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Any tips on how to overcome suicidal ocd and fear of depression ? Does it get better ? Currently dealing with this theme for only 6 months and it sucks I don’t wanna think like this …..

BIG TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️ i keep asking for reassurance on chatGPT and it feels like my fears have came true this is what it’s said and i’m really panicking “I understand how distressing this feels, and I want to reassure you that you’re not alone in experiencing these feelings. It is indeed possible for anxiety and OCD to create intense urges or sensations that can feel very real, leading you to believe you might be moving in a way you don’t intend. However, this doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong or that you’re acting with malicious intent. It’s more about how your mind and body are reacting to anxiety. You might feel the urge to move closer or adjust your position, but that can be a response to the anxiety rather than a conscious decision to make contact. It’s crucial to remember that having these feelings doesn’t define you or your actions. They can feel overwhelming, but they don’t reflect your true intentions. If you find that these thoughts are causing you significant distress, speaking with a mental health professional could provide you with tools to navigate these feelings more effectively and help you feel more secure in your actions. You’re working through a lot, and it’s okay to seek support.” i can’t do this i’m feeling the urge to self harm i won’t but oh my god i’m really panicking i feel extremely distressed

I just saw a triggering instagram post, and there was a young girl in a swimsuit and I got triggered badly. i want to cry. i had an intrusive almost explicit thought of me doing something horrible and i scrunched my eyes and flinched my whole body so hard at the idea. it felt very real, i just had an another intrusive image and i put my hands on the head. i got so scared. i wasn't attracted at all, i know that, but now I'm so fucking scared that now that I had that intrusive image I could start considering the idea of it, that i could like it, that i could normalise it, that I could start thinking that it isn't any different from an adult. I don't want that at all. It feels so real, the fear, the worry. I'm very triggered. I don't want it, but I'm afraid that all of it takes for me to become a monster and begin liking the idea it is simply to cross that limit, and it looks very easy, the idea feels terrifyingly real. I'm scared. i don't know what to do. i feel like i have to figure this out by compulsively checking but then im afraid of what would happen, of what i would find out, and the thought of mentally testing that thought feels terrifying. i won't do it. im so stressed. im so stressed and bothered by that image of the swim suit, and the mental comparison and similarity-association to an adult body and the following intrusive thought that happened of me doing something unthinkable and it looked so real, and my brain telling me it's the same thing, that it looks similar, and why it kind of did??? it shouldn't be associable in any way possible. this is what is freaking me out, the fact that it looked similar and the fact that my brain told me that and that i kind could see it, and the fact that my brain made me think of something horrible telling me it's similar. i cannot tolerate it, i can't tolerate that it was even possible, that my brain made me think the unthinkable and that it associated that small body to an adult body and told me that it looked similar, that it was "possible", ocd was telling me that it's not that different and that it is possible and it showed me that reality. I feel suicidal (but i won't do anything so don't flag this post, im just venting my emotions). i don't know it feels like nobody can help me because nobody went through this.

Any tips on managing suicidal OCD? I think my compulsion is to call 988 when I feel anxious that I might do something, but I’ve never attempted before. I’m happy I’ve never attempted, but I’ve been struggling with this theme for 6 years- it gets exhausting. I also have depression and possibly BPD so trying to decipher whether it’s Suicidal OCD or suicidal ideation is weird. I think when I feel anxious & want to call 988, it’s suicidal OCD but when I feel like I don’t care about anything, shut down, get angry, & don’t want to call 988 is probably when I need to. Weird, huh?

