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Do you ever worry that other people are up to something? Like cheating, how do you manage the fear of a partner possibly being bad or possibly doing something bad?

ever since my rocd started nothing w my bf has felt the same. i constantly overthink my feelings and if ive lost feelings or if ive just lost the spark and am unable to regain it. sometimes i look back at old texts and pictures and remember how it used to make me feel when i didnt struggle with my rocd and i cant even resonate w that feeling anymore despite wanting to so badly. of course i do not want to lose feelings and any indication that i do feels like the end of the world to me. but every single day i continue to fixate on trying to feel something genuine in the moment or just how i feel about him overall and i can't feel what i want to feel which simply continues my ocd cycle. it makes me notice other people too who i dont even want to notice and i cant tell how much of it is ocd bcs some of it feels like it comes before my ocd thoughts hit. and even on my best days when i'm not struggling it's still there and whatever i do feel, i think it's forced or not the same. i want some hope that i'll eventually be able to go back to how i used to be or that it'll start to feel gwnuine and like the butterfly inducing crush i used to have on him all the time. can someone please give me some advice i'm losing hope and i'm having a severe episode :(

does false attraction exist in rocd? like is it possibile to have it? i heard of people having it in soocd and pocd, but I dont know if it also works with rocd, I have the best bf on earth and i know i love him, even if my ocd likes to tell me im not really in love, but im in a camp and there is this guy and my brain is telling me im attracted/in love with him, when im clearly not and this gives me a lot of anxiety I feel like im going to throw up, im trying to avoid him and im closed in my room for this because im so scared, everytime i see him I get a lot of anxiety and I dont want it, I dont want him, I want to be with my bf and be happy again

I am having a really bad ocd flare up while typing this so bare with me but i keep thinking about things I hate. Like people, for example this one guy from my English class who made me super uncomfortable and he liked me i guess and he was really gross and just made me feel like crying and I just feel disgusted but for some reason since school has ended anything i like or want to do he comes to mind because he in my mind is something I hate so like my ocd just pushes him and like animals dying to my eyes and I can’t stop thinking of his name and his nasty face and I can’t look at the number that’s his age or numbers similar or I freak out and feel like crying like i was just looking at summer clothing and for some reason opening my laptop correlates to him because of a past freak out I had while opening my laptop and I just feel like crying because the stuff I looked at was perfect but anytime i get close to my laptop i just think of his nasty rude gross i can’t even explain this ocd feeling towards him my teacher had forced me to sit behind him and he would always turn halfway rub his disgusting beard and read during reading time and once i told my teacher how I felt she let me move to the back of the class but I still had to be in the same class of him and the fact he might still come back next year haunts me i am just crying this has happened with other people before too but it’s just random people that my mind targets I feel so disgusting I feel like he had nasty thoughts of me i just don’t know but yeah everything i do correlates to something bad, and for the past 2 weeks it’s been that. If anyone has advice please help

I can’t shake this , I don’t know what it is. i struggle with derealzation terribly and it’s been being triggered by my boyfriend , I don’t know what it is and it scares me so much, he’s my favorite person and my mind keeps telling me “ he don’t exist” or I can’t recognize him. It started last night because my mind starting make all these fears and I just have never felt this bad .. I really would like some words or help if anybody can relate or share ?🥺

Anyone else feel like they will never be understood in a relationship? Like I want to get to know other people but its like I feel like I am boring and my ocd just makes my life a living hell currently. No motivation to do nothing even though I have alot to do and literally having no purpose in life.Like I literally dont feel like I have ever enjoyed any of my life because it feels like I am not real or I am like a shadow in my own body? Its frustrating because my last relationship was horibbly toxic and the guy I was with was horrible and I broke things off after years of abuse and I have currently been having a hard time not to reach out to him after no contact for 3 months.I feel immense guilt like I was mean to him even though he cheated on me and a part of me says I deserve to go back to the abuse. And I feel like maybe I am punishing myself because my faith in God is not the strongest Ive stopped praying and I dont read the bible consistently becayse I get very overwhelmed because I want to make sure I am doing bible study correctly or ill be punished. (sorry for the spelling mistakes)

