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I feel so unhappy. I have the most beautiful guy in the world as a boyfriend, and living with my intrusive thoughts is becoming unbearable. I just want to feel in love with him as I were before, with no intrusive thoughts. My ocd started all in a sudden: one day I was so in love and obsessed with him and the day after I started ruminating and never stopped. I can’t handle this anymore, it seems like I’m denying something that it is inevitable, that is I can’t love him because I’m lying to myself about my sexual orientation. I’m so tired, really, I don’t want to be lesbian because I don’t like being with girls, I don’t like the idea of being with a woman, I don’t want to be sexually involved with them, I don’t want to marry a woman. But then when I think about it, I automatically think that it’s because of society that taught us to behave as heterosexual. I really love my boyfriend, I think my ocd started because I am so scared to loose him. I love spending time with him, I love when he is around, I love talking to him, I can see myself in a future life with him, and he’s the perfect person to have children with. I just want this for my life, is it possible that everything can change from one day to another?

Hello! I recovered from my severe religious themed OCD about 3 years ago. I thought my OCD had went away but I'm starting to think it's still impacting my life. Or maybe I just have high anxiety now. I have been told I'm a perfectionist and I have a huge fear that I'm not always "living correctly" which causes me to intensely compare myself to others and other things. This fear got so bad last august that I got into a relationship with an emotionally abusive person just because I thought I was falling behind. He was my first boyfriend and now I'm dealing with the affects of this. Im a baton twirler and although I'm getting better with exposure therapy.. I have anxiety attacks when I don't perform or practice perfectly. Where I can't even twirl in front of my mom right now without just shutting down and panicking because I somehow think she's judging me harshly when she's not at all. I also avoid doing assignments in school or asking questions because I have a huge fear of being considered slow or getting a bad grade. But this also makes my grades worse so it's a terrible endless cycle. I'm out of the relationship and I'm starting to take care of myself but I'm just kind of rusty on OCD knowledge and I'm trying to figure out if these are just new obsessions or if I'm just a perfectionist. Ever since I was little I've had this cronic fear of missing out or not feeling perfect for myself or others. And failure makes me flip the fuck out.

I am getting married in two months. Today was a terrible day. I went to church with my fiancé and there was no attraction at all and I felt I was towering over him so much taller. I couldn’t stop thinking about the attraction all day long. It just got worse as the day went on. What do I do in these situations. It is so bad at times:( what should I do when this happens

I have known for a while that I may have OCD. After downloading this app and reading everyone else’s experiences, I am certain I have OCD. In the past few days, I have had serious relationship doubts and my thoughts in general have become so loud that it’s debilitating. There are so many voices that I can’t move or do anything. I just shut down so I can shut them up. Now, basic decisions are paralyzing. I can’t make a grocery list, pick a tv show, or decide when to leave for school. My brain just freezes now when I have to make any sort of decision. Any tips on how to get past this? How to shut the voices up so I can finally think for myself?

My husband has been struggling with ocd for honestly I think most of his life. Officially diagnosed in the last two years now with paranoia as well. It’s difficult. I struggle myself with some anxiety and depression and overthinking situations. And we both have struggled self insecurities and insecurities in our relationship. He always tells me I don’t want to loose you after he has been is a dark place and needing reassurance. Right now we just feel very disconnected after a situation. I been trying to be as understanding as I can. And acknowledge that we both need to not seek so much reassurance from each other. Anyone have any tips on ways to feel connected again after an intense ocd episode?

These past couple days, Ive had 2 huge panic attacks in a row. I’m getting worried because they were kind of the worst theyve ever been. I couldn’t function at all and if my partner weren’t with me, I’m afraid I wouldnt have been able to move or get up. I was convulsing and couldnt stop having the worst intrusive thoughts. I was so disappointed in myself that I started having super intense suicidal thoughts and couldn’t speak. I really hate ocd. I ruined some of the most fun days that were planned out in a trip too. Idk what to do anymore

