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(This is a bit of a rant sorry) My OCD has been so bad lately because I haven’t been taking my pills right. I keep skipping it every other night. I know it’s bad and not healthy but I honesty struggle to take it because of my OCD. I have an extreme fear of choking and not being able to breathe that I have to drink a lot every time I take my pills. Then I have to swallow over and over again (like 30-50+ times) until I feel my throat is clear. By the time I lay down to go to sleep, I have to pee. Oh and I have bladder OCD. So I keep having to pee over and over again until my bladder is completely empty. Which takes forever because I drink so much. Then I have to drink and swallow more because I want to make sure everything is clear and it just never stops. I can’t sleep until hours after I take my pills. Then when I don’t take my pills I start getting these delusional intrusive thoughts and false memories that feel so real and make me question everything. Oh and the withdrawal makes me itch all over so I keep scratching for hours. It’s just so frustrating and I feel tired all the time and my sleep schedule is off because I avoid taking my pills sometimes until the morning and ugh. I just feel defeated. OCD is in every little thing I do now. It’s taken over my life, ruined my friendships (my friends barely talk to me anymore), delayed my college graduation, made me question my family and their love/goodness, almost ruined a family members life due to a false memory, given me depression and dread to the point I barely do anything, ruined the things I do love by feeding me delusional intrusive thoughts, ruined my mental and physical well being, made me question everything and every thought, sent me to the mental hospital like two or three times due to suicidal OCD and harm OCD stuff, and prevented me from finding happiness in the things I used to love. I know it gets better, and I have good days. But lately I’ve been so exhausted. In the past I had bad OCD (not as bad as now) and I managed to get over it by telling myself one morning “I’m not going to give in to the OCD” and it worked. I wish I had the strength to do that again, but I feel like it’s deeply rooted in my head to the point it’s second nature to give in to compulsions. I just want to rest, just get genuinely good rest and stop worrying. I want to wake up one morning and be able to live without worrying. I just want to be able to breathe freely. Is anyone else going through a hard time? I mean, OCD is like a cancer that spreads to every part of life. So I know everyone here has/or has had a hard time. I just don’t know what to do. I need some advice, if you even bothered to read this far. Thank you.

Hello! I recently learned that some things I am experiencing may very likely be OCD. Due to this I have been doing a lot of research to learn more and attempt to figure out what is going on. I want to seek help to get a diagnosis and to manage my compulsions. How did you guys go about getting diagnosed and how did you approach the person you talked to about this issue?

i literally just cannot stop doing them. especially mental ones. doing things that i didn’t even realize were technically compulsively behavior. all i do every day is ruminate about my mistakes, play them in my head over and over again, envision the worst case scenarios, and then compulsively search on the internet. i’m so tired of it. i feel like i can’t live my life because the second i stop worrying, something bad will happen and it’ll prove my ocd right. that i can’t move on and seek out experiences or relationships because i don’t deserve them and nobody will want me when they find out who i really am. i’m just living in fear every day and it seems like whenever i feel like i’ve “moved past” something, i come up with more evidence that i’m really just a monster that will be “found out” and have to face repercussions/be ostracized. and maybe i really do deserve that. i know it has to get worse before it can get better or whatever but i really don’t want to live like this for the rest of my life. i can’t even tell anyone what’s bothering me because i’m so disgusted by my own thoughts and my past actions. every day feels like a loop and i’m so scared and tired and lonely all the time.

If you live with OCD, it’s important to understand that troubling, unwanted thoughts often appear randomly and are not something you can control. These thoughts do not reflect who you truly are or what you truly believe. Trying to fight them or blame yourself for having them only gives these thoughts more power, making things harder for you. Imagine these intrusive thoughts as a persistent liar trying to accuse you of bad things. Arguing with this liar is pointless because their goal is to upset you. Every time you engage and fight back, you waste your energy and give the liar what they want. The best response is to ignore them, knowing their accusations are meaningless. In the same way, when these thoughts emerge, recognize that they are just mental noise. They do not define you and do not require your energy or attention. Remember, these thoughts are random intrusions that do not represent your true self or values. You don’t have to try to fix or control them. Instead, acknowledge their presence without judgment and let them pass naturally. With practice, you can learn to reduce their hold on you and focus on what truly matters—your life and the values that define you It’s understandable to think, “Easy said than done.” Managing these thoughts is challenging, and it takes time and effort. It’s okay if you don’t get it right immediately. The important thing is to be patient and kind to yourself during this process. Small steps, like noticing when you’re engaging with the thoughts and gently redirecting your focus, can gradually build your ability to cope. Remember, you’re not alone in this, and support from professionals and loved ones can make the journey easier.

