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Has anyone dealt with anything similar? I have ROCD and False memory OCD. I have been with my boyfriend for a long time. I convinced myself I had a crush on an old coworker and confessed it to my boyfriend who was supportive and understands it’s my OCD. I felt like a terrible person and that I was a cheater and undeserving of my relationship. I struggled before with feeling like “what if I’ve cheated while drunk and don’t remember” then went through Everytime I went out drinking with friends without my boyfriend. I got over it because I couldn’t think of a person or a time I could have cheated. Now it’s moved onto “what if since I had a crush on that coworker it means I kissed him when we were out with our coworkers one time” then I tried to remember the night when I was around that coworker and immediately pictured myself kissing him. I know it’s likely just a false memory and not true, but i keep convincing myself it is real and it just feels so real. I don’t know how to get over this one, I’ve been dealing with it for 6 months now.

I've been with my gf since we were 15 years old. We are together for nearly 4 years and I couldn't be happier. I've always had this feeling I'd marry her, and thats only grown stronger. I am now ready to move in with her, we are just waiting for the right time financially. We are doing phenomenal as a couple, and I couldn't be more in love. I've struggled with ocd my whole life, but rocd hit me in the face a few months ago. I'm in therapy so it's LEAPS AND BOUNDS better than it was. But ever since I was around 14, I created this plan in my head that in college I would sleep around and jump from girl to girl. Because in my head, I really like that idea. And I only got into this relationship saying that we would break up when college came, she said she still wanted to be my gf and that she would wait for me. Needless to say, freshman in college now, that's changed. I stayed with her and my rocd hit. Now that I have it tamed, I'm scared that what if I want to actually jump from girl to girl? What if we last but then because I didn't jump around I'll eventually cheat? I just keep getting intense anxiety whenever I'm around a gay girl and I used to have this thing when I was younger that I could never just really like being friends with a girl. It always had to be more than that cause I'd get confused. And what's funny is I've "hooked up" with plenty of people over the phone, and I barely remember. It was fucking significant. So why am i trying to throw away a woman that I KNOW is the only woman I ever want touching me? I know it was a lengthy post but someone please help.

I was wondering if anyone else struggles with similar fears/OCD obsessions? I haven’t heard of anyone else with similar worries which just makes me feel so alone. I’ve had a somewhat traumatic experience being lied to once by my partner (about their tobacco addiction), and ever since then, I’ve been obsessed with making sure I don’t get lied to again. I have so many intrusive thoughts about him lying to me about it again or about random things (other than tobacco). So it’s a mix of trust issues and OCD. I’m terrified of someone hiding something “bad” from me again, or finding something out, so I’m constantly feeling the need to check things or ask for reassurance. Note: we’ve worked through what happened with the lie and are both seeing therapists, so I do have quite a bit of logic/reasoning with knowing he won’t lie to me about it again, etc. We are healthily working through the relationship side of it!

Tonight I was watching a tv show, and there was a scene where the girl said ‘can we just be friends’ to the guy. I don’t know why, but it really triggered my ROCD. I was so confused how she could be so sure that they should just be friends, and why I’m not sure how I feel. If I’m having doubts about my relationship, that must be a sign that something is wrong. I’m terrified I’m ignoring myself or I’m being fake to myself because I want a relationship. But, part of me knows I really care for my boyfriend. I love talking with him, he makes me laugh and is thoughtful. (My brain just then said I’m lying to myself again 😡) I can’t shake this feeling that I’m lying to myself about loving him, it haunts me. Every time I see him, talk to him, text him, the thought is always there right with me. I try my best to be present, but I know I’m not really truly present. It’s so sad for me 😞 I’ve diagnosed myself with ROCD, even though I have been diagnosed with pure ocd in the past. How can I be happy with someone with these thoughts? My brain goes ‘why are you doing this to yourself?’ My brain is making my relationship sound like something I shouldn’t do. I fear I will never shake these feelings, and I will end up ignoring myself and living a lie. In the past, I stayed with someone who actually was not a good person - I knew it deep down, but didn’t want to be alone and made excuses. Everyone around me knew he was bad, but didn’t tell me. It makes me not trust myself now, even though this relationship is COMPLETELY different. My family really likes him, he treats me well and shows he cares. Even staying over a night with him sends me into a panic, even though I really want to go, my ocd just ruins it for me. I feel trapped. (Comments that say ‘that doesn’t sound good’ etc trigger me, thanks 🙏🏻)

