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Also just now someone messaged me with 17 comments and i couldnt see them... im so scared they think i did something inappropriate and horrible when i dont ever want to ever groom, or be inappropriate with minors in any way...

I have a balcony where I live and it’s right next to the pool. I go out there frequently to smoke, but most of the time people are frequently there whether it’s adults or kids sometimes im by myself. But when there are kids sometimes im scared that the parents think im weird for being out there on my balcony a lot. And sometimes if they scream or are playing or if someone is walking by I’ll look over but im scared the parents think im watching their kids in a weird way. Also sometimes i just like to look at people in public idk if thats weird, not stare, just observe what’s going on i like human interaction and also if its kids playing it gives me a feeling of nostalgia and missing that time. So im just scared what if parents think im a p??? for being out here?? I am just out here smoking and I go on my phone, I am a girl and not even past 20 so I hope they know im just sitting out here to smoke :( im just scared. And my brain is telling me im only worried because i am a p and im fooling everyone around me

I just need to vent. I feel hopeless. When i think about guys i feel anxiety. That’s why im scared that I’m actually experiencing comphet. I dont feel anything for guys. But i also do not want to do anything with girls. But i do get thoughts that im gay. It feels real. It makes me so sad that i feel like this. It feels like i should accept my true identity. I cant anymore. Why does it feel like i know im gay and i just have to come out and admit that I’m gay? 😔 i think no one feels like this. I want to cry. I feel empty.

Has anyone done erp therapy for their suicidal ocd? The first theme I ever got was suicidal intrusive thoughts that terrified me to the point where I was on the floor throwing up and shaking. My fear was getting depressed because I always thought depression leads to suicide. I ended up getting diagnosed with depression about a month or 2 ago and this just raised my anxiety & ocd tremendously. Therefore I mm not scared of my intrusive thoughts but they do give me this stomach dropping feeling so I do react a little but no how I used to. Every time I get suicidal intrusive thoughts it makes me feel like I’m actually thinking about it and it worries me that I’m not even scared anymore. Has this been an issue for anyone??

I get that you can’t fight the thoughts, otherwise they get way worse. No use arguing that, it’s OCD-101. lol. But agreeing with them can be damaging right? Especially with POCD and SO-OCD. I’ve accepted that I’ve had these thoughts and have stopped trying to fight them mostly, but I refuse to accept that the thoughts say anything about me. Is that the correct way of dealing with it? Agreeing with them seems like it truly would damage me and hurt my self-confidence.

I have partner focused rocd and I have been with my bf for over a year now and we have engaged in sexual stuff obviously, my ocd has randomly latched onto consent?? Like there has been times where my bf asked to do something sexual and I’ve just made “unsure noises” and he has said “please” a couple of times and I did the sexual thing. I was fine throughout the sexual acts and wasn’t really uncomfortable but my ocd is trying to convince me I was uncomfortable. My boyfriend and I have autism and sometimes struggle understanding things and need straight forward/clear answers. My boyfriend said a few times he’s said “please” or asked me to do something else after I didn’t say yes is because he wasn’t sure what I was giving off wether I was not wanting to do it or if I was just thinking. The times he’s said please he took it as me thinking. I do see why he would be unsure as sometimes I don’t give a straight forward yes or no sometimes because I am awkward. I asked him if I need to be clearer with saying no because I am a bit of a people pleaser and he said yes and it’s completely okay if I say no and he will be fine if I ever say no and I can make it clear and I don’t sound “mean”. A lot of the time I have low motivation because of ADHD and I might be unsure/can’t be arsed to do it but then he does something and I enjoy it and want to do more because it gave me motivation. My ocd still tries to convince me it’s bad??? Also my boyfriend sometimes does playful silly stuff like smack my behind when I’m infront of him and I do it back and it’s funny but sometimes my ocd is like “omg he didn’t ask that’s really bad!” My boyfriend has said if he does something I don’t want him to do in that moment I can just say no. My ocd constantly tries to make him a bad person. Can Anyone relate/help?