Hi guys! I posted 3 nights ago that I was starting Lexapro 5mg, and I took my third dose last night. So far it's been okay, and the worst side effect I've had is waking up in the middle of the night (after about 4-5 hours of sleep) with a ton of anxiety and racing thoughts. Additionally, my intrusive thoughts have gotten a lot louder and it's like my OCD is playing wack-a-mole. Part of the reason I was scared to start medication is because my OCD is latched onto my fear of developing some other mental disorder, and it's telling me that I have undiagnosed bipolar disorder and will develop mania from taking this SSRI (I want to add that my rational brain knows this wouldn't be the end of world, but my OCD brain tells me it would be). This fear has definitely been made worse by me waking up for 1-2 hours every night since starting, and then of course I've been going down the Reddit rabbit hole each time and convincing myself this is mania. I haven't had this much nighttime anxiety followed by constant researching since I was originally diagnosed this past spring, and it's really worrying me and making me not want to continue taking this (even though I know I should push through!). I will say that while it's hard to fall back asleep, I usually do for another 2 hours or so. I usually just lay there watching TV until I can, and this is also making me so sleepy the next day. I also haven't feel any like feelings of euphoria (if anything it's been the opposite because I'm so worried), and I spend a good chunk of my day scanning for any symptoms of mania. Last night I even did an imaginal exposure where I was like "maybe I am bipolar, maybe I'm not. Maybe I will develop mania, maybe I won't". I'm trying to not sound like I'm asking for reassurance here because I know that's another compulsion, but has anyone else experienced any of this when starting an SSRI? Any tips to dealing with this increased anxiety?

TW POCD. Feeling really down today. Would appreciate some advice/opinion on this. I confessed to my older sister the cause of my POCD about a year ago, because I genuinely couldn't handle it anymore on my own, and the weight of feeling like I was hiding this from her was too much. A part of me is relieved and glad that I don't have to feel like I'm lying anymore, but many times I feel so disgusting and wonder if she likes me less now. For example, today I got really triggered out of nowhere. I was having dinner with her, and my sister was talking about how she told her coworkers she liked Ghibli; and how she got a bunch of Totoro merch even if she didn't like it that much. I told her that if anything the two girls are cuter than Totoro, and I immediately felt so awkward after saying that. I regret it so much. There was this second of silence after I said it and I thought "she thinks I meant it in a creepy way". I should've just said "it's because Totoro has more merch" or literally anything but that. She picked up the conversation like normal after that happened, but my mind just stayed in that moment. I don't want my sister to be disgusted by me, but many times all I can think about is "she's just pretending to like you because you're family, she has no other choice". And it sucks. Thanks to anyone who reads this.

