- Date posted
- 45w
Just wondering if anyone else’s spiritual OCD seems to also effect your relationship with God and push you farther away from God when you really would rather be closer?
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Just wondering if anyone else’s spiritual OCD seems to also effect your relationship with God and push you farther away from God when you really would rather be closer?
TRIGGER WARNING - RELIGION AND EXISTENTIAL OCD So, now that the trigger warning is out of the way, I'd like to share a thought I had earlier. Its been brewing for a while but this is the best way I think I can word it. Are we responsible for our circumstances or the circumstances of others, or is God responsible? Is a thought responsible for it's circumstances or the circumstances of other thoughts, or is the thinker responsible? What leads what? (If anything leads at all). Does it ultimately matter if we know? Is the solution inconsequential to the answer, is the answer inconsequential to the solution, or both inconsequential of each other? It may take a few times to reread to understand 😅 sorry
i’m getting super overwhelmed when i pray bc it’s constant, and when i pray i get distracted and then repeat myself and the bad thoughts just come full force and i just can’t pray rn bc im too fustrated and too distracted and it’s all too much rn and i can’t handle it. is God mad at me? i wanna cry
it feels like i’m going insane. a while ago, i felt this internal prompting (believing it to be the Holy Spirit). my friend prayed for me & she got a different response from God than the one im feeling is from Him. whenever i go to make a decision to stay, i feel so much unrest. i feel bad and i feel like God’s angry. when i decide to leave, it makes me physically go into a depression & experience extreme anxiety. i stop eating, start picking at my face, take melatonin to sleep, and it makes me wanna draw away from God because it hurts so bad. my community is telling me that God is not heavy and does not punish you for making a choice, but it feels like it. my community is also saying so many different things & im confused. people are saying that God is good and kind…as a believer, i know He’s good and kind, but i don’t feel like it. i feel like im being forced to do something. like a stirring in my spirit so bad, i feel like i can’t do anything else. i’ve been in a 3 month depression (maybe my own fault for not making a decision and following peace…but what happens when peace is there but so is anxiety and depression & fear & worry & feeling like i want to die?) ugh
Existential crisis pls help guys🫶 I’m finding that everything is pointless What’s the point of reaching my goals? Is God even real? Please help guys!!!!!
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Now I'm able to recognize that a regular standard of obedience is much different than OCD's standard of extreme and impossible obedience. I often told my husband that I felt like a bird in a cage.
By Erica Richardson
Read my Religious OCD story →I can’t. I’m so scared. I don’t want to deny the HOLY SPIRIT. I keep having intrusives that make me question my real intentions.
Hello all! I need some recommendations from anyone who tried therapy with the NOCD therapists. preferably anyone who is struggling with Religious OCD, SO-OCD and Existential OCD If you tried therapy here, how was your experience? would you recommend any specific therapists for a specific subtype? any feedback is appreciated!
Tl;Dr I had a huge trigger and panic attack last night after 6 months with almost no OCD episodes. Trying to evaluate what is a real problem and what isn't History: Had OCD since childhood, triggers are guilt, religion, being a bad person, and relationship OCD. Episodes for me have been horrible panic attacks of immense guilt, and the only thing that would stop them is disassociation. I would live in a numbed out state between episodes, believing that no one could truly love me or know me because I was deep down a bad person. I've been with my partner , T, for ten years. The first half of our relationship was before I got treatment for OCD, and my mental health was extremely poor. When T and I got together, I was just months out of an abusive relationship. I had no clue what really made me happy, and I was constantly pleasing others to feel temporary relief of the immense guilt and shame I had about who I was as a person. I broke up with him 5 times during the first five years of our relationship, I wouldnt call him my boyfriend. I felt disconnected with him, I was probably codependent on him to keep my anxiety at bay. I was so disassociated during that time, I didn't love anyone and I didn't feel "in love" with him. But I wanted him around all the time. I loved talking and spending time with him. I was never tried to date anyone else because they wouldn't compare with t. He felt like home. About five years uring one of my OCD flares, my therapist Jana suggested for the first time that I may have OCD, specifically ROCD. It took me a long time to even consider, but I got treatment and for the first time was able to live with integrity. I didn't feel like I was hiding. I told my wonderful, patient partner I loved him and we moved in together, we are getting married. But now I'm having another episode and wondering what is OCD and what is me lying to myself: -Ive been going through some serious family issues (family diagnosed with ALS, caregiving), and have been feeling completely focused on that. Subsequently, I feel disconnected from my partner and emotionally focused on that -Is it okay that I didn't "fall in love" in the traditional sense? I love t, I feel safe and at home with him. I feel attracted to him -We went through a rough patch for a couple months (arguing and communication problems, my partner being distant), and are now starting couples counseling and working through a Gottman workshop. T went from being disconnected to very attentive and kind. This frightens me, and I feel pulled away. I feel numb. Sometimes I feel unsatisfied. I love my partner, I love this life I built. I want to keep working on it. Is there like... Some ultimate happiness/satisfaction that I'll never achieve since we didn't fall in love the traditional way? I'm scared and I don't want to lose my family.
