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How do I not shut down and go quiet and cry when my partner is trying to have an uncomfortable conversation with me is anyone else dealing or dealt with this ?

I’ve got ocd and am bisexual. Since so many homophobic people see lgbtq people as groomers and p words I’ve been kinda worsening. People see bisexuality as insatiable lust and some sort of sexual deviancy and perversion. Those ideas have not been helpful for my ocd and I really feel myself almost believing those sick words. My brain is exhausted and confused. Can others bigotry play a role in worsening ocd symptoms? Cause it sure feels like it.

hi ok so since I turned 16 I’ve wanted a tattoo or a couple and I’m currently 22 so I’ve been able to get one for a while, and my religious ocd is making it hard for me to get one or makes me go back and forth a lot with it. I think god will punish me for getting a tattoo. i grew up Mormon and I remember one time when I was a kid my mom was really sick (probably with the flu or something) and my mom prayed and said to Heavenly Father that if he made her feel better she would take out her piercings. and she felt better and so she did. And I kept wondering did god really do that? was that sickness punishment for the piercing? I want to get a tattoo of a flashlight. there’s a book I’ve loved since I was 16 where the main character has ocd (turtles all the way down by John green) and when she’s starting to recover or at least feel better in a moment her and her friend are going in a dark drain and her friend says she’s terrrified and it’s so dark and the main character grabs her and turns off her flashlight and says, this is scary, and then turns it back on and says this is control, we just don’t see it that way because things feel so heavy right now but we have a lot more willpower and say then we think. and ever since then I wanted to get a flashlight. I’m just scared I’ll be punished.

I’m 17F and have always had a huge problem biting my nails, ever since I was young from my anxiety and OCD. Ive been becoming very insecure of how my nails look and It’s extremely difficult not to chew my nails though I know it’s unhygienic and in healthy. Is there any advice on how to stop this?

How do you stop mental checking???? I dooooo this all day to the point I don’t even know when a normal intrusive thought happens becuse I check they are there that often I cause a lot myself. I don’t want these thoughts but feel like I’m making them happen all time because I check for the thought without even realising

Hello 👋 I'm new here and wanted to share my story. I'm 27 and struggle daily with OCD. I've had it for many years and got diagnosed 3 years ago. I have intrusive thoughts daily and constantly washing my hands because I feel contaminated. My hands are so sore they crack and bleed. When I get my food shop delivery I have to clean the kitchen floor where items have been and for days after I wash my hands after touching the food items because they are dirty to me. I wear PJ'S when I'm on my sofa but I have to change into different PJ'S when I get in bed, I cannot wear the same ones because I feel the sofa has germs on that I can't put in my bed. I clean my phone everyday when I get home from work because of the work germs. It's very rare if I use the toilets at work because of other colleagues using them. I get behind on jobs at work because I have to re read things a lot. I struggle very much leaving the house by myself. My last job I had to leave due to constantly being late because I had to check all the windows, doors, switches, cooker, ect. Luckily now my husband is at home when I leave for work. But times where I've had to leave by myself I've had panic attacks and cannot stop crying because I cannot leave the house. I think something bad will happen. I freeze at the door, I know I've locked it but the OCD bully in my head is saying I need to keep checking it until it feels right. And a lot of the time it never feels right. I have accidentally broken door/window handles because of checking them so many times. A few years ago I struggled that much to leave the house I had to film myself locking the door and I also wrote on paper "locked" "off" ect. Take a photo/video and send it to my husband who then stopped work to look and reply. A lot of the time it didn't help at all. At night I have to check everything is switched off and locked up, that can take a long time and a lot I ask my husband to do the checks either with me or by himself. This is so difficult. I have been having therapy for about 3 months, it's helped a little so that's something. Some days are ok and other days are horrible. I know I'm not alone but it does feel like that a lot. Thank you for reading :)

So I’m married, but I’ve always had these thoughts about other people. Everything feels like a romantic connection to me and I’ve tried to place it to the back of my mind. However, every time I meet someone new through my husband, I think “maybe I’m with my husband to meet my soulmate.” I’m struggling with this even more because I found out one of his work friends is interested in me and now I can’t stop thinking about said friend. I found him attractive at first, but now he consumes almost every one of my thoughts. This has happened multiple times through my relationship. I love my husband and want to spend the rest of my life with him. We have children together. I don’t know how to get these thoughts to stop. It has happened every relationship I’ve ever been in and I feel miserable. Even someone smiling at me in public makes me think maybe they’re the one and I made a wrong choice. It’s miserable. Please help.