I’m in my 30s and just got diagnosed with OCD. It feels like a mix of relief, validation, and overwhelm. So much work ahead of me and can’t afford therapy right now. Had to go stay out of state in the house I was chronically traumatized in with the parent who harmed me most after my safe/loving parent died unexpectedly. I was there for several months and me, my partner, and our animals all got very sick. The house is legitimately contaminated- infested with black mold, mildew, cockroaches, termites, asbestos. It’s also “contaminated” with my childhood trauma. It stirred up a lot of OCD. There’s a new worry that my parent died because of me in some way, and that I might accidentally cause someone else I love to die if I don’t do x, y, z. Also worry that us being there might have long term effects & I’m the reason we were there. I’m scared my animals might have been exposed to something horrible and could die because we were there. I took them both to the vet and did some testing but feel embarrassed of how others perceive me when I express my concerns that are often hypochondriac based. I’m so physically, mentally, emotionally exhausted. When I start to relax, my anxiety/ OCD runs rampant trying to find something to feel bad about myself for. Dealing with resentment related to my family system, and the other adults in my life who didn’t do anything to protect me as a child despite me begging for help. Then I feel bad for not appreciating the love & kindness & privilege I did have. My living parent was saying lots of things that reignited old worries & created new ones. I’m home now, but the clothes/ personal items I brought there & special stuff I inherited or brought home is stressing me out. I’m worried it’s contaminating my clean safe space and I can never truly get away. I’m recognizing how that environment I grew up in conditioned this level of OCD distress. I need to start a new job now that I’m home, but it’s hard to do anything… cue the “I’m a bad person” thoughts. Applying for jobs is stressful too. I know I’m highly qualified but that’s stressing me out because I’m worried I’ll get an offer or an interview before I’m truly ready/ capable to start. I don’t have money to keep waiting and need health insurance ASAP. Worried I’ll accept a job that doesn’t have as good of insurance as a hypothetical other opportunity. It’s all so overwhelming and I’m really struggling to calm my mind, body, & soul. I’m not sure what I’m looking for from this post. Maybe ideas of how to quiet/ calm the panicked rumination that keeps creeping in as I settle in so I can feel more grounded & emotionally stable? Any coping skills that have helped you for these patterns/ themes? How you handle perfectionist tendencies in work environments?

Reminders: You are not your thoughts. Not all thoughts are yours. You are made in the image of God. You are valuable. OCD is not some lifelong disease (pure nonsense). You can defeat OCD-thinking. You can experience an organized and lucid mind. You are capable of hitting the reset button and starting new. You are capable of letting intrusive thoughts pass by. You have lots of tools at your disposal (ERP therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, prayer/faith, exercise, hobbies). You have people pulling for you. You are loved. You are capable of tolerating anxiety. You are capable of wondrous and great things. Life is an absolute gift and miraculous and amazing and you can see it that way again. Time to absolutely destroy OCD. Now. Today. Do exposures. Tolerate anxiety. Laugh at the thoughts. Dismiss them. Pray. Call on the name of Christ. Exercise. Eat well. Build things. You've had enough of anxiety, depression, panic, dread, confusion, de-personalization, apathy, falsehood, lethargy. It is time for lucidity, organization, love, joy, peace, gratitude, motivation, faith, goodness, hope, clarity, truth. Each moment is an opportunity to reset and start fresh. You can absolutely destroy OCD thinking!

I really need help getting over this. Currently freaking out over something I did when I was a freshman in high school. My sports team and I were all at a fellow teammate's house, and I don't know how we got onto the topic, but I ended up showing a really disturbing/inappropriate video to some of them. The video was being talked about online at the time, though I'm not sure everybody was aware of it. I think I warned some people beforehand, but l'm so disgusted with myself and I would never do that now. That was truly so weird of me and I'm so disgusted with the memory. I wish I never did that. I think maybe I thought it would make me "cool" since I only had one or two real friends on the team

I’m having a difficult time not rerunning social interactions afterward to make sure I didn’t say something hurtful or lie. I would never intend to do either nor have I ever had that intention that I can recall. I try to reassure myself that someone would hopefully tell me if I said something hurtful. But what if I didn’t remember? I’m trying to reassure myself when I notice myself ruminating or distract myself but it’s becoming very difficult and it’s a hard balance to not make distraction or reassurance a compulsion.

OCD master post Do's and don'ts of ocd: Don't : Try to ignore (avoidance) Try to make sense of it (Ruminate) Act on it (compulsion) Argue with it (basically Ruminating) Distract yourself in spite of it (avoidance) All of the above will make ocd worse and does not work. Do: Acknowledge it Accept uncertainty Redirect your attention once acknowledged to something else Have healthy distractions available (try to use different ones every now and then to avoid creating a compulsion) Exaggerate the thought until its ridiculous, borderline unrealistic and funny. Respond with "maybe, maybe not", " sure", "cool", "thanks, you do you, I'm gonna do my thing, feel free to stay though" The above responses can train your mind to not deem them as threats and over time will trigger the fight or flight response less and less. You'll most likely make mistakes here and there but as long as you stay vigilant and don't get complacent, this should help. Ironic process theory and our internal alarm system: https://youtu.be/xoSlOnUuw-U?feature=shared Ironic process theory is to do with attachment and the idea of non-existence. The more we try to not think about something that already exists as a thought the more it'll prove it exists and demands your attention. With attachment, people tend to ignore or argue against in spite of the thought. If you do this you are doing it because of the thought, therefore giving it more life. Thirdly your brain will start to set an internal alarm via thoughts and hormones or even bodily reactions every time you are stressed, just to see if you're not stressed about that trigger even if it's not what triggered you in the moment. To combat this, you'll need to find a way to deal with the thoughts directly and let them be and get through it via Erp, or being able to accept the thought as a thought and redirecting your attention without attachment (despite or regardless of the thoughts) Erp done effectively: When you do Erp in therapy sessions, it's done in a controlled way and on your own terms. A lot of people make the mistake of only doing it in therapy with only ocd related themes. Truth is, you can do it with any level of discomfort and it's good to practice whenever you can as long as you're mindful of other people. When you're doing it out of therapy and on your own terms, you challenge a potential trigger and then welcome the feeling that follows. I find welcoming or accepting the feelings existence helps a lot. I would welcome the fear and all the horrible feelings until I'm crying and trembling and on the edge of a panic attack, the feeling always fades and trains your brain not to deem it as a threat anymore. No more ocd firedrills. Why practice is valuable. Imagine you have a boxing match with an opponent coming up, and that opponent is tough. They train every day, and you don't train at all. Who do you think will win when the day of the fight comes around? The opponent of course. So train yourself so you stand a fighting chance or risk getting your butt kicked every time OCD enters the ring. Hormones and circadian ryhtm: So the circadian rhythm is your internal body clock. Your hormones learn patterns and release at certain times of day. Usually based on the amount of sunlight exposure you get. Cortisol the stress hormone is the one to wake us up and if you do not find a way to deal with those hormones first thing, your ocd alarm will go off and bring up scenarios or thoughts to fill in the gap as to why your body is stressed. ERP, Exercise, breathing meditations, cold plunges are great for the morning to eliminate excess cortisol. Sunlight helps too, roughly 30 minute exposures is enough to help keep your circadian rhythm healthy. Melatonin kicks in when it starts to get dark or you've went through your hormone reserves for the day. The more you go through in a healthy way, the better you'll sleep. Rough neuro science explanation : https://youtu.be/BJshegpcFv8?feature=shared So your brain will use one of 2 pathways to process external stimuli. The direct pathway, being the shortest route to process in case of a threat or perceived threat. This pathway is dominant in those who have ocd. The there's the indirect pathway which takes longer but is related to rationalising thoughts. This pathway is used less by people with ocd. This pathway requires sufficient seratonin levels in order to be used and that's why SSRIs are popular medications for people with ocd. Food and drink consumption: So I tested myself based on lots of personal research around what we put in our body and how it effects ocd. Sugar, fructose and glucose levels spike quite quickly depending on your source. It can lead your body being stressed and releasing the corresponding hormones