Hey Everyone. I'm new to this and I figured I would reach out to groups of people in similar situations. I have had OCD and intrusive thoughts in my life since a young age. When I was a Kid, I constantly checked my blood sugar out of fear I had diabetes. I did it so often you could see where the skin was lanced at, a bunch of little dots on every single finger tip. I have always had that fear of "what if, what if, what if" and I'm tired of it. I want to rise above it and work on making my life somewhat normal. I'm currently going through therapy and where it does help, our sessions are far and few in between. I have so much anxiety about certain weird aspects of my life. I have to sing my abcs to feel like my hands are clean. I constantly have intrusive thoughts bringing up things about my past and my trauma. Do I have a disease? Am I going to contaminate something I touch? Do I love my partner? Do I find my partner attractive? I was molested as a kid, would I do that to a kid? Even though I know how I really feel it creeps up and takes over my mind. It gets loud. So loud, but silent at the same time. It becomes pressure. The back of my neck tenses and I feel something looming over me. Like it's the puppet master pulling the strings. I read a few posts on here and it feels reassuring that I'm not going through this type of stuff alone. I'm constantly feeling alone and broken because of it, despite my therapist telling me I'm not. For instance, last night my gf of five years and I had intimate time and when I wanted to enjoy myself, my brain triggered by the smell of her breath and it shot me back to a memory of my first partner. My first partner and I, we had a good relationship in the beginning but it became writhing with toxicity and hurt towards the middle and the end. I don't want to think of that. It's unwanted. The more I don't want to think it, the more it's forced on me. I'm tired. Not suicidal tired but I'm wearing thin. It feels like the thoughts I don't want to think about, win. If anybody has a similar experience to me and you found something that tried and it works. Please link the tools! I am open to everything. I want to be normal.

So I just wanted to talk about this. I’m an actor and I’m in a relationship with someone who I could see myself marrying. He’s the best partner I could ever ask for. He’s already said he’d move with me to NYC so I could pursue my dream. Years ago I went to Germany to study drama for a month and it’s definitely somewhere I could visit again and I’ve even thought it would be cool to live there. It has always been sort of a cool idea. Musical Theatre is pretty big in Hamburg as well and I have some connections there. I asked my BF if he’d ever consider going there with me after NYC. Or even the possibility of going there. He’s not super keen on it and I see why. You’d have to get a job there and know German pretty well, even though English is spoken somewhat frequently. He’s a writer and he’s not sure he’d want to be somewhere where English isn’t the primary language. It all makes sense, but now I’m seeing it as our relationship is doomed and we’ll have to breakup because now I have to move to Germany even though it was never at the forefront of my mind. NYC has always been a MUST to try. Breaking up due to distance, differing career paths, etc has always been a fear. Lots of friends tell me to never choose a boy over my career, but my BF isn’t just a boy. He’s the love of my life. I don’t want to pursue something that isn’t a guarantee success and then I lose my partner who I do love deeply. The kicker is that all this would possibly happen YEARS from now. We aren’t even sure when we would move to NYC. I think it’s just a legitimate concern as a person that I have but I’ve always had relationship OCD and this uncertainty is VERY HARD to deal with. Thank you for reading and seeing my ramblings