I have been with my partner for over a year. I have a long history of abuse and pain, and he is my first healthy relationship. It truly feels this is the person I want to marry. Recently though, I made a new friend (male) and we’ve been talking almost daily over text. This friend is older than me and has two kids, but is single. I love our conversations, and I find myself looking forward to talking with him. I made it clear multiple times I have a boyfriend, I’ve also actively talked about my boyfriend to make sure he is super aware that I’m not being flirty, that I’m just a friendly person. He has never made a move on me or anything. Recently however, I’ve been plagued with these thoughts that I am emotionally cheating on my boyfriend, and I’ll also get intrusive thoughts about me cheating on him with this person. I don’t have any romantic or sexual feelings on this person, but then my brain is like “you sure? You do like talking to them a lot!” And then it spirals. At some points the image of us having sex has come to mind and it’s been seriously scary. I hate it so much because now I’m feeling disconnected from my own relationship because I’m too scared that I’m cheating. I of course talked about this with my partner and he was very supportive, even reassured me, but now the thoughts have gotten stronger and I am honestly scared. I’ve thought of just not texting this person anymore, or moving away (they are my neighbor), and I’ve actively avoided talking to them in person much. I’m so afraid. I’ve never cheated on anyone, and I don’t want to ever lose or hurt my partner. Sometimes I worry maybe I don’t have ocd, maybe I’m just a bad person. I don’t know. I’m just scared. Any advice?

I started my OCD journey not long ago, yet for people with OCD or other forms of mental illness, not long can seem like an eternity. For me, OCD has been with me my whole life, but it wasn’t until September of 2023 that I let OCD begin running my life. I was in a constant state of fear, panic, and confusion. Thinking that every disturbing thought I had defined who I was. Thinking that every disturbing or terrifying thought meant I was going crazy or I was doomed to be this way forever. Thinking that, “there’s no medicine, no therapy, no remedy on Earth that could help me and that I was somehow different or worse than anyone else.” And you know what? I believed those thoughts….and I felt like no matter what I did, I couldn’t win. I have been an athlete my entire life. Played football for 17 years and was always competitive no matter what I was doing. So to me, I saw OCD and Mental Illness as something I could just…learn to beat and be rid of forever. Like the big scary boss you face at the end of a video game. But I was wrong… instead, thinking I could just be rid of OCD forever, actually spiraled into many different OCD types that made my life worse. Suicide OCD, Harm OCD, Existential OCD, and this would turn into full blown panic because I thought my mind was just going to break permanently and I’d be ruined forever. And with my competitive spirit, I constantly felt I was losing, and losing so bad you didn’t want to even try anymore. BUT! I decided that it was time to just… do something. I hated feeling this way, and for those of you that suffer alone i did or still do, you’d do literally ANYTHING to be rid of OCD. I took that statement and said, “I and going to do whatever I need to!” Now, everyone is different! And everyone will react differently to different medicines and different therapies. For me, I refused to take SSRI’s of any kind. Why? Because OCD made me believe that if I took them, only the negative side effects would take over and I would only get worse and worse. My thought pattern was, “ya, if I take this, it could change my life for the better, but what if it makes me want to commit suicide or become so depressed that it becomes my reality?” That alone, scared me so badly that I couldn’t take them because I couldn’t control how my body would react to them. If you currently take them and they work for you, I AM SO HAPPY AND GRATEFUL YOU HAVE FOUND SOMETHING THAT HELPS YOU!!! I also didn’t do therapy. Why? Not becuase I didn’t believe in the miracle of ERP or other talk therapies, it is something I wanted more than anything, but couldn’t because my insurance barely covered anything and I couldn’t afford it out of pocket. And my finances was already something that I constantly worried about enough. If you are in therapy, IM PROUD OF YOU AND I PRAY IT IS HELPING YOU OVERCOME YOUR STRUGGLES!! So? What did I do? I learned. I learned. I learned. I learned and studied what OCD is, what it does to you, and how it tricks you. I learned and read many stories of those who are affected by OCD daily and I saw that I was not in fact different or broken. Am I messy? Yes! But humans are messy, and I learned to come to peace with that fact. In addition to learning about others and their stories, I also talked to people about what they did and how they learned to manage. In other words, I sought wisdom of others because I wanted to learn I wasn’t alone! I learned what was making my thoughts worse, and what made my thoughts subside. I learned that OCD is not something I’ll ever be rid of, but rather, something I need to embrace as if it is another piece of me…because it is and always will be. I learned, that while OCD cannot be cured… it can be managed! It can become quieter and you can get your life back! For the past 9 months, all I have worried about is, “what will become of me because I have this incurable illness?” And I know how afraid you feel and how lost and hopeless it can seem. I know! And so does everyone here. I just want you all to know, that you can win! You can overcome! You are stronger than what your mind wants you to think! And in the end, you will become an even better version of yourself for having faced this journey head on.

