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17+ only please :( Pls don’t read if you’re under 17. Thank you. —— I keep having THOSE thoughts about my bf who is 15, and it feels really wrong but at the same time I’m like “it’s not wrong it’s fine cuz we’re only a year apart” but isn’t it wrong?? I feel so confused that it’s wrong or not, we don’t talk gross or anything I just have those thoughts …like on purpose? I feel like they could be intrusive, idk, it’s hard to tell, please let me know so I can do better

I see a lot of people on here asking “do you ever feel like you’re a bad person?” I used to. Spiraled over it for years. I learned a lot. I healed a lot. Forgave myself for a lot. And now I *know* I am good at heart. I made mistakes and did my best to repair the bonds I broke because of those mistakes… I try not to beat myself up about it anymore... You know.. Because I know in my heart, every day I wake up and try to be kind and understanding of other people’s experiences and do the best I can. The more ugliness I see in the world, especially with the election just happening, the more I realize how much more empathetic and sympathetic I am than the average person... I’m always told “I’m reading into things too far”, or “I’m blowing things out of proportion, it’s not that deep”, “you have to let this go, you need to move forward”, “you need to do this you need to do that”.. “Stop dwelling and just get up and do what you need to do.” Don’t you think I’ve tried? That’s all I’ve tried to do every single day and all it does, suppressing my empathy and how much i care, is make me more numb. It makes me feel like I need an escape. To me, some people seem to lack depth and are cold. I just lost my ability to trust my best friend of … my whole life. Almost 28 years. Because she flipped on a dime against me and cut contact with me about something that had nothing to do with her?? Or me?? How is that fair? How can someone who “loves” me just do that? I can’t stop reeling about it because I know what she’s been through and why she’s so cold and blows up sometimes. But it doesn’t excuse her coldness or the blow up. I always see people as these complex beings but maybe it really isn’t that deep to them. Maybe most people just do NOT give a SHIT about other people or their needs or their feelings. Im noticing people dont feel sadness or despair or worry or guilt or shame NEARLY as much as me — except other people with ocd and other neurodivergence dx, whether formally dx or self dx. But in my daily life, my normal social circle, my friends tell me things from their childhoods that would’ve absolutely traumatized me further as a child.. and are seemingly nothing to them or others around them. I don’t get it. How do people not feel this deeply? There is so much suffering in the world. I don’t get it. I had a terrible childhood, I really did. It messed me up. But… others have had it worse and I have empathy for those people. I always have. I wish the world would stop calling me crazy and weak and lazy and just let me live in a little house with a creek nearby with my family. Let me make art and share with the neighbors. I want chickens. I wanna grow grapes. I don’t want to participate in society. I can barely handle 25 hours a week right now and I’m living with my dad at 28. I need to be working 40 hours a week just to make ends meet at the job I have. I feel like I don’t have it in me right now. My life has been one tragedy and or pack up and move per year since I was like 10. I feel like this world was built for someone else. Any other person except me. I feel like I have never fit and I never will and I won’t ever be able to handle a job long term because my mental health is so volatile. And I don’t really want to take meds to fit in either. what do you do when one of your main fears is that you can’t take care of yourself financially and your main compulsion is to call out of work any time there’s a big disruption in routine or there’s conflict? I wish I could just be myself and that he okay since I’m not bothering anyone else, and I’m not at risk for harming myself or anyone else. I wish I could get disability and just not tell anyone and work on my art business full time. I wish I could be someone else. I don’t even know where to begin to rebuild my life.

Instead of browsing reddit I thought I'd ask here...do you know what the difference is between ROCD thoughts or thoughts associated with dating the wrong person? I worry in my ability to make rational decisions with regard to relationships and partners when I have OCD. Thank you very much!!

Hi guys, this is my first post and I’m a little bit nervous writing this. I’ve been experiencing compulsive thoughts for over two years now and I don’t know what to do. I have not been diagnosed by a psychologist or anything, but from what I’ve seen and read, I do experience many of the symptoms. My intrusive thoughts started two years ago when I was dating this guy, everything was so nice, I really liked him and it was going good until one day I just had an intrusive thought about a guy I used to talk way before him, it was nothing bad, it was just his face that kept popping everywhere and everything I did with my ex. We did break up 8 months ago, it was not a really good break up but I’m definitely doing better, I know for sure I don’t miss him or anything. I have started talking to this guy, he’s really nice and sweet and we have so many things in common, I feel like I connected so well with him, until again.. I’m starting to have these thoughts but now it’s with my ex.. I just feel so bad. I know I like this guy so much and I really do want to get to know him more and have a relationship with him. We’ve kissed and it felt so good, something I haven’t really felt. But with these thoughts I’m not sure what to do, I do not miss my ex , I don’t want anything to do with him. I just don’t know what to do, I’ve been reaching out for therapy but they either do not have space or insurance doesn’t cover. Guys if any of you have ever experienced something like this please let me know. I just feel like my head is about to explode.