not really a tw but this mentions a lot of sexual stuff so i woke up in the middle of the night last night and had a weird thought or dream abt sex. not even sure if it was me with another person or two different people. and i’m not sure if i dreamt it or just imagined it when i was falling asleep. however i do remember not feeling worried like i usually do when i have those thoughts/dreams. and now it’s the next day and i don’t really feeling anxious abt it. i have being doing a ton of erp recently and i think it’s been working?? bc this morning and yesterday morning i’ve woken up feeling completely fine. usually intrusive thoughts immediately flood my mind as soon as i wake up. anyways back to what happened: now that im awake i still don’t really feel anxious abt it which makes me feel like i should feel guilt bc does that mean i cheated on my bf? like i said im pretty sure it consisted of two different people and i wasn’t involved at all in the thought/dream but i remember vividly telling myself to stop thinking about it but continuing to think/dream about it. that’s what really made me feel guilty. however now that im awake, when i think abt sex the only person that comes to my mind is my bf and nobody else. idk if im explaining that good. i just feel like i should be guilty for something bc maybe that is considered cheating and if im not guilty then it means i wanted to do it. i don’t ever want to cheat on my bf. he is genuinely the only person i ever want to be with intimately and thinking abt other ppl doing that makes me question if i enjoy it. (basically watching p0rn). i know in reality i do not enjoy it. but maybe it’s a natural reaction to getting those sort of visuals in ur mind??? idk

I need help really badly. I’m very deep into an ROCD spiral, I haven’t slept all night and it’s 4 30 in the morning. I really really don’t think I love my boyfriend of 11 months. I want to so badly I’ve never felt like this before. I’m only 15 but he’s really the love of my life and I’m losing him because of these thoughts and feelings. I can’t even tell if it’s ROCD or just how I feel. I want it to stop so so badly. I just want to love him again. I don’t feel ready to give up yet but I feel like I do but I don’t want to want that. How can I get the thoughts to stop and how do I live him again. I don’t want anyone else to be with him ever but I want him to be happy . He didn’t do anything wrong and he loves me so so so much and I feel so guilty. I’m not able to see him for a week because he’s spending some time with a friend who he hasn’t seen in years but I only feel better when I’m with him. I’m so terrified. Id rather die than not love him. I can think of our general relationship and it was so so perfect before the thoughts and it brings me comfort to know I still have that relationship, but when I think of him as a person I really don’t think I love him. It’s always the one same thought to that I don’t love him, occasionally I’m worried that we’re going to break up. I can’t tell if I miss him, I don’t think I do but I want to. None of the hospitals or councillors or helplines are calling back. How do I love him again please help me. I’m scared it’s not ROCD and I just don’t love him but I’ve lived him since we were 11 and I’m autistic and I don’t like change so maybe I’m just worried how things will change. I’m so severely depressed and I need him. I need it to stip and I need to love him again. I need help please help me love him again

I need to talk to someone, I basically believe that almost all I have experience to this point with my HOCD until now it was just OCD tricks and bullshit, but I have this one memory that it's killing me cause it happened before the HOCD, and it's me having a feeling like I could actually crush on a dude, I just had it for one moment one night, I'm not sure why, but I did had it, and this was before I had HOCD, I'm also pretty sure it's not a false memory and I don't know what to do

I'm having a hard day with my OCD, which is weird because I was doing alright this morning. a new theme hit me. I realized I have my mom's habit of reacting with annoyance when asked for or about things. My brother asked me to stay in the kitchen with him while he made food (I have to watch him use the stove so he doesn't hurt himself and I usually babysit since my parents work). I got annoyed and told him fine and just to give me a second because I was laying down and I was really tired. I feel bad, I tend to do this sometimes. I don't even mean it, it just happens, especially because of my mental health making me exhausted and anxious all the time. I don't know what effect this could have on my brothers and I don't want them to grow up traumatized or something because of me. Especially because I think my mom doing it to me growing up might be why I'm so afraid to tell her things without feeling like a burden. I'm hating myself hard today. I feel like I deserve the bad mental health I have and that my brothers will grow up hating me. I'm struggling to focus on anything else.

Back in January 2023, a guy 2 years younger ( gap was 14 and 16) started to like me and I ended up getting attached to him. There was some flirting. If I remember correctly the MOST I sent was pictures of my thighs. He also asked if he could use my pics that I had posted on social media to do “stuff” to so I just said yes. I never asked for any pictures from him. People on the internet really scare me and say that 2 years is grooming and really weird and it scares me so much that I’m a bad person even though I regret it and wouldn’t do it again. I have quite a big platform on social media and get 20k-100k views quite often. Seeing popular people being cancelled is triggering. My OCD makes me feel like I need to post a video “confessing” what I’ve done and that I’m a bad person and I’m problematic and deserve to be cancelled…. Even though it was over a year ago and I regret it. Did I do anything wrong? My ocd tells me I’m a horrible groomer :( please help

This youtuber was accused of making inappropriate sex jokes with a minor, and planning to meet up with him at dreamcon when the minor turned 16... this was all when the youtuber was 20 and the minor was 13... POCD is saying that my situation with me venting about 18+ HOCD stuff to people in the PM's on an OCD groupchat I found from NOCD, including minors, means that I am just as bad as they are... or worse... I pm'ed them from the support group and vented to them about my 18+ HOCD struggles... I dont ever want to ever be attracted to minors in any way... I dont ever want to ever engage in any inappropriate relations with minors in any way...