My boyfriend has had serious money problems and he has confessed it to me, and he feels so low that he thinks of breaking up with me because this money problem is hitting me too. I don't know what to do. I feel so hurt because I know he doesn't want to do it deep down. Please can someone give me some words of wisdom I'm already spiraling

I’ve been on a healing journey, I’m still on it and trying to figure myself out. The thing is, I had my heart absolutely smashed to pieces and I’ve been trying to put it back together and I have been successful, it’s just I’ve now convinced myself I’ll never be able to like a man again. I’m scared I’m not gonna be attracted to anyone after this, that I’m always gonna think about him when I’m with another man. What if it’s made me not like men anymore? I don’t fancy woman so what am I gonna do? I had planned to meet up with a guy of tinder today, but suddenly got so many fears in my head that it freaked me out and I had to cancel. As well as that my period started, so it was like my body was saying I’m not ready, but what if it’s my body saying you don’t like men. I do like men so so much, I know I do, but what if this one guy has completely destroyed me ever trusting or fully liking a man again. I can’t do it. I want to be loved and be held, I want to explore and date people without this guilt hanging over me, because unfortunately I still have feelings for this other guy so now all I can do is just feel guilty. During the talking stage I’m fine, but then when I get asked out or anything like that I freak out and say no. I wanna be the confident girl I once was with no care,and I know time heals but I’m getting exhausted now

hey all:) hoping i get some responses in this. i’ve been doing a lot better, but something i’m noticing is a. obsessing over obsessing and b. my brain going back and forth about my relationship. when im calm i feel so light and happy and open with my partner, but i find that my brain loves to switch back and forth and “rationalize” the thoughts i “used” to have. i’ll think: wow i don’t know where this is going but i feel happy and good! and other times that thought will make me anxious and ill be like “well what if i’m just settling, i’ve been ocd and anxious a lot in this relationship, what if it’s just not the right person? i don’t feel like i did in my last relationship (note this was an emotionally draining and abusive one), i can love someone and not be in love maybe that’s it, but are you REALLY sure and POSITIVE you like her, want this, blah blah these are all things that i can definitely accept and allow to be thoughts. i’ve been doing much better on this. but they are also things that my ocd has latched on to make me feel like it’s not an intrusive thought atp. i know i want to be with my partner and i know that this is something im working on and that it’s ocd. the thought of leaving her pains me. she checks all my boxes and loves me so much, and wouldn’t want to find anyone else! so i guess im asking, how do you feel secure and confident in continuing in relationships with uncertainty, how to you securely and confidently hold your ground with ocd and change your perspectives! i hope this makes sense

My adult son is suffering so much. He is basically non-functioning. He can’t get a job, focus on his college classes, or do much around the house because of his intrusive thoughts. He doesn’t want to hang out with his friends because his intrusive thoughts make him think he wants to be with them sexually. He refuses to take medicine or go to therapy because he is afraid that it will somehow prove that he doesn’t have OCD. He relies on me 100% to help with his OCD. It’s not working. He suffered for four years not knowing what it was, then finally broke down and told me about it about nine months ago. He stopped doing all drugs (he was self medicating). He’s an adult and can refuse treatment, but any advice about how I can encourage him to at least try would be greatly appreciated. Note: he did try Zoloft for a month and said it made his anxiety better which made him worry even more. Thanks.

| don't even know what to say plus i don't speak English very well. One week ago we were discussing about living together (we're long distance). Yesterday he told me he was looking for plane tickets for the next week. | got suspicious and asked why the hurry if something bad was going on He said babe stop thinking that, it's nothing bad, I'm not going to break with you 1 hour later Just 1 hour later he calls and tell me "Sorry. | have to break up with you. I'm getting you blocked on everything because i fell you will manipulate me to go back to you otherwise" and then he just ended the phone call. 20 seconds and i couldn't even say anything just stared at the screen like a dog who was being abandoned. | just don't understand. | talked to a friend of him they don't understand either How do ¡ stop thinking about this. I'm going insane. Totally insane. This was like one of my biggest fears. | don't get it my mind don't get it can't sleep can't breathe I'm taking anxiety pills talking to friends who doesn't understand either | just want things to be normal again this is a nightmare, all the time I think he is going to unblock me call me and say he's sorry he was overwhelmed or something | feel like dying alive