Has anyone been assigned ERP homework that felt genuinely detrimental to your life? I've had a rough patch with my girlfriend and we are finally rebuilding things. My therapist has assigned me homework where I do not message her at all unless she messages me first, or initiate dates or contact unless she does. It feels like playing games. It feels like punishing her for something. I feel like it will undo all of the work we have done to repair. I don't want ERP to ruin my relationship and I feel so gross about it. Does anyone relate?

Hey, i would appreciate any small little advice on this post… so idk if this is rocd or not but i feel like i am not showing interest in my boyfriends things and life anymore its like i dont care only and i am okay if he cuts the call soon or actually am even like okay if i dont call him? And will pickup if he calls cause thats like habit or whatever and i feel like i am feeling that so strongly and it cant be ocd cause on video call i feel it like i am not interested in his stuff but i want him to be in mine like just some selfish person and feel like not even want to talk or make excuses to stop talking or whatever and feel relieved when we do and like dont know what to talk about and thats all i can think and it actually true cause i feel it and sometimes my actions of cutting the call are proof of it and i am not anxious but i feel it and do it normally so it cant be ocd right has to be real and that means i am delaying something or not accepting the truth regarding it? He talks about the future sometimes and idk if i even feel like that and yes i dont means its not so, i avoid sometimes even lovey dovey talks and specifically if i am okay with not talking and he is not my priority and i am feeling it and cant deny that and feeling doesn’t budge and am okay with watching my show rather than talking and actually doing it means its true and its coming cause not enough feeling for him or priorities means thats not ocd and this is my habit of writing so i write it or express cause thats my first reaction feel normal and not anxious without doing it as well meaning even writing this is not imp and thinking that and that i am lying to him so its not ocd right? Pls help me…

I keep thinking I hate my mom, although before my OCD flared up I never once thought this about her. Her and I are very close and I consider her my best friend. Most of my thoughts target her, especially harm related. When I have this thought, it even feels like I dislike her. But I think this is anxiety and the dread feeling. It makes me sad and I get emotional. But it feels real, and then I think I’m in denial or just telling myself to feel a certain way to not be guilty or whatever. Like I feel angry if someone tells me this isn’t true or that they know I love my mom, and if I feel that way does that mean it’s true? As if they’re trying to force me to feel a certain way or brainwash me to feel something. But I don’t want to hate her, so why would I get mad at that? I know I love her deep down. I have even confessed all this to my mom in a state of panic and she told me she knows it’s my OCD, but now I just feel so guilty for telling her all that since I think I hurt her. What mother wants to hear those things from her daughter? She is so kind and loving, and has done nothing to ever make me think I might hate her. I know I’m in a spiral right now and ruminating too much, but it’s so hard to not think there’s a deeper meaning or if this is how I truly feel. It makes me want to avoid her. I feel so lost and sad.

One of the things that has made my rocd flare up is the fact that my bf and i are now past our honeymoon phase and getting into a new more comfortable stage of our relationship. I’ve never gotten to this point in a relationship before so i’m not used to what comes with this new stage. I know that this stage comes with some conflict, some boredom/frustration, maybe some annoyance because those little differences that used to be cute kinda annoy u a bit now. I also know this is where you make compromises and you grow together to become a strong, calm, reliable love. I have been struggling with this because i have taken any sign of annoyance, disconnection or difference as a red flag. I ran with this and it ignited the intrusive thoughts that i now get everyday. “do you really love him enough? We have differences so we’re not meant to be. You’re lying to him you don’t want this anymore you’re not happy” (that last one is because i deal with these thoughts so much!! nothing to do with him!) Anyways it’s very exhausting because he is the most amazing person and I know that even if we have differences i’d rather work on them than run away. I feel like i’m always half in half out because of these voices in my head. If anyone has any tips on navigating this new phase of a relationship or can attest to some of this being normal it would be great! Any tips on letting thoughts pass as well would be appreciated ! thank you

