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I remembered something and it was awful. When I calmed down, I thought “I don’t think it actually went like that?” I feel like I’m making an excuse to make myself feel better. Like I’m lying to myself to feel okay? Like it’s not false memory ocd mixed in with real event. It’s just me being a monster and I just want to feel better. I feel like I made a big mistake, didn’t think twice back then but now I feel like crap and want an excuse to think I didn’t do that. I don’t know what’s real and what isn’t. I’m so scared.

So I know that when your ocd starts to subside and you start to heal the thoughts don’t effect you nearly as much as they did or maybe even at all. Well that’s happening to me which I’m grateful for. But how do you not fall for the ocd trap of “these thoughts don’t bother you so that must mean you’ve accepted them and they are true” like how do you deal with it and not have that thought constantly live in your head. Side note: my ROCD used to bother me 24/7 but now they mainly only kick it when I see my boyfriend and I don’t know if that’s a normal thing. ^ I have a tendency to form questions in a way that are reassurance seeking which I didn’t know so if any of this seems that way I promise that’s not my intent I’m just trying to learn more about it and what I can do to help. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

i couldn't take this anymore. maybe i'll just let ocd win this time. it's too hard to not have a clear conscience everytime i'm with my bf cuz my mind is telling me i'm unfaithful and don't deserve to be happy. i feel like i'll never get better anymore. i already told myself many times to stop attracting attention from other people especially to people i'm having false attraction to. but i did it again yesterday, right after i smiled a little extra in front of that girl i might be attracted to i could feel the massive anxiety in my chest. already decided last week that i might be actually attracted to her so it's best to fully avoid her. i avoided her with the best i could, but we're in the same classroom and i saw her in my peripheral vision looking at us (my bf and i) whispered to myself not to make any mistake i'll regret, but then i felt like i lose control and laugh a little extra. i searched micro cheating and it says there "trying to impress someone you're attracted to" and now i want to break up with my bf. the guilt is too strong. i couldn't sleep at night.

i’m having sm anxiety rn bc i had a choir christmas party yesterday at school and we had snacks and sugar and i think sm sugar can make ur ocd rise bc it’s technically caffeine but also since i’m a senior in high school we had this thing for seniors and i got 2 cookies i ate that so i think it generally messed with my anxiety and ocd but when i got home i was so tired and felt bleh but i was anxious bc my fear of death ofc was like “what if ur dying?” and i’m having trouble breathing bc i woke up from a nap yesterday and i was panicking bc i thought i was gonna puke… but i woke up from a morning headache and i was anxious this morning but i’m like ugh it’s so hard bc my head feels weird and my body feels weird like almost like a burn out after anxiety?? but like i took a tylenol idk if it helped… but my head feels weird and body feels weird like almost light headed but not? and tired feeling but then my health, sucidial, and fear of death in general has been going back to back

Lately, I’ve been struggling with a fear that I know is tied to my OCD, but it still feels overwhelming. Sometimes I wake up from a dream feeling good—like happy or even a little aroused—but I can’t fully remember what the dream was about. This triggers this intense anxiety for me because my brain starts spiraling: What if I was happy about something bad? What if it was connected to an intrusive thought? I know dreams are random and don’t reflect my true self or my values, but it’s hard not to overanalyze when I can’t remember the details. It’s like my OCD fills in the blanks with the worst-case scenarios, and I feel ashamed or scared for no reason. Anyone else?

