Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I constantly think that if I do something wrong or choose the wrong thing that someone I love will be in a horrible accident or die. The wrong fork, the wrong sock. It makes me so angry.

What’s the difference between false attraction and genuine attraction? I’m confused. I feel turned on and aroused by this one guy and at the same time I feel guilty and scared that something will actually happen between me and him. It feels so so real.

For those that are in relationships, do yall have sexual fantasies about other people? And then you get aroused when thinking about them? My mind automatically thinks about another guy other than my bf whenever I try to think about my bf sexually. Which makes me feel turned on about the guy.

Hello everybody! I know Valentine’s Day was yesterday but hear me out haha… Ever since my first boyfriend left me 3 years ago (along with the embarrassment of never having been able to get into another long term relationship…), Valentine’s Day has always been a stressful and depressing holiday for me. Being 23 and seeing many of the people I went to high school with getting married or even starting families makes me so unbelievably depressed. Don’t get me wrong! I’m so happy for these people, I just wish I could experience what they’re having too… My OCD loves to focus back onto my ex whom I haven’t spoken to or even seen in a little over 3 years (except recently when a childhood friend of mine posted a picture with him skiing). It frequently obsesses and conjures up very distressing and painful scenarios about him starting a family and getting married while I remain alone for the rest of my life. I still love him and always hoped I would’ve started a family with him. I know…it’s incredibly far-fetched and naïve thinking. I have gone on several dates and even got decently far in one relationship, but it only lasted for a few months due to some life changes. But nothing ever came close to my first relationship. In the spring of 2023, I had an incredibly bad crash out that left me an emotional and physical disaster. My health started to decline, I couldn’t keep up in university and had to drop out and move back in with my parents, and my mental health completely shattered after I found out my first boyfriend had moved on with someone else. So many things started to fall apart in my life that I contemplated taking my own life. I gave myself a year to fix everything, and if I failed, I planned to buy a gun and shoot myself in my car. While I managed to overcome most of my failings, there was still so much that was affected by my breakdown. I used to be pretty active (I was a runner and a weight lifter), and now I’m very sedentary. I find no joy in the things I used to love doing, I often feel tired and unmotivated. I do nothing all day, and I’m ashamed. Some days it’s even hard to want to bathe myself. All I do is sleep and engage in compulsive stimming (rocking back and forth in a chair and maladaptive daydreaming). I also have autism, so that plays a portion with the stimming. Rocking has always been a major problem for me, it overtakes my whole life; I spend hours engaging in this behavior and nothing has helped…. I finally got accepted into nursing school yet I feel no joy, it’s a private school so I’ll be shelling out a shit ton of money which scares me. I love being a nursing assistant, so this has nothing to do with not having passion. Helping people, even on here; reassuring people when I can, is the only joy I get nowadays. I know this is my calling, I’m just not happy in my life right now. I miss being active and being in university…I feel so isolated and lazy (lowkey a hermit) nowadays. And it scares me because I find myself not caring sometimes. I’ve never been so sedentary before…I’ve always been somewhat of a homebody but never to this extent. I don’t even like driving anymore or going outside. I feel so ashamed and unhappy…I don’t make a lot of money right now even though I live with my parents so it feels even more isolating. I just feel like a failure and I’m afraid I’ll never be able to get out of this rut. There’s so many things I want to do in my life yet I have no motivation and I’m too broke to go anywhere or sign up for anything…it’s genuinely frustrating. Anyways…thank you for hearing me out!! 🫶

Hey everyone, I’ve been struggling a lot lately and just needed to put this out there. Sometimes I feel like my situation is so much worse than others because my OCD has gotten to the point where I feel like I’m actually moving in response to an intrusive thought. And by movement, I don’t just mean small twitches or urges—I mean actual movements, like thrusting up or shifting my body in some way. I feel like most people talk about body sensations, but for me, it’s more than that, and it makes me feel so ashamed and alone. I know some people have said they’ve experienced similar things, but I don’t see many people talking about it, and that just makes me feel even worse. What’s been scaring me the most is that I’ve started noticing this happening during moments of self-intimacy or intimacy in general. It’s making those moments feel really overwhelming and even terrifying for me. Sometimes, I feel like I’m moving because of the thought itself, and that’s what makes me feel the worst. It makes me question everything, and I don’t know how to deal with that fear. I also just started taking sertraline for my OCD, and honestly, I don’t feel any different. My therapist says she sees progress in me, but I don’t know what she’s seeing because I feel the same. It’s making me scared that if this doesn’t work, maybe I don’t even have OCD at all. I guess I just wanted to know if anyone else has been through this or felt this way also sry yall I may sound like a horrible person 🫤

