Welcome to
the NOCD Community

How do I know I definitely have ocd I feel like I’m making it all up and using it as excuse to my boyfriend and that I’m a bad person towards him I don’t want to hurt him I want to share my thoughts with someone :(

Everytime i try, my attraction to men is always just constantly underminded by constant intrusive thoughts. I just feel like what excuse do i have at this point. Im so unstable i cant tell up from down. Id feel like myself one day, and the next im convinced i have 0 attraction to men anymore, so what choice do i have but be straight, just to have a crush on a dude the next day. Being thrown through the ringer just kills me. It feels like my personality is being rewritten day by day, and I cant tell which thoughts are real anymore.

Just wanted to let you guys know . I hop in from time to time to read and check in and wanted to let you guys know that I’ve dealt with a lot of the things mentioned here if not all . I am not a trained therapist. I’m just telling my own testimony in hopes to help others. 1. It’s not the thoughts that are the problem …. It’s the relationship we have with the thoughts. The more we realize that OCD thoughts have absolutely no meaning , the quicker you can move forward. The anxiety will lessen once your relationship changes and you’ll be able to overcome. 2. There’s not a different regime for each subtype . ERP is the best approach ..Don’t run from these thoughts …. Sit with them And retrain your brain to learn that they don’t mean a thing. If you’re having SOCD about a particular friend , have the courage to go out and hang with them. It’s tough but the more you expose yourself to the environment that you’re afraid of …. The more your brain realizes that these fears are irrational. If you’re having self harm OCD . Expose yourself to the things that you fear … At the root of OCD is fear and doubt….. it’s not the subtype itself …. Approach them all in the same manner. OCD hit me like a ton of bricks 4 years ago …..I struggled tremendously about 2 years before knowing how to handle it or even what it was. I lost my Job due to OCD and almost admitted myself in a hospital several times because I thought I was going crazy. It was almost two years of debilitating anxiety until I learned what I was dealing with was OCD. A few subtypes to name : health anxiety, sexual orientation ocd, self harm ocd, sleep anxiety , fear of being a pedophile. It’s like once I got over one ….the next would come until I realized they were all coming from the same thing ….that’s when my life started to change Fast forward, with the help of God, I learned to retrain my brain and not to worry about intrusive thoughts when they come in from time to time. actually learned to take them as the joke they are . The more I exposed myself … the more I trusted myself . Nobody else can reassure you … better yet you don’t need reassurance because it’s actually what keeps you in the cycle. Just Trust God Now I’m a Middle school teacher , in graduate school working towards my degree in counseling with a bright future ahead. I say this to say that, if I can do it , you can do it too …. I’m no different from any of you … I didn’t have a therapist at the time so take advantage if you do. Don’t view OCD as bad ….. it’s apart of you that you will learn to manage. I don’t regret OCD cause it has made me a less fearful person …. I’ve fixed fear and doubt that rooted from my childhood through the struggles of OCD . So it was a blessing in disguise. This is a temporary phase for all of you , trust me . And I know how hard it is to believe that when you’re in the middle of it . But remember. Once your relationship with the thoughts changes that’s when you Free yourself Love all 🙏🏾