This theme is not a usual one for me but it's eating me up today. I'm married and I love my spouse with all of my heart. I couldn't imagine a world without her. We've been together years now and I don't ever wanna think about being separated from her. That's why this has been tough. Yesterday, a female coworker came to me asking for some help looking for something. I walked her over to this staircase as I figured what she was looking for was probably upstairs. Once we got there we were having small talk about work when all of a sudden I had a bad feeling. Feeling like I had just done something wrong. I quickly then made sure there was adequate distance between us...not that we were close to begin with, just made sure of it. As I walked back to my area, I felt a ense of doom. Somehow my brain concocted this story that I must've kissed her, and that's why I felt that feeling. I replayed it over and over again, and I'm not even sure know what exactly happened. Like now I don't even know why exactly I felt that feeling...like, did I have an intrusive thought that triggered it? Was it just a random bad feeling without thinking of any thoughts or images? Also wondered if I felt it because I did do something wrong and just somehow immediately forgotten about it. It's bothered me since last night, I don't think I could live with myself if I did something to ruin our marriage and friendship. We may not always get along, but that's normal and she's still the best friend I've ever had. I have a feeling that I would know if I did something...it wouldn't have just happened and I just completely forgot. It would've been super weird of me to even do and so far outside my nature even if I were single. But you know how ocd is. Somehow OCD can make you feel like you remember almost everything else about an event, but that one bad thing you fear you did- you must've somehow blacked out that one section of memory instantaneously. Anyway, I just wanted to vent. Feel free to chime in if you've had similar experiences or share your stories/vents as well! Have a good day!

I seem to have a reverse form of ROCD where I am constantly terrified of my partner finding another woman more attractive than me and terrified of it being my partners ideal physical type. I have made several changes to my body (not asked for by him) to become his “physical ideal”. This was all made worse with his pornography addiction where I saw photos on his phone of gigantic breasts and Latin women (which I am neither). I am supposed to marry this man and I wonder how can I marry someone and know for the rest of my life that I’m not actually their “ideal woman” because I am not Latin and I have straight hips and small deflated breasts instead of the hourglass shaped implant women that he had tons of photos of on his phone? How can I stay witn someone knowing this forever? He stopped watching porn but I feel like illl never forget that I’m not what gets him “off”. Also I can’t watch movies with him or go in public with him if there are hot women around because I can’t bear the thought of him seeing a woman and finding her more attractive than me. What is the point of marriage if your partner finds other women hotter than you? Why would anyone get married knowing that their partner is going to find other women more attractive?

17+ only please :( Pls don’t read if you’re under 17. Thank you. —— I keep having THOSE thoughts about my bf who is 15, and it feels really wrong but at the same time I’m like “it’s not wrong it’s fine cuz we’re only a year apart” but isn’t it wrong?? I feel so confused that it’s wrong or not, we don’t talk gross or anything I just have those thoughts …like on purpose? I feel like they could be intrusive, idk, it’s hard to tell, please let me know so I can do better

I see a lot of people on here asking “do you ever feel like you’re a bad person?” I used to. Spiraled over it for years. I learned a lot. I healed a lot. Forgave myself for a lot. And now I *know* I am good at heart. I made mistakes and did my best to repair the bonds I broke because of those mistakes… I try not to beat myself up about it anymore... You know.. Because I know in my heart, every day I wake up and try to be kind and understanding of other people’s experiences and do the best I can. The more ugliness I see in the world, especially with the election just happening, the more I realize how much more empathetic and sympathetic I am than the average person... I’m always told “I’m reading into things too far”, or “I’m blowing things out of proportion, it’s not that deep”, “you have to let this go, you need to move forward”, “you need to do this you need to do that”.. “Stop dwelling and just get up and do what you need to do.” Don’t you think I’ve tried? That’s all I’ve tried to do every single day and all it does, suppressing my empathy and how much i care, is make me more numb. It makes me feel like I need an escape. To me, some people seem to lack depth and are cold. I just lost my ability to trust my best friend of … my whole life. Almost 28 years. Because she flipped on a dime against me and cut contact with me about something that had nothing to do with her?? Or me?? How is that fair? How can someone who “loves” me just do that? I can’t stop reeling about it because I know what she’s been through and why she’s so cold and blows up sometimes. But it doesn’t excuse her coldness or the blow up. I always see people as these complex beings but maybe it really isn’t that deep to them. Maybe most people just do NOT give a SHIT about other people or their needs or their feelings. Im noticing people dont feel sadness or despair or worry or guilt or shame NEARLY as much as me — except other people with ocd and other neurodivergence dx, whether formally dx or self dx. But in my daily life, my normal social circle, my friends tell me things from their childhoods that would’ve absolutely traumatized me further as a child.. and are seemingly nothing to them or others around them. I don’t get it. How do people not feel this deeply? There is so much suffering in the world. I don’t get it. I had a terrible childhood, I really did. It messed me up. But… others have had it worse and I have empathy for those people. I always have. I wish the world would stop calling me crazy and weak and lazy and just let me live in a little house with a creek nearby with my family. Let me make art and share with the neighbors. I want chickens. I wanna grow grapes. I don’t want to participate in society. I can barely handle 25 hours a week right now and I’m living with my dad at 28. I need to be working 40 hours a week just to make ends meet at the job I have. I feel like I don’t have it in me right now. My life has been one tragedy and or pack up and move per year since I was like 10. I feel like this world was built for someone else. Any other person except me. I feel like I have never fit and I never will and I won’t ever be able to handle a job long term because my mental health is so volatile. And I don’t really want to take meds to fit in either. what do you do when one of your main fears is that you can’t take care of yourself financially and your main compulsion is to call out of work any time there’s a big disruption in routine or there’s conflict? I wish I could just be myself and that he okay since I’m not bothering anyone else, and I’m not at risk for harming myself or anyone else. I wish I could get disability and just not tell anyone and work on my art business full time. I wish I could be someone else. I don’t even know where to begin to rebuild my life.

