Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I just got home yesterday from seeing my long distance bf for the last 4 days and the moment I got home it felt like a part of me was missing… my mood always drops and the ocd thoughts start almost instantly… before I left I cried about how I didn’t wanna go, this is simply worth mentioning because I don’t cry in front of anyone except for him. This past weekend was just so much fun and I didn’t want it to end. I love him so much but ocd loves to butt in and try to steal my happiness….However I’m too stubborn to allow it to completely ruin my day/week…. I hope everyone has an amazing rest of your day ♥️

Everything is so chaotic right now and I feel like I’m making a terrible mistake in my relationship. I’ve never been in a real relationship before now, just a lot of failed talking stages and infatuated crushes who didn’t even bother to look in my direction. And now I’m with someone who truly does love me and care about me, he checks of all by boxes, but now I’m worried I don’t actually like him or I’m just not that into him. I’m worried this is one of those things where they’re great on paper but I just don’t feel a strong enough attraction. I feel so confused and stressed and doubtful and anxious all the time. I don’t want to hurt him, and part of me so badly wants this to work out while the other part of me feels like I want to leave. The thought of being with him forever scares me and I worry it won’t be right and I won’t be happy. I also worry that I’m convincing myself to stay when I shouldn’t or deep down don’t want to. Every day it feels more and more like I want to leave. It’s just a mess. I’m worried I won’t ever be happy. I’ve been fighting for this relationship so hard, I’ve been trying so badly to make it work, and despite all the stress and anxiety, I’ve stayed. But I’m worried I’m just forcing a relationship that isn’t right. I’m so lost

Hi guys. I’ve been doing good lately which I’m thankful for. But yesterday I had a bit of a relapse. I want to a party with my boyfriend yesterday. I found myself very attracted to one of his friends. He had on a nice cologne too. I have met this friend a million times and never felt this strong attraction to him before. I have no intentions at all to leave my boyfriend for his friend etc. I love my boyfriend very much. But this made it worse, I felt so guilty and kept thinking to myself did I flirt? Even though I know I didn’t. Then I kept having thoughts of his friend making out with me etc which was so uncomfortable and just randomly through the night. Has anyone else experienced anything similar?

I recently got into a relationship about three months back but him and I have been talking since last year November. This is probably the healthiest relationship I have ever been in and the man I’m with is the sweetest and kindest person to ever exist. Before this I was in a long term abusive relationship and I would go through rocd constantly with thoughts such as I may like someone else or “I should cheat” even if I’m having a conversation with someone of the opposite sex who’s my friend. My boyfriend is currently on his senior trip and I was out with some of my bestfriends, one of them being a guy that I had a little bit of history with but I didn’t want anything from it because he wasn’t compatible in that way but amazing as a friend. While I was hanging out with them I constantly kept getting intrusive thoughts such as oh I should do something or oh I don’t even like my boyfriend and I kept comparing them for the next couple of days. I feel so guilty and disgusting and I know the thoughts aren’t true but I just feel so terrible considering how amazing my boyfriend is. I really do love him infact we’re planning our future together but rocd is just getting in the way. Any kind of advice would be helpful❤️

Hi I haven’t posted here in a while but lately my OCD thoughts have been presenting themselves in my relationships. I was in a relationship last year with someone who i know wasn’t good for me. I ended it indefinitely about 6 months ago and have felt like a big part of me has moved on. about 3 months ago i started seeing someone else and quickly fell for them. soon after i realized they too were not serving me the way i need, so i ended that relationship too. yesterday i found out that my first ex is dating someone that i know. and i cannot stop obsessing about this. it feels like a gut punch and like i cannot function and i keep wanting to give into toxic unhealthy habits and compulsions to relieve this feeling. has anyone experienced this or have any advice?

I really need help, this has been a new subtype coming up, I think??? It has been going on for three days straight So, can ocd trick you into thinking you like someone?? Like making you feel things?? I’m seriously terrified and I keep thinking and feeling things like this and it’s freaking me out Because, number one, I’m in a happy relationship with my gf and would never do that and I don’t want to break up???! And I don’t genuinely like anyone like that??? I’m scared that it’s true or something, and it makes me extremely uncomfortable and terrified, and it has made me stay away from people