I am going to talk about my OCD journey but I want to bring religion out of it even though I will add in some religious reference to it. Back in 2022 was my darkest year when I first started drawing and religious thoughts about what I was doing is okay started creeping in. I started going in the internet for answers in a religious sense and somehow that got worse. I even joined some sort of mental health chat room and I found myself obsessively seeking for reassurance that it know got worse. My OCD kinda waned a little when I found a pastor who addressed OCD in a healthy manner and even though he was very much a godsend personally, I still wrestle with OCD. Just now I fell back into OCD very hard even though I’m still drawing and making YouTube videos of my drawings. I was part of a fandom that celebrates anthropomorphic animal characters yet right now I am having guilty thoughts about taking part of that. Recently I found myself being back to constant reassurances on the internet about what’s okay and what’s not okay when it comes to art. I have my own personal boundaries and morals when it comes to art but sometimes I question my morals. Just now I am very OCD about my drawings and my potential as a graphic novelist. I have some amazing story ideas for my anthropomorphic animal characters but right now this huge fear is holding me back from stepping out and giving my ideas a shot. Heck, I’m also interested in anime, video games, manga, graphic novels, animation and stuff like that. I have my favorite animators and artists on the internet and I really love them. But now, my creative spirit just got crushed because of past experiences and fears about what I am doing right now. I am currently avoiding animation, art, anime, video games, and other nerdy hobbies in fear of idolizing them and feeling like I’m not doing what religion wants me to do. I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t make my art. I couldn’t make animations, I couldn’t enjoy manga, I couldn’t enjoy anime because of my religious background. I just couldn’t enjoy anything anymore. I am so anxious right now I am avoiding those hobbies altogether. I just feel like no one understands my interests and no one understands me. I feel pressured to conform to people’s and religion’s opinions about things and it just feels like my authentic self is being stripped away. I tried to follow religion’s ideals and stuff but I just keep falling back. Well it just so happens that I’m autistic too. I just want to enjoy what life has to offer without feeling guilty about it. I just feel like I’m done with church and I just want to pursue animation and all that.
I am so scared of Hell...i have false memories that make me think im a bad person... I just Hope they are false memories and real... Im so scared
I just want to say That when I get this therapy I hope I heal and I hope my brain goes back to normal the way it was and I hope all these false feelings go away and thoughts and urges although I feel nothing and I feel like this is the new me I know deep down it's not I just really hope it doesn't get worse and that I can finally have normal thoughts I just really pray to God I can feel like me again if not then I guess I'm stuck like this thank you guys for helping me me the best you can. I just hope this passes beacuse it genuinely feels like I'm changed and that the feelings are there it's scary. Like my brain doesn't even react anymore with disgust or anxiety neither does my body the thoughts just come up and checking is exhausting and when I don't think about it it still comes this is a scary tome for me I've never had ocd this bad before beacuse I knew who I was before all this idk anymore. I feel like I'm in denial about being a monster and that I actually feel like I do desire these things that's how real it is the lingering feeling is still there it feels like I enjoy this it's terrifying How powerful the brain is cognitive thinking is no joke. It really does change how u feel and affects you badly I don't wish this on anybody. 🪽🪽🪽
I have been doubting my salavtion for 18 years or 15 years does not matter I am 40. I was told I had ocd region last year and tore me apart. It does make sense I have also ptsd and bipolar. How do I know if I have repented and am saved? I feel numb to God. Never any love or change in my heart. I don’t belive good works save me. I know the Bible in my head but how do you know Jesus? I am tired and need a heart change but how does that happens with ocd? Forget about church they can’t handle me and have tried to help but given up. Been told I have been oppressed by demons pray harder trust God more ect. I feel depressed and take my anger out on my kids age 14 10 and 9 and husband. I feel alone and taking medicine does not help. I take my meds for bipolar and anxity. How can I be sure God has saved me or I want God? I am mad at God and been told it’s was sin. I think it is but why did I have to be abused as a kid and have mental health issues and now ocd junk. I don’t have the fruit of the spirit. My mind is in torment sometime and numb myself out with tv sleep drinks food pills ect. Where is Jesus ? Why can’t I have assurence? Just being real and the church is scared of me or I overwhelm people. Jesus offeres peace and rest and I don’t have that. I want my sins forgiven and be loved by God and have him as a my father. Dortine does matter saying the sinners prayer does not save me and I am lost and confused. I don’t want to go to hell. Please anyone have anything to say. I don’t have support
Hi, I know I am far different from everyone else but I been struggling with ocd for nearly a year now and the flow always switches and switches but I am a strong Christian and its stuck on my faith, before I use to get blasphemy thoughts alot and it was just in my head but randomly all of a sudden when i read about if you act out on it my brain has made some new urge to make me say bad things about God in words rather than just im my head, this is really distressing for me and I know no one has this but its really affecting me alot and i dont know how to deal with it.
