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I am really freaking out. My OCD has developed into some weird things where it’s mostly my imagination and me moving. I got the thought earlier that if I thrust my hips, or move them, let it be to the thought of a child/family being in front of me, cuddling with them. I thought that was ridiculous and obviously no matter what I imagine, NOT REAL. So I did that a bunch of times in an effort to prove to myself that it was ridiculous. I don’t know what to do, because now, a few hours later, I feel horrified. I keep doing it. I don’t think I’m checking anything, I think I’m more so desperate to get rid of this fear and ridiculousness. Can someone please help me?

At this point I think I’m just tired. Took me a massive amount of strength to even type this. I’ve never had it this bad with anxiety depression and OCD. Firstly, how do you guys handle the trauma that comes with OCD. I recently realized Ive traumatized by own mind. I think this contributes to depression. Also, the thoughts frequency have gotten so high. It just literally jams its self in my brain. Before, I had some sort of control (at least a grip) but this days it’s so hard to try to get a grip. The unwanted feelings too? Omg, reactions that I literally can’t stand plagues me. My mind turns almost everything sexual. It’s crazy 🙃 Then the anxietyyyyyy! Wheew. I’m like a walking anxiety attack, my heart is always beating fast and it’s so painful. Working is so hard because I can’t get a grip, I feel so broken and I don’t think anyone can relate to this. I don’t know what I can do to help. Then the pressure in my head (that causes headache sometimes), sometimes I genuinely think I have a tumor! I’m pregnant so that makes it sadder, makes me wonder what kind of mother this beautiful soul is coming out here to meet. I don’t want to be a sad mother, and I cry more when I realize my child can feel what I feel rn in my belly😔. Another thing, the moment I don’t wanna do something, doesn’t even have to be anything bad. That’s when it feels my mind wants to force me to do it. It’s a whole lot and I’m just holding on to Jesus to help me out. At least he’s here so that’s comforting.

I just woke up from a really uncomfortable dream. While it's not the worst dream I've had, I can't stop thinking about how gross it's caused me to feel. I'm not sure if describing the dream in detail would be a compulsion, so I'll refrain from that. But, basically... in the dream (or nightmare), I offered a sexual service to some random man. The thing is, two of my family members were in the room while it happened, and there were certain points in the dream where they implied they had done similar things with this same man. I just feel disgusted and... violated? It's not real, and I understand it's just a dream, but still... :( I woke up feeling tainted.

Hi, I'm 17,about to be 18. I've been struggling with these thoughts for the past 8 months. I was wondering if someone experienced ever the same because I feel im "different". BACKGROUND: (I'm not diagnosed with Ocd but seeing a local counselor) About 9 months ago I cheated on my boyfriend with this guy S (who blackmailed, manipulated and molested me). Since then when I realized that what i did was very WRONG and so I started ruminating picking apart every single interaction and telling my boyfriend, i tried to remember every single detail because otherwise I felt like i was being a fraud and hiding things to save myself, i had many crisis about it because I had also what i think was false memory ocd. My boyfriend forgave me idk how tbh I still wonder. CURRENT STRUGGLE: Months ago I was sure I didn't wanna S in any way and i was sure even when everything happened. For the past 2 months tho I've been having thoughts like " Do I love S?" "I love S" "S is hot" "Would S find me hot?" "What if I want S?" " What if I don't love my boyfriend enough?" "What if I secretly want S?" "What if I see my boyfriend as a friend only?Do I?" And I tried testing my reaction to intimate scenarios with S, I'm scared I like it i dont really wanna love S or have any secret attraction, I wish I didn't have any of this and I want to be sure of my feelings for my boyfriend because I know I wanna be with him and I see a future with him like he brings me comfort. But a part of me keeps trying to convince me otherwise. Sometimes I think I'd rather die than have these thoughts. Im so scared of not being able to control my feelings, im scared I can't resist S and its giving me anxiety and making me cry. Sometimes when i think of those sexual scenarios with S or I get those thoughts my mind tells me to smile because i like it because I find it funny. It makes me doubt myself all over again. Like I'm always like I need to test if I'd feel aroused to intimate scenarios with S, lately im trying to fight this urge to test and test but my mind is like "just do it this once so you can be sure. I can never watch anything romantic or sexual or whatever because my mind would be like "you and S" or sometimes I'm just enjoying time with my bf and im like " yes we can just have a sneaky cheating thing thats ok" and it makes me want to figure it out to find an answer a solution because idk it just does like I need to find the meaning of it if it means the truth and all. Im worried im just an awful person and these thoughts just ruin my quality of life . Today i had a crisis where i ended up doinf swlf harm, I'm so scared of finding someone that's not my boyfriend desirable or sexual appealing or whatever it is, I also have bodily reactions when I try to imagine and test my reaction to scenarios. Now i keep groing everytime and I dont know why but i have this sensation and I dont want to havebit especially when its something S related. Does someone experience the same thoughts? Am I alone in this? Is this ROCD? What should i do?