Instead of browsing reddit I thought I'd ask here...do you know what the difference is between ROCD thoughts or thoughts associated with dating the wrong person? I worry in my ability to make rational decisions with regard to relationships and partners when I have OCD. Thank you very much!!

Hi guys, this is my first post and I’m a little bit nervous writing this. I’ve been experiencing compulsive thoughts for over two years now and I don’t know what to do. I have not been diagnosed by a psychologist or anything, but from what I’ve seen and read, I do experience many of the symptoms. My intrusive thoughts started two years ago when I was dating this guy, everything was so nice, I really liked him and it was going good until one day I just had an intrusive thought about a guy I used to talk way before him, it was nothing bad, it was just his face that kept popping everywhere and everything I did with my ex. We did break up 8 months ago, it was not a really good break up but I’m definitely doing better, I know for sure I don’t miss him or anything. I have started talking to this guy, he’s really nice and sweet and we have so many things in common, I feel like I connected so well with him, until again.. I’m starting to have these thoughts but now it’s with my ex.. I just feel so bad. I know I like this guy so much and I really do want to get to know him more and have a relationship with him. We’ve kissed and it felt so good, something I haven’t really felt. But with these thoughts I’m not sure what to do, I do not miss my ex , I don’t want anything to do with him. I just don’t know what to do, I’ve been reaching out for therapy but they either do not have space or insurance doesn’t cover. Guys if any of you have ever experienced something like this please let me know. I just feel like my head is about to explode.

Has anyone been assigned ERP homework that felt genuinely detrimental to your life? I've had a rough patch with my girlfriend and we are finally rebuilding things. My therapist has assigned me homework where I do not message her at all unless she messages me first, or initiate dates or contact unless she does. It feels like playing games. It feels like punishing her for something. I feel like it will undo all of the work we have done to repair. I don't want ERP to ruin my relationship and I feel so gross about it. Does anyone relate?

Hey, i would appreciate any small little advice on this post… so idk if this is rocd or not but i feel like i am not showing interest in my boyfriends things and life anymore its like i dont care only and i am okay if he cuts the call soon or actually am even like okay if i dont call him? And will pickup if he calls cause thats like habit or whatever and i feel like i am feeling that so strongly and it cant be ocd cause on video call i feel it like i am not interested in his stuff but i want him to be in mine like just some selfish person and feel like not even want to talk or make excuses to stop talking or whatever and feel relieved when we do and like dont know what to talk about and thats all i can think and it actually true cause i feel it and sometimes my actions of cutting the call are proof of it and i am not anxious but i feel it and do it normally so it cant be ocd right has to be real and that means i am delaying something or not accepting the truth regarding it? He talks about the future sometimes and idk if i even feel like that and yes i dont means its not so, i avoid sometimes even lovey dovey talks and specifically if i am okay with not talking and he is not my priority and i am feeling it and cant deny that and feeling doesn’t budge and am okay with watching my show rather than talking and actually doing it means its true and its coming cause not enough feeling for him or priorities means thats not ocd and this is my habit of writing so i write it or express cause thats my first reaction feel normal and not anxious without doing it as well meaning even writing this is not imp and thinking that and that i am lying to him so its not ocd right? Pls help me…

