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When the thoughts won't go away and you're so afraid they will last forever. I'm trying non engagement responses as much as I can but I'm so tired. Would love to hear what helps you all.

how do i differentiate wanting to open up and talk about what’s bothering me versus feeling the need to confess compulsively? right now i just really want to get these feelings out and to just tell someone everything i’m thinking/have done but i know it won’t help in the end. i really really need someone to talk to. like badly, because i’m struggling so hard right now. but i’m too embarrassed to bring my specific issues up to a therapist, even when i compulsively search there’s not many people who seem to have the same issue as me or they don’t talk about it much. i don’t even want to say it on here because i feel so ashamed and disappointed in myself, too much to even bring it up to other people. the worst part is this was recent and i’m literally an adult now and these things happened more recently, i should know better. i definitely can’t tell my friends either, out of fear that they’d view me differently. i want to make friends with ocd and be in relationships (romantic or otherwise) but i worry that i’ll end up falling into confessing or over sharing or that they’ll see even my own events/thoughts as too bad or disgusting. i’m not even sure how to find people besides online, but even then i’m not sure how to approach people even on this app. i feel like i don’t deserve to talk to people sometimes. i’m just feeling so lonely and wish i had someone i could be completely open with or at least someone that understands this hellhole of a disorder.

I’m two weeks in ERP therapy for Pure O and I feel like I’m not doing it right. I feel like I can’t comprehend what my therapist expects of me during the exposures. Is that normal this early on or should I consider finding a therapist that I understand better? I don’t want to change therapist if it is just a matter of it will click eventually and this is how it starts. I also don’t want to waste time if the problem is that we just don’t communicate well.

Today I hit a new level of anxiety, and honestly, it caught me completely off guard. I went to Spirit Halloween to look for something for my daughter. When I walked in, I noticed a sign that said their last day open was November 3rd — and for some reason, that one small thing triggered me. My brain immediately latched onto the thought that I wouldn’t be able to go back again until next year… and maybe not even to that same location. It spiraled into this weird sense of panic over something that probably wouldn’t bother most people. As I walked through the store, the anxiety kept growing. I only had my phone, keys, and some cash with me, but I started convincing myself that I had dropped something. So of course, I retraced all my steps, scanning the floor, checking everywhere — even though deep down I knew I hadn’t lost anything. The panic attack got so bad that I just left and went straight to my car. I’m driving home trying to calm down. My mind keeps telling me to go back and double- check, but I resisted that compulsion. I took one of my anxiety meds and am trying to remind myself that this feeling will pass. What scares me the most is the thought of becoming agoraphobic — like, what if I get to the point where I can’t even leave my house? The idea terrifies me. I’m trying so hard to remind myself that this panic isn’t permanent, that I’ll be okay. But it’s exhausting how my OCD seems to find something new to latch onto every time. Has anyone else experienced panic like this in random, everyday places? How do you cope when your brain decides to turn something so small into something so terrifying?

Yesterday was one of the worst ocd attacks of my life I have a huge fear of believing delusions like it's not even funny I've had crazy intrusive thoughts like What if clouds aren't real What if the people around me aren't real And now the crazy one, what if I believe people are lizards like the stupid conspiracy theory, and I don't believe any of them. Never did the one I'm currently on, is the stupid lizard 1, and I'm having thoughts when I went on with my family, like I would like to be around du,mb, and then I'll get some intrusive thoughts. What if I believe there are lizard aliens? And then I hate it so much. Obviously, I don't believe that, yeah, and I don't want to believe it. I just hate it so much. And something I say jokingly me back to the o.C.D is then I'm also a lizard too But has anyone else had a crazy** Thought like this or crazier because I really hope I'm not alone on this. I don't believe the thought, but I'm just like so many fears and anxieties. What if I believe it? What if it's honestly horrible? Where did I get from hocd to this? Like I mentioned before I had health OCd Did it all start with a fear of going crazy? Then a fear of getting cancer, then a fear of schizophrenia, and then a fear of delusions. I have a fear of going crazy. That it's not even a joke heck. I think I'm in the early stages of schizophrenia. I'm scared i'm honestly scared

Adults only I'm at a very very low point when it comes to this addiction. I feel like I've been escalating to more extreme videos that I would have hated to even look at it I weren't so addicted. I feel ashamed that I used AI videos when escalating and the shame and guilt are really strong. I don't really know what to do other than not be on my phone for the majority of the day and when I'm going to bed. I just feel disgusting about myself. I hate that this has been in my life for over a decade. I remember the times where my life was carefree, I didn't have anxiety, and I was much more relaxed. Now I'm just consumed with unwanted sexual thoughts, urges, and wanting to go back to this stuff time and time again. Everytime I tell myself that I can't keep doing this anymore and that I don't want to, I find myself right back. This stuff gets in the way of my sleep, my goals, and trying to get help for my obsessive compulsive disorder.