I have all 4 forms of pure OCD, I'm 47 been dealing with this since I was around 12. This past year rocd came with so much pain and confusion. I didn't get my first taste of exposure therapy until I was 43. I never communicated as a child. So it has developed into a demon within my mind. As far as the rocd it is complicated, but one theme is if I'm attracted enough to my wife. My wife is my heart, my soul mate, and I am very attracted to my wife. I had such a bad trigger today, at a certain angle I could see some wrinkles or something near her mouth. I instantly went into panic mode, had terrible intrusive thoughts. It's so confusing because we age, it's part of life. But it completely caused me to compulse. I've been doing it for probably 8 hours, I can't even think straight. I was just so focused on the wrinkles, and questions like do I think she's not attractive enough started, and haven't stopped. We all age, I never had any of these thoughts for 10 years. I just don't know how to stop compulising, I feel guilty and scared. But I never had these thoughts before, and I love my wife so much and am very attracted to her. But the OCD was so focused on the wrinkles, I couldn't see anything else, I'm in therapy, but I just don't know how to navigate these thoughts. I'm also bipolar, and an alcoholic who deals with content anxiety and depression. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Sorry for the long message.

I experienced kind of a sexual harassment by my uncle when I was 9 years old, I loved him and wanted to hug him and sleep next to him even I had some feelings that I liked to be caressed in a seducing way, then one night I woke up and saw a white liquid on my leg and got traumatized, didn’t know what that was but since then I started to hate him. After that in my teenage years I began to have ocd symptoms and intrusive sexual thoughts about a celebrity with the urge to tell my parents with all the details and it was a hell for me. I saw lots of doctors, one of them sexually harassed me when I was in my mid twenties when I was telling him about all my intrusive sexual thoughts that I had been experiencing, I told him I thought to myself at home as I was seeing myself in the mirror that I might want the doctor to suck my breasts (that was my intrusive thought) and when I wanted to leave the doctor approached me and tried to kiss me and comment disgustingly on what I had said. I cried so much because I didn’t know who I could trust anymore. Right now I am struggling to be in a relationship because I constantly think I might be bisexual and have to try it out with the same sex, experience threesome, and stuff before being in a serious relationship. My past two relationships ended because I never was sure and peaceful in them having these thoughts. Now I’m doubting all the things I wanted to do and scared to death what if I do all of those things and no one ever want to be my partner in the future because of that. What if no one loves me and I make a horrible mistake by experiencing those stuff. I always think I have had the worst experiences and thoughts that I am ashamed of sharing with others and get so overwhelmed. I shared these to see if anyone else feels the same or had similar traumatizing experiences and struggles.

I can’t stop thinking about my boyfriend with old crushes or people he found attractive I play images of it in my head on repeat all day long. So I have started a system where I make him promise he only likes me, gets turned on by me, and finds me attractive currently. It has gotten excessive and I make him promise at least multiple times and hour and if I see anything that reminds me of the old crushes I get triggered. I know me asking him to promise and reassure so many times is a compulsion and I physically can stop but everything in me screams no. My therapist and I have been trying EMDR which I really dislike because when talking about the “traumatic event” which is a dramatic way of saying me finding out about my boyfriends old crushes I feel the need to reach out and find validation from him. I think my therapist thinks that I have OCD because of some traumas but I really feel like i was born like this and that I have always had compulsions since I could talk. I am not sure what to think or do but I seriously need help with the whole asking for reassurance thing because when he doesn’t do I have panic attacks and threaten stuff I don’t mean in order for him to realize I need to hear. I don’t know how to stop and he didn’t say tonight before bed and its really bothering me so I have to reread his old messages again or something bad. I just wish someone who relates could give me some advice or suggest therapies for OCD other than EMDR and CBT which is what I am doing. I hate having to let this affect my relationship and hurt him but I feel like I have to be reassured.

Everyday I wake up worse knowing my exes face is still stuck at the back of my head, lovebombing me for months just to want to split one random Friday in November. The only relief I get is when I am asleep and even then that’s not enough. My happiness was ripped away from me and I don’t know if I should call the suicidal hotline again questioning what direction my life should go after. It feels like a part of me has died and I want to get a lobotomy just to forget all the time I spent with him that is now is just a distant memory I’ll never get back. How do I go on with life knowing he took my happiness with him