I keep thinking I hate my mom, although before my OCD flared up I never once thought this about her. Her and I are very close and I consider her my best friend. Most of my thoughts target her, especially harm related. When I have this thought, it even feels like I dislike her. But I think this is anxiety and the dread feeling. It makes me sad and I get emotional. But it feels real, and then I think I’m in denial or just telling myself to feel a certain way to not be guilty or whatever. Like I feel angry if someone tells me this isn’t true or that they know I love my mom, and if I feel that way does that mean it’s true? As if they’re trying to force me to feel a certain way or brainwash me to feel something. But I don’t want to hate her, so why would I get mad at that? I know I love her deep down. I have even confessed all this to my mom in a state of panic and she told me she knows it’s my OCD, but now I just feel so guilty for telling her all that since I think I hurt her. What mother wants to hear those things from her daughter? She is so kind and loving, and has done nothing to ever make me think I might hate her. I know I’m in a spiral right now and ruminating too much, but it’s so hard to not think there’s a deeper meaning or if this is how I truly feel. It makes me want to avoid her. I feel so lost and sad.

One of the things that has made my rocd flare up is the fact that my bf and i are now past our honeymoon phase and getting into a new more comfortable stage of our relationship. I’ve never gotten to this point in a relationship before so i’m not used to what comes with this new stage. I know that this stage comes with some conflict, some boredom/frustration, maybe some annoyance because those little differences that used to be cute kinda annoy u a bit now. I also know this is where you make compromises and you grow together to become a strong, calm, reliable love. I have been struggling with this because i have taken any sign of annoyance, disconnection or difference as a red flag. I ran with this and it ignited the intrusive thoughts that i now get everyday. “do you really love him enough? We have differences so we’re not meant to be. You’re lying to him you don’t want this anymore you’re not happy” (that last one is because i deal with these thoughts so much!! nothing to do with him!) Anyways it’s very exhausting because he is the most amazing person and I know that even if we have differences i’d rather work on them than run away. I feel like i’m always half in half out because of these voices in my head. If anyone has any tips on navigating this new phase of a relationship or can attest to some of this being normal it would be great! Any tips on letting thoughts pass as well would be appreciated ! thank you

I have all 4 forms of pure OCD, I'm 47 been dealing with this since I was around 12. This past year rocd came with so much pain and confusion. I didn't get my first taste of exposure therapy until I was 43. I never communicated as a child. So it has developed into a demon within my mind. As far as the rocd it is complicated, but one theme is if I'm attracted enough to my wife. My wife is my heart, my soul mate, and I am very attracted to my wife. I had such a bad trigger today, at a certain angle I could see some wrinkles or something near her mouth. I instantly went into panic mode, had terrible intrusive thoughts. It's so confusing because we age, it's part of life. But it completely caused me to compulse. I've been doing it for probably 8 hours, I can't even think straight. I was just so focused on the wrinkles, and questions like do I think she's not attractive enough started, and haven't stopped. We all age, I never had any of these thoughts for 10 years. I just don't know how to stop compulising, I feel guilty and scared. But I never had these thoughts before, and I love my wife so much and am very attracted to her. But the OCD was so focused on the wrinkles, I couldn't see anything else, I'm in therapy, but I just don't know how to navigate these thoughts. I'm also bipolar, and an alcoholic who deals with content anxiety and depression. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Sorry for the long message.

