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I feel like im just a gay and i have to accept it. It feels so real. I dont even think i have ocd. I just think ive always been gay, into girls and now i have to accept it😞

If there is anyone hete that has made it through this, how does one manage the fear of the intrusive thoughts being true when trying to do erp? it terrfiies me to my core and gives me a overwhelming amount of anxiety to a point where i developed ocd tics and freeze. Its very scary but i really want and need to get better. Any advice?

I feel like I just can’t do it anymore. Every new day brings new triggers and I’m starting to believe that I’m a monster that needs to be tucked away from the rest of the world. Not only for other people but for myself. I just want to sleep. I am so tired. And I can’t even begin to tell my family because they just don’t understand. They think OCD is simply cleaning and tidying up things and I can’t seem to get it through their heads that I’m living with this disorder, day in and day out. I just want some relief, even for a little bit.

Since some months ago, I've been dealing with intrusive thoughts, rumination and stress to the extreme, not letting me enjoy my life. It is not the first time that something like this happens. I had HOCD 5 years ago, and somehow after a year it stopped, but some months ago it came back, not only that HOCD, but new ones have appeared. It was always like this, there was an intrusive thought about losing control and doing or thinking things that I don't like triggered by random and inofensive events and then I would start ruminating and checking 24/7 for weeks. The worst part is that because of college I don't have time to talk loudly about my thoughts alone as I would like, so they keep persisting while other appears While my HOCD is less invasive now. Other OCDs have taken the spotlight, like fearing about becaming a conspiracionist who denies science. This one derived to another about losing my interest in dinosaurs which are my passion, I know maybe it sound stupid, but it was so real, it was seeing a Dino and don't be able to enjoy it, becaming stressed or not feeling joy like before...And well I should have things clear before it is too late if I wanna pursue my dream of becoming a paleontologist. Also, I had recently one OCD about "society influence in the world", like, I felt that since culture molds our values I wasn't being myself and that I had a "bad inner nature" althought I like helping people and I have always tried to be kind with all people. This derived in being scared about being bad for the sake of "being my trueself" and losing my empathy just because thinking about this Could anyone give me advice???

Yesterday was such a bad day for me,it felt like I was stuck in this chamber with my mind and I just cried and stayed in my room. Today I went out to make an effort at being productive but I just don't feel present and I feel so tired. I'm sitting outside the store cause I got dizzy and everything just felt weird while doing shopping withmy family. I feel hopeless. I knew death was a thing before this flare up and I was fine,I've had problems with this ocd years ago but I don't feel strong enough to endure. Now my mind just wants to ruminate, "maybe you forgot about death and now you're remembering it again and this is how it will be forever". The fact that I will die makes it so hard to stay "uncertain" with this OCD. It's making it so hard to do anything and enjoy life. I know it's my brain causing this anxiety,but when the thoughts overwhelm me it's hard. I'm gonna cook something today and make the effort to enjoy it.

I’ve had some traumatic experiences with my fiancée whom I love very much, although this was earlier in the relationship. He moved out too soon and struggled for months to get a job. I had to pay his rent several times and help him with other expenses as well. I became obsessed with helping him find a job, and making sure he was okay. He struggled severely as well with anxiety. He has a job now, although he is not through the probation period and he hates working nights and wants to switch back to day or find another job. In the meantime he’s also learning how to budget his own money. Suddenly he’s not so helpless, and yet I find myself unable to believe he can take care of himself or that I can trust him to keep a job or pay his own bills since it was such a long period of time beforehand. He has every intention of becoming wise and independent, and reassured me of this constantly, but my intrusive thoughts attack me and I find myself unable to relax or focus, and my love for him or anything becomes suffocated. He encouraged me to do some research and that’s how I found this app. I’m afraid but I also desperately want to change. Thank you for reading ❤️

As a high schooler, I hung out with the wrong crowd... while I wasnt the type of student to vape or drink or get myself arrested, I would listen to my friends and laughed when they talked about making fun of people who didn't deserve it... or listening in on, or looking at dirty secrets about people we interacted with... as an adult, as someone who has grown and matured, I feel bad for participating in this type of behavior, and while i didn't initiate or partake in these behaviors that my friends personally did, i feel like me listening in or laughing makes me feel like a bad human being... im about to be 23 now, and these events occured when i was 16-17... i feel like a bad human being and my intrusive thoughts love to tell me how horrible of a person i am now... i genuinely regret it... i want to be a good person who does good things...

