- Date posted
- 1y ago
Thoughts
Yesterday I had the thought “Do I like having the thoughts just so I can fight them off?” And then I found myself almost WANTING an attack just so my ocd could be proven real to me
Yesterday I had the thought “Do I like having the thoughts just so I can fight them off?” And then I found myself almost WANTING an attack just so my ocd could be proven real to me
I too feel like I go through the same thing. Living with OCD for such a long time, its almost as if my brain doesn't know what to do when I am not having intrusive thoughts. Therefore, I am trying to not focus on having OCD, and focus on the things that bring me happiness and joy. It is a constant struggle, but with daily work and practices, it gets easier! Stay strong, you got this!
I feel the same!!! If I’m busy cleaning/ on the phone to someone or just doing something and then stop I suddenly get a panic and think wow I’ve not had a thought maybe I don’t have ocd then basically think that thought automatically and start the whole rumination/ trying to stop the thought!!
I've gotten diagnosed with OCD and I'm in therapy. But I'm worried that I don't have OCD/that I got misdiagnosed. And recently I'm worried that I've just gotten myself into a habit of thinking of dirty minded or just plain old terrible things after I see/hear certain things because I feel like I need to prove I have OCD or else I'm faking(sometimes this goes away). Or that I'm just mimicking symptoms of ocd to cope with real problems I may have and that im just really deep into denial. I don't know...I'm just so tired. I mean, what if I really am what I think I am and this is my brains only way of coping? I don't even really feel anything towards most of the thoughts anymore either I just know they go against my values and I don't want them. I don't know if that's because I'm so mentally exhausted, I just don't care, or that the thoughts are true and I'm comfortable with them.
That’s kinda my question. All my thoughts feel so realistic and so now I doubt if they are ocd and if I just can’t make my mind up about something and I’m using ocd as an excuse or something idc I feel like this post is word vomit.
These past few days I was fine. Minimal intrusive thoughts ,no anxiety etc(to add I'm on medication so maybe it's starting to work although it barely is 2 weeks) and today I got a sudden wave of anxiety and it started latching on some thoughts like" what if I'm in denial and I wanna break up with my bf? And what if erp doesn't work for me because I actually wanna break up with my bf?" But they didn't really stay long usually those thoughts would make me spiral for days or so, now they lasted for some hours. And now I'm trying to trigger myself into being anxious again because if I don't it means I don't have ocd and if I don't have ocd it means I don't love my bf and if I don't love my bf it means I have to break up. Idk if it makes sense but the lack of anxiety makes me wonder if I actually have ocd or not.
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond