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Where shall I go therapist or police, I’m convinced I raped somebody but nothings came of it

I feel I r*ped someone so people felt sorry for me, what is wrong with me

I was just confronted by a personal trainer at the gym. I think he’s dating the front desk girl. Which I’ve had many conversations with her. I assumed we were on friendly terms, on Friday, she was in a particularly foul mood. I asked her if she was OK, And I tried to make a joke about racing her on the treadmills before I left for the day. The one next to her hoping to get her to laugh. It didn’t work. She stayed pissed the whole time. Anyway, tonight at the gym, I was approached by her angry personal trainer boyfriend. He was so pissed off. He seemed to be shaking. I’m 6’2”. This guys is about 6’8” and Jacked. He claimed that I was using his girlfriend’s name and making her feel uncomfortable. I explained that I was just having a friendly conversation with her and he wasn’t having it. He told me I needed to talk to her about it. I used it as ERP. I was determined to not let it keep me up tonight. I have difficulty sleeping when I can’t let things go, like this. I’m extremely extroverted and like talking to people. But, I pride myself on being kind and respectful. So this type of thing triggers the heck out of me. I made sure not to confront them until my suds levels dropped. I was definitely disappointed when she made up the part about me following her around. I’m trying to not to let ERP get out of hand. I get myself in trouble with therapy homework. Sometimes I feel stuck for days. I’m tempted to report them to management but I’m worried I’ll get kicked out of the gym for it. Im happily married with kids, I have no interest in her whatsoever. It’s disappointing when women try to get their boyfriends to fight me, it’s happened a few times. Not sure how to handle it, I just wanted to get it off my chest.

I also have pocd and real events OCD regarding explicit anime/explicit cartoon content too… (when i was 14, and 17-18) i didnt know what the content was or what it represented, the content was on public sites and some of them said the characters that were underage in canon, were 18+ in the content, so I thought they were safe to watch… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… The explicit anime characters looked and were really young… and i avoided most of the content… but i thought some of the content wasnt Pediphilic because they were on public explicit sites and had millions of views… I didnt know how horrible the content was or what it represented… I assumed that some of the content was safe to look at because it was on public sites and had millions of views… i didnt know that this content was or what it represented… but doing my research made me gag and puke… i dont ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… they were anime characters that looked extremely young… i didnt know how horrible the content was or what it represented… When i was looking at explicit anime content (i was 19 and was making sure the characters were over the age of 18) I accidentally looked at characters that were 17 by mistake... (a couple times even though the site said all characters have to be 18+) my pocd is saying im in denial for this... this, combined with my previous pocd and real events based on this... makes me just feel so alone...

i think what’s keeping me from getting better is that it feels too real and i desperately feel like i need to get rid of the thoughts and prove them wrong so i don’t become them, but like, it never made me feel better. and i saw a lot of stuff on reddit with people who are miserable because they didn’t try or get treatment and it makes me want to change so i don’t become like those people on reddit. reddit in total is so triggering and negative and so many cynics and losers spend all their time there and now i think im ready to just not become that. so im gonna try. as im writing this the thoughts are bombarding me telling me that im wrong or im in denial and these thoughts are the truth and i am lying to myself. but i know ocds tricks and im ready to feel better. ima have hope.

My ocd always makes me think the worst and tells me that the only explanation for things is that I did something horrible. I had an incident years ago that has made my life miserable. I guess it’s a real event and possibly false memory as well. When my son was little he would crawl into bed with me sometimes. One morning I got up and he was still asleep. I put my daughter on the school bus and went back upstairs to my room and he was awake sitting up wrapped in the blanket. I said good morning and told him to come downstairs with me and get breakfast like I always did but when he got out of bed he didn’t have his underwear on. I yelled at him demanding to know why he took his underwear off. He was 2 or 3 and he pointed at me and yelled “You!”. My ocd immediately kicked in and made me think the worst that I must have done something horrible to him in my sleep. Why would he say that? 😪. I don’t want to live thinking I could have done something so horrible. It has made my life so hard to live. Now all these years later since my memory has faded my ocd brings it back up and tells me maybe I was drinking and did something to him and just don’t remember. People without ocd probably wouldn’t think much about these kinds of situations and would just shrug them off as weird things kids do and say or that happen in life and parenthood but my ocd makes me believe I did something horrible and makes me hate myself and living. 😞

I’m crying as I’m typing this and drinking because my ocd has convinced me I raped my friend 5 times. She doesn’t believe me. It’s because she was asleep for 4 out of the 5 times and it’s killing me. It’s strangling me that I might’ve done these heinous acts. I feel sick to my stomach. I’m scared I’m so scared because I DONT WANT TO RAPE ANYONE. And my brain is telling me I did it and I believe my brain I believe it I believe it happened and I’m scared I’m so scared please please please help me I’m so scared

How can you tell the difference between actual memories and false memory OCD? I try to do this but every time I do it my mind wonders off

2 years ago I worked at a store for only 3 days. It was a family owned business that does a lot of events for wedding showers, baby showers, birthdays etc. I knew of this family from a private school I went to for one year in high school but did not know they owned this family business. I went to school with the daughter who was a couple of years older than me. She was the popular girl in school and is beautiful. Her dad and older sister owns the business and she also works there. The owner hired me because at that time, I was aspiring to become a florist and was making floral arrangements that she was interested in her business. When I had started the job, I was doing outside work. Not floral work that I thought I would be doing. I noticed that me, and two other women were doing all the outside work while everybody else was inside talking and laughing all together at the coffee bar. I thought to myself.. “we are doing the hard work while the family and friends get to have fun.” I got really defensive over it and called my mom. She told me I needed to tell the owner (the oldest daughter who hired me) how I felt…and so I did. But what I wanted to say came out all jumbled and didn’t really make any sense - I couldn’t get my point across because I became so overwhelmed in the moment. The owner started talking down to me.. like if I was a child and that how “everyone has different rolls and positions so some people work outside and some stay inside.” I knew this. But it was the fact that the three of us we were working so hard outside and I come in for one minute and see a group of women having a full on conversation and laughing at the coffee bar doing nothing to help the actual business. Now, I shouldn’t have assumed this, but I couldn’t help but think it wasn’t fair. I got really upset, picked up my floral arrangements that I had made for them and walked out abruptly. I couldn’t stop thinking over that day. I emailed the owner and said I was sorry for walking out. I got no answer. A few days after, I felt like I needed to return my t-shirts. I folded them neatly and walked in and the beautiful sister I went to school with was at the front desk. I told her I wanted to return these shirts and asked if she could please tell her older sister that I was sorry. I also noted that I had really bad anxiety. She gave me a very uninvited face and said “I will let her know”. I said thank you and walked out. I could feel her watching me leave and felt so bad about myself. 2 years go by and recently, like couple of months ago, I went BACK because all this time I had been thinking about that day. My OCD thinks I constantly need to apologize and that I’m always wrong for my actions. When I walked in, the popular girl I went to school with was there with one of the girls that I originally worked with outside. I asked if I could please talk to her sister. She said “My sister only comes in on Tuesdays and Thursdays.” … that day was a Thursday. So I just asked her if she could please tell her sister that I was sorry again. I constantly replay that day. I constantly compare myself to the girl I went to school with. I constantly feel like I did something wrong…. Maybe I shouldn’t have assumed they were doing nothing. Maybe I should apologize to the sister again. I can’t even make floral arrangements anymore because I feel that the flowers are associated and contaminated with the store and the people. I loved gardening and because part of the business was a garden or for people to buy plants, I feel like I can’t like flowers or gardening anymore. When I drive past the building I can’t help but think. I think about them all the time. About how much I messed up! I overreacted and maybe I deserved to be talked down to. I constantly compare myself to the girl i went to school with. I convince myself that I constantly need to apologize even tho it was 2 years ago. Even though I know there has been way worse that has happened to me or even to other people, this is the day I can’t get out of my head and I don’t know why. Sometimes, I even convince myself that I have the incident wrong.. like I forgot a big part of the situation and I’m way worse of person in the story than I think I am.. even though I already blame myself for it all. What if that job would have been an amazing opportunity if I just wouldn’t have said anything. Maybe they really were just having a short conversation and headed out when 5 minutes after. I do take medication but sometimes I feel so hopeless and immensely down about life because of this. So many of these unwanted thoughts about these people I really even barely know.. sometimes it’s hard to even think I’m actually living anymore. SO SO sorry this so long.

I have my first therapy apt Monday - looking forward to it! However, I’ve never been diagnosed with OCD. I’m advocating for myself and hoping to figure out what all is going on so I can learn correct coping techniques to get better! I guess I’m writing this to maybe see if anyone can help me understand or can relate!? I had my first panic attack a few months ago! After a few weeks my mind got scared that feeling anxious and stressed out was going to make me become schizophrenic or some insane situation. I somewhat got over that fear after several months of everyday panics about it. Now I’m in a loop and scared everyday that I’m “stuck”. I felt like I was experiencing dereliction and things weren’t real. And my mind takes off with that feeling everyday and feeds me these constant ‘what if’ thoughts and make things seem real. I am worried and in tears off and on everyday. It’s like a tug of war because I know it’s not true but in that same breath I feel like it’s real and true! It’s exhausting and scary! Can anyone relate? Does this sound OCD related? Thanks so much! Hugs to everyone ❤️

Honestly, I relapsed so hard these days. I can´t keep my mind free of intrusive thoughts. My mind always come up with something I did or I think I did that makes me feel Iḿ the worst person ever. I feel super ashamed and guilty. I can´t stand it anymore. Im crying in my bed right now, out of frustration.

Hi there, So ive had OCD for few years now, after i gave birth something drastic changed. Ive been experiencing Dissociation(cant recognize anyone around or my life anymore) And my OCD exacerbated a lot . My obsessions about my life, existence in itself, who am i? Who are my kids? Whats happening to me? Am i going to end up killing myself ? Every-time a new idea pops into my mind, i obsess about it. Its TORTURE! And its doesn’t stop I tried all kinds of medications, SSRIs, antipsychotics, Lithium (which i believe increased my OCD). Kind of losing hope:( Did anyone experience that? Thanks ❤️

I woke up extremely sad today, sad that I have to live this struggle on a daily basis, having to deal with bad thoughts telling me that I'm a bad person and that I'll never deserve good things. I don't even want to get out of bed, everything hurts. Will I ever have a normal life? Like, will I be able to trust my memories without imagining so many bad possibilities? I know there's a treatment, but so many bad things have happened in my life that I don't know if I can handle so much anxiety.

sometimes when I read all these posts I just start crying 😭😭 I hate that we are all suffering like this… ocd is not for the weak and its so frustrating 😭 Im really tired honestly… my ocd has its good and bad days but im just exhausted by all of it. I cant enjoy simple things because my ocd has to overcomplicate every little thing and create these “signs” as to what I am and what I am not. Ive had ocd for over a year now im a just upset 😭😭😭 I dont want to live like this forever… I have a lot of people who say, “you can talk to me if you want” and its really sweet 💓 but I dont think anyone can understand what I am feeling because even I cant… I dont know what im doing- how im feeling- who I am- or even what my values are 😭 ocd just makes me question everything. I am a 14 year old girl 😭😭😭 how am I supposed to know what to do? Ive talked mom about my ocd a few times and she tries to help but she doesn’t even understand 1/5th of what I go through daily. I appreciate her caring even if its a little but I just want some help 😭😭 I am a bit scared of therapy though. But im willing to try but im not sure if my mom will let me… Ocd just makes me feel so unlovable. I hate it.

I’m kinda going through a crisis with real even ocd . So basically me and my now bf had started dating back in December of 2020 but that only lasted 2 or 3 days and then we eventually dated again in may of 2021 and been together ever since . Okay back to December of 2020 I was a cashier at dollar tree and this man asked me if I play call of duty . I honestly don’t rmeber how it went . The convo since it was 3 years ago . So I wrote down my gamer tag. I think he was trying to flirt with me I seriouksy don’t remember how the convo went but I think he was trying to get at me if you know what I mean . but all I know is I remember writing my gamer tag down and giving it to him but I did not add him back. I think I was fond of the gesture tho . But I’m trying to figure out did this happen while me and my bf was dating during only those 3 days . Back in 2020 of December . Bc I rmeebr it haponed around the same to but like did it happen before we decided to date even tho it only lasted 3 days . My cheating ocd is eating me up and guilt . I feel like I should break up with my bf . Mind you I have obessed with this and I think talked to my bf about this already and he said it’s fine don’t worry about it but what if it’s not really fine morally even tho I can’t remember when I gave that boy my Gamertag. And by dating I mean being in a relationship *********

i hate ocd i hate the control it has i hate the inability to distinguish real from fake i hate the immense guilt i hate it feeling like a horrible person

I'm having intrusive traumatic memories of when someone sent a p***phile gif in a telegram group out of nowhere. I was traumatised, I saw something that shouldn't ever exist, I remember condemning him and then leaving the group. It was many years ago. I'm starting to even remember the details, it's traumatic. I wish I could erase this memory. I was a child too and I even forgot this shit happened, a lot of years passed by and I developed pocd and I've been healing from it but I'm just remembering this unsettling and disgusting event just now and I keep having flashbacks of it. I feel guilt. I understand it wasn't my fault but I wish that never happened in my only life; I got marked by this event forever, nothing changes that. How am I supposed to go on with my daily life aware of what happened? It's ingrained in my memory. How can I ever be intimate again? How am I supposed to practice erp with this fucked up stuff? I'm lost. It's too much. Others triggering memories are returning. I wish the victims are doing okay and I hope that those who are responsible, and that person who sent that stuff are burning in hell. Trust your parents when they tell not to chat with strangers at a young age. I learned the hard way and now I'm dealing with the permanent and irreversible consequences.

Hi Everyone! I've had OCD starting at a very young age after my Grandmother had a massive stroke in front of me with me alone at home with her at age 6, a few weeks away from turning 7. She passed away on my 7th birthday. Soon after I struck with a mysterious illness that had the doctors baffled and they thought I may have leukemia. After a month (I really have no concept of time at that age, but my parents say I was in the hospital for a very long time. It began with major health anxiety obsessions and severe weather anxiety obsessions due to natural disaster films being shown in elementary science class. It was so bad, my parents had to request that I be removed during those films, and I was taken into a back room in the school library and made to watch The Dukes of Hazzard. Back in the early 90's, (age 9 or 10 for me) someone made the prediction that a devastating earthquake would cause so much catastrophy and d**th. I began collecting water into old soda bottles and our whole laundry room was filled with these bottles. Those type of obsessions are still prevalent, along with other ones from childhood I haven't mentioned. Today, I am obsessed with the state of our world. Obsessing over all negative things. I live near an airport so I can tell when it's a military jet flying over... by the sound and speed. I have an app on my phone that is a flight radar so when I hear that, no matter the hour, I check the app to see and when I see it was definitely a military jet, I go into major anxiety... "we are at war now..." I watch the news and check the news and other informational podcasts to try to reassure myself, but at the same time, I feel defeated. Like giving up. I've also really let my hygiene go. I feel so disgusting. It's a combo of irrational fear and just emotional and physical exhaustion and sometimes, I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up. I'm not s***idal or harming myself at all. I'm just so depressed. It's just so hard on a daily basis. I can't even leave my house anymore. I'm a recluse for the most part. I went through this in high school and had to be taken out in 11th grade. I just couldn't cope there anymore. Constant anxiety attacks. I do have intrusive thoughts all day, every day. None of the compulsive handwashing, counting... except for certain numbers have to selected for meaningless things, but very real for me. I have no support at home. My friend and boyfriend that I live with escalate matters. I don't think they truly understand my condition. Does anyone else suffer in relationships with friends, family and significant others? This is just a bit of my story. Does this kind of OCD resonate with anyone else in particular? Thank you, if you've read this far. I'm excited to be here. Respectfully, Elizabeth (Liz)

Nothing can shake off the guilt. I don’t start therapy for a couple weeks. I’m almost non functional, what can I do

I was just wondering can OCD switch between two specific themes. Recently my theme had changed from false memories (reassurance) to obsessing over news(Russia and the potential draft) and now it has switched back to my original theme while the new one is still subtext in my mind. Is this common and does anyone have any advice (I’m seeking out NHS talk therapies as don’t have the money for anything else)