Just figuring out I have OCD and it’s honestly a nightmare but a lot of things in my past are making more sense now and it’s helping me to understand myself a little better. I always thought I was super insecure in relationships, I always ask for constant reassurances in different aspects but mostly regarding my partners being satisfied with my body and sexual performance and also intrusive thoughts regarding their pasts and past relationships and experiences with sex. It’s been really getting in the way of my marriage this past two months. I have been together with my wife for 5 years and have been married since august 24. She is super understanding but I was squeezing her for reassurances constantly and I’m just now understanding why and starting to change that behavoir. Not being able to ask anymore is almost as bad if not worse then dealing with the anxiety of the intrusive thoughts but I have noticed I haven’t been having like full weeks of constantly trying to fight thoughts so that’s good I guess. Any support without reassurance is very much appreciated it’s just been good knowing others understand how I feel and that i don’t want to think the things I do

I’m talking with this girl. I like her a lot. The problem I’m running into is I keep having what feels like attraction to the same sex, immediate intrusive thoughts about men. Looking at their faces/bodies. Thinking “they’re attractive” though I don’t want to think it but I do kind of feel it? I just don’t even know. I wish I could just desire the girl I’m talking to but this is taking away from that desire in huge ways due to the worry and distraction. Is wanting to know whether you’re actually gay or if it’s just soocd fooling you a normal difficulty for a straight man with ocd? If I am actually gay I’d like to know so I don’t waste her time and cut things off. I’m new to looking into this subtype. In the past I had major just right or perfection ocd, and contamination ocd. Would anyone be willing to give a quick summary of what soocd looks like? The thoughts? I guess I’m trying to know if there’s anyway I can figure out my sexuality or if the reality is ocd.

Pls help me i am new to rocd or so ig i have… Am i actually in the wrong relationship not ready to accept going in circles or is this rocd cause if i feel so strongly its wrong and not even relate to rocd test or get intrusive thoughts and these are backed by like actions and feelings how is it icd then? Idk if this is rocd but like i hope i can get some help... like i will tell my bf i want to spend more time and all my time usually with him while he tonight said something like baby lets go early i wanna play cod and all these watch these shows and stuff and what does that even mean i felt like i had to force him to tell him to stay and if i have to force thats not true and real and means he doesnt like or isnt right for me cause i could be with someone who would just stay and sometimes i feel like he doesnt give enough kisses and stuff as well and i have to ask for it what does that means and say? And this is my first relationship as well so idk...we started off friends with benefits and moved on to a relationship been 4 months now so i am constant asking or scared so idk and the other day we were on the brink of a breakup 'cause we were fighting so much so are we just fundamentally not ideal and wasting time he hopes we can make it work but still... And like also like ask for good morning and goodnight texts which i do but he doesnt and i have to ask? Did i make the wrong choice or what? Like i need these and if he cant means what and why do i have to ask for it someday i will burst and be like you dont care and let it be and breakup and am i just delaying that idk? And these topics come up everyday and that means not ocd and actual problems i am delaying and denying and means what tr v am scared i am forcing the relationship? Are we even right? Is my ocd doing anything to this or are we just not okay and i am forcing him to change and me to and that will not work cause i am compromising with self and if i know all this feel all this then not ocd and truly think then what am i even doing? And if he is dominating not being ideal then am i wrong to stay and not ask for more and he is gaslighting me so idk what do i do?