I feel like I will never find a boyfriend. I have to many issues, with my ocd, my anxiety, self sabotage, fear, scars of commitment. Is he the right one is he not. I don’t know where this comes from but I feel like it has to do a lot with insecurity. I don’t like my body and I think I’m just big in every way. Nothing wrong with being bigger I just don’t feel confident this way. I’m tall and overweight and I feel so uncomfortable with the fact that one day I will get personal with someone you know. I think people around me think I’m gay becuase ive never had a boyfriend or any romantic connection at all, no hand holding or anything. I feel like a loser and everyone who knows I’ve never had a boyfriend just give me this ohhhh kinda look, like I’m hiding something. I hate it especially since I have Hocd . It definitely doesn’t help, at alllllllll. Im afraid I will always find fault or a reason not to like a guy. Ughhh I have a feeling I’m going to be single forever at this rate. It just all freaks me out, plus my friends try to get me with there friends and it feel forced and I hate it. All the guys that I like don’t like me and I can’t picture myself with them. Well I can’t picture myself with anyone unfortunately. Idk why it’s so easy for other people and not for me. What is wrong with me.

Can sexual orientation ocd make you act on your fears and make you have same sex experiences ever and then after the experience realize that’s not what you are or want?

This is my first post here, i'm personally struggling like ive never felt before. The human mind can be so powerful for the positive, and also for the negative. I let myself get walked on like a doormat by a woman I wanted to be with for years. I wanted to save her from the demons I knew surrounded her, but completely destroyed myself trying to do so. She finally gave me chance and it was an absolute nightmare. Ive been burned multiple times and have never once questioned my sexuality until she and I stopped "dating". I still have no desire to ever be with a man, but for some reason my mind has me judging everyone I look at and its exhausting. The future scares me, trying to decide what I want in life makes me stress, everything feels like its gone to hell. Im taking medicine for adhd which helps tremendously, but ive just never been in this place before. Full of trust issues, insecurities, self doubt, etc. i appreciate reading everyones posts and look forward to the day this is all behind me and im back to my "old" self.

I can't take it anymore, my OCD is stronger than ever, I have false memories almost every day, sexual ones, if it's not a false memory then intrusive thoughts that I'm gay, etc. When I was with my girlfriend, I had some false memories and intrusive thoughts, but you could almost say they weren't there then. And I really don't want these false memories and intrusive thoughts. I've had intrusive thoughts about my Buddy, my dad, and random people. Please help me It's like something evil is trying to control my thinking.

Whenever I see a picture of someone—whether they have attractive features or even if there’s no clear reason—I sometimes get this intrusive thought that feels like there’s a man in my head moaning or saying something sexual. It’s not always tied to someone being attractive; it can be triggered by seeing a child, a family member, or just about anyone. When this happens, I get a sinking feeling in my stomach. I wonder if I’m confusing that feeling with arousal, but it scares me because the experience feels so real. I know it sounds strange, but it genuinely feels like there’s someone else in my head making these noises or comments. This is especially confusing because I can acknowledge when someone is attractive, when a family member has nice features, or when a child is beautiful without any inappropriate intentions. But then I get stuck on the thought, and I start feeling like that “man” inside my head is actually me, which makes me feel even more unsettled. I don’t really know how to explain it better, but that’s how it feels. It’s immediate and intense. I don’t know if OCD can do this but it feels like real arousal. I am scared. Please help

I’m talking with this girl. I like her a lot. The problem I’m running into is I keep having what feels like attraction to the same sex, immediate intrusive thoughts about men. Looking at their faces/bodies. Thinking “they’re attractive” though I don’t want to think it but I do kind of feel it? I just don’t even know. I wish I could just desire the girl I’m talking to but this is taking away from that desire in huge ways due to the worry and distraction. Is wanting to know whether you’re actually gay or if it’s just soocd fooling you a normal difficulty for a straight man with ocd? If I am actually gay I’d like to know so I don’t waste her time and cut things off. I’m new to looking into this subtype. In the past I had major just right or perfection ocd, and contamination ocd. Would anyone be willing to give a quick summary of what soocd looks like? The thoughts? I guess I’m trying to know if there’s anyway I can figure out my sexuality or if the reality is ocd.

