- Date posted
- 1y
Thoughts
Yesterday I had the thought “Do I like having the thoughts just so I can fight them off?” And then I found myself almost WANTING an attack just so my ocd could be proven real to me
Yesterday I had the thought “Do I like having the thoughts just so I can fight them off?” And then I found myself almost WANTING an attack just so my ocd could be proven real to me
I too feel like I go through the same thing. Living with OCD for such a long time, its almost as if my brain doesn't know what to do when I am not having intrusive thoughts. Therefore, I am trying to not focus on having OCD, and focus on the things that bring me happiness and joy. It is a constant struggle, but with daily work and practices, it gets easier! Stay strong, you got this!
I feel the same!!! If I’m busy cleaning/ on the phone to someone or just doing something and then stop I suddenly get a panic and think wow I’ve not had a thought maybe I don’t have ocd then basically think that thought automatically and start the whole rumination/ trying to stop the thought!!
Help! My OCD has caught onto this thought for awhile and I keep spinning on it. I know you are supposed to follow your values and what your actions suggest with OCD, but what if that is even blurry right know? For example my whole life I wanted to be with a man, and now my OCD is having major intrusive thoughts about women. How do you tell if those thoughts are wanted or not? I can’t figure out if I like the thoughts or not. I’m trying to live the life “I want” but what if I don’t know what that is?
Whenever anyone starts to feel like their thoughts are less triggering or they feel a moment of happiness/ relief OCD tells you that you want the thoughts back or you actually like having the thoughts and maybe thats just the person I really am? I feel like im going insane😢
So my OCD has been bad lately. I’ve been ruminating and obsessing over my sexuality again. And it just keeps getting worse. I hate it so much. I try to sit with the discomfort but then my ocd does the backdoor spike. And the groinal response is what keeps me looped. It SUCKS. I am not attracted to men, but my OCD is trying SO hard to convince me that I am. There have been days where I’m just so mentally exhausted that I “accept” what my ocd tells me and I just walk around a hollow, lethargic shell. But then I rethink it and I feel better. It feels like I can only find my TRUE self when I tire my nervous system out enough that it literally breaks down and has me suicidal and hopeless. And then accepting my OCD’s “truth” (that I’m attracted to men) feels like a burden and a chore. I woke up today from an OCD dream, tried to go back to sleep, and my stomach kept cramping bc I was so anxious and ruminating over my intrusive thoughts. I’m starting to doubt it being OCD anymore. My brain is too tired to fight and cry about it anymore.
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