Idk why I’m overthinking this I know it’s silly to. It’s just hot cocoa from my friend. Idk if I’m panicking cuz she’s a lesbian and she also wrote me a letter with it but I’m sure she did for everyone, everyone got a gift I’m pretty sure. I don’t see her that way but my brain and body are like “what if you do like her? What if she likes you? What if the reason kissing your bf doesn’t feel the same is cuz you wanna kiss girls instead” I don’t wanna see her that way I don’t. She’s a good friend that’s it. I don’t see her anymore than that and I love my boyfriend but now I’m worried I don’t or I don’t love him enough and it means I’m a lesbian. I’m bisexual, always have been, I like men and women, but I don’t wanna like women rn. And this led to me worrying that I won’t enjoy living with my boyfriend and I’m gonna realize that I’m a lesbian when we do live together after we get married (talks of marriage have been frequent given that he is Muslim) and I’m scared that the reason kissing him doesn’t feel the same isn’t cuz dopamine is slowing it’s because I don’t like kissing him even tho I do. I don’t wanna see my friend like that. I’m worried I’m suppressing a crush but I don’t think I am. I don’t get excited to see her the way I did seeing my bf before we were official. I don’t make excuses for us the hang out alone. That’s the last thing I want. That sounds mean. I don’t mean it that way. I just don’t want to give my own brain the wrong idea. But what if I’m not happy with my bf cuz I want a woman? But I am happy with him. I don’t want a woman rn. I want him and I want to feel confident in my love for him. I know I can’t get certainty. I’m scared I’m lying and I’m scared I’m gonna betray my boyfriend. Images of her and I hanging out pop into my head and I don’t like them. They’re not nice they’re not me. I keep checking to see if the Groinals have gone away and Ik I shouldn’t but I can’t help it. I started crying. I was having such a good week. And I do appreciate the hot cocoa and the letter, it was short just “hey thanks for being a great friend, merry Christmas” so idk why I’m being stupid and panicking. I know it’s irrational. It didn’t bug me at first but interacting with her during a small group activity made me anxious after cuz of a groinal. It went from one friend to another and I’m scared this is a real crush and I don’t want it to be. I love my boyfriend more than anything why is this happening. I just wrote him a letter about how I’ll always choose to keep loving him cuz I’d rather struggle than be handed love on a silver platter.(therapy question) now I’m scared I’m gonna end it. I don’t feel any physical anxiety in my body just a lot of ruminating. I do feel a bit and I know it’s bad anxiety, idk if this makes sense but I can tell the difference between my good and bad anxiety (good being the excitement). But it dissipates immediately and I keep trying to imagine myself in scenarios with this friend I just I don’t want to I want to go to bed I was getting ready to go to bed. I don’t like her like that, I don’t think. I just want to be normal. I don’t get Groinals to men lately, am I a lesbian cuz of that? I got them a couple months ago, which bugged me but also felt kinda reassuring whcih Ik is kinda bad cuz it was just a reminder “hey I do like men” even tho I know I do. Now I’m scared I can’t live in the future with my bf long term cuz of this cuz I’m gonna wake up one day and say “I’m a lesbian” but I’m not. And I’m worried I see him only as a friend whcih also. I don’t want. Yes he’s my best friend but he’s more so let me feel that good feeling brain. What if I do wanna break up with him and am a lesbian but am using OCD as a crutch to stay unhappy even tho I am happy and attracted to him romantically and otherwise. I love going out with him to see a movie, cuddling with him, kissing him. It’s all wonderful. But I’m worried I’ve been faking and I’m getting sick of him now and that’s because im a lesbian and also sex and just most things don’t feel as exciting anymore. But I enjoy it. I know im not a lesbian but my brain is screaming at me otherwise. I just want to be left alone. I don’t even wanna sit near any of my female friends lately. Specifically the one in this post and a different one in the same friend group for the same reason, the other one is bi, same as me. Never saw her like that, still don’t. She’s pretty and funny but I see her as a friend. The other girls im fine around idk why. I do have the intrusive thought of “kiss them” which has never bothered me before but now the urge seems so real and I hate it. And the fact it DOESNT cause me anxiety but im still panicking about it makes me think it’s still ocd even if im not officially diagnosed Anyways. That’s mostly it. Hopefully that clears up by morning. Im getting my nails done cuz I need to stop picking at my skin (a habit I’ve had since I was a kid, it gets real bad)