Hi everyone. I’ve been in my relationship for over 2 years and love him so much. I have had ocd since I was 13 where i did therapy to learnt to manage the intrusive thoughts and was good for about 7 years up until about a month ago. My boyfriend hasn’t experienced me in this state of distress because my ocd was so under control and now im in a spiral. It’s causing me to think that my boyfriend won’t want to be with me or doesn’t want to have to deal with this until I get better. This spiked today because I was invited to go out with him and his family to meet one of his aunts for the first time and really wanted to but my thoughts stopped me from doing so. He then was sending me pictures of him having a good time which i am so happy that he is, but i want to be there too and he wants me to be there as well. I’m just really scared that this is disorder is what’s going to cause my relationship to end when it was going so well. We have so many events to look forward to in the future and I feel like I can’t even enjoy thinking about them.

So I have been 5 days without intrusive thoughts which is a big accomplishment for me. Yesterday broke the streak. I was job shadowing and this girl i thought was so skinny and pretty how does she not have a boyfriend and i thought I was a dude i wouldn't turn my head away and now I'm thinking no one has said this before and that this means something. I know it's my ocd acting up but it's annoying. Plus it also tried to say in a narrative that sounded like me that I would date her and i immediately felt disturbed which just again told me everything about who I am sexually as a confident and comfortable straight woman

Hey guys so I just got broken up with in the last week. I’ve always had really bad ocd and self harm thoughts. When my bf and I moved into together I was so happy and he understood how to help me with my ocd. I didn’t have bad thoughts for the full 8 months we were together! And then we broke up bc I found out a lot of things he was lying about. I’m living back home again, single and all of my bad thoughts and urges are back again, I don’t know how to make it stop. Living with him is the FIRST time I’ve had these thoughts go away. Now everything is bad once again. If anyone has any advice that could help I’d appreciate it.

Hello, I am fairly new to this app. I wanted to speak about the way I dream. I have dreams like I am hurt physically usually bloody either self inflicted or by some random person in my dream. Then I get saved by people I care about like friends or even people that I have a crush on. Or sometimes I have dreams that I speak about tramuatic events that I went through as a child to a crush and the feel bad for me and want to help me. I dont fear these dreams at all but I notice every time I sleep I ball my fists and when I dont I cant sleep.I clench my fists so hard in the morning they are sore. Also these dreams are almost every night.I am also very sensitive to how people talk to me if I am yelled at I shut down and have chest palpitations that radiate to my heart to my arms numbing it. Does anyone else experience any of these? Ive been researching and found myself here. For reference I have been tested for ADHD and I dont have it but I was told I might have OCD from the other symptoms I experience like heavy Intrusive thoughts, anxiety attacks/episodes, depression,dissociation ( like I am not real and even my emotions are like frozen and more) , bothered all day if something is moved by someone else when I put it a certain way, rituals ( blinking, and looking away from something multiple times mostly in number of twos etc), contamination ( washing my hands many times in between getting dressed after eacb task to feel clean), hating certain textures of fabrics or objects(more of a werid one ive had for a long time),procrastination, reassurance on all my action causing me to not think for myself, poor memory or false memory,and more.Any response would be helpful.

should I feel guilty for being in a relationship while struggling with my sexual identity and the soocd that comes along with it? what if I'm not actually attracted to men AND women/non binary people, but just women??? am I wasting mine and his time by trying to work through this while being with him? I've talked to him about this and he says he doesn't want to leave me and supports me no matter what conclusion I could come to, but I'm terrified that I'll come to a conclusion that means I have to leave him. I'm so scared, I want to be with him and have a life with him, but what if this is comp het and saying I'm unlabeled is denial or an excuse??? I love pride month but it just seems like the reason why this subtype has come back full force. any advice would be great 🧡