Sometimes when I post and don’t get any replies, I get extremely paranoid that im the only one with this problem and that no one can help because they don’t understand what im going through and just find me crazy, and I start thinking im a traitor to this app and that i’m just deranged. I feel like a lost cause and im scared that if I tell anyone what I went through, they’ll just be driven away from me and avoid me. It makes me feel so isolated and depressed.

Hey guys, I’ve recently had a relapse in my OCD. I felt like coming on and maybe sharing some of my events so maybe it will help someone feel a little less alone and to get some advice. I have ROCD and Harm OCD. My harm OCD started at 16 years old, I was shown a disturbing video in class one time.. My teacher was supposed to show us the animated version but she showed us the real version. It was truly terrifying. Following that, i started having intrusive thoughts.. of things I would absolutely never want to do. I didn’t know what intrusive thoughts were at the time. I struggled with feeling so alone, crazy.. and so on. I was too afraid to tell anyone because i thought people would think i’m crazy because I thought I did. I finally reached out to my dad about it and he welcomed me with open arms. He told me about his anxiety journey and that he has had anxiety all of his life. Following that I went to the doctor, my doctor started me on Zoloft. I was on that for 2 years and my anxiety improved tremendously. After 2 years I decided to stop taking it due to weight gain, and that I felt better and didn’t struggle with my anxiety or intrusive thoughts anymore. I met my now Fiancé and my OCD transferred into ROCD. I obsessed and worried every single day that he was going to leave me for the past year and a half. Once he proposed, my worries went away, I guess my mind was proven that he wasn’t going to leave. So it went away. A couple of weeks later after we got engaged, I got triggered. I was on a trip with my future in laws and his father brought a g*n. I started having intrusive thoughts about harming them or myself. Had a very bad panic attack. I have been struggling since. I avoid the kitchen, tell my fiancé to put away knives… I feel the need to isolate but at the same time I don’t want to be alone. I have thoughts about the people that are close to me and that I love. Which makes it so much worse. I finally decided to share my story after an extremely rough night last night. I woke up in the middle of the night, had a HUGE panic attack due to my thoughts. Every single time I have a thought I panic, I feel butterflies in my stomach, start to uncontrollably shake..my brain gets so loud and I feel nothing but like straight fear. It’s like my body and brain reacts as if it’s trying to run away from itself but I can’t escape my head. Which in a way makes me feel better because i think “oh well i’m scared as crap of these thoughts which means i don’t want to do them”. It kind of keeps me going because i know real people who have these thoughts enjoy them… but of course my anxiety and ocd goes “well how do you know you don’t enjoy them” and I just go down a rabbit hole. Then if I have a thought, and i don’t get scared over it.. I get scared that I didn’t get scared. 🤦🏼‍♀️ I just pray that they go away, I even get scared that with Zoloft i’m like “what if they don’t go away because it’s really what you want”. My brain is on high alert, everything is a trigger. My fiancé has been an absolute rock star and has helped me through every second of it. He is my biggest supporter and so understanding. Then I’ll have intrusive thoughts about him! I’m just at a place right now where I could use some hope. I want my zoloft to get rid of them completely. This has been so crippling. Im on day 4 of Zoloft, I know it isn’t working yet. If anyone has any advice, suggestions, or literally just anything. I would appreciate so so much.

Hi so today I feel ok and really terrible at the same time. I realized that I feel fine and dandy at moments with friends and totally strangers but with my family I put on this almost act of suffering around them from my guilt but as my parents talked to me about it too it seems like I am manipulating them. And I feel weird because going back to my blow up I think I could have been okay I just chose to let it all go and out because regulating myself was tiring and I didn’t even notice how bad my persecution’s became. I’m not sure what to do now because now I’m living a very different life with my family and I feel like I am kinda being a manipulative fraud despite me wanting the complete opposite. My actions don’t align with my good intentions I want. I can watch YouTube videos and talk with friends and strangers but I can’t do that with my family?? Even I think it’s weird. I need help because I’m starting to believe my thoughts of who I am and that is not good because I am a good person. Not a bad one I know it but am not showing it.

just met this girl we are texting more, we know of each other because we went to the same middle and high school. i always knew she was a grade below me, but never her age i just assumed she is 17. she smokes, i smoke, so we agreed to smoke and she told me just now that she’s turning 17 a month after i turn 19. i feel scared. i feel like a p, i thought she was pretty and before i knew her age she would talk about gay stuff (not flirting but i had the thought oh what if she acts gay to me). i had an ex bsf who was 2 years and 2 grades below me, and we would smoke. im just scared im gonna be considered a terrible influence, even though we went to school together and she’s only one grade below and she’s been smoking her whole life. I’m just scared because now that i know she’s 2 years and like a month younger than me i feel as though i am doing something terrible