So I don’t spiral: is it normal for the dopamine of sex to kinda decrease. My boyfriend and I started having sex in august, and even then it wasn’t “oh my god yesss” type of sex, it kinda was when I was finishing but during it it just felt like smthn going in and out and kissing. Which is great I do love it a lot honestly. But I’m worried I’m not feeling enough now. When we first started dating I got these like tingles up and down my spine whenever he’d touch me sexually or kiss me or do anything (I don’t wanna be TMI) and it was wonderful then it started to slow and then when this all settled in I stopped feeling that rush. Does that mean thinsg have changed or is it just because I’m comfortable. I do want to have sex, I will admit my drive is lower than it used to be but I was told it’s just the dopamine slowing down cuz we’re familiar with each other and there isn’t thag much that’s new about the same body after 10 whole months. And o just worry that it’s gonna keep going down and I’ll never feel drive again. Is it normal for sex jsut to feel like sex and not this huge emotional porn level/social media level thing? Like I know I’m attracted to my boyfriend and love doing thinsg with him but once we get going it feels like I don’t feel anything in my body besides when my clit is being stimulated with the bullet, there’s no tingles, I did get goosebumps last night while he was doing things to me which was new and I enjoyed that. Idk if this means he and I have to be more adventurous or if it means I don’t find him sexually attractive anymore and therefore don’t love him/am gay which I know is wrong, I do love him, it’s just changing from infatuation to lifelong, and maybe sex changes as part of that. Sex is still fun and enjoyable and I love doing it, it doesn’t happen as often cuz yay university but it’s still fun when we do do it. Just less exciting. There’s no butterflies or anything in my stomach like there used to be, probably cuz like I said, I’ve seen his body and his butt so many times over the last 10 months lol, same thing goes for just seeing him in general. I don’t get these waves of excitement but I’m still happy to see him, make him a gift or food and hang out with him doing god knows what. Even when I’m stressed by exams

It's like the unwelcome presence that instantly ruins the mood, and especially when I leave areas of higher external entropy, my internal entropy increases- all the ruminations which I might not even recognize as a newbie make their way in and I get sad suddenly. Like one moment I was happy with something and I wanted to let it consume me, but instead something else consumes me- the ruminations. I can't think about anything related to my sexual orientation now. Because my brain can't be trusted. There are days where I'm convinced I'm Bi, other days are like "do you even know the first thing about dating women?" Even If I know I don't have it in my capacity to love women in sexual or romantic way, my brain is great at convincing me. It's a crusade against a dark omnipresent force.

Hi, I’ve suffered with several types of OCD for as long as I can remember, but I’ve been doing really well recently. The last few days have been very difficult for me, and I’ve begun to spiral, I can usually handle most OCD as I’ve been there done that and got the t-shirt (and I know what to do) but there’s a new one this last day that’s been making me feel totally helpless and I’ve never seen anyone have the same thoughts all out together into one big OCD theme, so that’s making me even more concerned. I suffer badly with harm OCD amongst other ones, worrying about harming/killing my loved ones in my sleep and not knowing about it or being able to prevent it (and this genuinely makes me feel sick, and stops me from sleeping a lot especially when I’m on my own in the house with another member of family or a loved one). Recently I’ve been feeling out of sorts (fatigued, loss of appetite and like everything’s just not real) which is possibly anxiety or my derealisation at play. Last night, I was in and out of sleep badly, it just wasn’t a smooth night, but I woke up this morning fine until I remembered I had (at some point during the night, asleep or awake I’m not sure) I had been thinking about a book I read where the woman murdered her child and then the husband suffocated the wife to death. This has set me off like nothing different, because I get very agitated when I can’t remember exactly when or why I thought things. My (very abnormal OCD) way of thinking is that what if I thought about that in the book when I was half-asleep and not in control and I then went and did it to a loved one and had no ability to prevent or know about it - and now this is all very much a dream or something I’ve conjured up to ‘protect’ myself from the truth or that I’m in prison or a psychotic ward or something along those lines…crazy I know! Now everything feels very ‘unreal’ and I just can’t stop thinking about this scenario, mainly because I can’t remember why or when I was thinking about the book I just know that I was - this is totally new and a bit out of the box even for me. I guess I’m just wondering if anyone has ever suffered with anything similar (unlikely🤣) or what type of OCD this may fall under? Or even any methods or ways I can help myself and easing this new OCD as this is just truly exhausting now… Thanks!

