What’s the point if it’s all going to end

Hello! I’m not sure what to do. I have health anxiety and feel like I’m dying when after eating junk food and because of my poor habits and being not motivated to go to the gym. I also have a fear that there’s no afterlife and that I have no purpose in life and that we suffer for nothing. I don’t know how to cope and I’m not sure if religion is toxic for me because I want to be honest and realistic with myself. I believe but think it’s because I was raised in a religious household. I keep looking for certainty. I feel like I don’t know what I’m going to do when my grandmas pass away. My anxiety got so much worse when my grandfather passed and I don’t think I can take it anymore and am so confused what life really means. Why there’s suffering. I don’t feel a sense of purpose in my life at all and am more confused than ever. I’m struggling to do exposure therapy for all of this and don’t know how to do exposure therapy properly. I also don’t know how to cope when I see my family suffer. For example, when I saw my uncle have my cousin arrested, for seeing my grandfather die. I feel like there’s nothing good in this world because it always leads to tragedy at the end. My family believes there’s a God, which I’d like to believe that, but am also feeling like he might not exist. It used to be my values but not anymore when I learned that it’s bad for my OCD. How should I handle trauma when I already can’t take it anymore. I feel like life has been very boring and I really struggle to work at my office. I can’t be present in the moment and I’m easily bored and want to do things that will change my life, that are more fun. I don’t know what yet and am really struggling. I just go to a boring job, wait until it turns 5, and go home and go the same thing. Walk the dog, I don’t even want to cook because it’s so boring and wastes time, and watch tv. I really don’t like my life and don’t know what to do. I previously had terrible managers in the past and got laid off for one of my jobs so this is I guess comfortable but still. I’m so bored and just going through life and am struggling to really enjoy anything. This has been going on for years. I also feel so immature and hanging out with my friends who are way more mature and extroverted than me is an exposure in itself. I compare myself to them a lot since they’re so confident but I feel like they act like I’m a toddler at times and that they feel they have to take care of me. I just am always in my head and they always give me advice, whether I ask it or not. I’m not excited about my life, very bored, but I also am not happy with who I am. I hate doing things too bc I feel like it just makes me even more depressed and bored. I feel like junk food and alcohol are the only things I look forward to

Is there a point to living anymore

I've been in a constant state of panic since last night. My brain...oh my brain I'm so sick of you. I have intrusive thoughts that tell me "I don't exist" "I'm already dead" The panic and hyper focusing has caused so much DPDR that I feel disconnected to where it truly feels like I ceased to exist. No matter what I tell myself, I can't calm down. Nothing is a distraction, not even video games. I don't feel real. It feels like my own voice in my head is numb. I can't concentrate, my memory is awful, and I'm just all around scared. I can't believe it's gotten to this point. I don't know what to do...I'm terrified.