Im just so confused about the attraction. I feel like i’ve never really felt sexual attraction towards someone, or maybe i did i just dont remember. I personally dont really think im asexual. Maybe this is reassurance seeking but how does real attraction, or sexual attraction feels like? Im scared that my admiration for woman was actually attraction?😔 even though i had no sexual or romantic fantasies or desires with them. I can tell if a woman is pretty or attractive but i’ve never had any desire to date one. And it scares me. Like what if i’ve never been attracted to a guy? I dont even remember how does it feels like. Im so fu*ked up, like im 20 years old, my last crush was when i was 13 on a guy (even that my ocd makes me doubt) and i have these thoughts since 14. It got me in this early age when everyone around me were experiencing crushes and i DID NOT.

Hello, everyone :) i posted because I am in a situation. I am a college student going into my sophomore year and my parents refuse to help with my college anymore. I was in Rotc but was dropped because I have asthma. They gave me a scholarship and was paying my in state tuition and my loans covered the rest. Should I drop out? If i continue I will be 300k in debt and i can't go to community because I have an associates degree when i graduated highschool last year.i thought about moving out and living on the streets or with a friend because my parents demand i go to college or they will kick me out.I am currently 19 and I am doing a dual major in BS Mechanical Engineering and BA Mathematics. I live in Texas and attend school in Oklahoma. Now i feel numb I have cried all I have cried and a part of me is saying stop worrying and leave it to God but I am struggling currently. I tried to file as homeless and fafsa said i cant they alr have my parents information. Fafsa still believes my family will pay but they are middle class and don't pay for anything.Please no hate to my parents on this post. I have accepted that hating them won't help. Any response will help! Also any tips on trying to calm down? My ocd has been horrible since I received these news this week and school starts in 4 weeks. I am just very upset and numb.

I’m struggling significantly with contamination themes for the first time in my life. I realize now that for a while it was looming in the background but it was always held back. I don’t know what triggered it but now, I feel like I’m drowning. I went through a liter of hand sanitizer plus multiple small bottles in a few weeks. I wash my hands and stuff around me constantly, and have started just avoiding stuff that I think is dirty because I’m tired of washing my hands and washing down surfaces, items, etc. The problem is that in my head, all of this is logical, and I genuinely do think there is a part of this that is tied into logic. I’m not worried about getting sick or getting others sick. My main issue with OCD is morality, and even with contamination, that still seems to be my fear. For example… I’m 23, so I’m an adult, and have sexual experiences. I also have three cats, and while my OCD tries to convince me I think a certain way about them, I’m positive I don’t. However, I have cat on me a lot. Cat hair, cat spit, just cat. It’s all over my house and while i try to clean it’s unavoidable to do it entirely. Anyway, I feel like I have to soak in hand sanitizer before sex because I don’t want them on me. Additionally, I have to use separate blankets and just hope there’s no cat hair. I’m also worried about having any bodily fluid of any kind on me and then seeing a child. Even if it’s only on a tv show or something. Essentially, my contamination is things like that and it makes sense, but something feels off. What I feel and experience is definitely OCD and I don’t understand what I did before I had this obsession, was I just a bad person? And I don’t understand what others do without the obsession! Plus, I go through so much hand sanitizer that there’s no way this is normal. It’s gotten so bad, I’ve put hand sanitizer on my lips, soap in my mouth, and cleaned my skin with a Lysol wipe because it’s what I had easy access to. I also damaged the microphone in my phone from cleaning it so much. Does anyone have any advice? Thank you.

How do I know if it's rocd or how I actually feel? I don't want to lose him because I know id never find another person like him. I am only 15 but I really did feel that he was the love of my life before the thoughts. I still feel like he is but I feel like I don't love him. Every single person in my life tells me that the way I act around him hasn't changed at all. We've been together for 11 months and this has only been an issue after I stopped taking the microgynon 30 birth control pill about a month and a half ago. I only took it for 6 weeks to help with my period pains. Id never thought about not loving him before. I just want to love him again. I've never been happier than before this. I've been in love with him since we met when we were 11 and it only took him 3 years to ask me out. I don't want to lose him or the future we planned together, or his family or his cats. I just really don't feel like I love him and when I'm really deep in a spiral I can't tell if I even want to love him. I just want it back and I wish this never happened to me. Please help me love him again