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It’s near the tenth anniversary of when I saw my dad die, I can’t get the intrusive thoughts out of my head of him dying. Before today I was awake for 48 hours straight. God I just feel so exhausted.

it’s so funny how i can go from thinking i’m a lesbian in denial, to me being a murderer and wanting to kill my family, to me secretly wanting to be a boy, to me being a cannibal, then to me thinking i’m going to be possessed in a matter of minutes. whenever i’m not focused on a certain theme, i see how illogical it was and how there’s no truth to it whatsoever. but when i’m actually going through it, it seems like it’s the truth and i spiral. just love life 😍😍

I want to beat this because my OCD is so bad right now, that it causes alot of impending doom & my emetophobia feeds off my OCD as well. Those mixed with my POTS and other digestive issues, I often feel like I'm going insane. I'm having a very hard time eating & can barely leave my house. I just want to get to the point where I'm not constantly scared something bads going to happen & be able to go out and enjoy doing things with my hubby & my family. I just want to overcome it!

I don’t want to do evil things to people i love why do i even have these thoughts and images of me doing these things why is my brain this way… my heart feels broken because i love the people i have these thoughts about its not even me its like a Demond in my brain it doesn’t shut the f*** up. I just want to have peaceful loving thoughts… this is distressing. Anyone else going through this?

Long story short, I have been dealing with OCD for the past two years due to trauma I developed from texting a guy I was not supposed to during my relationship with my partner of 2 years. Ever since, I have developed obsessions and fear towards men in general. 2 months ago today, I experienced something that has been one of the worst obsessions I have encountered. I went to the gym to cancel my membership. At the counter, I encountered a guy whom seemed very friendly and outgoing. By the start, I felt weirded out because I’m like okay this guy is friendly. I was being nice and chill without being so hard on myself. In the midst of me smiling to something the guy was saying, I get a thought of ‘ be friendly behind your boyfriends back’. I was terrified and that whole situation just felt wrong. Willingly, I told my partner and he tells me to move on and it’s okay. As an OCD person, I have tendencies of telling my boyfriend worst case scenario or being extra about stuff ( making things worse than what they are). Long story short, I have gotten over that situation. Now what I haven’t gotten over was from what I said. The day that this happened, I was telling my partner about this situation and looking back at our messages, I seen that I said the thought was about ‘ to flirt behind my boyfriends back’. Obviously that is unacceptable, especially if I said what if I smiled alittle more because of that. I remember a couple of weeks ago, I would scroll right pass this message and think to myself confidently ( I was overstretching that thought, it was about being friendly). Not until 2 weeks ago, I seen this doctor on a YouTube video who said you tend to remember a memory almost perfectly the very first time you recall it. So I’m like, I said that about the thought being flirtatious the day of and so am I going crazy. So yeah, ever since I seen that stupid video I have been overly examining trying to remember how the thought felt. Although I said that, I have some memory of overstretching and I also know that I recall the thought about being friendly not to flirt. Any help with learning how to trust yourself with memories? Do you guys think that it’s just silly ocd always putting doubt on everything? Please help!!!

I have harm and suicidal ocd, sometimes i can notice its ocd cause its just worrying and theres no association with emotions im just worrying that i might do something, those times its clear to me that its just ocd, i dont even fear about it then. But there are times when i can associate with emotions, i go through something bad and i think "this is do bad, i want to die" or it can get agressive to with urges. With harm i experienced urges to harm people, that was a year ago now im just experiencing this suicidal intrusive thoughts. As i read here about suicidal ocd, i cant actually relate to people cause many just talks about it as a fear, a what if thoughts, having no association. Im dealing with really hard things right now that beats me up emotionally and then i have these suicidal thoughts with urges but i dont do anything cause i dont want to, im a christian and i know thats a sin but the crazy part is i have sometimes thoughts like "God will forgive me, Jesus died for our sin so it will be forgiven" and its crazy, i feel crazy, and im afraid that i will believe these distortions. So right now its really hard cause as i said i have a real life problem and i get these suicidal thoughts and it feels like its real. I always think that i have these cause i want to avoid pain and it seems like that cause i get it when im in so much pain. Another thing i cannot relate is people here say they are 100% sure they doesnt want to do it, for me, i doubt it. Ocd makes you doubt but then why everyone is sure they dont want to do it? Now i dont want to do it but in that time idk it feels like i want to and like im stopping myself to do something bad. Im tired of suicidal ocd, i have it for years now and it stops me to deal with problems cause when i feel overwhelmed it comes up and i feel like i want to do it...and im panicking and feel shame and guilt then depressed about it and then i dont deal with the problem i should, i deal with "maybe im suicidal". Im getting tired of it, i feel like its still here and i didnt recovered from it cause its not ocd, maybe its real problem. I tried every ocd method to heal this fear but it never went away and always comes up when im in pain... i start to think its real...