does anyone feel like they’re breaking their own heart over and over again. No wonder this hurts so badly. I’m literally putting myself through break ups in my head over and over and it’s horrible. My mom always used to say that it seemed like i was putting myself through a breakup everyday without actually having one. I don’t want to break up at all. My boyfriend is amazing and sure we have some differences but i love him. He’s the most amazing guy. My mind recently though has been saying “you don’t love him, you can’t stay with him just because he’s a good guy you need to love him” BUT I DO. that’s what i don’t understand. Nothing changed besides me developing really terrible relationship anxiety. One day after my first year of university (which was very stressful and i was super anxious during) I just had a panic attack. For some reason all of my stress landed on my relationship (probably because it’s so important to me). I started to see his possible flaws and our possible differences (ones that are so small like having different hobbies) and i ran with that. I spiraled into a depression i couldn’t eat or sleep, i was throwing up even if my bf and i just talked on the phone. It was so hard i could hardly see him and it was terrible because i still loved him and wanted us. I went on a week vacation with him and faced my fears- by the end of the week i had completely gotten rid of compulsions and i was so happy to be with him i felt healed and i felt like i never wanted to leave his side. Once i got back though and we were apart again this all came back. It’s so relentless. Now i am doing better in that i can stay over with him and i try my best to be present and to bring myself down when having really bad intrusive thoughts- but it’s still so hard. I feel like im lying. I know that we do have some differences but i know that they’re not deal breakers AT ALL. I’m so scared that my intrusive thoughts are going to lead me to shut myself off and resent him almost. My mood literally fluctuates by the minute. Earlier i felt good and then a few hours later i sobbed. How do i stop breaking my own heart? I want to love him in the same way he loves me. I love him so much but it feels clouded with doubt. If anyone relates to this that would be great. I don’t think if i just fell out of love that i would have a panic attack, fall into a depression, fight so hard to be with him, have some really amazing moments with him. This has to be ROCD. I remind myself that all the time.

my mind is spiraling, trying to not listen to the worries about what if my bf SAed me and that's what's wrong. That it was more than a simple mistake and miscalculated move on his part that even though we've talked about mulittle times, including him listening completely and making sure to apologize and do what he can to make me feel safer Bringing up when he forgets to ask before touching me like he used to and I wouldn't mind. But now since my OCD keeps watching onto these moments, I need him to always ask. I didn't before. I was comfortable before. And im comfortable with him. I'm sure that without my ocd, I wouldn't be so hypervigilant and have these fears ruining my relationship with him. Although the ruined feelings are one sided, me being the one who feels that way. he's completely understanding and doesn't make me feel bad for it. I love him for it. But I feel so awful that I have these fears making the adrenaline course through me making me unable to think about anything else. Making me think that I'm trying to justify what he did even though I don't think it was SA, but every mention of rape or abuse is a trigger of those moments where I worry I'm suppressing what might be true. This isnt something can just "maybe, maybe not" until I calm down. I want nothing but to vent to him and cry in his arms about this. but we bith dont knowbwhat to do or say. It makes sexual intimacy so difficult too. I feel like I'm ruined. Like our relationship is doomed because my ocd latched onto one of the worst things ever, convincing me that something awful happened. im so scared and can't seem to navigate my way through this.

i am always constantly worried about my relationship with my boyfriend i beene you for 7months it’s my first real relationship and ik he won’t hurt me but i js always overthink cus of weird things he done (nothing bad js weird) im struggling trying to be happy and tbh im not even over the age i just want help. i hate my body i want to be healthy and quit smoking i want help so bad im failing school im trying but i dont get nothing like i feel like im actually dumb like im in the 10th and i cant get my shit together. my parents constantly fight i constantly fight with my boyfriend but it’s because we’re young and don’t understand much. i’m just struggling and my parents or friends can’t help me and most of all i can’t help my self im only 15 im about to be a adult and im so unorganized i struggle talking about my feelings i struggle trynna make good choices. i just need help💔

Is this even rocd or me scared to accept and having a history of ocd just putting it on that…Recently what i have been struggling with is like while talking to him i feel like i am losing interest or getting irritated or think like i have better things to do and like not be interested enough and he says with so much warmth like tell me about his life and i couldn’t be less interested or feel so and yes i dont say it to him but i feel it like i am done and idk if we have anything to talk about as well and i just feel like these feelings are actually true like backed up with what i am feeling and not ocd or intrusive thought but when it comes to me i feel bad and sad and scared not anxious and cant be ocd and this is me stating facts not asking for reassurance want to tell him i am not interested or getting irritated and feel also no connection i really dont know and i am writing this with so much calmness like no fear no anxiousness like stating a truth which is true and i am delaying acceptance or saying it but sooner or later will happen? Lying to him of how i am interested and the guilt is killing me and making anxious not ocd and i know i am not accepting cause otherwise why would i feel so strongly feel this at all and also back up with actions like above and cant deny that i felt it means it is.. Pls help me.. my psychiatrist told me today might not be ocd give it some time and decide and mine has been here intense for 3 days now and so its very possible and maybe i also feel and don’t accept but doesn’t change that i feel that it will not change and is not ocd but just scared to accept and with all the above it is true and no feelings and stuff if not even scared? Pls help… this is not ocd na?

