Looking for advice <3

I have been struggling for a very long time with what could be OCD. I haven’t gotten fully diagnosed yet because everywhere has been full. But here is my story: I have been dating my boyfriend for a year and one month, and he is the best person I’ve ever dated. I love him extremely and we have the best time together, we have similar values, we’re best friends, all of the good things. We went long distance roughly 8 months into our relationship for about four months, and then he moved back. From August until now, I have had growing doubts about our relationship beginning when I didn’t have huge honeymoon-y feelings when I saw him for the first time after a while. Ever since then I have had intrusive thoughts like what if I’m not actually having fun with him? What if we’re not meant for each other? And like in moments of intimacy I will question if I’m actually enjoying anything and what if I’m actually gay. I have felt attraction to girls before in my life but I’ve never dated any, and I absolutely enjoy sexual things with my boyfriend, I think I just resort to black and white thinking. Anyway, all of these thoughts have gotten to me so bad that there have been three several-day periods over the past two months where I can barely eat and barely sleep because I am so anxious and I feel like breaking up is the only thing I can do. A lot of other people who aren’t familiar with OCD are like “well you shouldn’t feel this way so maybe it’s time to break up”. It absolutely breaks my heart because I love him and I don’t feel like I’m missing out in life and our relationship doesn’t have any problems, I just am exhausted of feeling the way I feel and I hate having to break his heart telling him I’m having these thoughts. I also now get super anxious to see him until the thoughts and feelings just subside and get better on their own. Like right now I’m in a phase where I don’t want to see or talk to him because I’m afraid of being more anxious. I just want help differentiating between if breaking up is actually what I need or if another plan of action would be better, or if anyone else has been through something like this before. I appreciate it so much. I hate to keep adding stuff but I feel like now after sitting with these thoughts for so long it just feels like maybe we aren’t compatible and that I would just feel better if we broke up. But because I’ve been going in and out of feeling this way and we’ve had so much fun together, I really don’t want to give in. I just feel SO AWFUL. Does ROCD make people cry all the time and make people constantly have a pit in their stomach? Like I have never felt this awful in my life and peoples first thing is to say that means the relationship isn’t right which makes me want to give up.

Megan Banks

Date posted: 7d

I think you may be the first person to join the app in 2026!!

Anonymous

Date posted: 6d

Hello, I have not started my therapy yet but I can tell you that as someone who struggles from ROCD i often feel the exact same way, down to the exact thoughts. don’t give up, this is definitely an expression of OCD and you are not alone ❤️

bmdashe

Date posted: 5d

I also haven’t gotten fully diagnosed yet, but my therapist suspects it. Thank you for sharing this, it’s very relatable in a lot of ways. It’s like the constant second guessing of the relationship. Sometimes it feels like you can’t fully be present with your partner. I opened up to my boyfriend today about something and have been spiraling all day since. It’s so frustrating and it makes you feel like even the healthiest relationships aren’t right for you. I know not having the butterfly feeling can actually be a huge positive, it’s your nervous system sending signals that you feel safe around this person, which can ultimately make you second guess if you are use to chasing after someone. The sexual intrusive thoughts are so incredibly real….. I have had them my entire life.. thought I was just not meant to have sex. I also learned this from my last therapist, but don’t talk to too many people about your relationship, because when you get so many different opinions, it’s hard to trust your own. It’s scary to rely on your own feelings, because part of the asking opinions is compulsions to help reassure your own beliefs or your OCD’s beliefs. If you need someone to talk with about this, I’m looking for a circle of people to try and really work through these thoughts with and really explore what the rocd feels like. So I’d love to chat with you sometime ♥️

paigefritz

Date posted: 5d

@bmdashe Thank you for your response!! I’d absolutely love to chat with you too

Hetalia17

Date posted: 6d

Hey there! Yes, unfortunately this is the usual ROCD experience… I went through it last year and I’m sorry you’re going through it too. And let me just say, so many of the things you’re saying are extremely familiar to me, including the urge to break up. In my experience, I’d say that you’re looking at everything through a very OCD tinted lense right now. So any sort of decision you make now (such as breaking up) wouldn’t really be coming from you as a whole but from a tiny part of yourself that is really scared and can’t think straight about this topic. Also, I am a firm believer that all of that “this person needs to give you butterflies all the time or else it isn’t love” stuff is really just crap. I believe that love is shown in many different ways, including through decisions and actions. Try and put aside the OCD shitstorm and think about how being with your boyfriend makes you feel. Do you feel safe with him? Loved and respected? What would your life be like without him? Are the OCD thoughts the only thing that “changed” your attitude towards him? People that say “if you feel this way it means you don’t love him and should stop wasting his time” are looking at things really superficially. I mean, 1) You’re an OCD warrior, your brain is wired to feel like this out of self protection and 2)it doesn’t really make sense to drop your partner because they made you feel anything else that wasn’t butterflies. Partners are people too. I’m sorry for the rambling, I hope I made sense of any kind. Just know there’s a whole lot of us that have felt and thought everything you’ve thought word for word because that’s just how OCD is. I really feel for you and hope you feel better soon ❤️‍🩹 Have you started therapy yet? It will help!

paigefritz

Date posted: 6d

@Hetalia17 I absolutely love everything you said. My boyfriend makes me so happy when I’m not in ocd prison and my life would be so much less fun without him. I actually start therapy with a new, ACTUALLY ocd-trained therapist on Wednesday and I’m soooo excited

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