So ever since I was little now that I think about it I might have had ocd I would had what some would call rocd and have intrusive thoughts like I hate god or I sold my soul obviously being a kid I didn't know what ocd was cause I always thought it was about organization and etc but everytime I would have to do mental compulsion like everytime I got a thought like that I had to ask for forgiveness I eventually stopped as I got older and now I would call myself an agnostic but at the start of this year I started having intrusive thoughts about harming myself and others after I was having bad panic attack every day due to stress I obviously could tell I was not doing okay so started researching and found out about schizophrenia(worst thing I have ever done)my brain automatically went hyperaware of everything,every sound,vision etc also scared that I would go insane and hurt someone so anytime I would hear something or see anything I would get terrified thinking I could be hallucinating I remember even getting my mom to take me to the hospital it was so bad even tried to go to the 7th floor which is the floor for mentally ill patients but they just brushed it off and said it was probably due to anxiety so fast forward I start seeing a doctor he also said he didn't think I was schizophrenic after telling him a he prescribed me medication ssri 100mg He started actually doing better got another job and started doing well I still had the thoughts and fear of schizophrenia but didn't bother me that's when I had the thought what if my brother is trying to kill me that's when it spiraled with these thoughts having paranoid thoughts about what if people are plotting against me and not what ifs but they are but I 1000000000% don't believe them and know that's crazy no one is plotting or trying to hurt me but I became obsessed with this new thought and the new theme switched,I mean technically the same theme cause it is the fear of schizophrenia but the thoughts changed I guess probably because I researched so much about schizophrenia now I'm even more scared I'm becoming schizophrenic cause these paranoid thoughts worry me because I start to think what if I believe them like I know I don't but what if I do,I always see that schizophrenic are paranoid about this and I know I don't believe them but it's like my mind is always thinking about it I mean I could literally be walking outside,shopping,doing whatever I'm doing see someone and have the thought there plotting against me or trying to kill me and I'm like what noooooo what the hell who thinks that,a schizophrenic of course and I have to constantly research everyday my symptoms of paranoid thinking and it's hard because I hear everybody else relate to being scared of developing it but mine really does like I'm having actual paranoid thoughts that again I know is insane and not true I even got a therapist she also said she doesn't believe I have it but trauma she didn't say anything about ocd though so it's like what is it then schizophrenia these thoughts just distress me so much cause what if I start believing them and they feel so real cause most people have what ifs mine are they are but I still 1000000% don't believe them

I went through ERP which helped a little but starting ICBT to hopefully help with rumination. I deal with suicidal ocd mainly which originally was a lot of specific harm thoughts and has now turned into “do I wanna do something” “am I depressed” and over analyzing everything that has to do with mental health. I’m on 20 of Prozac, have been for a couple months. My anxiety has almost went away but this week I’ve been concerned that I’m developing depression (for the first time ever), but I’m just not sure. I feel off. I feel “blah”. I’m worried that I’m not caring as much about things I did before. I’m ruminating a lot. Does anyone have any advice or insight? It’s really bothering me. I don’t want to freak out over this but want to prevent depression getting bad.

So I and my mom got into this big fight yesterday and I said some things I didn't mean to say to her and she said some things and I know what I said was bad but what she said cut deep in me because Even though what I said to her wasn't good her words hurt because going through wat om going through rn is honestly the worst thing a human can go through my worries and fears now all of a sudden now become feeling of Suicide and self-harm and honestly she's right because at this point I'm at a dead end and there's no going back I didn't tell her what was actually going on with me because I know she will never look at me the same and growing up with parents that are Gen x back in the day mental illness is a fucking joke to them apparently and is not taken seriously not all of them are like this but I know a few now I've been thinking about offing myself I don't think I'm gonna make it I'm really struggling.