Not sure if I'm experiencing OCD or actual relationship problems. I was intimate with my fiance one night and shortly after had this immediate feeling of "I don't want to be with you anymore" out of what felt like nowhere. I know all relationships have issues and take work, but all I can think about now is "is this OCD or do I not love him". For context, there are things that bothered me about him and that I did sometimes wish I could change, but I never felt this gut-wrenching panicky feeling before the past week and a half about him, at least not for a while. I'd had similar feelings before but moved past it, all while having other OCD themes show up, so I thought it was all encompassing and felt better after a while. He's a good person, and there are still moments where I settle down in my head and feel like I can do this, but then it all starts up again where I feel like I'm searching for the answer to whether I should or shouldn't try. Different people say I should do different things, and I don't know how to feel as I've only ever had this happen with one other person and I broke it off with them. With them, it was a good thing, but I'm not 100% sure if it would be with this person because he treats me so well and I know I used to love being with him all the time. So like, how do I know the difference, and if I want to get back to the way we were, or have our relationship get better, does that mean we are not facing the end?

A little bit of a bummer post today but mostly a really proud one. Yesterday was, unfortunately my last day with NOCD, due to reasons related to my health insurance, continuing to pay for services OON is not affordable, yay US healthcare 😤 But I am so thankful to my therapist, and NOCD for the spot I am in now that I haven’t been at, mentally in years. While I can identify earlier moments of events or actions possibly related to my OCD, the one that affected me most was just a few days past exactly 7 years ago. The thought that started it all for my SO OCD theme occurred while I was being intimate with my gf at the time and my head thought “I wonder what this would look like if this was a guy”… That one split second thought caused me to spiral for the rest of the day and into the next. I could not get out of my head, I was numb to the world around me and when I went to a local urgent care and they asked the question - “have you had thoughts of self harm” - I admitted I did, I didn’t want to act on them at all, but I did I was admitted to a local mental health unit of a hospital that day. I was diagnosed with GAD that day, and while I only stayed for a night, the constant thoughts and the complete feeling of numbness, that I experienced for weeks, is something I’ll never forget. I viewed myself as weak, as useless, as broken, and I did for a long long time even if sometimes I forgot about those feelings. It didn’t help that my parents are not supportive of mental health issues, although I can see now where I got mine from. I came across, what was known as HOCD at the time, now SO OCD, a few weeks later, and knew what I was experiencing was that. Even the HOCD tests that I took at the time highly suggested that, but I completely overlooks the OCD aspect. To me, SO OCD was like a cold, I caught it, and it would go away with some medication, which was what was happening. Every morning I would see how long it would be until I had a thought about my sexual orientation where I would, what felt like a moment where I would snap back into my head. It got longer week by week and so to me, I was cured. But I wasn’t. In between the moments of that time and now, I met my now wife, got married and had a child with another on the way. I had a lot of very very good moment, a lot more so than bad, but those events scarred me. While OCD tormented me quietly in other ways: - you lost weight to quickly while dieting, I think you have cancer, better try eating more just to make sure - you can’t fall asleep, what if you have this super rare illness where you’ll never be able to fall asleep again and slowly go crazy and die? - what if your newborn daughter is crying because she can see into the future and knows that you’re going to die today, it’ll probably be from that aneurysm you’re so worried about It always jabbed me with reminders and thoughts that would harken back to one of the most traumatic periods of my life: - you should kiss your friend - don’t you think it’s going to be hard to be completely straight and married to your wife for eternity, even in the afterlife - oh look a gay dude, remember how you never fully figured out if you were actually gay Those moments and thoughts always felt like a gut punch, but they would go away, until this year. If I had to make a list of triggers it would include but not be limited to: - learning that someone I had interacted with a bunch of times during those “gap” years was actually gay, and sold records which always created thoughts whenever I listened to my record player while working - seeing a documentary about Aaron Hernandez and reading his story on Wikipedia which included a snippet of him blaming him being raped as a child for his potential attraction to men, for which may or may not have happened to me (I don’t think it did but the dad of a friends house I went to a lot when I was little, was convicted of child molestation) - viewing my medicine that I would only take on and off again as the way to get the thoughts to stop - recognizing that my wife and I weren’t able to spend as much time together as we used to, which generated ROCD thoughts first The thoughts progressed more and more for weeks. I was trapped in my head, almost 24/7, trying to make the thoughts stop, reliving thoughts that just reminded me constantly of that period 7 years ago, all while I became more and more depressed, anxious and distant. Eventually, while my wife was visiting for lunch at work, I broke down crying and told her everything. I knew it was SO OCD, but was only starting to realize what OCD actually was. I came across NOCD through a YouTube video, and after trying and failing to find an in network therapist in my area, or someone in network that didn’t have wait times for months out, mainly because I couldn’t google as efficiently in my state of mind, I reached out. I was able to speak to someone so quickly and start working with a therapist just a week after Wilda Rodriguez-Barnett, I highly, highly recommend her, she’s amazing. I did the DOCS and received a score of 22. Today I leave with a DOC score of 4. With her help and ERP therapy, I have truly found so much more peace in my life that I didn’t have for years since that traumatic period. The thoughts are still there, and I know they always will be, but I know that I can handle them with the tools ERP therapy has provided me. Even the other day when I had a health concern pop up, I resisted the urge of googling which I know would’ve sent me into a spiral. I wrote a lot and I still feel like there is so much more that I can say but I’ll try to wrap up this novel of a post with this. When I started ERP therapy I was skeptical. I was hopeful it would help me but I was skeptical it would. Being exposed to my fears was not something I was looking forward to, after all, I had the life I always wanted and even more than I ever thought I would have with my wife, so what if I was actually gay. OCD wants us to live our lives in fear. It will concoct any little thing it can, whether it be a thought, feeling or urge, to plant just a seed of doubt which we water and grow ourselves until it attacks. I know these thoughts will never go away and I don’t think anyone should view OCD recovery as that, although I think we would all want to, but I do know the life I want to live right now. I know I will never be perfect in resisting my compulsions, but I feel confident that I have the tools to recognize what is going on and stopping OCD from creating the fear that it has.

