this stuff for arousal, I just want to stop worrying about my sexual health. I want to get checked for this but I'm afraid that others will know and I don't want them to know. Eventually I came across someone talking about an answer to a question and for some stupid reason someone decided to post a nude under their answer and it just triggered me heavily. I stopped searching for an answer afterward but I just hate how my actions have led up to this. I just that I've been struggling with this for so long and I hate that I'm probably gonna end up doing this all over again.

I have this memory of playing with my childhood friend like lifting him up in the air putting him back down just playing. And my brain is taking that memory and saying I had sex with him or I humped him or something like that. It makes me sick to my stomach to think I had sex or raped a little boy. I’m scared. Please give me some advice

I thought I was doing better with not having rocd intrusive thoughts for a while but then they started up again. I always blame the thoughts on pms, but whenever it happens any other time, I think they’re real. I feel like I’m always critiquing my bf in my mind, and think small things are genuinely big problems. It’s like I can’t accept that he has flaws, just like me. Also yesterday I hung out with this new friend I made, and afterwards I kept getting thoughts like “you like her, you think she’s hot”, etc (she’s a lesbian and I am straight), and then a trailer for a new movie w/ kristen Stewart keeps popping up on my feed and I think that I’m gay. There would be nothing wrong with that ofc but I’ve been straight my whole life, but I’ll get thoughts saying “you’re gay and you’re not attracted to your bf anymore”, etc. I generally get intrusive thoughts that I’m not attracted to my bf but it’s never bc I’d be attracted to the same sex. Also, I think this is normal with intrusive thoughts but whenever I get these types of thoughts about my relationship/my bf, it’s like I don’t recognize him, or even fully realize that I have a bf, and it scares me so much. I’ll be with him and I’ll suddenly get the realization that I’ve been in a relationship with him for a year, or I’ll look at him and I’ll start getting nervous that I don’t find him attractive anymore. Recently it’s been the not recognizing him and thinking about “alone time” with him and not feeling turned on or thinking that he doesn’t pleasure me the same way anymore, which isn’t true. I just feel guilty everytime these thoughts pop up.

NSFW hard to have “alone time”… thought always pop up towards the end or just at any time throughout. whenever sometimes doesn’t get me to climax as fast my intrusive thoughts just come in “oh it’s because u like kids, and whatever ur watching isn’t enough” or whenever im watching sometimes my brain tells me oh what if that’s a kid? it’s so annoying sorry if this is weird and tmi.

whenever i have harm ocd thoughts abt hurting my cat, normally i get really scared and i used to avoid being close to him or near him when those thoughts were there, but recently as ive been trying to work through them i find that im not scared. not only that though, whenever i have my hands near any places where my mind is telling me i could take advantage of, seeing that my cat is still happy and not afraid, reassures me that i havent ever acted in any way similar to what i think.. i find it comforting but i feel like its disgusting and fucked up of me to continue interacting with my cat and to be in any position where i could hurt him if those thoughts are there it feels like i enjoy the thoughts.. but i definitely dont! i just enjoy being able to still love him 😞 is this weird? i feel even worse for being concerned abt it

As the title suggests, my OCD acts up whenever bodily fluids are involved, including my own. 😅 It has caused me difficulties in my relationship. My partner is perfectly content with the pace we are at regarding intimacy and is incredibly patient with me; however, I can react at even the slightest idea of getting “contaminated” with, say, my partner’s fluids. ☹️ Early in our relationship, even when we were hugging fully clothed, I worried about contamination (and also magically “getting pregnant”☠️) because our bodies were touching at the crotch area. I’m doing better now, but I’ve been unable to engage in certain acts because of it. My partner is not asking for anything—in fact, he is perfectly content waiting until marriage! I’m more so asking for my sake. I just know that when the time DOES arrive that we both want to get more intimate—even if that means just removing more clothing,—I know I will be terrified of getting contaminated. Today, for example, while kissing, I accidentally bit his lip and tasted blood. INSTANTLY the mood was destroyed and I couldn’t function properly. I felt so much guilt for being this disturbed because it’s my PARTNER, of all people, but I began worrying about STDs. Does anyone have any tips? My OCD mainly fixates on pregnancy and STDs here.