Hey everyone! This is my first time posting on this app and I’ve been wanting to write my story for a while, but was always so scared to. Now, i feel comfortable enough after reading so many relatable posts and stories when it comes to suffering with ROCD. Every relationship I’ve been in, ROCD has always popped up in different ways. The same questions will always pop up, “Am I with the right person? Am I attracted to him? Can I see a future with him?” And then the BIG and SCARY one, “Do I love him??” Eeeeek!!! Currently, I am in a happy and healthy relationship with my marine boyfriend for more than a year now. The first couple of months of dating him, there was no doubt in my mind that I didn’t love him or find him attractive. I was head over heels for this man and always had a hard time saying goodbye whenever he had to go home, which was two hours away (ik not too far, but never knew when the next time I was going to see him since his work schedule was always up in the air). ANYWAYS, my ROCD started flaring up in this relationship around month 9 when we started talking about our future together since he will be moving to another state in few months (life of a marine moving bases every couple years). The feeling of the ROCD symptoms wasn’t like WHAM here’s ROCD! It started popping up slowly. First, I started getting anxious with the idea of moving, which is completely normal, but then, questions like “Am I ready to move and leave my family in a few months? Can I see myself getting married to him? Is he the one?” It was like a domino effect and more dominos kept adding on and getting scarier. Lately, it’s been thoughts like “Do I find him attractive? Do I like his side profile when he drives? Is he annoying when I hear his voice on the phone?” I always feel like a horrible person thinking these thoughts and I desperately want to go back to how to my normal self in this relationship. It feels like im always self sabotaging every situation like celebrating holidays together and hanging out with our families. I never feel present during the fun times with him and I’ve been feeling this way for five months now. Every time I see him now, I feel this heaviness anxiety ball in my chest and my heart beating fast like I should run away from him. DEEP DOWN, I know that’s not what I want but these scary thoughts have been going on for so long now, it’s getting unbearable to the point I just want to give up and break up with him even though DEEP DOWN that’s not what I want. I feel like even that deep down feeling is disappearing and I don’t feel like my happy self anymore. It’s physically and mentally exhausting to the point I don’t want get out of bed. The only time I feel some sort of relief/peace is when im home alone or at work (preschool) to keep my mind busy. ROCD IS NO JOKE and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I sometimes feel like maybe it’s not ROCD. My mind is so mean to me and back and forth. It’s horrible to suffer with this pain and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Just know that if you are dealing with something similar, you are not alone.

So here’s how my life has been, I was one day watching TikTok and suddenly a random fearful thought popped up in my mind saying “what if im secretly gay” and I had anxiety for the rest of the night and continued since December 20 to now. But here’s the thing. Im still sexually attracted to women and i even just have gotten a girlfriend which is a girl that I have wanted for 2 years and never got the chance and even felt really sad that she went with another guy and stopped talking with me. But now I’m scared that I’m secretly gay and I don’t love her. When she came over we started making out and i got a boner and even leaked a little if you know what I mean. The whole time I was hard when she was over. But then when she leaves and I’m alone the thoughts start to come back and I pray but I heard that praying doesn’t do anything and people who were trying to pray to not be gay would still end up being gay. But before all of this I would always want to find a girlfriend and I even like this one girl in my school who I would daydream about us together but now I don’t feel nothing to her. I’m also scared that in the future I’m gonna try to do gay sexual things with men to find reassurance or something.

Anyone else who spends every day with their partner have times where they feel disassociated and just don’t feel anything and panic that you don’t feel anything- makes me sad when I get agitated at everything he does when I feel like that

I want to start from adding that I had OCD as long as I know, but not as severe as I experience it now. Sometimes I wonder, how did it get this much worse? And I trace its roots at a time when I started believing in the Law of Attraction. (I don't believe it, even then I didn't but acted as if I wanted to try) The books I read around Law of Attraction most often taught that always have a positive thought, and not a negative one for positive thoughts manifest good things and negative ones bad things. I would keep a journal, and deliberately think positive thoughts and undo the negative thoughts that I had. Although, at that time, I had no idea what OCD was. But neutralizing thoughts begun around this time after reading books like The Secret, and other popular books around the concept of Law of Attraction. It was also this time when I got into a relationship, and it started consuming me when I started magical thinking. Certain hairstyle mean (the hairstyle) dictates how my girlfriend talks to me. Let's say, I change my hairstyle one day and my girlfriend is happy and wants to hang out. It caused me to believe that this new hairstyle brought or made this thing happened. Now let me add, I don't believe in these things. I don't. But as of writing this now, I just feel so unbelievably stupid that I could think something so rubbish and idiotic like that. I know it's a mental disorder and I shouldn't label it like that. But I think for anyone who is in the recovery process, when you look back, you do have that anger on your chest that why did I waste so much time? So this way I believe I learnt OCD. I had it already and I know I had. But the severity of OCD has all come from this concept of Law of Attraction. It was 2017 and it's 2024 now. I don't know how to express this more clearly. But do you have similar experiences where you feel like your OCD wasn't this much worse or something that resonates with what I just said. If you feel like you can contribute to this, please do so. Stay Safe. Awais Bahar

Hey everyone! I’d appreciate some help here. I love my girlfriend but I’m constantly worried that I’ve made mistake or that I won’t be happy with her. It’s really stealing a lot of my happiness and is really threatening to break us up. It makes me really sad because I don’t want to hurt her. I have no idea what to do. Sometimes I get so worried about it that I nearly throw up (I know that’s gross, I’m sorry). Any help?

Hi guys I don’t want to start overthinking but I need opinions, so I saw my boyfriend was watching porn when I wasn’t home . I feel like he’s been throwing hints that he wants to have sex but I ignore it , I’ve never been such a horndog💀. Should I be mad he’s watching porn?

My ROCD HOCD only comes back when I get into relationships. Like for example when we broke up bruh my heart was messed up I’ve never experienced heart break before, but my ocd was like null during that experience. But when we started working things out my thoughts started to come back again? It’s like when the thing I love most is gone I get no bad thoughts? But I guess I wouldn’t have been that heart broken if I really wasn’t into him. Cos the whole time I was like he’s so pretty I don’t want anyone else. But at same time not one intrusive thought maybe ur not into him came???