I recently got massively triggered by something at work that put me into a real bad spiral regarding harm OCD and contamination OCD oriented towards other people for the most part. I worked in a grocery store which sells perishable foods and makes fresh food as well so food safety and chemical safety are extremely important. Long story short after seeing other people doing things wrong I started to examine my own job and noticed I've been doing lots of the job wrong for years and never got proper training for a lot of things or corrected, and I failed to speak up about it and ended up training other people in my position. I never worked with making food but was tasked with returning perishable items to the coolers if they were unwanted. So the lack of cut and dry policy on what exactly can or cannot go back and it being mostly based of a sense of touch feeling if the item is still cold or frozen made me get worried that we were potentially putting items away that were no longer safe to consume, that and I saw some more things that needed genuine fixing and brought them up to management. But I lost confidence that I was ever doing things right in any part of my job, including the cleaning parts of it as I had janitorial duties and was never shown how to do that part of the job. And the fact I trained other people who would also be doing those same things incorrectly made me panic. I've been sending endless lists of things to my boss that I think need fixing, of things that should be disinfected, things that could contribute to cross contamination, things that could cause chemical exposure, things that could cause food poisoning. I can't stop myself as just as I think that I've said everything that can be said, I'll wake up in the middle of the night with new things that need fixing. I massively fear the butterfly effect, that my actions working there have contributed directly or indirectly in the harm of others. They are taking the genuine concerns into account but even then I fear that me bringing things up and potentially causing changes could cause something bad to happen and that something's should just be left alone. The thought of someone's kids or other loved ones getting sick or dying because of mistakes I've made and trained into others due to not being properly trained myself is unbearable. I had to get medicated and take benzos because the anxiety and guilt made me barely able to eat, drink, or sleep. I'm not even planning on going back, I've been there so long just coasting in life and need to get things in order and actually do something. I just fear leaving that place without bringing up every possible issue, mistakes I've made or things I've seen throughout the years will result in people being harmed. I don't know if I can ever get to the point where I feel I've "said my piece" and can walk away without worrying about it. Too many things were going wrong for too many years for me to feel confident at all that I've done all I can go help them fix their mistakes and mine. I've genuinely probably written a small book worth of things and sent them to my boss at this point. It's exhausting, embarrassing, etc. but I feel if I don't do all that I can that my inaction is going to cause people to get harmed by these unfixed problems. Has anyone else dealt with anything similar? This is the biggest struggle I've ever faced in my life...

I really feel I misunderstood my attraction to men with seeking attention and empathy from them , i have evidences 😭

Does anyone else deal with rocd that latches onto partners morals/different opinions? Me and my bf talk about social issues/opinions and what we would do in situations on call sometimes and in some areas we agree, but a lot of things we have different opinions. My ocd treats it like MY opinion is right because it’s the most common opinion I see on the internet and if my boyfriend has a different view/ doesn’t see things as big of an issue as I do or vice versa my ocd tells me “you need to overthink about this he might be a bad person he has a bad view!!!!” Like one thing is that he believes you can joke about but not hate a certain community, like for example, he makes gay jokes that could possibly be offensive to some, when actually he does not care if someone is lgbtq+ or not, he will treat them like anyone else and be friends with them, he just makes little jokes now and then. He will have stronger views than me with some things and something I think is serious, he won’t think is serious and my ocd does NOT like this 😭 it tells me my bf has to have the exact same views and morals as me or he’s a bad person

i have recently started a job for the first time in my life. i've had to stop it temporally because depression, suicidal thoughts and anxiety-ocd have all made it impossible for me to work. but the worst of all is my relationship ocd. my partner and i have a lot of conflicts. most times we don't argue, it's just a minimal conflict, but it leaves me anxious for the rest of the day. there are recurrent topics in these conflicts. for example, today we "argued" because she has a lot of dark humour and i get very anxious when i hear her making comments about it. i'm not necessarily against dark humour, but I can't stand HER doing it, can someone relate? my head starts spinning around the idea that maybe we're not compatible and we shouldn't be in a relationship. i don't know what to do. i'm going to therapy (it's common CBT, i can't afford ERP), i'm on meds. im sincerely desperate and my suicidal thoughts keep coming over again and again. i'm not exactly looking for advice, just venting and validation, but any feedback would be appreciated. thank you 😊