It's especially worse before my period, but i still get this all other weeks. The past few months I've noticed more that i get in waves of not being attracted AT ALL, physically and sexually. Sometimes I'll think my fiance looks cute but then I feel like it quickly goes back to not feeling attracted. I analyze his appearance and face. I check our pictures a lot and sometimes i dont think he looks attractive and other times i think he looks attractive. I compare his personality to others... I keep getting the ick. I feel terrible. I basically have zero libido for sex or masturbating. I'm afraid that he's not the one for me, I feel like I'm getting FOMO. My anxiety gets so high in the morning to where I have break up urges sometimes. At the same time I don't want to lose him and the thought of me not being with him makes me cry.... We're getting married next year and sometimes I feel guilty wearing my ring because im having these thoughts. I feel guilt and question myself every time i think about wedding planning. I question if I love him anymore because of this. I fear I won't find him attractive ever again or in the future. I had a couple days where i had clarity and we talked about our future etc, found him handsome, had intimacy etc, but then like I said it reverts back to the doubting. I keep seeing posts that people who are married 10+ years are still in honeymoon phase, still find eachother massively attractive, have sex all the time. It makes me feel like something is wrong because we're not like that and that I'm supposed to be with someone else in order to feel that. Before we moved in together we had sex 1/2 times a week maybe. Now its like 1/2 a month... And i know part of it is because were familiar with each other/live together etc. But why do i not feel attracted!? My partner is so understanding, sweet and caring even through all of this. Hes so supportive and he's my best friend. I keep asking him for reassurance if he feels loved by me etc and he always says yes. We've been living together for 2 years and been together for 6 total. I keep getting into a depressive state and crying over this over and over and over again. thinking what if we're not supposed to be together, FOMO, if we're compatible, thinking I should just be alone. Its exhausting. And hes always there to hold my hand and comfort me. I got teared up just typing that. Hugging him gives me comfort. I feel like there's a part of me that's suddenly scared to get married, but I want to get married. but it's like suddenly the thought of marriage makes me scared??? But also at the same time i feel like if we were married already i wouldnt be going through this? A few months ago we were looking at houses together, picked out wedding colors, I was traveling for work and was so sad to leave him, and so happy to see him when I got home. I do see a future with him. We talked about kid names in the past. and now I feel like I'm questioning everything in my life for no reason. I HATE feeling this way. I just feel depressed all the time, don't want to do anything, just lay in bed and cry. I hate waking up in the morning. I barely have the motivation at work or just to do my hobbies. I want to be normal again. Anyone been through something similar? Does it get better??? Should I take meds for this?? I'm currently in therapy but I think im going to switch therapists.

I made a comment that was stereotypical, and now I feel like a huge racist. I promise that I didn’t mean it with any ill intent. I meant it with admiration. I don’t know why I feel bad. I’m the most anti-racist person in my family and I constantly thrive to be better. I don’t know why I’m freaking out. Oh my god. Why is this happening? I know what my intentions were. I feel so scared of being judged oh my god