Help! I’m having intrusive thoughts every two to three minutes. I learned about this things called manifesting and now I’m afraid my intrusive thoughts are manifesting horrible spells to make people do horrible things. Make it stop!

I feel like I can't talk about it with anyone to not lead them into thinking I'm gay in denial or that I'm homophobic whereas none of that is true. I often see OCD therapists talking about HOCD symptoms online and they want to make sure they'll use proper wording to not give off the impression that it's rooted in homophobia or denial somehow to avoid backlash from people, but I think some of them end up not telling it like it is. They say people with HOCD do know what their sexual orientation is and are not actually attracted to the same sex, but why do they feel like they do? If they knew 100% that they're not attracted, then this wouldn't be an issue. It's the same thing with POCD. The thoughts, feelings and sensations feel incredibly real to the person, yet they're not attracted to children. How do they know?

I know the way to overcome avoidance is in action but gosh. I just can't do anything. I'll try to collect in my wins and make at least one phone call today. It's important - dentist first? I'm incredibly fearful of the dentist and intensely don't wish to go. I also need to establish a new relationship with a doctor. Maybe I'll f* around and make 2 phone calls today. Not asking for reassurance but please wish me luck

I’m really hesitating about taking medication, I’ve always been scared of medication used for mental health but my psychiatrist considers that I would benefit from these pills and that they will make my recovery easier. Can you please share your experiences with ocd medication? Has it been helpful? Did it give you some sort of addiction? Secondary effects? Thank you 🙏🏼

Does anyone know if I might find it easier to treat my OCD now that I'm about to go on sick leave? I'm really exhausted and need a break, but I'm also worried because I've been working for a very long time and I don't know if I'll be able to go back. I'd love to hear from anyone who has found that a slower pace and less stress has helped them overcome their OCD.