- any Christian with advice is highly needed ! I’m suffering from pocd thoughts for about two years now, feb this year was the forts time I experienced this I have no relief I always have these responses all the time and I can’t even live in peace it’s so bad and idk what to do I’ve been crying none stop and I just want to know what can help me not get responses anymore These feelings/thoughts make me want to kms..

Hi. Welcome to story time. Back in 2019 (wow, long time ago) was the first time a doctor first mentioned the possibility of me having OCD. I was 19 back then. During childhood, my mom would call me “impressionable”. Anything could trigger me into a spiral of crippling fears, and I had rituals to try to escape them. At 13, I started picking at my skin. It was mainly about need for perfection, and when I felt I couldn’t achieve it, I hurt myself. I had bad acne that triggered me into picking a lot, and even worse things, like I needed to expunge the “imperfection” out of me. Doctors never took it seriously. They wouldn’t even treat my acne because they’d say my problem was only my habit of hurting myself, but then they’d send me off with a “just stop doing it”. I never stopped. I hated myself. I hated myself for how much I felt things, so uncontrollably in a highly sensitive and even irrational way. I’d pick at my skin for hours on end all throughout my teenage years. At 19, a neurologist casually mentioned to me that skin picking could be related to OCD. The ground seemed to shift beneath my feet. He sent me off with antidepressants after 10 minutes of appointment at best. I was just left with this piece of information and no guideline at all, no afterthought about how that might affect other pieces of my life. I found this app and started engaging myself in every discussion trying to piece together what I really had and what was going on. Ironically, anything OCD related became my obsession. Then I went to a psychiatrist, and he brushed it off saying I only had bad anxiety. A really shitty therapist I was seeing at the time told me very rudely that I was only trying to justify my bad actions by blaming them on a possible disease. So I told myself to forget all about that previous nonchalant and catastrophic diagnosis, but still took my meds and went on. All was fine for a while, until it wasn’t. Because things never truly went away. I still couldn’t understand why I reacted to things the way I did, and how to make it better. I then started thinking I might have ADD – grasping onto anything that might explain my chronic procrastination, getting stuck in my head so intensely that I block everything out, and my need to move my hands (essentially picking at my skin). At this point, I’d been to other four psychiatrists. One of them only listened to me for like 5 minutes then told me I was really exaggerating and took me off my meds. I went through a really dark hole. After a while I got to another one, he listened intently, and finished it off with “I don’t believe in diagnosing people but you seem to be going through it”, and gave me another prescription. The third one followed that same line, but asked me to consult with a neuropsychologist. So there I went. 10 stupidly expensive sessions later, she tells me I’m too depressed for her to really assess if my lack of attention is really ADD. But, yeah, the tests indicate severe OCD. I thought it was funny at first – I mean, too depressed for a diagnosis, I guess –, then I was relieved. Ok, so it wasn’t all in my head. Then I was pissed. So, so pissed. Because for years and years on end no one had the guts to tell me what I’m convinced was very obvious to any trained medic. I mean, except for that first guy, who said it in a way that made it feel like he was telling me I had cancer then sending me off with some aspirins without even saying where the tumor was. For years, I’ve had so much pressure, from others and myself. That I could make myself less miserable, I just didn’t! Just stop hurting yourself, how hard can that be? Just stop obsessing over every little thing. For god’s sake, don’t apply enough insect repellent to get intoxicated or worry about every little bug around you until you’re unable to do anything except trying to get rid of them, what’s wrong with you? Just let go, be happy! Not to mention the crippling, ever-present GUILT for not being able to do so. For years. And even now, the doctor just told me the fact and sent me off. She never tried to discuss with me what part of my habits, feelings and thoughts might be OCD related, to the point where I still feel like I made it all up and one thing has nothing to do with another. Some part of me is relieved – there’s a reason for all of this. It takes me closer to embracing myself. Another part still feels like I was ditched in a dead end with no directions out. I have no idea what “type” of OCD I have and how to figure it out, and no one seems to care enough to try and help me understand. This was long and angsty, so thank you so much if you took the time to read my senseless rambling. Just desperately felt like I needed to share ♥️