So after taking a break from this app for a little over a month I thought I'd make a decision to cut out bad habits that I feel I can't moderate or affect my dopamine. (gaming, TV etc). I did this cold turkey and it highlighted a compulsion that is never really considered, avoidance. I used to think the days were never long enough and how can I possibly do everything in a day. Now they're incredibly long and I find it hard to fill up the time. I joined a new gym and now go for runs. I've started reading which I find enjoyable but can only do it for so long until my brains screaming at me to do something else. I went over some work stuff and found out since the passing of my nan, my financial situation wasn't really kept on top of as ocd went full throttle. I lost thousands... Numerous panic attacks and suicidal thoughts. Stressed me beyond belief. Then there was a light at the end of the tunnel and thought I can get myself out of this ocd hole... And my car starts playing up and causing me to lose thousands more. I took it in to get worked on and they handed it back "fixed". It almost killed me a few days later. If I wasn't experienced enough to deal with the issue I could've died. I took it back and did my best to stay calm and didn't raise my voice. I wanted reassurance but I know its bad for ocd, but I think in this case it's acceptable because it's just reassuring me that my car would be fixed properly and I'd be able to eat and pay the bills. Car issue is almost resolved but omfg the stress over the last month was unbelievable. I got better after therapy without a doubt and I know I can get better again but this all brought it back. Once I got rid of daily distractions and looked at improving my life I didn't realise how much ocd and these habits kept me from looking at the huge hole I buried myself in. I made a deal to give into some compulsions whilst I sort this out as I'm struggling to fight on all fronts at the moment. It's too much. Once my finances are sorted, ocd is going to be a priority to work on again. One thing I learned was you cope with stress, and manage the stressors. I feel as if thats not clarified enough anywhere. Oh and one more thing, I watched a video regarding to me being depressed naturally because of the suicidal thoughts and it was interesting. Basically asked if I was depressed or just have a terrible life. I'm both, but it's because I have a terrible life at the moment. But that will change. Just wish it changed faster 😅 And I think a woman at my gym class has a crush on me so that's one good thing. Can't all be negative

My most obsessed thought is am I going to be like this for the rest of my life. I have no desire to do anything nothing is fun I'm serving a life sentence in my head. I've lost every friend I've ever had because fun doesn't exist in ky life its what if we get in trouble what if someone gets hurt how will that person feel will the think I'm a bad person and 200 more what ifs and by what if number 6 you've lost someone else u cherished. I've had countless relationships with some of the most amazing girls and every one of them always say I did not know it was this bad and they disappear. If theres some kinda help out there or any way I can help someone else that is living anything close to my life sign me up. I often feel like there's only one way out and that there is no help for me but I keep faith and hope that there is. Stay strong there's gotta be a cure for this. Thanks

Hiii :) I feel like I come on here and type stuff out all the time , but this one is about my Rocd. I have had a difficult time in my relationship more than once with Rocd and this time my brain is saying “maybe this keeps happening because he truly isn’t the one”. When I have said multiple times to my mom and family that he’s the one I’m going to marry. My first ocd attack in this relationship was back in may/June of 2023. Our one year anniversary was on February 25th :), everything was fine , my mindset was fine , our relationship was healthy. I have been going to therapy so my self esteem and confidence has gotten a lot better and apparently that changed my behavior in my relationship, to a point where now my boyfriend is overthinking and feeling afraid that I will find someone better than him because I now think highly of myself. Which I do not judge him for it, I was once in his position. My therapist said something about how it’s either I’m losing interest in him or I feel secure with him and that’s why I’m acting differently. Which I think was my first trigger , then my friends called me up soon after my therapy appointment and said “forget the boyfriend and come move back home we miss you” because I moved to Florida to be closer to my boyfriend. I love my boyfriend more than anything and even typing this out now my brain is like “do you? “. “But you feel nothing”. I feel like there is a wall between me and reality right now and every time I am with my boyfriend I try so hard to feel something that I feel nothing, I have gone numb. I don’t have a sex drive , I don’t feel butterflies, I question if I’m attracted to him, every time I look at him I try really hard to feel infatuated with him and I feel nothing. This numbness came out of nowhere and it’s making me so frustrated and depressed and I do not know what to do. I struggled with Rocd in my past relationships but the guys I were with couldn’t handle it so we ended. This is the first guy to stick around. So if I had stayed with those other guys would it have kept happening in those relationships too? Or is the guy I’m with really not the one? I feel so stressed and defeated and all I want is for things to go back to the way they were last week when it brain wasn’t being like this :/ Of course I love my partner , so why do I feel so numb with him and why am I not having panic attacks like I used to whenever Rocd hit. Am I not panicking because I truly don’t care? The stress is so depressing.