About a year and a half ago, my friend group went out for karaoke. On the way to the bathroom, in the empty hallway, I passed a guy in my friend group (who had a girlfriend at the time, and I was already with my partner at the time). I remember it was dark, quiet, and empty, and I remember thinking “what if I made out with him right now?” I know I just walked past him and went into the bathroom as normal, but I remember the intrusive thought lingered even after I got back from the bathroom. It made me anxious at the time but I quickly got distracted and moved on. Now for some reason it popped into my head again and I am thinking maybe I did make out with him. However I know this is ridiculous. First of all, if I had actually cheated, there is absolutely no way that I would have just forgotten that and moved on. I know myself and I know I would have anxiously confessed right away. Second of all, the guy is still in our friend group, and there is no way that BOTH of us would have randomly, completely out of the blue, cheated on our partners and have no one find out. I have looked through my very brief messages with that guy, and there is nothing even remotely suspicious. There is no way that we would have just decided to make out all of a sudden without some sort of indication of something in our messages. I know i’m being stupid, but I’m getting so anxious about this that i almost want to message him and ask if anything happened. But I know how incredibly weird and strange and insane that would be. This sucks. False memories suck.

So I watch daily videos of a mother and daughter that do make up and talk. They are so funny. The daughter is about 10-13. She always talks about her school crush in almost every video and her mom always rolls her eyes and they just make me laugh because I have a daughter that age. So I was watching their new video today and after watching their videos for so long and listening to the daughter always go on and on about this boy she likes, I simply thought to myself I wonder what this boy she has such a crush on looks like. As soon as I thought that, my ocd has me questioning myself telling me I am inappropriate for wondering that. I know I wasn’t thinking anything wrong but why does my ocd always make me feel like a bad person? Am I? I hate my brain and living. I can’t do or think anything normal without questioning it and feeling like a horrible abnormal unworthy person.