A mixture of heartbreak and ocd is the worst combination to have when you’re a young adult trying to find their way through life and all I can think about is how do I just stop feeling, how can I just stop living this way, and if I’ll ever feel like my normal self again. I am a broken woman and I feel it so deep within my body that it hurts beyond repair. Everyone keeps saying give yourself time you’ll heal, but I can’t do this anymore. Genuinely I’m stuck and I’m unhappy with the state of my life and myself, I’m sick of being stuck on a person who doesn’t like me, on every night out disrespects me and my family, makes me cry and feel replaceable. Worthless is another, I feel insanely worthless. Hes now with another girl and she’s pregnant. They’ve been together 3 weeks, we broke up a month ago and stopped speaking 3 weeks ago. So the time period for everything is incredibly rushed and makes me feel even worse about myself. Nobody wants to be with me, why? I don’t even want to be with myself anymore. I have this horrendous feeling in my stomach every single day, makes me feel sick or something. And I’m just done with feeling this way. All I want is to feel better again and I don’t know where to begin. Therapy didn’t work, medication is a no, how do people do this? I’m starting to have scary thoughts about not being here anymore, and how the only way I’ll feel at peace with myself or something is to just fall asleep and never wake up. It’s stupid I know because it’s only a break up, but it’s not just the break up, I hate the way I thinks the way I act, the way I’m perceived by others, the constant worry everyone is talking about me, the constant nagging in my head fnag I’m useless, worthless, ugly, stupid, pathetic, psychotic, crazy, hated, laughed at, judged, perosn that nobody wants around. It’s hard and idk what I do anymore

Does being an affectionate person feed anyone else's ocd? I used to be super touch repulsed as a kid and young teen but after alot of therapy I became a really physically affectionate person. I love hugging and cuddling the people I care about, close friends, family, etc. But ever since my first ocd flare up sometimes it can feel like my ocd recontextualizes this to mean I'm some kind of pervert whose uses being an affectionate guy as an excuse to get too close to people. I feel like alot of the time we can shut down parts of ourselves to "apease" the ocdemon as a form of avoidance, but I don't want to be anyone but the friendly guy who loves his friends and isn't afraid to show it. So if you feel the same tell me ur story, maybe we can support eachother

Can I have intrusive feelings as well with ocd? I’m feeling so sad since I saw a post of my ex bf getting engaged last Monday, at the beginning I thought it was normal but then I couldn’t stop thinking about him and our relationship, I feel I miss him but it’s so confusing, why am I missing him? We broke up 7 years ago and I’m in a relationship and love my bf. But I can’t thinking that maybe I want to be with him and imagine how it would be if we try it again, but I don’t know why I’m thinking on that, it all started suddenly after seeing that post :( I feel genuinely sad, I can't help but cry every time I think about him. I don’t know what to do with these feelings b

What advice would you give for someone struggling with religious and relationship ocd? Thank you guys for being here and I’m glad i have a community i can confide in!

For the past fee days my ocd has fixated on my boyfriend losing one condom i cant get over it Then a few things he said im over thinking now I was drunk (for context) He then asked me to check if his brother replied on whatsapp and my intrusive thoughts got the better of me and i checked his archived messages i didn’t look properly because i felt bad so i just came out of it- but now i just feel like a horrible human. I dont want to be someone who doesnt trust their boyfriend i feel like ive abused his trust Anyone got any advice here

Currently really struggling. I was triggered by a video that talked about how any kind of abuse in a relationship means the relationship should be terminated, no ifs, ands, or butts. I’ve been with my gf since I was 16 and she was 18. I grew up with some really poor role models and examples of how you’re supposed to treat a partner (parents were verbally abusive to each other, passive aggressive, etc.). I’m not saying this is the reason I’m so messed up (and a terrible girlfriend), but I think it’s a contributing factor. I’ve acted in a lot of stupid, unacceptable ways during our almost 9 year relationship. I get better every year, but there are still things from only a couple years ago that I’ve done that haunt me. She always forgives me and I always use these regrets as a learning experience and do everything I can to not repeat them, but I fear the actions are too bad to be worked through. I fear she only forgives me because I’ve given her Stockholm syndrome or something. I won’t go into every event here because there are too many, but I will say the one that is closest to the front of my mind right now. My girlfriend is trans, and it’s been a few years since she first told me she was questioning this. I was initially super supportive and she started therapy to dive into these feelings. One evening, she was doing teletherapy and in an impulsive, intoxicated state, I did one of the worst things imaginable. I listened to part of her session through the door. And not for one second, but several minutes. I don’t even know exactly how long. I heard her tell her therapist that she was sure that she was trans, and I basically freaked out. When she came out of her session, I had the gall to ask her about how sure she was she was trans and she confirmed to me she was certain. Cue huge wave of anxiety. Very shortly after, I confessed to her what I’d done and what I heard. She was upset, but not nearly as upset as she ought to be. I was immediately full of remorse, shame, and self hatred over what I did. I ended up self harming. It was out of self hatred, but I accidentally took it further than I intended to and ended up confessing this to her as well because I was freaking out. All in all, one of the worst evenings of my life. My girlfriend has forgiven me, but I’m terrified that she shouldn’t, that forgiving me isn’t good for her. It doesn’t bother her anymore, and she wants me to move on. And this is just one of the million actual seriously horrible real events that I have committed. I know it isn’t really OCD related, but I struggle not to bring this up, obsess, and compulsively apologize to her every time this resurfaces. I think I’m an abuser and it makes me sick. I love this girl, she has been my everything for almost 9 years. But I have done so many sickening things that make me unworthy of her. I feel like it doesn’t matter how much I change, I will never deserve her. She still shows me an incredible amount of love and empathy despite everything I’ve done, and I’m so worried for her. I just do the wrong thing at every possible turn, and I’m so sick of myself. I want to be with her more than anything in the world, but according to Reddit, the best thing I could do for her would be to rid her of me. I was an abusive, betraying, narcissistic, manipulative POS. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to fix it, and I am so scared because she still wants to spend her life with me. I just want to be worthy of that, but I’ve fucked up too many times. Rant over. Sorry if this doesn’t have much to do with OCD. Im sorry if I upset anyone here. I’m trying my best not to google scenarios like this and read every comment. Again.