I thought I was doing better this week and I have a little bit but ever since I had this one specific thought pop up again it’s been bothering me so much. I’ve posted about it before basically giving the rundown talking about how last year in October about seven months after my fiancé and I started dating, an old guy friend messaged me on Snapchat and awhile later I was in the shower and went on snap for some reason and saw the chat and then I responded, I don’t remember what he said and I don’t remember what I said, but I remember that I removed him right after because I didn’t talk to him anymore and I just wanted to be respectful of my relationship, that part I know. My OCD has been trying to convince me that I flirted, or that I cheated on my fiancé, which I know that I would never do. What bothers me is that my OCD didn’t attach to that memory until months after it happened. The memory happened in October 2024 and then I told my fiancé at the beginning of this year because I remembered it, and I was anxious about it for awhile until my OCD attached to something else. Then it came back to this thought and I’ve been struggling with it for almost 3 weeks. Mostly because my OCD is like “If you didn’t tell him right after, that means it happened and you were hiding it,” or “If you’re feeling anxious and guilty and so worried about it, that’s means you did it.” Etc. And my OCD is convincing me I’ve done it when I know I’d never ever do that to my fiancé, I truthfully don’t know how to deal with this thought because I know some people say you have to say “Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t,” but I can’t even say that because I can’t even fathom or imagine myself doing these things to my fiancé it hurts my heart too much and makes me sick to my stomach.

Hey everyone, I woke up this morning with my heart pounding again — my anxiety immediately latched onto the same thing that’s been triggering me lately: ….. quite literally trash…. In the past, my OCD would fixate on things like moving, leaving items or people behind, or traveling. It’s something to do with leaving or forgetting an item or person and never being able to get it back that triggers me. Those fears would eventually pass when the situation changed, I’d move, or come home, or reconnect/got closure. But now it feels like my brain is trying to find something new to obsess over just to keep the cycle going. It’s like my mind won’t let me have peace. The thought of constantly finding a new thing to fear — and never being free from this — feels unbearable. I’m scared that I’ll be stuck in this heightened panic forever. I want to believe that it gets better, but right now it just feels endless. Has anyone else ever felt like their brain keeps jumping from one obsession or trigger to another, even when you try so hard to move on? How do you remind yourself that the feeling will eventually pass?

Lately some of my compulsions have been a bit strange. Today I thought in my head “if I see a Subaru in the next 30 seconds, I’m a lesbian” and “if that girl walks in within the next 10 seconds I’m a lesbian” pretty weird ikr? Another one of my most common compulsions is imagining myself in sexual and romantic scenarios with a woman to make sure I dont like it, and sometimes it feels as if I do. I do the same with men, to make sure I still like it and still always get a positive reaction out of it. Another one of my compulsions (I do this for hours everyday) is posting on this app and reading HOCD and latebloomer lesbian subreddits and googling and using chat got. Anyone else struggle with this? Is this OCD? Btw, I haven’t been diagnosed yet, but do you think I would be diagnosed?

i am a trauma technician, a job i love very much. i’m in nursing school and i wouldn’t change my career for the world. anxiety? she would love to change everything i want to do. sometimes i experience the expiration of patients and that is triggering for my brain. i will obsessive over other patients who are no longer with us and it will be a constant cycle of *image* “i am safe” *image* “it’s okay its over with now” *image* and that’s the mentally exhausting cycle i go through. menstruation is making is increased at the moment, i am trying so hard to give myself grace and try to find peace in the moments. i just had a really hard 12 hour shift yesterday and i am overall scared of expiration anyway so it’s definitely a hiccup i have to manage sometimes. my coworkers are super aware about it and my therapist is too. i just haven’t been on here much? but now i know i need to seek support because the ocd is isolating and i haven’t found a support system or group that truly understand the intrusive thoughts and images. does anyone else think of a traumatic situation and almost put it into steps? for example first, this happened, then this happened, then i made it home so that HAS to mean i am safe that HAS to mean it’s over with now.