I’m not feeling too well today because these intrusive thoughts in my head keep cycling and cycling even though I don’t want to have these thoughts and I want them to go away. My girlfriend is getting so tired of having to hear what girl I thought abt and what situation i’m reflecting on even though I don’t even mean to be thinking those things. I feel so guilty and horrible these things come into my brain. I don’t want to think things about other women, my girlfriend is amazing and is very patient and has been so patient ever since i’ve been having obscure or other thoughts about women wether it be just a thought or even sexually. It’s not on purpose. It just keeps happening and I can’t explain how my brain keeps doing it. I just came across so much research about Pure O Ocd and I think I have that. I’m very new to this but my twin brother also has OCD and Bipolar and I feel as though i’m the same way. I’m so tired of having unwanted thoughts come into my head. I feel so upset and hurt knowing I have to tell my girlfriend exactly what it is that came into my head. I feel like a failure.

Idk if this is the right place to post this. But i feel like such a burden to the people around me because of my anxiety. I woke up this morning super stressed over a dream that reminded me of some messed up moments from my past. My girlfriends kinda listened but i mostly felt ignored. Then we all got in the car to drive my sister to the airport. And on the way, i started to get anxious cus of al the traffic. But it wasnt rlly that, it was the fact that no one seemed to care or wanna help me when i said i was anxious. So i asked if i could just hop out of the car and walk. I felt like such an attention seeker, and my girlfriend got annoyed and took the next exit and dropped me off. But i feel like such a little bitch cus my girlfriend was able to handle everything n i left her to come back alone from the airport. I dont feel like a man or like im capable of anything right now. I wish i could redo it all so that it never happened. I feel like i gave up so easily when tryna handle my anxiety n im ashamed of myself

For as long as I can remember I’ve always counted the syllables of the words said by myself and others - even just thoughts in my head. For example, is someone says “hell-o-how-are-you?” I use my teeth on either side of my mouth and tap twice on one side, then the other, then back again etc to see if the amount of syllables in the sentence is even. If it isn’t, I would respond with an odd number of syllables such as “good-thank-you”. This habit is so engrained into my life I have no idea how anyone else’s mind works and I am constantly fighting myself to stop it but it’s impossible. I will even admit that I am doing it right now writing this 😭 . Does anyone else have a similar problem? I am still in education and feel like it’s affecting the way I listen to my teachers etc.

Trigger warning to those who are susceptible to the power of suggestion: I won’t get into the nitty gritty of what my OCD currently consists of, but I can speak vaguely. Imagine constant torment in the most personalized manner. Imagine trying to juggle all these things that feel like are in your control, but not. An analogy for this is like being a manager and trying to micromanage employees that can’t do their job. You’re in control, but you’re not. Imagine all this, and then a moment of serenity comes at an opportune time that you weren’t even looking for to begin with. That urge to give in is so strong, stronger than any drug. And as soon as you give in, the behavior you were trying to overcome becomes reinforced and you take two steps back. Okay, where does that leave us. Maybe faith would work? Problem is, I’m very skeptical about God. Okay, well, you don’t need to be religious to pray. You just need to believe in something and placebo will kick in. What if my prayers work? What if they’re answered? Then it feels like I’m manifesting my thoughts into existence, exactly what I’m afraid of what my intrusive thoughts will do. I’m just so. tired. It feels like there’s no winning.