Here is my OCD, it is several. Read this in full: The first is that I have a crush on an actress from a concert in 2015. I have a picture of her. I know weird, but we all have our peculiarities. The actress at the time is **17 years** (but would turn 18 in 30 days) and is a senior in **high school** I am currently **19 years and 10 months**. I am a sophomore in **college**. Thus the age gap is *1 year and 11 months and a 2 grade difference. My first OCD source of anxiety is that I will be **20** and the age gap will become **2 years and 2 months**. (The actress’s age won’t change as it is of a photo from 2015) and on top of that there will be a two grade difference. I feel guilty knowing that. My second OCD is magical OCD or real event OCD. Remember that image I was talking about of the actress in 2015. I am beginning to doubt if it was from 2015. The time stamp and caption and all else point to her being 2015, but I am afraid there is a second, 100% identical image (down to the pixel) of that actress from 2008 (when the actress was a child) and that every time I access the image from 2015, I am actually accessing the supposed image from 2008. I have no proof of such an image though. What about the time stamp under the image? I convinced myself that someone accidentally or deliberately changed the year of that image from 2008 to 2015. (The actress was 17-18 in 2015 and 10-11 in 2008, and somehow I managed to convince myself that the actress looked the same across the 9 years). I am sorry if I sound pushy, but I don’t know how to deal with both sources of anxiety. I don’t know how to do ERP for any of this. I would love a one on one therapy session but I don’t have money nor do I want anything on my medical records.

I am scared I did something wrong. Basically my original fear was that when I put my phone in charge with my mom’s charger that the charger touched somewhere gross somehow and nobody was at home with me to deny that it wasn’t true. Basically I wanted to see if it was even possible because it was bothering me so much and I was crying. Obviously I didn’t put it in the gross area but I just tested to see if the charger would go in my sweatpants waistband and it didn’t and I did this in the living room like I wasn’t doing anything crazy and it didn’t touch any where gross I just tested it in the side of my waistband and it didn’t even go through but then I remembered the originally my waistband was looser so then I just tested again on the side like nowhere near anywhere gross it was literally my hip of the waistband of my sweatpants and it still didn’t go through so I know my thoughts from earlier weren’t true. Well basically I’m scared now that the charger somehow got in a gross place when it really was just beside my hip and then it wasn’t my own phone charger somehow then I felt so guilty because I would’ve been contaminating someone else phone. So then I completely removed the phone charger and replaced it with a different one and again I saw if the charger would go in my hip like past my waistband and it literally didn’t and it didn’t go anywhere bad plus I was in the hallway I wasn’t hiding anything because I wasn’t doing anything crazy it was just in my waistband but now I feel like I did something gross and everything is contaminated

1. Thoughts about Not Loving My Boyfriend: • “What if I don’t love him?” • “I feel like I’ve lost my feelings for him.” • “I don’t feel love the way I used to.” 2. Fear of Changing or Being Different: • “What if I’ve changed and this is the real me now?” • “What if I’ve grown out of the relationship?” 3. Doubt About Attraction: • “I’m not attracted to him anymore.” • “I feel numb when I look at him.” 4. Thoughts of Disconnection and Irritation: • “I feel irritated when he shows affection.” • “I feel bored or disconnected when we talk.” • “Why do I feel like I can’t stand him sometimes?” 5. Fear of Denial: • “What if I’m in denial and I’m just pretending to love him?” • “What if all these thoughts are true?” 6. Fear of Being a Bad Person: • “I’m a terrible person for feeling this way.” • “I’m ruining my relationship and hurting him.” 7. General Anxiety About the Future: • “What if I’ll fall for someone else in the future?” • “What if I’ll never feel love again?” 8. Intrusive Thoughts from the Past: • “I had violent thoughts about my dad.” • “I worried I was a pedophile after seeing a video.” Feelings Associated with These Thoughts: 1. Numbness and Emotional Disconnection: • Feeling emotionally flat or unable to access love or joy. 2. Guilt and Shame: • Feeling like a bad person or partner. 3. Hopelessness and Despair: • Feeling like things will never get better. • Believing i am stuck this way forever. 4. Irritation and Frustration: • Getting annoyed when my boyfriend shows affection. 5. Fear and Panic: • Experiencing overwhelming anxiety when questioning my feelings. 6. Sadness and Confusion: • Crying frequently, feeling lost, or not understanding why i feel this way. Compulsions I Engage In: 1. Reassurance Seeking: • Constantly asking others if everything is okay or if your feelings are normal. 2. Researching and Googling: • Searching for answers about ROCD, anxiety, and relationships online. • Checking forums like the NOCD app for reassurance. 3. Mental Checking and Analysis: • Constantly checking if i feel love, attraction, or connection. • Analyzing every interaction and emotion to see if they’re “right.” 4. Confessing: • Telling your boyfriend or others about your thoughts to relieve guilt or doubt. 5. Avoidance: • Pulling back from conversations or interactions with my boyfriend due to anxiety. 6. Comparing: • Comparing your current feelings to how you used to feel at the beginning of the relationship. 7. Self-Criticism: • Judging yourself harshly and believing i am a terrible person. FEELING SO REAL I’m struggling with ROCD and it’s consuming me. My intrusive thoughts make me feel like I don’t love my boyfriend, that I’ve changed, or that I’m a terrible person. These thoughts make me feel numb, disconnected, and hopeless. My compulsions include constant reassurance-seeking, analyzing my feelings, researching online, and confessing my fears. It’s exhausting, and I’m desperate to feel like myself again. Does anyone relate to this? How do you cope?