I’ve shared on here before that I don’t have the best relationship with my parents but I still care for them a lot. I love them. This disorder has been so debilitating for the last 4 months. It keeps getting worse. It’s been attacking any physical contact with my parents. Any touches, hugs, playful jabs, caresses, anything. Anything that’s supposed to be pure and loving. My brain jumps to it being inappropriate, or weird or just comparing it to something sexual. Then I just feel so uncomfortable. I don’t know if I’m just hyperaware of how I feel, I tense up badly or if I’m checking how I feel. I don’t know. It breaks my heart. It genuinely hurts so bad. I feel like a child who just wants to cry in her parents’ arms but OCD is trying to take them away. This feels so painful, I’ve been dealing with so many themes but this specific situation hurts the most. I feel devastated and scared. If anyone else has been through this or has any advice, I’d really appreciate it. And if not, just knowing that someone heard me would mean a lot. I feel so deeply sad.

Are their any married people here in their 40s/50s and suffering from soocd? How has you experience been like? And how has it fluctuated through the years?

Hi :) it’s been a long time since I’ve posted on here, but I’m having a little bit of a rough patch and wanted to seek advice. My so-ocd has always latched onto one of my best friends. Her and I are very close, and we’ve always confided in one another about how being single sucks (we’ve both never been in relationships) and how we both hope to meet someone special one day. She recently got a boyfriend, and it’s triggered my so-ocd immensely because while I mourn the possible change in dynamic between us, I’m also incredibly envious that she gets to experience all her relationship firsts while I remain single and mentally ill LOL. Not to mention I have a fear of abandonment. My so-ocd comes into play here by making me fully believe that I feel all of these negative and sad feelings (instead of being happy for her) because deep down I want to be with her. I feel no romantic feelings for her, but my brain just tells me that I’m deep in denial and just suppressing my true feelings. It feels really awful, because I don’t want to feel this way and I want to be happy for her but my ocd is really latching onto these negative feelings and using them as proof that I’ve secretly liked her. All that is to say, I guess I’m curious if anyone has been in a similar situation and can offer any bit of advice. Thanks <3

I broke up recently with my LDR partner because I was so depressed, and it felt like I was losing feelings and I was suffering so much. I felt like I was having suicidal ideation, and I could not stop being in my head and my thoughts would spiral and be scattered everywhere. iv been having a lot of anxiety, fears and doubts majority of the relationship. we met on jan 25 ish 2024 and started dating around april 2024. I couldn't make sense and I didn't know how to feel anymore. I told him that I think it’s best for us to break up, and that since I still felt uncertain it wasn't fair for him, and that I didn't want to hurt him. before i broke up with him, i started to see a lot of narcissist posts on my social media and i felt that i related to it and i felt that maybe that’s my answer to everything and that i have been fake, lying, because im a covert narcissist. i couldn’t stop watching these reels about narcissism. and specifically covert narcissist because i took a quiz even payed for it and i felt that i answered honestly and it came to covert narcissist. i felt that my whole reality changed and myself and i would find signs that makes me believe that iv been a narcissist to him and been manipulating, lying, gaslighting etc. it has sent me to a really bad place within myself and i feel so horrible about myself and i had broke down crying whenever i looked at his face in my lock screen or pictures because i just have this overwhelming guilt and pain from having done what “iv done”. i do have now a ocd specialist and a general therapist. my general therapist didn’t think she was helping me, and i told her about feeling like im lying, manipulating my partner, if i remember i think i brought up the narcissism aswell. it hurts because of the results and the signs of myself in the relationship makes sense in that. i don’t know what to do, if its ocd it feels extremely real and if i am one which i have been believing i am then i dont know how i could live with myself you know. i payed for the results aswell and i felt that i answered honesty. i lacked feeling inlove, feeling like a liar, like iv been acting, feeling fake, feeling extreme anxiety, dread, feeling nothing towards him when i just wanted to feel love and love him, feeling in denial of my feelings that i don’t love him, fearing that i used him, fearing that my love was never real. i felt recently like i lost sense in myself and i don’t know what’s real or not. people say that love is a choice so i kept loving him and showing him loving actions throughout all those feelings, anxiety and distress and doubts but it felt like it never went away. what scares me is that, i plan things to say in my head, but i don’t feel in bad intention, or maybe it is, whenever he was vulnerable, or trying to help me, i felt like i wanted to smirk or smile and i felt evil as fuck, i don’t know why, i felt so horrible. i just been feeling like a bad person to him and i dont know what’s real anymore. we aren’t together and i feel that my obsessions, and all those feelings i still think about a lot, and i feel like i just don’t know what’s to think anymore. iv been in more pain because of that “discovery” of being a covert narcissist and i want to talk about it to my OCD specialist and see what she thinks professionally. my therapist recommended tapping different parts of body to help the brain, supplements, tips on confessing, and i feel like i took my supplements, but i struggled with the tapping i felt like i didn’t do it like i should have but felt like it wouldn’t help me. im just overwhelmed, tired, i haven’t ate much, dont feel like eating much, i still look at rocd stories and search things up, my mind has been focused on the whole covert narcissist. and if i am i will painfully accept that i am but i dont know how to live with myself !!! i just wanted to love him but it feels like i never did? and it was me forcing love. me forcing my actions and everything but i have been mentally struggling with the supposed ROCD. i feel like my only hope is my OCD specialist i recently found and will talk to soon. i hate my life and hate myself i dont know, i feel immense guilt, pain, and i cant describe it. i feel like im just a bad person. that iv been a bad person to my partner and i always feared to hurt him!! but who knows if that’s true i dont feel like i can even trust myself. someone please help. i feel like im losing my mind