I hope someone can respond... im genuinely struggling and i need support... I joined an OCD group three years ago that was from NOCD. There were minors in the GC, and when I was triggered by my hocd relating to stuff that was 18+, i vented about it to the GC and to some of the people in the pm's to a minors discomfort... my pocd says I engaged in P*dophillic behavior because of this... when i was just venting about my hocd... i dont ever want to ever be attracted to minors or kids at all... After doctor disrespect admitted to inappropriately messaging a minor my ocd is saying I did something similar to him and that I should be punished... I pm'ed and vented to several people in the gc about my 18+ hocd struggles, including a minor who felt uncomfortable about it... but i stopped venting to her... my pocd is saying I inappropriately messaged her and that im a P for this, when I only wanted to vent about my hocd struggles... i dont ever want to ever be a P at all... i dont ever want to ever be anything like that at all...

Hi guys I just shared my story recently and I’m scared. When I keep busy it’s a little better, but I feel really awful right now. I’m remembering what I said to my sister during our fallout from what I did and the result of it. Is making me really sad and scared. I found out she is also joining NOCD so I’m a little worried she will see my post and I realized I never said my “intrusive” thoughts were not true. What if she thinks I meant all of them, I don’t think a lot or even everything I said to her was even true it was practically all false and untrue intrusive thoughts but I can’t seem to totally trust myself on it since I feel like I’m just saying it because she might see this, but also I’ve been wanting to tell her it wasn’t true what I said and did. I feel a relapsing of emotions I want to go back and change it I hate my reality it’s good but I’m constantly reminded of what I did and I feel sick. How does one live with this change and move on when the person you love the most you push off the edge and now she drew boundary off of our relationship it is getting a bit better but it’s nothing like before we were so close we shared and told each other everything, I feel like I want to die and come back to everything back in the past to be different. How do I live like this…. She is doing it and I know it’s really hard and I know I’m victimizing myself but I wonder if I was even doing my best I wasn’t working on my techniques because I felt it didn’t work and I let go but I didn’t realize how bad it could be I mean that’s why I went back to therapy but even then I wasn’t working completely on it despite feeling like I did sorta. Was I doing the best I could then? I hope so but if that was my bets I feel like a loser. how do I go through my day and be excited for life when I feel so distraught and depressed. I need help so bad.

i feel like i’m faking everything, like ive read it all and my brain has mesmerised it completely. i first started struggling with feeling like i was faking it when my pocd episode started, i’d research pocd to see if what i was experiencing was similar or if i genuinely was one. i read something that said some people with pocd avoid children but i don’t do this. i don’t purposely put myself them around them but if my mum is going shopping i’ll go with her and my head will be screaming at me saying im going for different reasons. the other day i went my sisters and i was wearing kinda a mesh top and my head was telling me i can’t wear that because there will be children around and that i can’t expose that to them even though ive wore the outfit multiple times before without these thoughts, ive always taken my time with what i wear because it’s not often i go out so when i do go out even to the shop, i attempt to dress as nice as possible. i still wore the outfit and it convinced me it was for that. another thing ive read is that some people with pocd can’t say the p word but i can say it, i just chose not to. i started to not say that word after i had read that piece of information. it’s not a word i’d usually say before all of this anyway but if it was brought up in conversation i wouldn’t overthink it. another reason why i feel like i’m faking it all is because im not getting anxious or anxiety around compulsions, i don’t even know what my compulsions are technically. i don’t know if i don’t feel the anxiety anymore because i take medication for it or what. i just know i don’t feel anxious anymore. when i see people on here who i relate to, i can’t do the thing ive read again because otherwise i’ll feel like im just copying them? the post could be made today and ive been doing something for idk weeks beforehand and i’ll still feel like ive seen a post similar.