to notify you are stressed, then your brain will try fill in the gap whether you're aware of this or not. Whole fruits tend to be the best source as they contain fibre, acting as a slow release of energy rather than flooding your system. Caffeine has the same effect without question, and also screws up your circadian rhythm if not taken at sensible times. Trans fats, saturated fats and processed foods are also bad. These may not effect your brain as quickly as sugar or caffeine but stress your body over a slower and longer period. All of the above are not just inflammatories for your muscles and organs, they are neuro inflammatories, making it much harder for your brain to use the indirect pathway for rationalising your thoughts, therefore supporting the direct neuropathway and your usual OCD patterns. The foods I started to eat are heavy in anti inflammatories to help my brain function better, anti oxidants to help lower the stress in my body, and food that support seratonin production to promote the use of the indirect neural pathway. The list below is vegan friendly, but you can look into this to suit your preferred needs ●Tryptophan - leafy greens, sunflower seeds, water cress, soy beans, pumpkin seeds, mushrooms, brocoli, peas ●vit b6 - nutritional yeast, muesli, avacado, pistachio nuts, butternut squash, banana, quinoa, brown spaghetti, chestnuts, hazelnuts, oranges, tahini, potatoes, chickpeas, kidney beans, peanuts ●higher b12 complex - yeast extract, Soya milk, almond milk, tofu, tempeh, seaweed, beetroot ●Vit D - portobello mushrooms, shitake mushrooms, orange juice, soya yoghurt ●zinc - beans, cashew nuts, Lentils, chia seeds, linseed, hemp seeds, wholemeal bread, blackberries, pomegranate juice, spinach, strawberries, pecan nuts, Brazil nuts, oatmeal ●Complex carbs - quinoa, brown rice, peas, corn, sweet potatoes, barley, lentils, nuts, legumes ●Thiamine / Vit b1 - beans, peas, legumes, nuts, brown rice ●Monounsaturated fats - extra virgin olive oil, other oils, nuts and avacados ●Vit c - guava, peppers, kiwi, mango, papaya, strawberries, brocoli ●Polyphenols - berries, dark chocolate, cocoa powder, nuts, flax seeds, olives, green tea, artichoke, red grapes, spinach ●Antioxidant - Brocoli, spinach, carrots, potatoes, artichoke, cabbage, beetroot, kale, spices ●Anti inflammatories - olive oil, avacado, walnuts, tomatoes, dark chocolate, leafy greens, brocoli, ginger, turmeric, berries, grapes, chia seeds, pepper, garlic, spirulina You can eat all of this and not feel the effect of the benefits. You need to tell your body to produce seratonin through what you do. Stuff like exercise, meditations, and walking in nature will help do this. Mindfulness and being in the moment: So our brains do not know the difference between a real threat and a perceived threat and will react the same regardless of how we can rationalise it. A lot of us are stuck in the past or the future and mindfulness promotes being present. The past and future are both illusions of the mind. They are not happening now but our ocd brains react as if they are real. Anything that is not happening now isn't real. So practicing anything that will pull you closer to the present moment will help to ground you in reality. Everything that doesnt exist in the present is infinite and we cannot be certain of any of it, all we can be certain of is the here and now. Core values, self judgement and breaking the cycle : A lot of us are stuck in cycles, going around and around. These cycles are due to a lot of our core values and the thoughts/ past actions not lining up with the. These can be caused by trauma and/ or conditioning. Usually we can't let go because something clashed with the way in which we judge things, but the problem doesn't actually lie in our focus, but the values in which we judge them. The problem isn't what we weigh, but the scale itself. This is where it can get tricky, especially if what we think feels justified. It's not that your judging the scenario, actions or thoughts incorrectly, it's that your values are a bit on the extreme side. For example, I had harm ocd for 2 years and it was telling me to hurt everyone and everything in every way possible. This theme came about because I had a random intrusive thought once that clashed with my extreme values on morals having been raised by a reformed ex gangster and animal rights activist. The fault was caused by the conditioning I received. So when you go into therapy, please try to understand your conditioning and challenge them through Erp and some self compassion because it's not your fault. Where the fault lies does not matter, because that doesn't change what you need to do. You have to heal yourself regardless of it all.