I have a fear of touching people inappropriately. When I was walking by someone, I intentionally thought a sexual thought, then I started wondering if it would make me move my hips, and then they moved a tiny bit. Obviously nothing happened. But I’m convinced that was me snapping. What I don’t understand is why the fuck I made a choice to think the thought. Usually I’m terrified of walking by people and try to pass them quickly. What could make me think the thought? I don’t even think the thought was about the person. I’m confused and scared

Struggling with some ROCD and SOOCD today. Ive been having thoughts like do i even know my boyfriend? Do I even love him? How do I actually know if i love him? How do i know if i know him that well? Would I connect with him more if he was a girl? How do i know? Feeling so much confusion and kind of dissociating when i really just want to enjoy our night together :(

Hi, I'm 17,about to be 18. I've been struggling with these thoughts for the past 8 months. I was wondering if someone experienced ever the same because I feel im "different". BACKGROUND: (I'm not diagnosed with Ocd but seeing a local counselor) About 9 months ago I cheated on my boyfriend with this guy S (who blackmailed, manipulated and molested me). Since then when I realized that what i did was very WRONG and so I started ruminating picking apart every single interaction and telling my boyfriend, i tried to remember every single detail because otherwise I felt like i was being a fraud and hiding things to save myself, i had many crisis about it because I had also what i think was false memory ocd. My boyfriend forgave me idk how tbh I still wonder. CURRENT STRUGGLE: Months ago I was sure I didn't wanna S in any way and i was sure even when everything happened. For the past 2 months tho I've been having thoughts like " Do I love S?" "I love S" "S is hot" "Would S find me hot?" "What if I want S?" " What if I don't love my boyfriend enough?" "What if I secretly want S?" "What if I see my boyfriend as a friend only?Do I?" And I tried testing my reaction to intimate scenarios with S, I'm scared I like it i dont really wanna love S or have any secret attraction, I wish I didn't have any of this and I want to be sure of my feelings for my boyfriend because I know I wanna be with him and I see a future with him like he brings me comfort. But a part of me keeps trying to convince me otherwise. Sometimes I think I'd rather die than have these thoughts. Im so scared of not being able to control my feelings, im scared I can't resist S and its giving me anxiety and making me cry. Sometimes when i think of those sexual scenarios with S or I get those thoughts my mind tells me to smile because i like it because I find it funny. It makes me doubt myself all over again. Like I'm always like I need to test if I'd feel aroused to intimate scenarios with S, lately im trying to fight this urge to test and test but my mind is like "just do it this once so you can be sure. I can never watch anything romantic or sexual or whatever because my mind would be like "you and S" or sometimes I'm just enjoying time with my bf and im like " yes we can just have a sneaky cheating thing thats ok" and it makes me want to figure it out to find an answer a solution because idk it just does like I need to find the meaning of it if it means the truth and all. Is this ocd ? Im worried im just an awful person and these thoughts just ruin my quality of life Today i had a crisis where i ended up doinf swlf harm, I'm so scared of finding someone that's not my boyfriend desirable or sexual appealing or whatever it is, I also have bodily reactions when I try to imagine and test my reaction to scenarios. Does someone experience the same thoughts? Am I alone in this? Is this ROCD? Can someone help me ?because I'm really hopeless. I csnt afford any help sincr im a minor and I need support

So whenever I think of this one guy doing sexual things to me, I literally get a warmth feeling and lubrication down there. But when I think of my boyfriend in that way, I don’t get the same response down there. What’s wrong with me? I feel like I’m gonna act on these thoughts and that I want them to happen.

I’m struggling so bad. I actually started getting better but now my thoughts are back. I feel like I can’t do anything, watch a movie “oh you’re turned on by that”, go out shopping “oh you’re trying to look pretty for her”. Like what???? My brain just won’t stop!!!!!! It’s making me so depressed, I just feel like I’m about to lose it. I’m happily married, and absolutely in love with my husband. But my brain keeps saying “you’re gay! You’re bi” whatever. I’m so tired guys, I feel so alone, and this has been going on for months…

Today has been a bit better. From my previous post, I have been struggling with some SO-OCD which occurred from a “should I kiss her” thought even though im not lesbian and I never wanted that or wanted to seek out females. I have always been in straight relationships and now im in the best relationship ever with my amazing Boyfriend of 1.5 years. While the SO-OCD has started to not take up all of my thoughts, it has now switched to the fact that I am an art major, and many of my peers around me are either lesbian or bi or still figuring out. I don’t mean to sound stereotypical but Im scared and wondering what that means for me. I began thinking back to my art teachers too and all were very weird, or divorced. Im scared to turn out like that too. The OCD and anxiety has now caused me to google if this fear is normal, or what it means for me. It might be silly but this is the only place I feel like I can talk about it other than with my therapist

okay so i have had hocd for almost my whole life to a point where i have acted on urges. every time i would be disgusted and anxious because i know that’s not me. does anyone have any similar experiences or tips? i love my boyfriend now and rocd and hocd just came back with MOUNDS of evidence. it’s heartbreaking. all i want to do is marry my boyfriend and not have these fears!