when I have an intrusive thought, for some reason when I get a groin, I feel like an urge to touch myself down..it doesn't seem like a test but like something I can imagine and as if it were real. Like when you itch something, I don't know how to say it..and I can't understand it at all..and why do I imagine it, as if the taboo thought alone is not enough..I really don't even understand how to explain anymore..but I do to be afraid of it..and myself

last friday night I had a work dinner/bowling party with colleagues. I went together with a girlfriend (we both work there). there was a male colleague who I talked and laughed with together with some other colleagues. my friend said she thinks he has a little crush on me, but that she didn't want to trigger my rocd. I said that that it's fine.. the whole night we were on an off smoking outside with colleagues and I was really bubbly and happy (more so because I was drinking alcohol) now I think he flirted with me, because I remembered he touched my arm once? and I think he had said something flirty. but I remember I thought it was weird and I never reciprocated any flirting. I haven't said anything weird and I was the exact same way that I would have been with my usual friends (guys or girls), but I can't shake the feeling I should have more explicitly said that I have a boyfriend!! it was mentioned in a conversation and he knows it, but then why would he act flirty? I feel so bad! Saturday I remembered? that I also had a thought about him being attractive? or me kissing him? and I think that I liked the thought. I don't even remember and I don't WANT to kiss anyone else besides my boyfriend. why did I keep talking to him if I had a thought like that? I feel so shitty and like I need to tell my boyfriend. but I wouldn't even know what to say? "I had a thought about someone else"? "Someone might have been a little flirty towards me and I didn't stop them, but I also didn't respond to it"? I can't decipher if I blame that I cheated on Ocd? or if my Ocd ia actually making this a bigger deal then it is? in the past I have confessed stupid things to my boyfriend and he said it's nothing to worry about, but I feel this is different and he would not like it at all (ps. I keep trying to make myself feel a little better by reminding myself my bf has done some things in the past of our relationship aswell, that he didn't confess to me (I found out), such as asking others online for sex while in active drug addiction. I understand that was just because of addiction. and I still feel like what I did feels worse and like I need to confess about it. my mind is going crazy would confessing be a bad thing to do? it usually makes me feel better

Hi guys I am looking for erp near me I’m trying a few spots for consults and I want your advice because I’m 23 F and I just feel like I wasted a lot of time thinking I could get better one day but I still haven’t. I take meds which maybe help but not that much either. Can anyone give me advice for how to cope on hard days that I feel gross and guilty. I don’t even want to be around my parents at times because I feel bad. I also feel like I’m faking it sometimes because no one else near me feels like this.

I used to be a past addict and I know what it looks like but now Its so hard for me to partake recreationally to anything without paranoia my health will just plummet. I partook in the booga suga last night and I know it triggers my ocd most times I do it and I’m stopping completely after this party im going to this weekend just because of how much the “repercussions”scare me. I honestly don’t do it often like 1 or 2 nights a month for just this past year and it doesn’t ALWAYS go like this but it does a lot where I get a little blood in my snot and then I start freaking out that i’ve messed up my brain or “am i doing this too much am I addicted?” Or what if I get a hole in my nose then I start going down rabbit holes scaring myself even worse. Ik what you’re probably all thinking is “why do it then?” I just wanna be able to have a little fun with my friends and not freak out about it. But I have explained to them that I’m quitting completely after this party we go to. I don’t want it in my life anymore I have completely kicked other things from my life that have royally messed me up this is just another thing I want to be rid of because of the fears that come along with it. Does anyone else experience this? Im spiraling right now honestly its rare I write on here but its kinda helping me at least stay off the internet.

I am having troubling understanding something. I worry that I don’t love my partner and that I don’t want to be with them, yet I have no intentions to break up with them. Deep in my heart I know I love him, that I want something with him. Yet I still feel anxious, I felt anxious even as I typed that. It just doesn’t make sense to me.

I was just like, playing Roblox, and I hid in the same corner as this guy with a skin all in the color of his skin, and he left, but then he came back and seemed like he was harassing me, like, walking back and forth, but I'm pretty sure he wanted me to get out because I left and he just went back to the corner, but OCD is telling me someone harassed me in the game and it's making me nervous.