Im not sure how this can be connected, neglect can be connected with actaul harm but labeling it ocd actually feels like denying. Like theres an actual problem like emotional neglect and that can make harm and suicidal thoughts, like thats whats the norm now, we believe those thoughts come from traumas . Its just that thinking for me its an actual problem givey me more weight, now i will not deny that even if its ocd there is a deeper problem. I learned that i didnt really had a good father picture and a father has a big role in the family, but mine was more bullying than helpful. I didnt learned how to deal with problems and know that i can handle it cause my father wasnt motivating, he talked dows on us. So yeah these are things that i want to heal, its okay, the problem is that i get random harm thoughts and sometimes even suicidal thoughts, those are unwanted but i can overthink it like its real because of the pain i go true. This is where i said i have ocd, bc someone who is suicidal or wants to harm themself doesnt stop it or fights with it, but i do. But one thing i realized, just ignoring the thoughts doesnt help the long run, cause i do have a deeper problem. I struggling being kind to myself and sometimes i feel like noone likes me but its a lie. And this is where i get triggered cause if i feel like i dont like myself and i get hit by this random harm or suicidal thoughts i feel like its real, cause i think about the norm we know that suicidal thoughts come from lack of self love and trauma, and i see myself having the same problem i quickly associate myself to those people. And i feel bad saying its ocd. I dont want to act on them, but i get the urge and feeling like i want to and those times i think about other ocd types like pocd and i remind myself that people with pocd feel the feelings too, they arent just thinking the "what ifs" they have the body reactions and feelings too. But i had to realize that this reminder doesnt help me cause then it gets stronger and more agressive, then i have the "i dont care im doing it cause i want to" thoughts that drives me crazy, and i more feel like im in danger. So o realized its a deeper problem and even if its ocd thoughts, i dont have to use the "ignore it" method cause that doesnt helps, sometimes when i have it it indicates that i need love, i need to give myself love, compassion, kindness. This always makes me spin out cause i feel like i want to from others, like i want to run to my mom and feel loved, but i get angry at myself cause this isnt healthy, its okay to want love from others,but i have to get it from myself too. And the i get angry and these thoughts come again and the i feel like i want to and i get scared and i rumminate, obsess, spin about am i really in danger, could i do it, am i suicidal? Its just never ending story... and i think this stops me to deal with the real problem, to learn to love myself and be kind. Im afraid to work on this cause of these thoughts and im afraid i will find out they are real like im really strugling with harm and suicidal thoughts. I will tell you a story. Today i had a problem on workplace and now that im dealing all of this, it was a little bit harder to deal with it. In the past i always ran to my mom for feeling loved and cared. And still many times she helps me. I did the worst thing, cause i felt like noone loves me in that workplace situation, i imagined what would be if my mom would be dead and i didnt have her to help me. And quickly this thought hit me that i want to die, cause noone loves me. And this is why im here now cause im triggered, cause it felt real and im afraid that i would get there. But the most part im afraid cause it was a real feeling that im not loved by anyone, i rather die cause people arent kind with me, and it wasnt like a deep darkness, just sadness and helplessness, but it triggered me and im a little bit afraid again that im actually having real suicidal thoughts cause of neglect... every year i fight with this and i end up in therapy and they say im not in danger but im afraid that its because maybe i dont tell them my actual feelings, i cant cause im so focused on "am i suicidal" and i had a psychologist who told me the thoughts are true and i think about them cause i want attention... this is horrible thing, i dont agree with that thing, i would never use suicide to earn attention and love... thats toxic. So i dont want to visit any psychologist. It try to recover from videos. But this suicidal thing always stops me to work on the past and im afraid that its actually dangerous im just avoiding it to feel goof about yourself. Im not sure if ocd can latch to a certain emotion and give you harm and suicidal thoughts cause i never heard about this. When people mention trauma and harm thought everyone thinks about the real dangerous kind of harm thoughts. I feel like im alone with this but i ask can anyone relate?

i know i keep posting about this but it’s making me so sad, i feel like a creep and that i should never have kids of my own but i really want to be a mom. this theme is so hard to deal with because of the compulsions(physical and mental) and groinal responses. i can’t even hear anything about kids or look at anything without having intrusive thoughts and or compulsions. also earlier today on Reddit i was asking for pocd help and ended up meeting an actual p who was NOT trying to help me, i stopped texting him immediately but im still scared, do i attract creeps because i am one? if i was one i wouldn’t be able to live with myself, seriously. this is so frustrating im only 18 and i have had boyfriends and girlfriends, sexual relationships, etc, like a normal person, but all of this pocd makes me feel not normal. i want to cry. i don’t want to be around anyone because i feel like im a p who’s hiding it:(

Posted this yesterday and seemed to help a lot of people!!! Reposting to help more people! Hey everyone, hope all is well❤️ I had a tough OCD day for the first time in awhile, and brought myself here to steer clear of that. Although I had a tough day, my ocd is in “remission”. I can’t remember the last time where OCD ruined my whole entire day and a year ago today I couldn’t even imagine that. If anyone needs help please ask questions below. My main OCD themes are SOCD ROCD POCD, and have beat the shit out of all of them so they are for the most part quiet❤️ Ask away!!!