Being exposed to taboo p*rn as young as first grade ruined my life and now ocd is making me pay for it. I have so much guilt for being a child/teen and looking at taboo stuff, and it was all fictional or anime or whatever but it was still so so gross. and I didn't realize It because I had been used to it at so young 🫠 I think what haunts me most is when I was a kid/young teen (like 12-14ish) and didn't have access to p*rn I'd imagine stuff similar to what I'd seen in the art. I can't even believe I'd imagine scenarios involving kid characters or whatever because it had been so normalized to me and I assumed it was normal since it was fiction. I'm 23 now so it's been a decade since I've done anything like that and I've never had the urge to since but still. I've NEVER been attracted to kids or had any urges or anything ever, even when I was addicted. The thought makes me want to vomit, I'd rather die than associate anything sexual with kids/minors and I think people who groom or assault kids are vile. But I still feel like the fact that I imagined stuff similar to the things I read sometimes when I was young is proof I'm a p*do. I don't think people would believe me if I said I'm not. I just feel like I don't deserve to live or that if I do, I'm living a lie. I know 'I was a kid too' but even when I was 13/14 I read/imagined stuff with characters younger than me because I thought it was normal. I'm so disgusted. I've had this theme for so long I'm starting to wonder if ocd is right. I feel too ashamed to tell my therapist.

Does anyone else experience ocd around the topic of non monogamy and hookup culture and stuff? Im not hating people who are into these things, intact I thinks it great that people have ways of experiencing relationships how they want to and I will always support and advocate for that, but non monogamy and hookup culture is not for me. However because its not for me and I really don't want to partake in any of these things by brain keeps telling me things like: 1. Monogamy is toxic and fake and polyamory is the only real way to have relationships 2. I secretly want non monogamy and casual relationship 3. I'm experiencing these feelings because im a bigot 4. Everyone's involved in non monogamy in some for these days even if its things like open relationships, threesomes etc so monogamy will become rare and you will never have a relationship Those are just some of the thoughts but I have many more. Like I said I'm supportive of people who engage in those things, but I don't want it and I feel as though I can't justify my reasons why I don't want it and that I'm a fake or a bigot. I'm constantly googling "benefits of monogamy" "why monogamy is better" etc to justify to myself why I want what i want. My googling is so obsessive though and I'm up all night doing it and watching videos and things. I can't sleep because of my worries. Everytime I see anything, anywhere relating to non monogamy wheather that be open relationships, polyamory, threesomes etc I feel so sick In my stomach, my anxiety sky rockets and I just want to cry, it's how I am with seeing gay relationship and things with my sexual orientation ocd. (I feel the same when I things about hookups and stuff too). It's like a voice in my head is going "see it's working for these people, you actually want it, your lying if you don't". I have thousands of screenshots of articles and posts that's reassure me about my wants but my ocd always makes be doubt myself. I need some advice on how to deal with it, because im at breaking point and feel like a horrible person. I also want to know if anyone else is dealing with what I'm going through.

My SOOCD has been pretty loud lately and the fact that everytime I go out with mu friends I feel like I cant relate to their stories but everytime I go on reddit (I know it a compulsion) and read the responds to "how did you know you were a lesbian" and feel like I cant relate doesnt help at all. I was doing really well and even tho the thoughts were there I was happy with my bf. The onlu thing that bothered me is that I felt like I wouldnt be mad if he broke up with me were as if I imagine it with a women I feel like mu heart would be broken and that I would finally understadn what my friends go through... so yeah that's a pretty big thing because I know that a lot of therapist (and lesbian) say that if you can move on easily from someone its that you never loved them. And honeslty I have a pretty anxious attachment style so usually I would have to be more heartbroken than other if that were to happen with me and I would have to be scared and jealous during my relationship, which I am not. and I know its healther that way but is it real? Im soo lost, Im shaking I just wanna cry and im sure that sociatal pressure and the fact that I do not have a lot of queer friends are making this even harder. I just dont want to realise in 20 years that all of this was fake and right now it feels like it is and im just convincing myself to stay. Also ive been on birth control for 10+ years and I heard that a lot of women who stopped it started geing with women and did not feel any attraction whatsoever to men. And it also feels like if I were to ever try woth women I would never go back to men. and that its only fear thats stopping me... Idk if its soocd or not but it doesnt feel like it. I know Im all over the place but if anyone relates or could give some advice it would be great thank you!