Hello, does anyone have any advice on trying to stop doing rituals? My top ones have a lot to do with counting and anxiety over certain things. •the main one that bothers me SOO much is my bedtime alarm routine. I set all my alarms and then turn my ringer on and off 6 times. Then proceed to make sure my charger is plugged in twice. Then open and close my phone 3-5 times checking that my alarm is set. Once I put my phone down I checking the outlet one more time and the alarm one more time. •when I close at work I have to check the air is off at least twice. Then check the candle is out even though we never light it. After I look the door I pull on it 5 times These are just some examples. can someone please help on how to stop or at least lessen these!!??

I hate saying this, but I’m extremely sad. I sit in my chair and dissociate. It’s hard for me to confess my feelings. I truly feel empty. OCD makes life so much harder to live…it really does:( along with that I have 4 other things to deal with mentally. I am Christian, but other Christian friends have excluded me. The only one I had to call for awhile was 988. People have disappointed me, and I’m aware that God will never fail. But I’m at the point in my life where I’m craving a romantic relationship, but it eats at me everyday. Love is a painful ideal. I found a celebrity that I’m attracted to, and I don’t know if anyone else has experienced this, but it actually eats at me. Like I hate it sometimes. He is married. I saw the picture, and though I know rationally that he is a celebrity…it really hurts. I am not delusional…and I don’t know why this is:/ I cut out everything he is on, because I get depressed when I see him. Though I rationally know God was with me in my darkest moments…most times people weren’t. I just want someone who chooses to listen to me. It sucks. And this is my last effort to be heard. I give up. It took a lot for me to write this. I will definitely be deleting, but I am so lonely. God bless you all🙂 Romans 8:29 Jeremiah 29: 11❤️❤️🫂

I really struggle with feeling guilty about enjoying things, just because of my moral ocd. and everytime it happens I get so depressed. I got triggered twice today. I was watching a video earlier today and the person kept insulting my favorite band and I clicked off and cried because my OCD was telling me I was a bad person for liking the band. Then a video got recommended to me titled z**philia is morally reprehensible, which just triggered my ocd into convincing me I'm one. I'm not attracted to animals at all/have no desire around them but I get bad intrusive thoughts. Especially because one of my big interests is werewolves. I've been attracted to werewolf characters before but not their wolf forms?? Just like their human self? I think their werewolf side is cool/cute but not in that way. But my ocd tells me it's still weird and I'm a z** and makes me doubt myself. Either way, it's the worst. OCD has ruined stuff so much for me that's it's stunted my ability to get connected/hyperfixated on stuff like I used to and it's really upsetting. Moral OCD is so hard. My meds didn't help it much either compared to other themes.

I remember something that I've done when I was 19 years old when it comes to OCD. I tried to help someone with their OCD but they were underaged. I don't know why I decided to agree in doing this. I guess I just wanted to be nice or I had trouble saying no. I just don't know. But for the most part I've been trying to help this person with their OCD and I think it has helped them but in the mix of things I brought up really touchy, inappropriate topics that related to my OCD one way or another and it was in no way of trying to get with this person. I told this person that I wasn't exactly comfortable talking with a minor and after a while I told them straight up I didn't want to continue talking because of this. I looked through messages and I saw things that spiked my anxiety but I with read the entirety of those messages. This person suffered from POCD as I did and I just wanted to help them but I feel like I've slipped up here and there and I've said something irredeemable and wrong to this person. I can't do this. I feel like my life is over. I can't calm down. I can't stay still. I hadn't thought about this for years until I saw a video about a middle aged man talking to a minor. I can't do this anymore. I'm losing it. I'm spiraling and I don't think I can calm down. POCD is my biggest fear and this feels like a nightmare I badly want to wake up out of. But it's real, it happened, and I'm so scared and mad at myself. I HATE THAT I'VE DONE THIS. I HATE THAT THIS HAS HAPPENED AND I FEEL LIKE I'M A DISGUSTING PERSON. I'm so sorry. I just can't bring myself together. I can't do this. I was doing so well until I remembered this and I feel like my life is over. It feels like I've failed all of my friends and my family. It feels like I've ruined my life.