I can't live with OCD anymore. It's ruining my life. I feel like I'm being constantly bullied in my own mind all day everyday. I don't know if what I think and feel is ever real or normal or okay, what is me and what is the OCD thoughts. I don't know if any of my experiences are normal. I'm exhausted from picking apart every single conversation I ever have with anyone until I'm strung out by a vague and ambiguous feeling of guilt. I'm tired of feeling like I'm a bad person and feeling scared all the time and not knowing why and having my brain spin me out on an endless spiralling train of thoughts that never goes anywhere and just makes me feel disconnected from everything and everyone around me. I don't know what I feel and if what I feel is normal or if anything I am doing is real and actually me or if I'm 'losing my mind.' I don't even know if this makes any sense. I get into these states of mind where every thought in my head and everything I feel and perceive makes me question my own sanity. I don't know if anyone likes me because I have absolutely no concept of what I am actually like. I feel completely lost and confused CONSTANTLY.

My rocd is spiraling so bad i feel like I’m terrible and can’t recover 😓 idk wuts real anymore yet ik i never wanna leave my man😓whats wrong w me

Does anyone else feel that the feeling of anxiety that they associate with OCD is different from normal anxiety? For me, it’s like a distinct sense of dread and fear that starts in my stomach and makes me feel so dissociated from reality and trapped. I don’t know how else to explain it other than it’s very intense and distinct for me. Because of OCD I associate this feeling with feeling dangerous (like I will go crazy or hurt others). Occasionally (usually in moments of high anxiety due to personal relationships having difficulties), I get this feeling unrelated to OCD and it makes me completely spiral. I have intrusive thoughts, but I also just drown in the emotions of the feeling. I completely panic and break down and feel hopeless and powerless. It is so painful and it feels impossible to bear and like there is nothing I or anyone else can do to make this feeling go away and all I want to do is get it out. I will obsess over it and therefore always feel it which makes me horrible and completely relapse. I never know how to let it go even though I know there is nothing in particular “wrong”. It just makes me feel like me/the world is wrong, but in a vague way that just feels insurmountable and terrifying. Even once I start to feel the feeling less intensely I sometimes just remain trapped in thoughts and fears that don’t allow me to let it go. My girlfriend and I recently have had some tough conversations and I have been experience this anxious feeling recently as a result and I don’t know how to cope with it. It feels so overwhelming and insurmountable. When I feel like this I feel so hopeless. And it also makes me feel like I’m going “crazy” because there’s nothing I can do to make it better and I just want to get it to go OUT if that makes sense. Sorry for this ramble, but I’d really like to know if anyone has ever felt this way because I never hear people talk about an “OCD feeling” and I never feel like therapists understand. Of course, advice is welcome as well (please)!!!