I made a post earlier today about what’s been going through my head in my relationship rn and how confused I’ve been. And I had multiple people comment and tell me that maybe I don’t love my partner the way I thought I did or maybe my intuition was telling me to leave and find someone else. And I’m so freaking stressed now because idk what to do. I can’t take it anymore. I’m at the end of my rope

This going to be a longer post. I had some pretty bad weeks recently. There were some pretty rough conversations between myself and the guy I’m seeing, and didn’t end poorly but my mind was still so focused on everything that was said in the conversation and I was analyzing everything and I genuinely felt like I didn’t like I was losing feelings and needed to leave, even tho part of me desperately doesn’t want to. And now over the past couple days I’ve been experiencing the same critical intrusive thoughts, but they haven’t been making me anxious or obsessive anymore. What does this mean tho! Because the thoughts are still there, I still think critical things about him and I keep picking apart everything he does, but it doesn’t worry me. Does this mean my true feelings are now coming out?? There are times when I really like him and he’s acting normal and I feel comfortable, but then he’s do something weird or cringy or starts acting in a way that makes me start questioning all my feelings. I keep thinking things like “is he emotionally immature?” And “Is there something mentally off about him?”. And recently I’ve been obsessing over the fact that he’s a more sensitive and emotional guy, and there are moments that I obsess over the way he reacts when he’s sad or upset because he sounds almost like he’s whining or he sounds fake. Idk how to explain it, but I just keep thinking those negative thoughts. And now I don’t feel much of anything when I think them. I’m very confused. It kinda feels like my emotions are very bipolar, one second I like him and the next I don’t and I want to leave. It’s so exhausting. And now every time I’m with him and my friends I feel myself avoiding him over my friends and feeling scared to be around him or even depressed when I’m with him. I’m so lost

When I was 15 I met someone who was 20 and we talked for awhile and did some sexual stuff together. He asked me what my body count was and lied even though I was a virgin. We ended up having sex and I cried because I lied to him and confessed. He told me he would have never had sex with me if he knew I was a virgin. We were together for a couple more months but he ended up breaking up with me for lying to him and said that I was too much. I also have this friend who I have been friends with for almost two years now. We would hang out all the time but then she became distant and we would always smoke together I always would smoke her up because I just like to do nice things for people all I ask in return is being kind and communicative. She started to ask less and less and say she was coming over and then she wouldn’t or she would say she was on her way and not show up at all. I let it slide the first couple of times but then I got upset and I said it wasn’t fair because I always smoke her up and the last she could do is be communicative because I was waiting for her for hours and she never showed up. Now I’m worried I’m a narcissist because I held that against her.

I got into a relationship (fairly quickly but were both happy and if it doesnt work we can obviously just stop) but its been giving me MAJOR anxiety My friends keep telling me i should have gone to therapy and fixed this fear of relationships beforehand but I feel like if I do that with everything ill be forever in therapy coz of how much OCD changes. Its something new and scary so ocd has stepped in exept my ‘intrusive thought’ is the anxiety itself, im scared of the horrible feeling of feeling scared and sick I was sick last night from anxiety, which hasnt happened in a LONG time, and now im scared ive slipped back again, but this time instead of having a thought to disregard, how do i disregard the literal worst feeling ever? Its so horrid and makes me feel so sick, how do i just get on with that? I know i have to or it will keep happening hence the ocd cycle Is staying put in my relationship good? Because im scared of it, or should i leave?? I don’t want to but I don’t want this ocd either but i do love him a lot im just such a confused mess

I was doing fine for over a month.. I was managing my ocd really well till yesterday. I was at my friends house for her birthday and she invited me, 3 other girls and 2 other guys and her bf but one of the guys look attractive he looked good but I wish that’s where it would end. But instead my heads like cheat or it felt like I wanted to cheat when I know I would never and I hate the fact that I even got that thought like why can’t I just find another guy attractive without my brain telling me to cheat. It felt like I wanted to cheat and I got so scared because why would I do that or get that :/ I don’t want to cheat on my boyfriend I love my boyfriend. I’m scared that I actually wanted to cheat and I wanna confess to my bf so bad :/ but no like I know I didn’t want to but it feels like I did :/

Hello all! I'm in the process of learning more about my OCD and I've been growing my relationship with God. Recently, I've experienced a huge roadblock to what I would like to do in future-- and that has led to significant doubt in myself and God. To be honest, I believe this stems from my perfectionism and wanting to be in control. I'm a bit conflicted because I want to believe and trust in God, but I have doubts and I'm scared of making mistakes. Has anyone else experienced this? If so, what did you do to continue grow your trust and faith in God?

How can you tell the difference between relationship ocd doubts and actual doubts in a relationship? How can I tell if it’s my ocd telling me I’m not in the right relationship, or my actual feelings telling me that? Any tips? It’s so frustrating to tune out my ocd and hear my gut feeling.