This is just a petty rant, but has anybody else had this experience where you tell someone you have OCD and their response is “Really? 🤨 YOU?” I’m a pretty disorganized person. Cleaning isn’t easy for me, I’m not good at prioritizing small details, and my physical presentation is acceptable but not excessively neat by any means. So sometimes when I’ve told people who know me that I have OCD, they almost don’t seem to believe me, because their image of someone with OCD is “clean freak (but only in a convenient and acceptable way).” Things like cleanliness and symmetry have never been themes of mine. I’m sure those who have it can attest to the fact that those types of themes are very much not pretty up close, but the popular concept of OCD seems to encompass only that theme and only in “cute” ways. Like when people go “I’m so OCD haha I have to keep my car super clean!” And it’s just so frustrating, because it feels like people think you’re making it up if you don’t have whatever they’re looking for from your mental illness. It feels like they look at me and my messy spaces and go “If you had OCD, you would be more organized than this, so you probably don’t have it.” I developed religious OCD when I was seven. I mentally ‘erased’ sinful thoughts and raised my hand to get saved every Sunday because I was always afraid I didn’t mean it enough last time. I developed suicidal OCD at twelve. I hid pills from myself in the back of my dresser and refused to be home alone and laid on my floor for hours completely still because if I didn’t move I couldn’t hurt myself. I developed POCD at seventeen. I looked away from every commercial with a child in it, monitored every sensation in my body, hid in bathrooms during family gatherings because I thought I might be dangerous in a way I didn’t even know I was. I developed home invasion OCD at nineteen. I checked every lock day and night, kept a knife under my pillow, slept on the bathroom floor because I was sure if I opened the door someone would be on the other side waiting to hurt me. I developed existential OCD at twenty one. It’s been two years. I’m not a Christian anymore. I don’t want to be. I’ve found something different that makes me happier. I wonder every day if I’m demon possessed. I look for answers and find that everyone says they have them but nobody can prove it. I sit alone in my bedroom and beg for mercy from a god I don’t believe in, just in case. I almost want to die sometimes, but I can’t, because if I die I’ll get my answers, but if I’m wrong about what I believe I’ll fast track myself to eternal suffering. I look at my loved ones and their spectrum of beliefs with suspicion. Who of them is manipulating me? Who is being puppeteered by something evil? Who is just…wrong? If I could trust myself, I would, but I can’t. This is what OCD is for me. For a lot of us. This mental illness doesn’t exist to make our cars prettier for people without it to look at.

I’m afraid of falling in love with anyone now. Especially since I have pocd. I fucking hate it. I’m afraid of liking someone that’s even 1 year younger than me (I’m only 18 btw). I’m so scared this has been the most terrifying thought for me. I sound and feel like a creep writing this. How can I stop these thoughts I do NOT want them turning into feelings which I’m very afraid of. I want to not wake up again but I still keep waking up. Might eat a whole jar of melatonin just to not wake up again. And I’m afraid if I don’t have ocd then I’m actually a creep which I do NOT want to be!!! I’M SO AFRAID THAT I HAVE FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS WHEN I SEE A CHARACTER THATS MY FAVORITE BUT IT’S A KID IM TERRIFIED. I’M SO SCARED OF MYSELF AND I JUST NEED TO GET IT OFF MY CHEST. I am petrified. It’s like I’m in a never ending nightmare but I’m not in a dream… it’s like there’s another side to me that is not me…

The pain of ocd is unbearable...I know it's not me. But why do I have these thoughts? What's wrong with me?! People should stay away from me. I'd rather my arms be cut off than harm someone. I hate me...the medication isn't working. I keep remembering past mistakes adding to all the reasons I think I'm evil. Seemingly validating my ocd intrusive thoughts...I can't do this. I wish I had a therapist. I wish I could afford this app.

Its making me feel like I cant remember things properly... making me question every woman Ive ever been explicit and explicitly cybered with... making me doubt my memories on their 18+ verifications... intrusive thoughts of me "explicitly cybering with a minor" and of me going to jail because my worst fear of "unknowingly cybering with a minor(s)" coming true... im genuinely depressed... and I feel so alone... uncertainty has brought me nothing but hell... and theres no getting out... it feels like im waiting every day for my intrusive thoughts and fears to be proven right, and ending up with me going to jail... I have never felt more alone... I just keep getting intrusive thoughts that one day, when I become famous or get my dream job, im going to get a future moment of any girl I explicitly cybered with in the past, saying "Hey, I was a minor when we cybered and while you didnt know, im going to get you arrested or cancelled." I genuinely despise my life. God has allowed me to suffer and suffer with no end. There is no happiness. There is no hope. I genuinely wish I didnt exist. Maybe my mom and my dad and my sister and my dog and my cat wohld be better off. Maybe everyone ive ever wronged would be better off. Screw this world.

I'm having a really hard day. Just have this super bad sense of impending doom and my OCD is trying to rationalize it by telling me that it means my obsessions are going to come true or I'm going into psychosis and probably the worst one is that my OCD is telling me that "today is the day" I am going to have an intrusive thought so bad it will somehow take me out or do something really horrible to me and I won't survive it. I just have this really, really, really bad feeling and I'm not sure how to shake it or if this is even a normal OCD thing or an actual gut feeling?