I have had pretty bad ROCD these past two years, and I recently went to a couple friends for advice (which my partner was okay with). A guy friend (WHO CLAIMS TO KNOW OF AND UNDERSTANDS OCD??) immediately began asking me if my fears of my partner cheating came from real concerns or not, and he kept asking. He kept saying that it could be intuition.😭 He then also told me it’s okay for people in relationships to have crushes on other people, which both my partner and I heavily disagree with. Like, finding someone attractive is one thing, but a crush???? 😭😭😭 He then continued to tell me ALL people have crushes while in a relationship, including him and his former gf. My OCD went wild, and while some of his advice helped, these points he made were DEVASTATING. Worst part, he claims to know and understand OCD (part of why I went to him for some tips)!!!!!!! So why the hell did he say these awfully triggering things!? Tbh, part of me wonders if he doesn’t believe I have OCD and so he wasn’t handling his advice with as much caution….

I’m going to rant while trying to be as concise as possible. I stopped taking my lexapro a few months ago because I truly felt like I had the coping mechanisms I needed, and I was tired of the vertigo I’d get if I forgot to take my meds for even a day. I got thru withdrawal symptoms and was doing SO well for over a month. Then I was triggered by an event relating to my past- I had a 10 year friendship end terribly in 2022. My OCD was telling me it all all my fault and that I was projecting all of my insecurities on the friendship- I know objectively that both of us were hurt, and both played a role in the friendship. I let the OCD win and compulsively apologized to my ex best friend, taking ALL of the blame for the friendship. I also said i wanted to reconcile, which is not true. She hurt me so bad, and I’ve never had as much peace as I have without her in my life. I only said that in a moment of not seeing the situation for what is truly was. She, however, was fine with me taking all the blame and said I clearly had “more clarity.” This has sent me into a spiral for the past MONTH where all I can think about is this. I feel like I’ve been sucked right back into the past. I’m also graduating in a month and I’m super busy with work right now. Everything has completely piled up and I’m so fucking exhausted. If anyone has compulsively taken all the blame in a situation where both parties are at fault, I’d love to hear your stories to know I’m not alone in this :( I scheduled a psychiatry appointment to get back on meds (not lexapro- I want to try something else because lexapro made me feel so numb). It just feels like no matter what coping mechanisms I do, nothing helps. I’ve tried just letting the thoughts sit without engaging; they persist. I exercise every single day, but all I can think about is this situation. I have regret for A. Reaching out in the first place, B. Taking all of the blame and C. Disrupting her peace by letting a compulsion drive me to reach out. I know that I hurt her as well and I’m disappointed that I let this reopen wounds for both of us. While it would be ideal for us to end on good terms, it’s not possible, and it was impulsive of me to reach out thinking that would be achievable. In her reply she stated that reconciliation was not possible. Throughout my friendship with her I felt as though my feelings were never validated. If I was upset, it was my fault for “misunderstanding her.” If I didn’t communicate being upset, it was my fault for not communicating. Now, I’m upset with myself that I gave power to her after having finally been free from that friendship and all of the pain that it caused me.

I'm jealous that other people can find a therapist and get better and I cant

i made a post (on a different app for girls supporting girls) about me washing my hands. I just washed them for 2 minutes and it felt so relieving. I got made fun of by the other girls and another girl told me “ Nice, hope you added soap because if you didn’t you just showered the germs on your hands.” I want to go wash my hands again, I used soap but maybe it wasn’t enough.