I think sometimes my OCD will interupt a normal thought that will maybe slightly include something to do with a trigger and twist it into something disgusting that wasn't intended, I don't know I can't tell if I was like unintentionally doing a compulsion and testing my reaction to a thought, a random thought that was twisted into an intrusive thought, it was just a straight up intrusive thought (It did kind of come out of nowhere (other than being related to the trigger I mean) and caused me a lot of distress but most of the time my intrusive thoughts are vague and I don't really know if this is what they feel like when they aren't. If it wasn't an intrusive thought I don't know why I would've thought something like that though. For context, I saw someone quoting an alt-right YouTuber who is a confirmed predator who also physically abused his underage victim (Despite his fans denying this vehemently) and had a thought that I think was GOING to be "He wasn't even good at hiding it" (Even then I think I meant trying to hid it) but was twisted into "He wasn't even one of the good ones" and I immediately spiralled afterwards and went "What? What? Why? Why did I think that what's wrong with me?" Is it possible for an intrusive thought to feel real? I know I really didn't like the thought and it wasn't wanted but that doesn't feel enough for me to call it intrusive and it's scaring me. I can't tell if this is a thought warped by OCD, just a "normal" intrusive thought or a genuine thought I had (which is obviously the thing I dreading the most)

Tomorrow is my first session and I am feeling extra nervous. My thoughts sometimes make me feel really nuts and I am scared to share them. This is a big step for me.

My life is different from when I first started NOCD therapy because I now have the tools and practice needed to maneuver around everyday OCD challenges. It used to be awful for me, being stuck in repetitive thoughts hours on end. Restricting my eating, moving things to make them perfectly symmetrical or arranged in order. Planning things to a T, worrying about future mistakes and just draining all the good spirit out of myself drowning in thoughts. It made life so difficult, feeling like I was solely surviving rather than living and enjoying my life. Now I can officially say, with the amazing help of my therapist and ERP, I’m able to manage and defeat the bully of OCD that’s constantly in my head everyday. Yes some days are harder than others, and yes do I notice the OCD bully trying to creep up on me at times causing me to feel scared or anxious or feel the need to seek reassurance. But now I’m capable of seizing the moment, process what’s going on what’s happening, ease my anxiety and chaotic wired mind and make decisions that allow me to move forward and continue taking steps in my everyday life. Not allowing the OCD bully to take control of my mind, actions and overall me. I know it’s a forever battle and it surely is extremely difficult. But with the tools, support and guidance I’ve been given, that bully no longer stands a chance. The OCD bully exists, always will. But I can assure you coming from someone who thought the whole world was dooming them everyday and would never be capable of truly living life, you can succeed against and defeat OCD. Every single one of you is capable of conquering, succeeding and doing what is necessary to defeat the OCD bully in our minds as daunting as it may seem. You can become able to get to the point where even when that OCD bully is doing everything in its power to make you feel pinned, you can manage and handle it in ways that allow you to genuinely live and not only live but enjoy and be courageous in your life. I love, support and am cheering each one of you on. If you can defeat that annoying voice of OCD in your head you can do and overcome just about anything. You can achieve living, rather than just surviving. And that my OCD people is the most valuable and priceless thing you can achieve. Love you all!

hello, i am struggling big time today. every other monday i have an evening meeting for my job that i am supposed to facilitate. and for the past two months i have fallen into a cycle of doing all the prep work the day of. the problem is the prep requires communication, reminders, and joint decision making with the attendees ahead of time! so i feel i have betrayed the values of the group and i am very ashamed. even though no one has directly called me out on anything. every time this monday meeting comes around i am weighted down with shame and fear of asking for help. and my thoughts cycle on repeat of all the things i did wrong to lead to this and how i am so terrible to myself and to others for not changing my behavior. then, each time this meeting ends and it’s tuesday morning, i tell myself i will change my behavior and. i don’t. it is very very clear that i cannot do this on my own. this morning i found a guide meditation to help face an ocd urge without doing the compulsion. it was incredibly comforting and i will continue to lean on stuff like this when i’m between sessions. the other thing though is my compulsion is to avoid. my tasks still need to get done and that is the shame-inducing trigger i keep running away from. the meditation had me sit with intrusive thoughts and just observe them without taking part in or believing them. which felt helpful and like good practice. but the other part i need is to… just get through the required work without overthinking it. well. now it is time for the working day to begin again and i must face messages i am ashamed of replying late to. i feel like i have nothing to say for myself and no real explanation since no one can see my ocd and bc i feel my ocd is embarrassing and not an excuse but my responsibility. i am ashamed i cannot carry my most basic responsibilities. ): anyways, i didn’t mean for this to be a super negative post, but just sharing honestly where my ocd is at today. trying to orient myself towards gentleness and self acceptance. i will try to move imperfectly today. i will turn towards support whenever i am struggling. i will not let the thoughts beat me up so badly. even a little less badly will be a win as that may be my first achievable step. i am reminding myself that this is treatable and recoverable and that i am not damned to be just this ball of shame and isolation. this will pass this will pass this pass. i will take a breath, and go forward now.