Does anyone ever get or even force yourself to think an intrusive thought to test your response and then think that didn’t make me anxious enough therefore…. I like the thought or I could end up doing the thought

Do we choose what we're attracted by? Or it is simply something subconscious that we can't control? Because I have no problem getting attracted if I notice the curves of a girl my age, but I get extremely uncomfortable and anxious when I notice those same inappropriate parts on a young girl. Instagram reels trigger me often. I obsess over the fact that I've noticed those parts in the first place because a normal person wouldn't even notice them at all, and I wonder if these are the signs of being a p***. I feel the need to check the inappropriate parts to check if I'm attracted or not, and to see if I can stop seeing it as triggering but as something that is just there without being unwantedly se&ualized by pocd. (I also feel more gross because I'm staring at those parts, even though for a compulsive matter and not for malicious intent). I'd feel like ending my life if these things were all just subconscious instincts of my brain making me one of those monsters, like you can't change that and I'm just lying to myself. I'd feel more at ease if everybody notice those things the same and just chooses to not be attracted according their morals, the fact that physical attraction could be a choice and not an instinct would make me feel better. There is freedom of action, but is there freedom of feeling and being? Or is that already predetermined? If I see a girl my age who's my liking I have no issue feeling attracted se&ually. If I'm born with the genes of a monsters it wouldn't matter what I do, I'd constantly be in denial of my sick twisted nature, right? Obviously I'd end my life before even dreaming of doing those horrible things that happen in my mind in the form of intrusive thoughts and image, as costant daily torture. Maybe there are people born bad but that overcome their nature and live a life of good deeds, but I can't tolerate it. If I'm born as a **** I have to die. I'm clinging of the fact that this is just POCD, just an ocd theme like the others that've come before. One thing that reassures me is that I've memories and proof of lots of different ocd themes throughout my early life till now. I'm diagnosed with OCD, but I don't trust it completely because my psychiatrist was a bit of a weirdo and his answers to my questions more triggering. I don't feel attracted on young girls, I avoid them, I only have interest on girls my age, but I'm so afraid that sometimes I could be because what I feel when I get triggered is so confusing and fuzzy, I feel like throwing up and I squint my eyes and contort my face (even more these are not enough to prove the fact that I'm disgusted because I think I could be just faking it, lying to myself), and maybe in that mixture of distressing sensations there is an element of denial of the horrible truth. There have been a lot of triggering moments when I genuinely thought to myself that I was attracted and that made me feel desperate, wanting to cry.

Do we choose what we're attracted by? Or it is simply something subconscious that we can't control? Because I have no problem getting attracted if I notice the curves of a girl my age, but I get extremely uncomfortable and anxious when I notice those same inappropriate parts on a young girl. Instagram reels trigger me often. I obsess over the fact that I've noticed those parts in the first place because a normal person wouldn't even notice them at all, and I wonder if these are the signs of being a p***. I feel the need to check the inappropriate parts to check if I'm attracted or not, and to see if I can stop seeing it as triggering but as something that is just there without being unwantedly se&ualized by pocd. (I also feel more gross because I'm staring at those parts, even though for a compulsive matter and not for malicious intent). I'd feel like ending my life if these things were all just subconscious instincts of my brain making me one of those monsters, like you can't change that and I'm just lying to myself. I'd feel more at ease if everybody notice those things the same and just chooses to not be attracted according their morals, the fact that physical attraction could be a choice and not an instinct would make me feel better. There is freedom of action, but is there freedom of feeling and being? Or is that already predetermined? If I see a girl my age who's my liking I have no issue feeling attracted se&ually. If I'm born with the genes of a monsters it wouldn't matter what I do, I'd constantly be in denial of my sick twisted nature, right? Obviously I'd end my life before even dreaming of doing those horrible things that happen in my mind in the form of intrusive thoughts and image, as costant daily torture. Maybe there are people born bad but that overcome their nature and live a life of good deeds, but I can't tolerate it. If I'm born as a **** I have to die. I'm clinging of the fact that this is just POCD, just an ocd theme like the others that've come before. One thing that reassures me is that I've memories and proof of lots of different ocd themes throughout my early life till now. I'm diagnosed with OCD, but I don't trust it completely because my psychiatrist was a bit of a weirdo and his answers to my questions more triggering. I don't feel attracted on young girls, I avoid them, I only have interest on girls my age, but I'm so afraid that sometimes I could be because what I feel when I get triggered is so confusing and fuzzy, I feel like throwing up and I squint my eyes and contort my face (even more these are not enough to prove the fact that I'm disgusted because I think I could be just faking it, lying to myself), and maybe in that mixture of distressing sensations there is an element of denial of the horrible truth. There have been a lot of triggering moments when I genuinely thought to myself that I was attracted and that made me feel desperate, wanting to cry.