i went on Reddit to search for help, i posted a thread about a sexual physical compulsion i have related to my pocd, and a couple people messaged me asking for advice or whatever, this one guy did and we were chatting and he started saying some weird stuff and saying he thinks it’s really hot i have these intrusive thoughts and all this weird stuff and it triggered me really bad, i ended up crying and deleting the chat with him idk how to block but we were actually talking about it at first ( about intrusive thoughts ) and i was giving advice and it just turned weird. i feel like now i am a creep cuz why else would he say all that stuff to me?

i have a cycle of themes and my two themes as of late is relationship ocd and suicidal. right now it has been relationship and i feel just constant physical anxiety. i go to college and my boyfriend goes to school 5 hours away. i love him very much and we’ve been together for almost 5 years. this is the first time i’ve ever made guy friends that aren’t his and the one boy in particular is overall nice and seems to be a little flirty but i think that’s just how he is and it comes off as flirty and i feel like ever since i felt that flirtatiousness it triggered me and causes me insane anxiety. now i constantly think about this person in ways i do not want to at all because the thought of not behinfbwjyh my boyfriend literally kills me. i think to myself oh you don’t have false attraction you actually like this person you wore this outfit for them you wanna go hang with your friends and the guys because you wanna see them and it’s to the point where i avoided going tonight because it made me feel so guilty and anxious i just wanna run to my boyfriend and cry to him and tell him every thought that runs in my head. someone help

Just curious.....how many people who've received their " OCD Conqueror" badge still have regular intrusive thoughts that ramp up their anxiety?

I often wake up and wonder if I’m on my way to become a bad and irredeemable person because of my OCD Intrusice thoughts, I wonder if I don’t like feeding into them even though they cause me immense suffering after. I don’t know if this is a ritual but after I have a bad intrusive thought I often successfully chase it away only to have I reoccurs after and I wonder if I don’t like doing this on purpose so I may continue feeling terrible about myself. Often my thoughts are so terrible I fear I’m truly a disgusting and terrible person hiding behind the pathetic excuse of having a “mental illness.” I get especially suicidal and scared when I think about how I would view someone having the same thoughts and ideas which I may have, I would be disgusted and hateful of them, I wouldn’t trust them and and wouldn’t want them to get near me. So why do I cry so much when I think that no one can possibly love me or understand me because of who I am and the thoughts I have? How can I differentiate between people who are bad because they have these thoughts and people like me who believe they can’t control these thoughts? Are not the people who are bad the same as us, is the difference that we don’t want to give in to these thoughts? I often see bad people interviewed who cite a lot of childhood trauma for how they turned out. I too have a lot of childhood trauma, does this mean that I am like them and will become like them and do something terrible to harm others without my control? Or do I just like tormenting myself? I don’t want to eat or enjoy things or talk to my friends and family because I believe they deserve a lot better than having to love someone who they do not know is having these thoughts, I think they would be disgusted if they knew this about myself which is why I want to die because I believe that would be a lot better than the people I love shunning me, and what’s even worse being emotionally impacted by the realization of my horribleness. I don’t know if I thought I have is mine, but who else’s could it be? I feel so guilty all the time but I don’t think that absolves me from having had these thoughts, so what do I do. It has gotten so bad that I often ask god if he could give me a sign that I should kill myself and not be selfish enough to live being an irredeemable person. I’m not a religious person but I don’t know what a good person with these thoughts is good for. I would want to let time pass by and have a husband and kids who spent their whole lives loving me not know that I have these thoughts, because I feel I must confess to them. I have a strong urge to confess all the time, but I’m afraid doing so would have the people I confess to classify me as a sick person and deeep down I don’t think I am a bad person or a sick one. What do I do? I can hardly work, or do anything. Everything is so debilitating, I don’t know what will become of me.

I was wondering if it was normal to be having really good days to coming home from my first day at a new job to a panic attack and overwhelming thoughts. I just felt out of it after I left work and just broke down when I got home.

Now I feel like one is imminent, I’m starting to really struggle and my anxiety is through the roof. I started Wegovy 4 weeks ago and also switched from combination birth control pill to the mini pill about the same time, I’m wondering if these changes are impacting my mental stability and triggering my OCD. I’m so scared, replaying real event (or false memory) things over and over again in my head again.