As I've previously mentioned, I have a reporting compulsion and also am quite generous with blocking people (Not just for the reasons I'm reporting people) and one particular account I've blocked and reported is followed by someone I follow and I compusively check their following, the person doesn't do anything illegal but they are really creepy and objectify celebrities (Albeit more second-hand with retweeting other people's posts and following people who are worse) and I don't know why but I'll sometimes compusively check their account and my OCD tells me it's because I want to see them objectifying celebrities but I don't, I also sometimes forget why I blocked people and if I see them in someone's following I may double check to see why I blocked them and again my OCD assigns bad reasons for this but I don't think I've ever seen anything really bad doing this and if I recognise any red flags in their bio, the most I'll do is report them without viewing posts, maybe I don't want anything to "Slip through the cracks" and have to know whether I need to report it or if I was being paranoid when blocking them. I don't think I've ever done this and seen anything bad, I also think I want to check to see if people I follow them/still follow them. The account I checked I know doesn't post anything explicit on twitter but does on patreon and I think I got worried I was overly paranoid reporting it and wasted someone's valuable time that could've been spent actually removing bad things because I feel like I may be infantilising the characters and don't whether they are supposed to look underage (Because people I follow who I am fairly certain have been outspoken about the stuff I'm reporting them for follow them) and I felt the compusive need to check their account and I reported them again because nothing happened the last time I did and I thought they were being dodgy again (Although nothing overt, more so eluding to things that triggered me and got me to obsess over the characters age) and I have this... anger(?) or rage(?) that my reports are being ignored and need to know if I'm overreacting, even just a simple "Yes, this is a false report" would fix it because at least I'd KNOW, I reported the account again because it still kinda rubs me the wrong way even if I am being paranoid. This is the only account it's happened with though I know it's still bad but I sometimes feel like I HAVE to know if my report did anything and again my brain tricks me into believing the reasoning is evil and I usually resist this compulsion, I just want this all to be gone, my OCD and this disgusting shit (Pardon my language) and I feel like if it's not removed then I must've not reported it enough and I have to do it again (Again, this is like the only time I haven't been able to resist this compulsion to report it again). Also I know this could end disastrously even if my intentions are good and I won't do this again even if they're not banned (Which I have no way of knowing because twitter's report feature doesn't give me proper updates and just bugs out). I just want to do the right thing and feel like I'm failing at it through being overly paranoid and wasting people's time or that twitter is failing me by not taking action against these accounts (From the accounts I see are blocked but not removed when I check people's following, I don't click on them). Am I a monster for doing this and trying to convince myself my reasoning is to get rid of this for the internet? I'm scared that could be the real reason even though I don't want to do this, I feel like I HAVE to, to get rid of it and if I could invoke real change and not just report singular accounts obviously I would want all of it gone and feel like that's the only way I could ever have a semblance of peace is knowing with certainty that those things are gone forever even though I know that's unfortunately impossible EDIT: Kind of loosely related to this, I saw someone talking about how anime has unfortunately always sexualised childlike/underage characters and someone posted an image that was censored but of a childlike character being sexualised, I wasn't sure if this was a misguided way of showing proof while not defending it so I clicked on the profile to see their bio and saw that no, they defend all of that and even refer to themselves using the term for people that like it so I blocked and reported them, but I was going to block them regardless because they still posted it even if they meant it only in a different way but it's causing me to spiral that I wanted to see disgusting things but I didn't and all the anxiety is causing a groinal response which is making everything worse and compounding it

