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I posted a vent but I figured its reassurance seeking, so I deleted it. just puting this out there. but if anyone wants to chat u can comment, for those that need somebody to talk to including me

I had to do a new exposure with my therapist two weeks ago involving my boyfriend where I had to share some of my intrusive thoughts and I know that it hurt him to hear some of them I could see it in his eyes and now I’m terrified he’s going to leave me my ocd isn’t the worst it’s ever been but it’s now the worst it’s been in a while and I’m back to doing one of the compulsions I had completely stopped and now idk what to do. I feel like I’m in this never ending cycle of doing really bad then doing really good. I just want my ocd gone I want to be normal again and not obsess ever my relation anymore. Sorry for the rant I’m just exhausted from my ocd and feel super depressed and I think it’s from my ocd. I just feel like I’m spiraling

Someone I loved was accused of sa 10 years ago on a minor they’re not 26. For some reason my mind keeps making excuses that they were struggling with pocd and acted some way but I know someone with OCD wouldn’t act on their thoughts yeah we think about it but no we would never do it. We aren’t our thoughts. I been finding articles to support why they’d be not guilty I’m in so much denial… but always believe the victim. This is a doubt disorder I know. I reached out to them to ask what happened and they mentioned being traumatized… also mentioned how it’s not only going to affect their family but their future partner. Would a guilty person feel this? I need atleast one comment.. I’m in so much denial because I loved them I hung out with them I created a bond with them… I don’t know what to do.

Recently ive been getting very scared to even be angry bc of the horrible thoughts I have and it feels even more real when I'm angry or even annoyed. Rn I was not even super annoyed at my neice but I felt a twinge of annoyance since she went up to my face and was yelling at me while I was resting on the bed and I got this image of doing something bad to her and I felt my hand twitch very little. I got nervous and felt relieved when her dad told her to stop screaming for no reason. I've been hyperfocusing on my bodily reactions (mainly my hands or how I'm feeling like did I just enjoy that? Was I considering???) And I've noticed the small twitches whenever I'm mad or annoyed and it's scaring me so bad! Like do I want to act out? Am I holding back??? I used to not even twitch at all when mad and I felt 100% sure I'll never act out but now it feels like I don't know bc what do these twitches mean?, I do know I don't want to ever act out but it's so scary. Recently whenever I feel angry once the argument is over I cry really bad after I'm alone and I pray so i never want or act out. And when the annoyance passes I also feel so guilty and want to stay away. Im scared these are real urges and i research for many many hours to make sure they arent urges or impulses and i also tend to ask chatgpt or here if the anxiety gets so bad 😕

My boyfriend has a mommy kink, something I think I have genuinely come to enjoy after being with him for years. But lately, I’ve been scared that maybe I misunderstood it. I worry that I was unknowingly making myself okay with the idea of seeing him as a child during intimacy. I’m not sure if this is part of the kink or if age play is involved. I don’t know. The fear I keep coming back to is that maybe, I misunderstood the dynamic entirely and was participating in something harmful. I worry that I was participating with a pedophilic mindset and that I was/am fully okay with that. I’m scared that I’ve made myself into a pedophile on accident. Can anyone help? Please

Please read and comment kindly. Really looking for support. My child was laying across me and every time I breathed a certain way I was getting a groinal sensation. I kept breathing like that anyways (ugh idk why), and then my mind told me I had hurt them that I might as well do something else because what's more. So idk why or what overcame me other than the thought of doing it and causing another feeling (I literally had to question what to do during this and the only thing I could come up with was to move my elbow towards her groin area) but it came across my mind to elbow my child, and I elbowed their crotch or side area. Which caused another unwanted groinal sensation. Then I began FREAKING smooth out and asked my child to move. Then I've been stressing since. I feel like as a mom I don't deserve to be theirs anymore. Idk what overcame me, and in the moment, it felt like I wanted to move my elbow, but I know that can also be my OCD speaking. Right? I clearly regret it all and hate myself. I would never intentionally hurt my child; I don't know what happened in my head when this happened. I was doing SO well! Is this my POCD that I've been diagnosed with by my OCD specialized therapist? Just a struggling mom who used to be the best of the best. I'm very depressed by this. Idk what to do with myself. I live in regret now, and I just wish it would've never ever happened. I can't stop ruminating and being depressed thinking I don't deserve anything.