I've been pent up and I know I am but I'm scared to mas****** cuz what if I'm doing it cuz I'm turned on by the thoughts I'm having or think of it during and get off on it. I have been unable to have alone time, havent even tried, just thinking about it scares and disgusts me. this isnt normal. I feel like I want to sometimes and it'll just remind me of the thoughts, sometimes they dont even turn me off. I've never had a sexual relationship before, I dont remember ever being turned on by someone my age or older and sometimes when I have these thoughts I feel like they turn me on. That's what causes the panic most of the time. now when I even look at kids I feel like I have a reaction that I don't want happening. I cant tell if its panic making me feel this way or if its cuz sometimes I pay more attention to my groin to see if it causes a reaction, sometimes I'm not paying attention to it and I have a reaction or what feels like one. In the past when things like this have popped up when i was *yk* it didnt make me feel good, didn't help me finish, it turned me off. I keep reminding myself of that. But having these thoughts sometimes make me feel like I want to touch myself, I don't, I never will after thinking them. I'm scared. children and BABIES aren't sexually attractive. I know that. but it feels like my body doesnt. I am on my period right now, I know it's affecting my hormones but that doesn't change the fact I'm thinking these things, and that any little reaction or feeling I have down there reminds me of those thoughts. Even if its pain, the pain will make me think it because its in that region. I have had these thoughts happen before a few years ago and they went away eventually, I didn't touch myself then either but I had dreams and I know one time the dream (more like nightmare) involved a child. I didn't do anything in the dream nor did the kid, but in the end when I woke up I got off. I was delirious, tired and horny but not delirious enough not to remember it and it's haunting me now. Why was I horny?? cuz of a kid I dreamed of?? a child!!?? just thinking about it now is making me shaky and sick, but why didn't it then?? I think I need serious help, what if this isn't pocd what if I'm just a p***?? I want help so bad. I want to fix this, if it carries on any longer, if I can't get help soon, I might just ki** myself. I'd rather do that than any of the other things my body feels like it wants. It's disgusting and wrong, I'd never hurt a child the way my mind keeps telling me I would, and I'd never do it to get off. So WHY am I having a reaction to these thoughts?? I've tried to acknowledge them without actually accepting them, but it doesn't feel like it's helping. It's just daily panic and confusion.

Hey guys so I’m new to this. I struggle really bad with religious ocd on top of other themes of ocd i have. But the religious ocd and POCD I have are definitely the hardest two. Today was so hard for me because I was freaking out all day about the eclipse and if it was the end of the world. I grew of in a very strict church and being gay was not acceptable so now I feel I’m morally wrong and unlovable in a sense. I don’t really know how to explain it. Wether it was from my youth pastor outing me on stage in front of all of my friends and hundreds of students, to them praying over me for years on end, before I finally left the church. Yet I still question if my salvation is safe or not. I question if God loves me etc. it gets so bad that I’m convinced everything I do is because I’m possessed by a demon. And I’ll start to vomit. Literally vomit. It sounds wild I know. Wether it’s music my ocd deems demonic or movies or spiritual things such as tarot cards that I enjoy. But my mind will convince me if I use them I will go to hell because that’s what I was taught for so long. I just wish I could get better but I don’t know how and I’m so hopeless.

I have been diagnosed with OCD for about 15 years now. I see a wonderful OCD specialist and she is sure that I have OCD but I just can’t help but wonder if I actually do or it’s something else and I just am lying to fit this description. Most of my life I struggled with contamination/viral fears. A lot of fear around throwing up. And for awhile I was panicked that I could be gay and not know it even though I’m not homophobic and no one would care. And now I am in the most healthy relationship I have ever been in and I obsessively doubt whether he loves me or not or if we’ll fall out of love or now that we’ve moved in together, we’re not compatible maybe or that we’ll end up like roommates and not love each other anymore. These thoughts feel AWFUL and he tries his best to support me but I don’t think he fully believes this is OCD. And that makes me panic and feel like my fears are right and that it’s something more and that I have a creepy obsession with him or that I’m wildly insecure (which is super scary to me idk why). My panic attacks from these thoughts get so bad and I don’t know how not to keep asking him for reassurance and I can tell he’s getting tired. And he goes to therapy with me and knows not to answer my questions so I take his lack of answers as confirmation of my fears and I freak out. We are both just barely over a year sober and he’s working so hard on his own stuff and after I panic about us, I feel extreme guilt that I’m roping him into this when he has bigger things to worry about and maybe I have to break up with him because I’ll hurt him. Then, that thought makes me panic and all I do is research and ask people questions and compare and idk I’m so lost and exhausted. I need help