This topic triggers me so much because I don’t think I ever experienced “gut feelings” about my relationship until the ocd. I know that generally people get these feelings when something’s off like their values are different, or the partner has strong bad habits, or something they’re doing is wrong. But my relationship is perfect to me: we communicate so well and I feel so vulnerable and safe. He’s amazing and sweet and we share the same values and life goals. We’re not perfect but I wanna be imperfect w him. I’ve never felt the way I feel for him with anyone else before. So why does it feel like the next stage of our life (moving in together) feels like I’ll change my mind later on?.. I get anxious at the idea and thought of sharing our whole life but I know I want to marry him. The idea of us growing old together, I feel like my life would be complete with him. But why do I feel like I don’t want to :( Do people have doubts anout their relationship even when there’s nothing to doubt?? There’s nothing wrong with us at all and I want what we have forever but when I think about our future I feel so anxious like I won’t last long until I decide I can’t do it anymore

Idk what to do, my boyfriend has been thinking about leaving me due to the stress of college and I have no idea how to deal with it. We haven’t ended it yet but we are trying to work things out and are considering being long distance until we can plan things again. I just genuinely feel so fucking lost and confused about all of this, and don’t know which direction my life is headed towards now that we’re becoming more distant.

I cant deny further that i feel nothing…Dont even feel like i am in a relationship and also like spoke to my bf in the morning and he said these thoughts are normal and mine isnt and maybe others they dont care so they go away with me its true and i am scared to accept so they dont go away and no reassurance helps and i constantly think about how no reassurance helps or makes sense cause the thoughts are true and if i breakup wouldnt feel anything and doesn’t feel anything now also so i dont love him and sooner or later it would come out and i dint even have a problem with breaking up ir feel bad cause i already dont feel like a relationship and if its so and the feeling and thoughts are so strong and its not making me anxious and i feel so with truth that they are true so it is and also distance is happening with the relationship then it is so and how my bf if it is then we will see then breakup and maybe realise a truth i wasnt scared of that and i thought to my head it is true and i wasnt anxious and was gonna say and felt it is already true i am just delaying it and i felt it and couldnt deny it and when he said is the truth felt like is the truth which means it is and i am denying and its true and not ocd truth and okay breaking up so what? I feel like i am just not accepting the truth and as a writing habit and being scared i write this its just not accepting and with all the above i feel so strongly that means is so and dont even feel like talking and just not accepting right? Not ocd right? Pls help

You ever just feel like OCD has taken away everything you care about? I let it control me and I ruined the one good relationship I’ve had. I loved him so much but I let obsessions and compulsions get in the way of things and we got distant and the relationship ended a month and a half ago. It’s been 3 weeks since we had a big talk about things, the first time we’d seen each other in person since the breakup. He said then that part of him wants to try again but he has to sort that out with his therapist. He wants to make sure he’s not being impulsive and hurting me more. I miss him so so much and I want to tell him that I’ve figured things out and I know how to fix things. We just messaged for a little bit. I told him that I’m gonna keep giving him space (it had been 2 weeks since we had messaged last) but that whenever he’s ready I want to talk with him. Not even about the breakup or moving forward, just about how he’s doing. He said he’d try going to the local hangout space more but that he’ll be really busy for the next few weeks or months. We talked a little more before I had to stop myself before I said something I might regret. I so badly want to tell him that I can fix the problems we had and that I know what OCD is and how it affects me now. I so badly want to tell him that I still love him and I want to try again. That I just want to see him and I want to talk to him. But I stopped myself because I don’t want to jump the gun too soon and push him further away. A week from today would have been our one year anniversary. I feel like I fucked things up so badly. And I know OCD isn’t my fault and that I don’t have control over the thoughts, except that i was diagnosed a month before the breakup and I was so afraid that I ignored it and pretended I was fine instead of researching it and getting help. I had the opportunity to fix things then but I didn’t and I ruined it all. He’s dealing with his own shit right now in regards to mental health. And I know with the state of the world and losing his job at the end of the year and trying to get a business started for when his job ends, he has so much to deal with. He has his own worries and his own things to deal with and he doesn’t have time for working on a relationship and he feels like he can’t be there for me (the reason for the breakup). And that’s why I feel so guilty and selfish that all I can think about is how much I miss him and how much I want him. How much I want to try again. How much I want to show him how I’ve grown and gotten better and I know how to fix things now. And I feel so hopeless.