can someone read my story i’m feeling lost and confused. MY STORY i’ve grown up in a mostly supportive family and area and we are not homophobic. i grew up knowing what gay people were and i don’t care i grew up not to care. im from nj. my parents are friends with a lesbian couple and we see them once in while. i grew up watching people like joey graceffa whose gay. i also had some school friends that were gay like this kid kevin and this girl elizabeth. i also babysit a little gay boy who likes to dress up as a girl and i always tell him to embrace it and defend him. from a young age i liked male attention and had labeled boys as crushes from my mom says when i was younger to middle school to kissing boys in high school. my mom said every since i was a little girl i would tell her i liked boys. as i got older and in middle school i always wanted guys to want me and thing i was funny and pretty and i would get awkward around them. but i remeber i didn’t have specific things i found hot or attractive and id someone said something was hot i would just agree and start telling myself it was hot even when i didn’t care i just wanted to be cool. then hocd hit at 13-15 during covid where i was so confused. the first time i had hocd i would like not avoid the thoughts i would do a lot of testing to figure it out for hours and hours in diffrent ways and would feel the same arousal and attraction im feeling now. but i remeber wanting to end up straight and try and rule out gay stuff. but it wasn’t avoidance i didnt have anything against gay people. when the thoughts were still there i still would only act on stuff with boys. when i first had it i remeber crying to my mom for like a month and i was like whatever she’s not helping im gonna figure this out by myself. that’s when i started testing myself for two years. over time it was just there. ofc it was distressing but i don’t remember much. slowly when i went to high school it faded because i loved going to parties and flirting with guys and talking about them and thinking what boy am i gonna kiss tonight it’s gonna be a crazy night.when covid ended and we went back to real like i started going to parties and kissing boys. i started dating one boy and we would talk all the time just not really hangout so we broke up because i wanted more male attention and was kinda bored of the relation shop. i started hu with this one boy and like didn’t really know if i was into it cause i kinda wanted to hoe around and we were kinda like locked in and i didn’t know if i wanted that. so he got the hint i wasn’t into it and stopped talking to me moved on to another girl and got popular in the span of like two weeks. after this i was obsessed with him and got all nervous to see him and i always just wanted to be like can we go back to the way we were. we then started to “hate” eachother and i was so sad all the time he didn’t want me anymore and moved on. we hooked up in and off for two years. then i started hooking up with this one kid cause i always thought he was really funny and chill. we hooked up for a little and then i started to get the ick. i then got with like two other boys at parties. so then we stopped talking and i started talking to the “hate eachother kid” again. we then started dating and he’s my current boyfriend of a little over a year. all these instances made me feel good and i loved the attention and drama. but i struggled with committing with people. i don’t know if this all for validation because i loved when men wanted me it gave me an ego boost and still does even if i didn’t really want them or couldn’t get it to last with a boy. i’m scared it was all for attention and confidence there attention gave me. i liked feeling like a baddie. i liked when the hot funny guys liked me now at 18 it’s back and for six months all i been doing is talking to my mom my sister and my dad about it constantly researching and checking and for those six months i was in a haze of just despair. i was also in erp but it was so bad i couldn’t sit with the distress so i didn’t make much progress and my pyscuatrust told me to stop for a while until we get my brain right with meds. after three weeks no erp and more meds of seretonin and rexulti i finally don’t feel distress or anxious but the feelings of attraction are still there. i thought there supposed to vanish. here’s a little more about me or my story a second time i wrote it. i’m from nj and from a supportive family and ig supportive environment and friends. i’m 18. just an fyi my mom is confident in not comphet and she says my attraction to men was exciting and real for me. and in high school okay so growing up my mo said i only liked guys and would talk about guy crushes and had two celebrity guy crushes. this was all the way up into middle school. then when middle school came around i started liking this guy cause he was funny and popular. then we started dating and everytime he would do something affectionate i would start crying and get so tense and freak out so i broke up with him. a year later i still liked him and i got back together with him and the same thing happened so i broke up with him. i think during middle school i liked guys. my mom said i did. i also would get really nervous when any of them would come around to hangout and i wouldn’t talk. but i would also just follow what my friends and sister said. if they said a guy was hot i would just agree. i dont know if i actually found them attractive. i still kinda do this to this day. then covid hit for two years. during those two years i was in my house house and got hocd. so i had hocd sexual intrusive thoughts only and had the groinal really bad. but i would still try and have crushes on guys and think i did. but my hocd also attached itself to one of my pretty friends who was a girl. it made me have a lot of sexual thoughts that i would masturbate to about her. it was about her waist and stuff. before hocd me and her were bestfriends and really close and im not sure if i had feelings for her. i mean i was always jealous cause all the guys always wanted her and thought she was pretty. then we got out of covid and i was now in high school. the hocd slowly faded my freshman year. in the begining of freshman year there was this tall brunette guy who i started talking too for months and started dating and i would get all nervous when he came around. then we broke up cause we never hung out. after that for the next two years i developed what i thought two be two genuine crushes. i would make out with cute guys at parties for the experience and to add cute guys to my kids list. but one thing i did is i would always try to prove i was straight to my mom. like if we were watching tv i would say a guy was hot. i didn’t want her to think i was gay even though she wouldn’t care. i was hooking up with my guy best friend but then started to looses interest but he was still obsessed. one day he caught on i wasn’t into it started hanging out with older people and going to there parties and started hooking up with this older girl. i got super jealous and heartbroken cause he didn’t care about me. i don’t know if this heartbreak and crying was because he got popular, he wasn’t giving me attention, we weren’t friends anymore or because i actually liked him. i always had a thing for him after this. i started going to the older people parties and i always wanted to see him there and make him jealous. one and half years later we started talking again and we started dating. once we started dating we started having sex. almost every time or most of the time i finish when he eats me out, we have actual sex or if we’re just humping. we say i love you and stuff. ths first six months we would do everything together like