My boyfriend (2.5 years) said something extremely cruel during an argument and hours later after he apologized and we took space from each other I was able to get over it quickly and be back to normal and that scares me. I’m afraid I should break up with him because what he said was really bad but I don’t want to and that would mean all my rocd fears are true basically. He is usually very sweet and loving but he has said very hurtful things during arguments and couple of times.

Hi guys I wanna say something…if anyone relates please advice me. Recently I’ve getting a lot of attention from guys (outside) and I’m in a relationship. So basically before rocd hit me I swear I never craved for attention like I’m doing these days and it’s just not feeling right. I feel that it’s against me my rules my values. Why am k running after attention and I’m liking it whenever I get the attention, I swear earlier I wouldn’t even care about it….my partner was all enough…now I’m questioning myself why?! Am I liking it. Do I like the person or the attention I’m getting from the person and one incident happened which made me feel like I should really stay in my boundaries and I feared loosing my partner. It not like I’m doing something unethical but it’s all making me feel like I’m a betrayer cheater and not loyal. And then today it made me question again do I not love my partner? I swear guys it’s getting heavy on me and definitely causing me anxiety and making me feel like kl never be able to become a good partner if I keep on going like this. I WAS NOT LIKE THIS , THIS ALL DOESNT MAKE ME FEEL LIKE ME! Does ocd has a part in it? What should I do because I think I’ll be ruining my relationship by going on like this. (Anxious) I feel like moving away because I’m not able to handle anything. Pls help me.

i got broken up with, a month and a half ago. it’s been terrible to say the least, because at first neither of us really wanted to break up. I can’t help but think about how they’re feeling. I want to give them space, but it hurts really badly. I’ve been going to programs (learning DBT), and they’ve been helpful but it seems these thoughts have been happening most of my day. I just want to live in the present.

I have real event OCD as well as scrupulous OCD A couple years ago I was hanging out with my friend and he had a girlfriend at the time. He kissed me and I didn’t stop him but I didn’t really want to do it I just have a fear of setting boundaries due to past trauma. In an effort to say no he was about to have sex with me and I said I didn’t want to have sex without a condom but he did anyways. I felt really gross and violated afterwards and I told some friends what happened they said it was SA but now I’m convinced that I actually wanted it the whole time and I’m putting the blame on him so I don’t have to cope with the idea that I homewrecked a relationship and now have convinced myself I have NPD. I hate this

I'm not even sure if this is OCD or just general anxiety. Today is my dad's birthday and my girlfriend told me to tell him she said happy birthday. I told her I would, but then immediately felt anxiety. I ended up telling him and all was fine. She has a very unique name and my dad cracked a joke about it and I laughed it off. During all of this, and starting a new relationship, she's talking about a lot of really big things like marriage and kids. And while I do want all of that, I find myself feeling uncomfortable when we talk about it. And I hate that. Because I used to be so excited about all of this stuff. But my heart has been hurt so many times it's hard to be genuinely excited anymore. I also find that I'm unsure of how I feel when I am not with her. But when I'm talking to her I love every moment of it. She's very sweet and we communicate well which is really good. I just find myself asking if she's the right one. She lives across the country. So we call every day. And there are a bunch of other little things that I'm overthinking. Usually how I'm not always as attracted to her physically as she is to me. She fell for me first. I'm just in a panic because usually I fall first and having someone obsessed with me is new and in a way it makes it almost harder to obsess over her because she's always there. There's nothing to latch on to that would cause an obsession. Idk I'm just going a mile a minute.

OCD making me feel like a terrible human being. Focusing entirely on my flaws I forget the good things about myself. Sometimes I question if I ever had any. My OCD does center around themes that question my morality. Lately I’ve scared myself into believing I’m a covert narcissist. That comes heavily from my ROCD and CPTSD symptoms lately. I look at my partner who is such an accomplished, educated man…and then I look at myself as a woman who has let the years pass by out of fear. It makes it worse he wants to help me. Get me back into school. Help with my finances. I feel like such a parasite at times. He deserves better. Idk I just needed to type this out and get it off my chest.