Just want to cut I’m with my boyfriend but feel alone and unwanted from arguing and the relationship feels confusing one minute I love him and the next I don’t wanna be with him

This guy I’m friends with has this rumour spread about him recently, the thing is I can’t say if he did or didn’t do the thing he’s being accused of, nobody can, but it’s a rumour that could get very serious very soon. But the entire situation that is at hand is absolutely disgusting, and I hate that I’ve even been involved. The only reason I am is because my ex and his ex are sleeping together (2 weeks after saying he didn’t want a relationship and 3 days after she broke up with her boyfriend) and we became friends because we were at the pub at the same time we found out and both started crying together. Apparently she has been sleeping with her ex and trying to sleep with her ex still to this day, that’s what he has told me, even though she is now in another relationship, I haven’t see. The evidence except for some pictures he took at her flat with the date and time showing he was there (not incriminating pictures, would be of her hugging him on their bed, or her doing her hair, stuff like that) I can’t choose to believe it but if he’s telling me then I will, until proven different, have no other reason not to believe it. But then this rumour came out, this horrible horrible thing that if has happened then I hope nothing but that she’s okay and recovers from what’s happened, but if it’s a lie is a massively fucked up lie to tell people. How do I know to believe things or not? Because right now being his friend is making my brain tell me some absolutely horrible things about myself that I just can’t seem to move, that I’m siding with the guilty party, that I’m having rumours spread about me in hay, that everyone is talking about me, that I can’t be friends with him, that I’m disgusting and just as bad as the rumour is (if it’s true). It’s horrific like I don’t want to side with either of them, I’ve heard from a fact source that she’s done some horrible things to her last boyfriends that should not be excused, but now I’m hearing this like I just don’t know what to do. And it’s making me panic and stress and it’s taking over my entire life like I’ve been sat here for 2 hours unable to do anything else because it’s all I can think about. There’s nothing else in my head except this right now, that I can’t just get on with my life and if I find out that what someone has told me is a lie until that point I can’t seem to just leave it be. Until it is proven different should I not be allowed to just live my life? Because nothing is being done about this rumour on any side, hers or his, irs just sorta there. Which makes me think even more that it’s just not true, but u til proven different I choose to not belive nor not belive it and I just wanna live my life. If I’m told that someone lied I’ll hold my hands up and apologise, I’m only getting one side of a story, but if they haven’t then I have nothing to pressure myself with. So why do I constantly go over and over and over in my head these thoughts? I’m hurting myself so many times I literally can’t do anything and I have so much to do today. I hate it I hate being involved I don’t want to anymore. I even said to him I’m an outsider and I don’t want to be involved, I don’t know anything and I shouldn’t it’s not my business I’ve only known all of you (her and him) for like 3 weeks, her I don’t even know but my friends do so I’ve heard from them what she’s like. It’s just all so hard for my brain right now

DO YOU HAVE INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS ABOUT CERTAIN PEOPLE? Like, a specifical person that annoys you more than the others that show in your intrusive thoughts. Because of that, it feels as if I actually were attracted to that person, I can't take this.

He got into a relationship 2 weeks after telling me he didn’t want one. After a year of me and him being together, a totally of 2 weeks it took him to find another girl. Am I that replaceable? Am I that unworthy? Why am I this jusr so fucked yo that I’m honestly doubting my place on this earth. If someone I thought I loved could leave me that easy then what does that mean about me? I’m crying and thinking and hating myself and I’m so unsure what I’m to do now