just little shopping trips or whatever. we were always hanging out. then it started to dial down and i started getting annoyed with him. but i still said love you and we would hangout and have sex but idk. i would have thoughts like we aren’t going to last because he’s not smart enough, and sometimes my mom would say this too. but she would also say how much he loved me and how he was such a sweet guy and how he would do anything for me. but idk i just wouldn’t feel it. then hocd hit again. this time much worse. it was even stronger it felt like with the feelings. the first three months i was in this haze and was crying everyday that i might be gay and how i really really really didn’t want to be. i still have hocd and im in therapy and on medication. i cant tell if my attraction to men is real. my mom says it is and she knows me and im not gay and ive shown genuine excitement about guys. my sister says the same thing. but it feel like ive just been doing it to fit in. the thoughts got bad and ive told my mom my sister my dad and ive wanted to tell my bestfriend. i’ve always found women attractive and i find it easier to find them attractive. i feel like i’ve always maybe had a thing for women but my mom and sister both say i never had and it’s only been men but i don’t know. Am I attracted to men? am i attracted to women? i don’t want to be gay! but i feel like i am and i have internalized homophobia since i just want to be straight and normal. it feels like i really do like women but i don’t want to accept it. i get turned on when i kiss my boyfriend and i finish driving sex most the time but i’m scared i don’t want to be kissing him. what if i lack a strong connection. i mean i enjoy cuddling and stuff too. i have all these feelings like butterflies groinals and feelings of alignment with sexual and romantic thoughts with women. i feel like ive just been following along with what i know when it comes to being straight. i’m not like other girls who are obsessed with guys and have all these celebrities crushes or are obsessed with biceps and jawlines. i feel diffrent cause i don’t even know what i find attractive. i don’t even know what im supposed to feel. it feels like i feel attraction easier to women. like little things about them. i feel like i maybe always had this feeling but pushes it away as admiration. also i had “crushes” on any boy that gave me attention. currently at 18 im in a relationship right now for over a year. when we have sex i finish most of the time. i finish during sex and head. i’d say i enjoy and im engaged. like today me and my boyfriend had sex twice he gave me head and fingered me. i finish for all four. i like nararate what’s happening in my head to get turned on and focus. like how we’re having sex and about things about him how he’s so good to me. or like i think of a sex scene i’ve seen on tv and imagine that like i’m the girl ig so it feels like im focusing on the girl but like i don’t think i am. if i let my mind go blank i don’t feel anything. i have to really relax and tell myself things that are happening to turn me on. if i was lesbian would i do this like does this show im attracted to men? also like when my bf talks about marriage im not like other girls i feel like im not obsessed with it like my sister or confident that he’s the one even tho he’s perfect. its so unfair. like i just think to myself i haven’t experienced enough and what if this is going no where and idk i don’t day dream or think about getting married. why?? im just scared all this attraction hasn’t been genuine or “comphet” which ive read about. recently for the second time with hocd it’s this undeniable pull of attraction towards women and it’s confusing and i think most of the time makes me really sad. im diagnosed and medicated for my ocd for this theme. the feelings are strong and intense and sometimes feel like it’s me or i want or enjoy it. it’s really confusing because i don’t want to be gay but idk if it’s for the wrong reasons. these feelings are really easy and strong and like idk not like what i feel to guys. it’s just idk if im as obsessed with guys like my friends are. it comes easily to them and im always like do i feel that why dont i feel like hes hot. i mean idc if people think im homophobic ig but like im not i think like i dont really care what you are and i babysit this gay boy and i always tell him to embrace it but lesbian and bi women idk make me feel a lot and i hate it. like i feel strong arousal or a feeling of a pull towards women want it or an urge or nervous excitement and butterflies. i am taking a break from erp since my physcatrist said im not ready since i cant sit with distres yet so she started new meds for my ocd and now the distress is like gone but the physical symptoms are still there and feel really strong and real and come effortlessly or easier. i just wish i had this for men. like six months of just crying distress non stop and now it’s just like calm but like all the feelings are still there and i thought they were supposed to go away when the distress went away. it’s like i don’t feel the fear anymore. it feels like im considering it. its it real? i still feel depressed when i think it is. like idk its like this darkness. when im straight im happy. its like yeah the distress went down but i still dont want it to be true but cant tell if it is. idk it just feels like its stronger then men. like have i been pushing aside or not realizing attraction to women and to busy with male validation? do i have internalized homophobia because gay feels like the scariest outcome? would i have had all these experiences with men if i wasn’t attracted to them? would my mom and sister also confidently say i like men? is this all just hold false attraction? i hope so. it’s weird cause i have hocd fear of being lesbian. i would love to be straight and feel that way again all the problems would be solved. like i rather be straight then won the lottery. or if a genie gave me three wishes i would wish to be completely straight. would i feel this way if i was actually lesbian which is my fear. And back to u know how in covid i had hocd where for two years i was trying to figure out if i liked girls. and then it slowly faded when covid ended and i was 15. after covid i went back to kissing boys at parties and down the shore when i would go out because i enjoyed there attention it made me feel good. it was also fun to do like kiss boys and flirt and it added to the night it was fun to talk about it. i only would act on stuff with men want to snapchat men like male attention and was jelous when other girls got it and snaps from boys or kissed i hot guy i wanted to kiss and have that experience. i didn’t really think about girls i don’t think. i mean sometimes it popped in my head but i think it scared me or i would just brush it off. would i have done this if i was comphet lesbian? or like i just want to know is it likely i’m lesbian or bi and didn’t realize or did but ignored it? like i feel like liking girls is so normal where i live but idk i still feel uncomfortable like when i go to the mall i always see lesbians. and like my straight girl friends have crushes on girls. or there’s lesbians in my school. but idk i still have this feeling when u see them. or when i imagine it. it’s like would i have gotten into a relationship at 17 with a man and have sex with him and consistently finish and hang out once a week and we’re still dating after a year and a half. like am i attracted to men? can the attraction to men go away? can i conclude i’m not lesbian and will never be one. like im either straight or bi with prefrence for men not women or can that change. or like would my mom and sister know since we’re super close?