Hi. Does anyone here have experience with being in an interfaith relationship? Specifically Muslim Christian but any POV is appreciated. I am majorly overthinking things. I keep reading that these relationships don’t work and confuse children and the like. If anyone here has been or is in an interfaith relationship or is a product of one, please share your experience. Im worried that me not being Muslim and attempting to raise Muslim children with my boyfriend will backfire even tho I’m doing my best to learn about Islam and modesty both on the internet and from his sisters. We both want kids, we have thrown the idea of not having them out there but it wouldn’t be fair to him. It’s not an all consuming passion for me, I could be happy with or without kids. I know for him raising a child as Muslim is his responsibility. And I’m willing to be part of that I’m just scared. Before ROCD I had no concerns and thought “we’ll deal with it when we get there” but once it started it’s “what if we divorce after having kids, what if I mess up? What if they hate me and resent me and in turn he resents me? What if they’re queer (my boyfriend is not homophobic at all ever, he’s relatively chill with queer people just doesn’t know how to go about it and doesn’t feel too comfortable with it in his family (I’m bi and he’s ok with it))” stuff like that. We discussed the queer thing when I was in a horrible state of overthinking. There’s no way for me to know so I’m trying to sit with the uncertainty but I want answers so badly of what to do. Part of me feels like it’d be easier to end it so he can find a Muslim woman and life would be easy but the other part of me isn’t willing to let him go cuz I want to struggle. I want to learn and be part of his life like this. The difference of faith isn’t huge to me, it’s the same god, just different ways of looking at it. I have thought about Islam but I don’t have enough research under my belt to be able to consider it fully. My belief in god in general is weaker than his. It’s a beautiful religion and the modesty is gorgeous (I wanna steal his sisters’ abayas lol, also I’d I’m stuck on modesty, I have them to help me if I have a daughter with him) but I can’t consider it fully until I’m in a better head space. Also I barely know Arabic. All I have is duolingo Arabic lol. Honestly I’m willing to compromise, we have talked about holidays and I assume the sentiment will last till we have kids. Celebrate both holidays, no religious ties for Christmas which is fine, all I want is to spend time with him and my family. Halloween is a no go which is fine, I’m growing out of it and just want the makeup and discount candy lol. Easter we haven’t talked about but honestly, discount eggs are fine. I’d celebrate Ramadan with him, fast if I’m able/want to, Eid as well. I do want this relationship to last and work. I’m just scared of it. I don’t know a single person in my situation (well. My friend’s uncle married a Christian but idk if it was before or after they had kids, same with my bf’s uncle, he married 2 actually, the one he’s currently with has her own kids so they didn’t have to worry about faith issues) so I come to the people of this app for some assistance. I was a little nervous about the difference before but now it’s a lot and I’m worried it’s a genuine cause for concern to end the relationship. I don’t think it is. We’ve discussed it and I’m happy with the arrangement.