I think OCD sufferers are Truth Seekers Do ya'll have these traits too? Btw I'll be saying "we" a lot as figure of speech, but it could just be my experience. Let me know if you a similar experience. - Over-analysis - Grapple with Inconvenient truths. When inconvenient truths happen, we feel "icky", we try to "reason with it" to fill "less icky" or less uncomfortable. - It's based in FEAR. It may not even be a real-life fear, but it may be a psychological fear. I don't have contamination OCD, but I can speculate that it's like sitting with these "bad thoughts" like what if I get __ diseases, what if something happens to my family if I don't do ___, etc. It's sitting with uncomfortable potentials that may not even be true - or could happen - life can be unpredictable. - The need to be in control of different dynamics. - The need to "conclude" things - The need to be thorough - The need to categorize things and define things - The need for moral high ground and spotless integrity - We're our own worst enemy Overall, the NEED for certainty, the NEED to resolve something "once and for all," the ADDICTION to absolutism and conclusions. Not just because I suffer from it, but I think OCD people have good intentions and are generally good people. They are grappling with things, but it's because they love their families, it's because they want the best for themselves, they want good morals and good moral clarity. Those are all noble traits to strive for. It's the technicalities that I can get lost in. "How" do I conclude or "deal" with this latest theme. What is the "solution." It's "analysis" on steroids to the point where you forget the trees from the woods. You're lost in a maze. And that produces physical symptoms, stress, anxiety, etc. which just add to the stress and lack of clarity. And then the symptoms alone become the "proof" of the fear being true etc. I would get heart palpitations when I was worried about my heart. That's not actually having heart problems, that's the result of obsessing and OCD taking hold of that theme. But then again, some people do have genuine heart problems. And those are the kind of gray areas that OCD predictibly attaches itself onto. Lost in the labyrinth, I think we forget that the "conclusion" or the "right answer" or the "solution" or the "truth of the matter" that is that some debates don't need to be had. That's a hard pill to swallow for Truth Seekers - especially if something is unresolved and is controversial or we feel like it's damaging to us psychologically. I haven't done ERP but I've heard it's about "being ok with uncertainty." The reason why this is such a dilemma is that OCD people are Truth Seekers. Almost like an addiction. Other people may be able to be delusional and lie to themselves, but we don't let ourselves off the hook. I'm that type of person. If I do something wrong, if I've made bad mistakes, I don't let myself off the hook until it's a truthful thing that I should. Or even if I've "resolved" something, OCD will keep reminding, hovering, and challenging that truth. So I'm still wondering if Truth Seekers and ERP can coexist. THAT is my dilemma. I don't want pretend peace of mind because I'm believing some BS, I want TRUE PEACE OF MIND. P.S. - If I can find a couple silver linings for OCD for me, I think 1) It makes me more empathetic to what others have to suffer through 2) I think it makes me better at business. I'm SUPER thorough, and super analysis focused (too much actually), but that may mean I may go further and more in-depth and more continuous learning in uncovering what I need to learn to achieve a certain result. So my recommendation is if you have OCD, try to channel those traits towards something productive. GL!

I'm feeling so hopeless because of my OCD right now. It is making me not enjoy music which is one of the most important things in my life. Why does OCD have to take away the things that are most important to me. I've never been so scared. I will talk to my therapist Tuesday but I feel so alone because even though she is an OCD specialist no one can ever truly understand the pain I'm in and how scary this is for me. I was doing skills this morning but a huge wave of fear and panic has overcome me. It is making me hate my life and it's so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel right now.

Hi. One of my biggest fears is that after e.g., a successful therapy lasting a couple of years, I will NEVER be able to return back to the old myself. These days I'm really struggling much with the idea of therapy changing my brain — like the more I will heal, the less there will EVER be a chance to go back in the healing journey. I have meta-OCD so I'm afraid of them changing me violently to be "a normal one" with NO possible steps back. Is it really true that after a successful therapy there WON'T ever be a way to come back to the old days? I hope I'm not the only one experiencing this.