Hello i got this app hoping to maybe find some support for my partner i thought about reddit but reddit has become a hateful place and i figured this is a safe place. i love my partner more than anything and he’s been struggling with OCD his whole life he has a hard time talking about it with anyone because it’s too painful he’s stated that it’s gotten worse as he’s gotten older His biggest issue right now is overwhelming thoughts of his actions having tragic outcomes and being unable to stop these obsessive thoughts (such as needing to check out door handle 5 times to make sure it’s locked but still panicking that it’s unlocked) he’s not open to one on one therapy or meds although he loves learning and watching informative videos i fear he’s afraid to confront his OCD or just afraid nothing will help i really wanna help him live a stress free and happy life he deserves it would anyone possibly have any ways to naturally help with OCD or recommend any great individuals that could share techniques on managing OCD or helping your partner with OCD? i would very much appreciate it!

TW Religious OCD TW Racism I’ll try to make this somewhat quick, but there is some doubt to this memory, but I’ll say what I know. For one, I have had an obsession with doing bad prayers. Secondly, this is not just normal intrusive thoughts. My main fear was a racist prayer. Unfortunately, my brain found the perfect pathway for this. I was so afraid of a prayer being racist, that if all people of color suddenly died, I would feel so guilty, that I could attempt suicide (I was already suicidal). Unfortunately, this was something I could selfishly want, because of the suicide aspect. I feel like the best thing I can compare it to, is someone who is suicidal, who selfishly wouldn’t be upset if a meteor hit earth or something, cause they wouldn’t be at fault and they wouldn’t die. Or someone who is suicidal who selfishly would be ok with World War 3, because it could mean that they died, and there’s nothing for them to personally feel guilty about if it wasn’t their fault. My brain one day came up with something. If I prayed for something bad to happen, it would be my fault. But what if in the conditions of the prayer, for it to happen, I was magically at NO fault at all. Basically like the meteor scenario. What if everything was completely devoid of guilt. All of the sudden I feel like I became ok with it, prayed for it, and IMMEDIATELY regretted it, but knew what I was doing when I did it. I don’t know if this makes any sense, but I’m pretty sure I quickly prayed for this, and then regretted it. The issue is, I don’t know how much influence ocd had over me when I did it. I mean, ocd did have an influence in putting together that scenario at first. It put together the WORST possible scenario in a way I could mean it could think of. I can’t completely remember how it happened. If it did happen, and it was my fault, how should I approach it? I feel horrible about it. Unfortunately, I am a bit worried it could happen again. Is this something I should forgive myself for? I know it’s terrible. Another option my mind presents is making myself feel as awful as possible consistently. Unfortunately, that leads to more issues. I’m very confused about this whole scenario, and I don’t think it is all intrusive thoughts. I do believe that ocd deliberately set me up in a scenario where I could pray for something awful, but I also believe I prayed for it and meant it when I did.