Hello everyone! I am new to this platform and hoping to engage with some people who have maybe conquered this subtype or are currently battling with this. Before I start, I just want to say that I am a firm believer that there is so much hope with this illness and I do believe that OCD can be cured or at least very well managed. I am actively struggling with OCD and compulsions everyday, but through the healing power of Jesus and ERP I am certain that better days are ahead. I was diagnosed with OCD when I was 11 years old, heavily dealing with contamination OCD that was rooted in deep shame. Breaks my heart that as an 11 year old I felt these things about myself. Through the help of my CBT therapy and Fluoxetine, my OCD was extremely well managed. Of course, some thoughts would occasionally emerge, but they never became all-consuming and I was pretty much always able to shrug them off. When I went to college, OCD began to become more prominent in my life, still rooted in shame, but manifested in pure-O OCD. I was able to find a therapist who helped me, and again the OCD became less prominent. I’d occasionally have episodes that would last a week, but I was always able to resume normal life. It’s also so important that I mention that at this time in my life, I was increasingly growing in my Christian faith. Christ delivered me from so many panic attacks, shameful thinking, and extreme anxiety. It was through Him I found my strength to fight against the heavy burden of OCD and reclaim my life. For two years after college, I worked as a nurse in the hospital. Constantly exposed to the things that used to make me so afraid and not even batting an eye. Of course, there were some times the intrusive thoughts came, and even times when I gave in to compulsions, but again, OCD was not ruling my life or affecting me in any major way. Life was good. About 3 months ago, my husband and I made a major move to Europe for him to pursue his career. At this time, I was also completely weaned off my medication which I did with my PCP over the course of 9 months (ALWAYS wean with the help of a doctor!!). Unfortunately, my OCD has been rampant for the last month. Struggling with fears surrounding fecal matter and defecating. All things that I was constantly exposed to in the hospital, and now that I am not working, grip me with so much fear and panic over things spreading. Being a nurse, my anxiety is not rooted in the fear of spreading germs or getting my husband or myself sick as I know microscopic levels of poop don’t get people sick in any meaningful way. The anxiety is mostly rooted in deep disgust and deep fear of that disgust spreading. I started ERP therapy again and my medication has been reordered. Things have been getting better, but some days have been really really hard. I’m trusting that God is using this time to refine and redefine my heart and instill dependence on Him to keep me safe. I wanted to offer some encouragement for anyone struggling with this. You’re not alone, this doesn’t make you “weird”, this is a illness meant to steal joy and peace and we simply must declare that OCD will not have this power over us. Would love to hear of anyone’s struggles with this. Better days are ahead 🩵

I’m scared, I have mild rectal bleeding, less than a drop of blood per week, dr said its internal hemorrhoids since I have no other symptoms, but suggested a colonoscopy just in case I am terrified, I need to know that I’m safe and healthy, but I’m too scared of having a colonoscopy, I don’t want to be put to sleep by a man, performed on in a room with a man (I can’t get all female employees they won’t change the schedule) I’m terrified of being unconscious without my mom to watch me, they won’t allow it to be recorded so that I can make sure I’m safe after the fact? How the fuck am I supposed to feel safe if I’m unconscious for hours without my mom or a video camera so I know what happens to me? What if something bad happens to me when I’m asleep,,, what if they don’t do the anesthesia right and I wake up but can’t move, what if the anesthesia permanently alters me? I’m too scared I’m too scared