My OCD has spiraled out of control and I’m afraid I’m going crazy. I’m scared I’m going to hurt myself or someone, even though I don’t want to. I just feel so sick. I don’t want to go to the mental hospital, so I don’t know what to do. I would never hurt anyone but right now I’m just so scared. How do I calm down?

Has anyone have had any experience with prozac (fluoxotine)? I have to take it and I'm very much afraid of the side effects like suicidal thoughts, more anxiety, but over that I have MAAJOR anxiety about having serotonin syndrome..

I struggle with self harm and depression. I told my doctor a week ago that I have suicidal thoughts and she put me on an anxiety/depression med and she said it could make things better or worse. I have noticed I barely eat anything anymore and I started to self harm more. I go through my day struggling and I’ve lost my friends and I stay in my room 24/7. I don’t feel like doing anything anymore. People say “oh it’ll get better” or “you’ll overcome it” or “don’t worry it’ll be okay” but guess what it’s not true. I feel like no one gets me or no one will listen to me. No one understands the pain I go through every second of the day trying my hardest to put on a fake smile. I can’t do it anymore. I want it to stop.

Long post ahead . I appreciate you if you read this . What are signs of depression? I have a fear of it , and I will say I have experienced depression before I think , with thinking things will never be the same and thoughts like I don’t even care anymore but it all started because of my suicidal ocd (I haven’t been diagnosed ) but I have bad health anxiety and death anxiety waaay before this , and then one day had an intrusive image of self harm and it was so distressing all I wanted to do was sleep the thoughts away couldn’t eat talking about it stressed me out and caused me so much anxiety so I know that was I think depression . But now because of this theme I am scared of either falling back into it or fear of getting it because I link it to said theme . I do feel sad sometimes but I feel as if it’s because of the thoughts and wanting to so badly go away ! And I will say even before this I was happy never experienced depression in my life my family does not have a history with it nor has ANYONE in my family “s” themselves . And my brain keeps telling me I’ll be the first . My brain also keeps telling me the weathers getting colder your gonna experience depression so then that makes my anxiety spike and I get a warm sensation over my body . I’ve always loved the fall and cold ALWAYS , now I’m terrified . Is depression always that bad ? Ugh 😣

So a few days ago I sexually harassed someone on accident. I zoned off at work and my gaze landed on someone else's crotch for a time. I immediately looked away once I became aware if this but I am pretty sure the damage has already been done. I have become a sex offender. And it is one of the worst things I can imagine to be. At first I hoped the person didn't notice but today they didn't greet me back, so they probably did and avoid me because of what I did to them. I don't know how to move forward. I plan on apologizing tomorrow. But even after, I just don't know how I can live with being a sex offender. I just want to kms because of this to be honest.

Ocd ruins my life, my self esteem, my motivation, my relationship and time with my kids. It was in remission for years but came back and has been an endless nightmare ever since. The fear, sadness, frustration and anxiety, the constant analyzing everything I do, think and feel. The self judgement are 24/7. I have it all. Intrusive thoughts, false memories, guilt from real events, many of the themes and quirks. Somehow I push through every day to be the mother and provider I need to be with all the responsibility and love and nurturing and I do all I need to do without anyone knowing the deep sadness I feel due to this disorder. The intrusive thoughts are painful and torturous, the false memories always haunting me if I did the horrible thing or not. The upsetting quirks(things I do, think or feel that are considered wrong but I don’t actually have a wrong motive behind it). Thank goodness only twice in my life have I had a scary intense ocd urge that I was able to reject. I have upsetting ocd dreams and wake up flooded with intrusive thoughts some mornings though I try to start each day with a strong and positive mindset. I feel defeated and like the only way out will be when I die. Yes therapy and meds help but it’s not fool proof. This isn’t life. This disorder is a nightmare and the fear that my kids could genetically develop it scares me so much. I never want them to feel or live like this. This app and the kind, beautiful people on it are a blessing yet I still feel so alone.

Everyone says that if you sit with anxiety the thought gonna pass. And what if I’m feeling no anxiety but want to cry and throw up (maybe little bit of anxiety) what I do then? This thought in my mind all day I’m going crazyy. I want to end it all I’m afraid. Please someone help. And the urge to act on it is so much I want to throw up

Hi I’m just here to ask what actually is suicidal ocd? What are the symptoms and what is the treatment? Thankyou.