To the people who are in therapy and on their recovery journey when the ocd is tending to die down a bit is it normal for the ocd to keep switching themes until it fully dissipates? Has anyone experienced this?

Hello, I was driving last night and i hit a bump in the road like felt like a massive pothole but the road i was driving on (i drive on it almost everyday) and i’ve convinced myself that I hit someone or something. I had my mom drive by there again about 20-30 mins later and there was nothing but she said it looked like a hole was filled by rain water. I drove by later that night and didn’t see it so I’ve convinced myself that if something happened, it was cleared out in that time. Is there anything I can do to help myself feel better.

I don’t know if my hormones are extra wild this month or what, but I have been having so many POCD thoughts lately. It feels like I enjoy them in the moment, and then a few seconds later, I get this tiny flicker of *wait I don’t think I actually want to enjoy that.* It’s scaring me a lot. I was watching adult videos for the first time in about a year, since I had been avoiding them because of my OCD. I know they are not good for anyone, but I felt like i could (ironically it felt like a tiny win that my OCD had calmed down enough). But while watching, I had like 3 separate POCD thoughts. And it felt like I liked them. Like genuinely *liked* them. I don’t know if maybe my body was mixing up physical pleasure and mental pleasure, and then my brain inserted those not okay thoughts into the situation, which got tangled up with the pleasure responses I felt mentally and physically. It is all really confusing. I just feel so scared. I know OCD thoughts are supposed to feel real, and that once you get desensitized to the anxiety, they lose their power. But this feels like I am *actually enjoying* the thoughts, and that makes me want to cry. I’m scared that I actually like these thoughts when I’m really aroused :( Please help.

Anyone else over 30 and dealing with thoughts that feel debilitating? I know I’m not alone, but I’m curious who else is with me.

im so nervous to post this i feel like this is stupid but i feel so gross rn grew up poor, lived in a gross moldy house infested with bugs & a gaping hole in the bathroom floor. my parents did everything they could to make ends meet while also balancing taking care of my sick little brother who almost passed away twice as a baby from a rare disorder & paying for his medical expenses. i spent a pretty big chunk of my life as a kid without my parents because they were with my brother in the hospital, & after he got out i basically had to be a junior parent at very young always so scared of him dying at any moment if i take my eyes off him (i am not blaming him in any way i would do anything for him i love him so much) fast forward to now im 21 & living at home unemployed with ASD, BPD, OCD, autoimmune issues & chronic pain, my parents make way more money, we live in a pretty nice house now & they take care of all my expenses. i am incredibly thankful for everything that we have & my parents deserve everything theyve worked for, but im terrified im just some lazy spoiled little shit that wont get a life. i do everything i can to help out my parents even with my health issues, of course because i genuinely care to help them but also so i can feel "deserving" if that makes sense. always helping around the house, running errands, helping take care of my brother (whos now 17 but still needing care for his disorder on top of his own ASD & mental health issues), constantly asking if i can do anything to help out, but i just cant get this veruca salt spoiled little princess type caricature of myself that just sits around being a brat out of my head. ive been finally working at getting my first job with a side gig on ebay but im beating myself up because i think to myself "do i even need this job? other people my age get jobs to survive. i dont technically HAVE to get one, my parents pay for all my necessities, i only want to work so i can have my own life & not rely on my parents forever." sure im not some trust fund baby born into wealth, we still have to be careful with money but i have so much more than so many people & im so scared that i dont deserve it. its been killing me to the point of me compulsively searching shit all the time about rich people, how much money is too much money, how to know if you're spoiled, etc etc. im terrified people in the job world will look at me like the little spoiled bitch that had mummy & daddys money & just scoff at me- but i feel too ashamed to even talk about this because im terrified of looking like some rich kid preaching "oooh but rich people have problems toooo we're just like you guys!!!" i just dont know what to do. my ocd was horrible when i was 17 but overtime i was able to what i thought was "defeat" it, i went a while with no intrusive thoughts, but now this theme has taken over my brain. i feel disgusting.