Hello everyone, so I just finished the movie "turtles all the way down" which is based on the book by John Green. The movie is about a 16 year old girl with OCD who tries to solve a mystery involving her love interests fathers disappearance. The movie definitely covers OCD better than what is the stereotype of just someone who is organized but in other ways it really misses the mark. First off it only covers one form of OCD in detail, contamination OCD. The main character Aza is constantly afraid of contracting a virus called C diff that she has to do compulsions like change a bandaid or eat hand sanitizer. While that might be a representation of Contamination OCD, it is not the only form of OCD out there. I felt like the movie should of covered other forms of OCD such as relationship OCD, Harm OCD and especially Pure O, but none of that was covered at all. If someone with OCD was using this movie to help a loved one understand them, it would only make them think OCD is just related to germs. Another part of the movie that really jerked me the wrong way was the pushing of medication as a cure for OCD. I was personally on many medications for OCD as a kid and only made my condition worse. The therapist in the movie literally guilt trips Aza into taking her medication to make her OCD go away. Her therapist does mention exposure response therapy but does not explain to the audience what it is. So if someone wanted to learn about ERP they would have to seek it out after the movie. Overall I'd say the movie still misses the mark in a fully accurate portrayal of OCD.

I have been with my boyfriend since I was 16, I am now 23. I was head over heels for him for a couple of years then I went to undergrad and started having thoughts/fears I cheated on him with another man. I would then convince myself I did. Then my ocd got really bad and I convinced myself I was gay, since that time I have been fighting with my thoughts 24/7 trying to decide if I am or if I am not. I wasn't able to eat, sleep, etc. The anxiety has gotten less but it still affects me and my relationship. Now I feel like I am numb to my boyfriend. I never want to have sex, I get scared.. While we have sex I constantly question how I am feeling. Is this normal? I know OCD attaches to things that are important to you, so I like to think its just because I love him so much that all my themes revolve around potentially losing him and it came in a time when I was 5 hours away from him consistently at school. IDk what I'm trying to get from this, just to rant or see that I'm not alone. I am now 6 hours away from him in graduate school so I have other stressors impacting me but I am obsessed with finding out if I truly love him or if I am gay even though before all of this started I never had these thoughts but now I am constantly questioning to the point I've almost convinced myself its true. My anxiety is the worst if I see homosexual women but I also fear I am attracted to women bc I notice them more now I feel like and feel like I have lost my attraction to men. Is this normal? I've been dealing with it for 2.5 years. I want nothing more than to be happy and content with my boyfriend but I cant even tell my true feelings anymore.

My fiancé and I of 7 years just broke up because I am an idiot. I’m in a lot of pain. I can’t let her go. I’m just such an idiot. We’ve been long distance for awhile and she was getting ready to move in with me but not anymore bc It’s truthfully all of my fault and I did this to myself. I let my insecurities get the best of me by accusing her of cheating and I know that’s wrong and there’s no excuse for it. I know she would never do that but I just get so extremely scared and paranoid that somethings going on without my knowledge but if you met her you would know that she would never do anything like that. She truly is an angel. I’m just such an idiot. And I yell and cuss at her when I get frustrated and angry. I’m so ashamed. How could I have become such a crappy partner. I feel terrible about it and it’s all my fault. I don’t know how to communicate my emotions and I get so frustrated because I feel like I’m not being heard even when she’s listening to me. I just needed someone to talk to. That’s my reasoning for posting this. I made my bed so now I have to lay in it. I know she loves me a lot. I told her I would get therapy which I really want to but I just can’t afford it. I’m going to save up though. She said she would wait for me until I get better and work things out. I just love her so much. I can’t believe I ruined everything between us. But maybe it’s for the better. I’m not a good partner and I’ve only had a flood of intrusive thoughts that I’m going to hurt her when she moves in which I would never do but it just feels so real, it scares the shit out of me.

I’m super convinced i am a bad person because I actively avoid people who are “better” than me at music or English since I have low self esteem to begin with so I just get jealous of them if they’re better than me and then I feel stupid. I’m 19F. These are the things I love the most in people -music. They have to like music they don’t have to play an instrument. Honestly I’d prefer if they don’t. I play piano and it’s more of a self confidence issue but if they are really good and I’m not it just makes me feel like I’m horrible lol -funny. I love funny people just people who say what’s on their mind in a conversation. I have been told I am pretty funny and everyone says I’m the funniest person they know and that’s honestly just cuz I know how to read a room so I like someone who can do the same. I get the ick when someone makes a joke and it doesn’t land. (I know that’s horrible) -emotionally intelligent. Don’t really know what to say about this but I need someone who understands people. Preferably someone who has been through some shit who can understand me and what I’ve been through -I want someone who cares about their life but they don’t have to be in college they just have a career of some kind. I’ve never dated another English major but honestly I don’t know if I could. I’m attracted to people who are good at things I completely suck at I think it’s soooo sexxxyy When a guy is good at math or science cuz idk anything about it and I’m absolutely horrible at it. Tbh I’m pretty insecure so dating someone who is into the same things as me like music or English gets me discouraged and I’ll get jealous hahah. I’m trying to work on it though. I probably sound like a total bitch lol. It’s like threatening to me I’ll just feel really dumb. This is honestly the same with friendships, but I know it comes from a place of low self esteem.