Me and my boyfriend got into an argument yesterday. He usually sometimes lashes out on me when he’s frustrated or stressed even if I didn’t do anything. But yesterday was different he asked me a question about a bus ticket because he’s coming to see me. I miss understood the question and he got mad and he first said “ lord have mercy while he huffed and puffed “ then he proceeded to say I don’t listen to him. I immediately shut down because I don’t argue with people because my point never gets across and it causes me immense anxiety. So I said why are you upset at me I made a mistake , he didn’t respond so I pulled out my phone to scroll on Tik tok to calm my nerves. He then got upset that I did that because I was ignoring him and then he said I don’t have to come see you I’m doing you a favor since none of your parents are coming to help you move ( I’m moving from college apartments to a house and my parents aren’t helping) in my mind I thought I never asked u to come help me but I only asked you to come if you want to see me and help if you can. He wasn’t obligated I didn’t beg him at all. After he made that statement I lost it and I explained to him that I made a mistake and everyone does and he should be patient and I used the reference point like being at school ( he has adhd and when he needs help the teaches help him and if he had questions they are patient with him to repeat themselves). For reference we stopped talking in November last year and we started talking again in August this year. His behavior hasn’t changed and for me it’s a mirror image of my dad. My dad used to do the same things to my mom and say the same exact things that’s why we aren’t close at all. I’m just lost of words so I’ve just been shutdown since this happened and he keeps apologizing for it and I’m like it’s okay. But deep down I don’t let it go because he used to treat me way worse and it’s just flashbacks from before. He used to name call me cuss at me yell at me and I would cry and he didn’t care. When I left him in November he really did care and then once I came back he talks to me the same way but not as much as he did before. Like he doesn’t cuss at me, or name call , but he be littles me because he’s insecure. He said to me yesterday when I told him something “ I know I’m not retarded” and I told him that’s what my dad says to my mom because he doesn’t like that she’s smarter then him. And he apologized but ik he will say it again. I don’t like to nitpick at his faults but as an overthinking person I can’t let this go. I start thinking maybe I should’ve not got back with him and the more he says the more I shutdown and don’t even want to talk to him. It’s like I was excited to see him Saturday and a part of me was like I don’t care if he even shows up anymore. After all this he kept apologizing and kept asking me what I want to talk about and I said anything. I didn’t want to talk to him so he started his homework and kept asking if I’m okay and I said yes I’m fine. I truly was silent because at that point I didn’t care what he was doing I was watching Netflix. He saw that so every 30 seconds I had to pause because I couldn’t hear him on FaceTime and he kept asking what’s wrong. At that point I was irritated and said I’m tired because I actually was but I was also annoyed because you apologized and when I am still silent towards you, you want to bother because you don’t want me to be mad at you. Anyways he kept on asking me until 30 minutes pass and I’m already about to close my eyes to go to bed. Then he says stay awake I want to watch a video with you, so he kept talking to me and I just wanted to rest. When he was done with his homework he screenshared YouTube to watch one of my favorite shows to compensate for how he treated me so I can get out of shutdown mode. I told him numerous times I wasn’t in the mood I’m tired and then when I said that he was upset and unshared his screen. He said that he was sorry but he doesn’t like repeating himself and I wasn’t listening. Which wasn’t the case I was confused because what he was asking me about the bus ticket wasn’t clear.(sorry for the long message) Anyone have advice here ?

Hey guys! So I struggle with OCD, especially harm, relationship and moral stuff and I am somewhat recovered now. However, my current girlfriend has started showing signs of OCD but it’s abou5 something I don’t know much about so I wanted to see if anyone on here had thoughts about it. She is constantly thinking about food (when to eat it, what is healthy, what is too much, what is too little) and controls the thoughts by giving in and controlling her entire day around food. She don’t really know the feeling of being full. She never starved herself and always eats, but then she feels extremely guilty afterwards. Her thoughts do have to do a lot with her body image and not gaining weight but also not losing any either. Does this sound like ocd or an eating disorder?