I told a few people on social media about my OCD, including POCD and how distressing it is. But everyone went quiet, then a few hours later I posted that I don’t support pedophilia at all neither do I justify it or am a pedo. Then someone replied with: “I think someone might take it bc u have such an obsessive fear of it u might have actual p3 do philic tendencies” I can’t do this anymore, I’m terrified to spiral again like a few months ago but I’m on the brink of doing it again. I’m shaking and stressing tf out I hate this so so so so so much

I am 16 and struggling with OCD. It is causing me to do irrational things that I wouldn't normally do and cause issues with my parents. I feel like a terrible person and want to take back things that have happen and don't know how to make it better. The OCD causes things to get stuck in my brain and my questions have to be answered and talked about. I don't know how to let thoughts go and ways that would be healthy for myself and my parent when this happens. Any advice?

I am new to this and exploring the community chat. Is it normal to have anxiety reading the posts? I keep looking for something that I can relate to, but I have hot “zings” going through my chest and down my torso while reading. I have been scrolling for over 30 minutes, which I guess is a sign of my newly diagnosed OCD. I am having a hard time verbalizing any “fears” - any advice to begin this journey?

I been dealing with intrusive to the point it feels like I think them idk what to do I feel like a monster.

False memory OCD is such a pest. It’s really hard to deal with the feelings of certainty and anxiety, trying to discern if things are false memories or real memories, what if they’re real memories, what if my OCD is right, what if because my OCD was right about one thing it’s also right about this thing, what if it knows something I don’t or haven’t realized yet, what if the real memory it’s taking from is actually false and the false memory is true. And it’s worse because the theme and false memory is so high stakes and it’s terrifying to consider what if it’s actually true and the consequences, but that only feeds the OCD, and it doesn’t help that I keep mentally prodding at it to see if the feelings of certainty are still there. It makes the false memories seem so real, and it’s like it wants me to admit the false memory actually happened when I don’t know that it did, and I’ll never know. I try to sit with the uncertainty but my OCD makes this feel so real and it creates so much certainty that this did happen that it’s so hard to keep telling myself that I don’t know, that this could be a real memory or it might not be and I’ll never know, and to remember that this came up a few days ago and I was pretty sure it was a false memory and I was handling it. Like remembering the false memory made it an actual memory. I have no idea if any of this makes any sense - it’s getting so meta lol. Reading all of this, it’s no wonder it’s so hard to sit with the uncertainty about if it’s a real memory or false. It’s been on my mind over the last week, too, which probably doesn’t help things, because the deeper I try to delve into it, the more complicated it becomes, and trying to point out that logically, it doesn’t make any sense, doesn’t help because my OCD comes up with scenarios and what-ifs and ways that this could have happened. It’s really tough to sit with when my OCD is so convinced this is true and it wants me to be convinced, too. I could really use some support, validation, encouragement, anything. If you made it this far, thanks for reading - please take care of yourselves. ❤️🤗

So I had a panic attack a while ago to “kill mom” and I forgot about the thought until a few days later. When it came back I was mentally drained and it lasted for 2 months or more. It eventually went away but it is back. I get other intrusive thoughts but they go away after a hour or so. Why am I stressing over “kill mom” so much. I just get irritated that it won’t go away. I’m beginning to think it’s a different mental illness maybe just anxiety? I’m not sure to be honest. It just appears and sits there and I feel like I’m doomed and a pyscho and worry that I’ll never forget the thought.