I always put trigger warning just to be safe because honestly OCD will find ANYTHING to trigger itself. I used this app when I really needed people who had a similar experience and since I have ADHD and OCD my OCD meds are slowly not working because my ADHD meds were upped. Which stinks but I’m going to call and tell them I need the dosage upped. I wanted to come here and say that this road to recovery isn’t easy. It’s bumpy and it’s messy. I’m still confessing as a compulsion and giving any new friends an out so they can leave me. I just want you to know you aren’t alone and I know how it feels❤️we will get through this and we will be okay😊

i was with my gf yesterday, we held hands when walking, she even sat on me at one point but i never got a boner is this normal? i always used to get boners in situations like this before

I have SO-OCD and I’ve been doing really well and making progress but I’m tired of the repetitive thoughts some are truthful and some aren’t I have more that aren’t or a truth that is being twisted around. Anybody have any good ways to stop the repetitive thoughts?

so ive accepted the typical "what if i dont love my partner" part (even tho it still bothers me) but i think it stems from me not "feeling" emotions sometimes. like i dont feel super obsessed or those chest feelings when your so in love, but i KNOW that i love them. but because i dont have the physical sensations i question it so much?

Anyone else exhausted after playing happy girl all day in work and as soon as you leave you’re analysing every conversation you had and how you reacted and the expressions you made and making them seem bigger than they are? In terms of ROCD I analyse every way I acted towards a male and it’s exhausting. My mind tells me I’m flirting with everyone

i’m very aware that one of my main compulsions is confessing/seeking repentance, specifically from my boyfriend. however i can never seem to get past this one specific event from my past. to sum it up, i remember while having me time (if yk what i mean) i kept having random ppl that i know in my daily life popping into my head and sexual images of them kept coming in as well. i felt like i couldn’t fully control it which makes me think it was OCD and i didn’t know it at the time. however, a specific person that kept coming to mind is now standing out to me. i would be lying if i said he was not an attractive person, but i would never in a million years actually want to be with him in any way. i love my boyfriend with every fiber in me and i am confident i would never do anything to jeopardize that. the thing is that since i know i found him attractive at the time i am struggling with my intentions behind those thoughts i was having about him. although its out of character i wonder if it was real thoughts and not just intrusive. it feels like a cycle of me trying to figure it out and i feel so incredibly guilty at times over it that i feel as though i should confess this to my boyfriend. this happened over a year ago and this person is no longer even in my life but i still can’t shake it. is this something i would need to confess to him or is it just my OCD taking? also, something that feeds into my obsessing over this is that i remember distinctly trying to make sure i looked okay when i was around this person in the past. not in a way that i wanted him, but just that i didn’t want him to think i was ugly or anything. i don’t think this is uncommon to want to look good in front of an attractive person, but at the same time i wonder if i was seeking attention for the wrong reasons or something. it’s just so conflicting bc it’s very out of character for me.

I keep on wondering if I really love my partner. I have been doubting from the beginning and it has been 3 years ! I’m tired of this and so is my partner. I just want to love him, stop worrying and just be happy with him. I just always have this feeling that something is not right and that I should feel more intense feelings or I should not feel or think certain things.

I have suffered with HOCD for over four years. Even though my compulsions have decreased, I still have zero libido which is making me doubt everything. I feel like I am asexual and I’m just tired of living this way. I t hurts my heart that one tiny little thing (OCD) has completely destroyed my life and I feel like there is no way out of this. I’ve done ERP therapy, still no sex drive. I now feel so scared when I imagine myself in a relationship and I don’t know if that scared feeling is truly me or my OCD. I am totally hopeless. I don’t see myself ever getting married, having a boyfriend, or ever having a crush again. I don’t want to live my life like this, this isn’t living. I had so many plans for my future but now it seems like I’ll never reach them because of this burden.