Ik the answer is probably “you can’t” but I wanna ask: how do I tell the difference between real attraction vs false attraction I was running a meeting with a colleague/friend. I was telling her about my new jeans that I got for free (cuz they’re sick as hell, they’re denim cargos) and that’s when I got the groinal response. I did also do some public speaking stuff (regarding Palestine and some upcoming protests the students are doing and we are going to be part of as a club as we are signatories, and I didn’t know if anyone was against Palestine in the room) and had convos with other people about school and MCAT prep (most of our club members are premed/comp sci students lol. We’re nerds). I also did tell said colleague about a weird convo I had with a man while I was getting my coffee (also regarding Palestine, I was wearing my keffiyeh. It was weird. I told her about the racial profiling the same guy (possibly?) was going to hijabi girls and it freaked us both out.) and then the groinal response stayed till we left the meeting/building together. And I’m slightly worried I like her. But I don’t. I know what crushes feel like for me. This was not that. I usually get butterflies very quickly when I have a crush. That’s what happened with my current bf whom I love dearly. And when it comes to arousal I feel it very intensely in my groin/stomach. This was not that. It was a tingle and I did feel some discharge. Idk it freaked me the hell out and I’m nervous I’m gonna start developing feelings. How would I know if I am and how do I know if this was false attraction? It definitely bothered me, I didn’t want the thoughts my brain threw at me and I didn’t wanna feel aroused in any way by this friend. She’s a good friend and a good colleague. And we’re both dating people. Regardless. If we weren’t I wouldn’t wanna date her either. But my brain keeps yelling at me yes yes yes you do. I’m just constantly worried now that I’m attracted to her lately. It’s been jumping from friend to friend. Friends in my dorm hall, a random male candidate I interviewed (who happens to be friends with said colleague) and now this colleague. I don’t like this feeling. I was also fighting the urge to tell people the whole love story between me and my bf cuz LOL I love telling it. So clearly I do love him, but now I’m worried that urge was there to suppress smtjn but it was just there cuz a lot of things we did reminded me of him and I wanted to tell people who didn’t know or weren’t familiar with my bf and I our story (cuz it sounds like a damn romcom. We met at an origami meeting where we made elephants (which I still have), I fell first, I found out he was Muslim, I’m catholic, star crossed lovers lol, I confessed, we cried, we started dating. He happens to be of a reputable family in our uni city which is just 😃fuxking wonderful. His parents hate me, he loves me, my ocd just sounds like a foghorn but I fight through it for him. We’ve been together almost 2 years and we plan to get married hopefully in the future. This is my first long term relationship so I am petrified I am a liar or hiding my true sexuality or smthn lol yay ocd right 😃 but yeah. The whole thing was really romantic. At least to me. My friend hid my dirty laundry for me while he and I talked. We kissed. We cuddled for 6 hours and watched Vox machina. Neither of us could stop smiling. I was so scared but it has been so surreal. It still is. When I have a clear head god I can see how much I adore him but I’m so worried it’s comphet or if it’s just normal relationship stuff. Idk how this works honestly. I adore him. He makes me feel so happy. I love how he looks at me. How I feel when I look at him. But every time I say anything that I actually truly feel I start getting nauseous or having that globus sensation in my throat.) Anyways I’m gonna go lose my mind over calculus and also eat some Popeyes.

I always wondered, when it truly happened, that it started. The earliest moment, that my memory takes me, is when I was around 9 or 10. I had my very first panic attack, without anyone realizing what it was. It was horrible, I thought i was going to die, the guilt overwhelming me. My parents told me, that I was overreacting. No one, not even I, realized, that what i called 'a weird feeling' was a panic attack. I had trouble breathing, threw up, shook like a leaf, yet I often felt, like i was a burden on my mom, who often stayed with me at night to help me calm down. I always felt like i was weird, a freak, someone who doesn't deserve any friends (my OCD was about following certain rules). I pushed away all people i had cared about, to scared to harm them by accident, to scared, that they would tell me something and I would not be able to keep it a secret and something bad could happen - like it would be so bad, I would call the police or tell their parent about it. So I fully isolated myself from society, from my sibling, parents, pushed away all my friends, who soon became just a memory in the past. I was fully alone, afraid of hearing any whisper in the public bathroom, terrified, it would trigger a panic attack. I was in high-school, when for almost 4 years, I had isolated myself from everyone - i was totally alone, only with myself. Only after taking my final example, having had a panic attack so bad, I had to force myself to breathe, not to faint, that I tried to get help. I lived around 9 years, believing, that my OCD was simply a ruthless, horrible part of myself, that i hated. Only then I realized, that something was 'wrong' with me, that it wasnt truly me, who was at fault. A few months later, I had been diagnosed with OCD. 2 years passed, yet I still wonder, how long did it take other people, to realize, that the problem wasnt them, but the OCD, that was the issue. And I dont mean the diagnosis, but the realization, that its not me, but something beyond my control. Its my first time posting, so I got a bit carried away. If you feel comfortable to share, how long did it take you to figure out?