my living situation is interesting (to say the least) but i cant do anything about it and it’s making my life so much worse and more difficult than it needs to be. im on the verge of relapsing after ~7 years and im finding it really difficult not to go through with my “plans” (if you’re picking up what im saying) on top of this, i’ve been having a spike in my obsessive thoughts lately and i keep being reminded of past memories and some childhood trauma and i feel so sick. my mind is convincing me that trauma is the reason i “must like little kids” or the reason why God is after me like i thought He was all these years or the reason why i keep getting intrusive thoughts about my teacher everything seems to trigger everything and i am so sick of it. i want it to all go away and i have no private place to rest because of my situation and i have no one to talk to about this. if anyone has any advice or suggestions or comfort please let me know
I had a blasphemous thought against the holy spirit s few days ago a bc it’s been on my mind. So today i asked my mom: “ does God take someone’s life away if they committed the sin of blasphemy” and she responded with “Maybe yes or maybe no, he can maybe give that person days to live until the destined day that person has to die, dies.” And after she said that i’ve been kind of anxious and asking for forgiveness. Keep in mind that i wasn’t feel bad about this thought before. Idk why. Now i’m anxious.
I’ve had very weird sexual religious thoughts and it has had a bad effect on my image of God and who he really is.
Hey everyone I just wanted to come on here and spread some encouraging words about some years ago I started showing some symptoms of ocd I still do today things have been very hard they seem to get better then go back to the same ole it can get rough you may feel like giving up, feel unheard, feel like no one can help you but I promise there is help give your life to god and he can heal you in ways no other can just fully trust and believe in him things will get better it’s only a matter of time trust I’ve suffered some of the hardest times this one really tragic event happen my intrusive thoughts were through the roof I was so scared I couldn’t eat, drink, shower, be on my phone or anything this lasted for a while I had to force myself to shower and eat but I still couldn’t during I contacted my aunt that’s a therapist she gave me some techniques to work through and redirect those thoughts it seemed to work for a little minute like 15 minutes maybe but I let those thoughts weigh me down again all the anxiety, panic attacks, depression, fear, worrying still to this day I can catch myself this way including intrusive thoughts that don’t seem to give me a break, constant fear and worrying, anxiety and the list goes on but I’m trusting and putting my faith in the lord that there will be a change talk to him guys also try a therapist here on this earth he placed professional people to talk to on this earth for reasons like this there’s been times where I’ve hated myself I wanted to give up I wanted god to take me off this earth even begged him at times feeling like my mom or no one really understood me thinking am I crazy is there something wrong no there’s nothing wrong, it would be like why am I having these thoughts this isn’t me please take them away and it just didn’t seem to get better but there is hope guys I am a living witness & so are many others this path can be rough but don’t you give up you may feel as if god doesn’t hear you but he does he does everything in the right timing 🙏🏽!! I love you all & god’s got you don’t beat yourself up! Psalms 23 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. A great gospel song hhpg- Yahweh- George alao, simmidele Tobi walker. Also guys look up Bible scriptures that relate to what your going through they will help God loves you all he’s a forgiving god!!!
My heart is hardened towards God. I don’t feel bad for anything anymore. I feel dissociated from myself. My physical body is here but I am not TRULY here. I don’t care about my soul anymore because i just don’t want to worry and be anxious. Am i in the wrong for this?
I hate sitting in my room with only me and my thoughts. I have lost my faith in the lord and can’t seem to get on with my life. I’m so stuck on everything and can’t seem to get better. I keep self harming and get to the point to where I see the second layer of my skin. It gets worse and worse each time I have suicidal thoughts. One of these days it’ll get so bad that well you can probably guess what I may do. I have been abused physically mentally and sexually in my past and it haunts me every single day of my life. Any time I try to talk to someone about my mental health they tell me I’m a waste of their time or that I need to talk to someone other than them. But all that does is make me keep it all bottled up and I can’t take it anymore. They say mental abuse is worse than physical and I can see why they say that. I just want a normal life so I don’t have to be depressed 24/7. It ruins my social life and it makes me loose my friends and family because of how distant I am. I just need help and please give me advice. Also sorry I’m not very good at explaining things.
I’ve been feeling very empty. After all these thoughts i just have genuinely no desire to seek God. And i find myself getting angry at God because he allows me to have these stupid thoughts about him. I’ve been feeling anger towards him. I have no desire just emptiness. Every time i open my bible i also feel like it’s boring and it won’t help me. And that if i try and seek God again, nothing will work because i’ll just get caught up again in this ocd cycle. I want to WANT to seek God. Has anyone felt like this?
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