I puke and gag everyday even thinking about my worst pocd fears being true... (unknowingly sexting or having intimate relations with a minor) and I cant even get reassurance for it... this life sucks... nothing and nobody cares... i cant even get reassurance for my struggles, so whats the point even hoping in anything getting better? Everyday its just people telling me to stop seeking reassurance, and it doesnt even feel like people care enough to help... just people telling me that so they can stop seeing me post... well i hate myself already... so... if you want to hate me, go ahead... im tired of thinking anything will ever be better, because of the fact that i cant even get reassurance... and it feels like people dont even care...

Therapy has been going well. Had a session today, and although my therapist isn’t an OCD specific one, we’re trying ERP soon :) Today tho we had a tough conversation going over some of my ROCD thoughts. Yknow the fear of it not working out. What if I don’t want this. What if I don’t want to be with a man in general. And she asked me a question. “If you could have the guarantee of the love that you wanted but it was with someone else, would you do it?” I thought about it for a sec, and I said no. And I meant it. I’d rather the risk of being looked at differently by my bf’s community than lose him. I’d rather work to be with him than have the guarantee. Immediately after, I felt like I had lied and had actually wanted to say yes I’d go with someone else but it didn’t seem right to me to say that. Thinking about it gives me a bit of anxiety. I told her it felt like I was lying and she said “well if that was your gut reaction to say that I think it’s a pretty good sign of how you feel” my mom said the same thing a couple months ago when this first started. “Do you love him” “yes” I said through tears “are you happy?” “Yes” “do you feel uncomfortable around him during sex or intimacy” “anxious but no, not uncomfortable” sex is still new and I’m worried I’m not enjoying it enough or it’s not electric enough even tho it does feel really nice to be intimate with him. I don’t think it has to feel electric to be enjoyable. Back to the point. I wrote my boyfriend a letter detailing what I had talked about (just to give him cuz he’s in a bit of a pit of his own). And I felt good writing it, and reading it over. I texted my boyfriend to check in on him and he made a dad joke lol and I texted him “you’re cute” and I felt slight anxiety but not much. I still feel pretty decent but I’m worried I did lie to my therapist and to my boyfriend in the letter and that I don’t actually want to work on this relationship. I want to keep choosing him cuz I do love him but there’s a bit of this voice “hmmm what if you don’t” and I know that voice can exist and I can still love him. Still trying to understand that concept. I feel good about the relationship and don’t want anyone or anything else but I do worry that it’s either not enough or a lie and everything I say is a lie. The numbness is weird. I feel good but then go back to feeling eh. When I’m around him I’m good. I’m thinking less than normal, I’m not feeling much anxiety. But I’m not feeling better. I’m not feeling clarity and the love I usually feel which worries me slightly that I don’t love him but I know love isn’t always butterflies and it’s a choice and an action. Sometimes I feel kinda done mentally some days, maybe it’s cuz I am overwhelmed these days and ending the relationship would be an easy way out and we wouldn’t have to take the risk of staying in our relationship because of the cultural aspects. But that feels wrong. I don’t wanna do that. It doesn’t cause me anxiety to think about but. I don’t like the thought. Im happy and safe and cared for and our values align. There’s no reason for me to be thinking this which is why I feel bad and like a liar. And going back to the question my therapist asked me, what if I had said I didn’t wanna stay like my brain wanted me to but my gut and heart said otherwise?? I think I’d feel guilty and sad cuz that means ending the relationship and I can’t bear the thought of losing my boyfriend. Some days the thought doesn’t make me sad but today, especially during therapy it did. The thought of a guarantee with someone else seems appealing yes but I don’t want someone else. I have a passionate kind love, a lasting ember as my boyfriend would call it cuz a fire can’t last forever right? I wanna keep it. I have hope. If anyone else feels the numbness I’d appreciate some relatability. It’s starting to ease up but with exam stress I just go right back and I’m worried it’s not love cuz of that lol. But yeah. A tiny bit of hope. I know the second I wake up tomorrow I’ll feel worse lol

Help me! I acted on a compulsion and now I feel like want to keep doing it. I’m scared. I had been doing okay for these past two days but idk. What should I do?