I experienced kind of a sexual harassment by my uncle when I was 9 years old, I loved him and wanted to hug him and sleep next to him even I had some feelings that I liked to be caressed in a seducing way, then one night I woke up and saw a white liquid on my leg and got traumatized, didn’t know what that was but since then I started to hate him. After that in my teenage years I began to have ocd symptoms and intrusive sexual thoughts about a celebrity with the urge to tell my parents with all the details and it was a hell for me. I saw lots of doctors, one of them sexually harassed me when I was in my mid twenties when I was telling him about all my intrusive sexual thoughts that I had been experiencing, I told him I thought to myself at home as I was seeing myself in the mirror that I might want the doctor to suck my breasts (that was my intrusive thought) and when I wanted to leave the doctor approached me and tried to kiss me and comment disgustingly on what I had said. I cried so much because I didn’t know who I could trust anymore. Right now I am struggling to be in a relationship because I constantly think I might be bisexual and have to try it out with the same sex, experience threesome, and stuff before being in a serious relationship. My past two relationships ended because I never was sure and peaceful in them having these thoughts. Now I’m doubting all the things I wanted to do and scared to death what if I do all of those things and no one ever want to be my partner in the future because of that. What if no one loves me and I make a horrible mistake by experiencing those stuff. I always think I have had the worst experiences and thoughts that I am ashamed of sharing with others and get so overwhelmed. I shared these to see if anyone else feels the same or had similar traumatizing experiences and struggles.

I can’t stop thinking about my boyfriend with old crushes or people he found attractive I play images of it in my head on repeat all day long. So I have started a system where I make him promise he only likes me, gets turned on by me, and finds me attractive currently. It has gotten excessive and I make him promise at least multiple times and hour and if I see anything that reminds me of the old crushes I get triggered. I know me asking him to promise and reassure so many times is a compulsion and I physically can stop but everything in me screams no. My therapist and I have been trying EMDR which I really dislike because when talking about the “traumatic event” which is a dramatic way of saying me finding out about my boyfriends old crushes I feel the need to reach out and find validation from him. I think my therapist thinks that I have OCD because of some traumas but I really feel like i was born like this and that I have always had compulsions since I could talk. I am not sure what to think or do but I seriously need help with the whole asking for reassurance thing because when he doesn’t do I have panic attacks and threaten stuff I don’t mean in order for him to realize I need to hear. I don’t know how to stop and he didn’t say tonight before bed and its really bothering me so I have to reread his old messages again or something bad. I just wish someone who relates could give me some advice or suggest therapies for OCD other than EMDR and CBT which is what I am doing. I hate having to let this affect my relationship and hurt him but I feel like I have to be reassured.

does anyone feel like they’re breaking their own heart over and over again. No wonder this hurts so badly. I’m literally putting myself through break ups in my head over and over and it’s horrible. My mom always used to say that it seemed like i was putting myself through a breakup everyday without actually having one. I don’t want to break up at all. My boyfriend is amazing and sure we have some differences but i love him. He’s the most amazing guy. My mind recently though has been saying “you don’t love him, you can’t stay with him just because he’s a good guy you need to love him” BUT I DO. that’s what i don’t understand. Nothing changed besides me developing really terrible relationship anxiety. One day after my first year of university (which was very stressful and i was super anxious during) I just had a panic attack. For some reason all of my stress landed on my relationship (probably because it’s so important to me). I started to see his possible flaws and our possible differences (ones that are so small like having different hobbies) and i ran with that. I spiraled into a depression i couldn’t eat or sleep, i was throwing up even if my bf and i just talked on the phone. It was so hard i could hardly see him and it was terrible because i still loved him and wanted us. I went on a week vacation with him and faced my fears- by the end of the week i had completely gotten rid of compulsions and i was so happy to be with him i felt healed and i felt like i never wanted to leave his side. Once i got back though and we were apart again this all came back. It’s so relentless. Now i am doing better in that i can stay over with him and i try my best to be present and to bring myself down when having really bad intrusive thoughts- but it’s still so hard. I feel like im lying. I know that we do have some differences but i know that they’re not deal breakers AT ALL. I’m so scared that my intrusive thoughts are going to lead me to shut myself off and resent him almost. My mood literally fluctuates by the minute. Earlier i felt good and then a few hours later i sobbed. How do i stop breaking my own heart? I want to love him in the same way he loves me. I love him so much but it feels clouded with doubt. If anyone relates to this that would be great. I don’t think if i just fell out of love that i would have a panic attack, fall into a depression, fight so hard to be with him, have some really amazing moments with him. This has to be ROCD. I remind myself that all the time.