Struggling with some ROCD and SOOCD today. Ive been having thoughts like do i even know my boyfriend? Do I even love him? How do I actually know if i love him? How do i know if i know him that well? Would I connect with him more if he was a girl? How do i know? Feeling so much confusion and kind of dissociating when i really just want to enjoy our night together :(

Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate love, however if you are living with Relationship OCD (ROCD) this can be a very triggering day. Relationship OCD is essentially, the fear of being in the wrong relationship, not truly loving your partner, or not being loved by your partner. This makes you doubt the true nature of your relationship and makes you believe that your entire relationship is based on lies. It can make you feel like a bad person and not worthy of love. ROCD will make you believe that you need to leave the relationship just to find some peace. When we think about ROCD we often think that this only applies to romantic relationships, however ROCD can impact friendships and family relationships as well. ROCD will attack whatever relationship is most important to you. As an ERP therapist some of the most common obsessions that I have seen include “Is my partner ‘The One’”? “Maybe I am meant to be with someone else”. “What if my partner cheats on me or worse I cheat on him/her”? “I find X attractive. Should I break up with my partner and be with X”? “Do I even love my partner? What if they don’t love me?” This list could go on and on. The basis of all of these intrusive thoughts is fear and doubt. The compulsions associated with ROCD are vast. The most common include checking feelings to make sure you really love your partner, avoidance behaviors, reassurance seeking behaviors both from your partner and from others and ruminating on the relationship in the hopes of figuring out if this is the “right” relationship for you. ROCD, as in most theses in OCD, wants 100% uncertainty that this relationship will work out with no conflict or compromise. The problem is this is unrealistic. All relationships will have some level of conflict and compromise in them. There is no “perfect relationship”. Most of us have grown up with fairy tales where one true love will come and sweep up off our feet. Life and relationships can be messy and complicated, but they are worth it and are a key aspect of what makes us human. The fact is ROCD makes you doubt everything and will take the joy, excitement and contentment out of the relationship. The good news is that treatment is available, and it is possible to have a long, happy, fulfilling relationship despite ROCD fears. It does take time, perseverance and patience. Treatment using Exposure Response Prevention has been proven to lessen intrusive thoughts. You will learn to manage your expectations of the relationships while leaning into your fears and learning to accept the uncomfortable feelings. By doing this, you can bring joy and contentment back into you life and your relationships. I'd love to hear about how ROCD is showing up for you. Share your experiences in the comments below or ask your questions about ROCD and I will respond to them.

I’ve been single for a very long time. I’ve always attached really heavily to people and highly prioritized being in a relationship. I know I can be happy on my own but sometimes all i can think about is how I wish someone loved me like that, it consumes my entire brain. For that reason Valentine’s day feels pretty sad to me. I’m gonna have to stay off social media so i don’t see people posting about how much they love their significant others because i know it’ll make me spiral. Also since it’s valentine’s day i keep having intrusive thoughts of my loved ones having sex and it feels really gross.

Really struggling today so far. I have partner-focused ROCD so I’m constantly picking apart my partner and looking for warning signs that he doesn’t love me enough and doesn’t want to be with me or care for me. Valentine’s Day is really hard for me because it’s not a huge holiday for the two of us but of course my ROCD takes it and runs with it. It tells me that he doesn’t love me, things won’t get better, he doesn’t care, he’s lazy, he’s the worst boyfriend, etc. This sucks so much because I just want to accept the fact that my brain wants to tell me these things…it is just so hard!!! :(

I’ve been dealing with ocd for years when it first happened it tore me apart I completely convinced myself I was the worst person on earth and I could not continue after months my ocd jumped to different themes and each one usually distracted me from another. Fast forward I recently went through another bad episode constantly focusing on the past and how I’m a horrible disgusting person comparing my story to everything I could and coming to the conclusion mines the worst and therefore I’m X or Y then it went into somatic/idk if I actually have this incurable condition that terrifies me but now it’s both it’s the uncomfortable sensations and going back on certain memories that I can’t tell if are real/don’t want to be real/ don’t make complete sense but feel real and now I can’t get out of the idea that even ifs not real I’m always gonna think it might be idk it’s a lot I just know I don’t want to be these things and never will ever want to be. I want to confess again so bad but my bf is not understanding at all like these “memories” or thoughts genuinely traumatized me when I remembered them.