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Sometimes i feel like im using ocd as an excuse. What if i dont really have it and im just freaking myself out? Does anyone feel this way

I very recently found out it was OCD all along that was keeping me hiding from the world and I am only just now realizing what my compulsions are. It’s been very difficult to separate in my brain what my feelings are/reasonable action to take vs what my compulsions are because all of my feelings are so intense. My entire life I’ve been told “it’s not that deep” and “you’re so dramatic just get over it already” and “it’s not that bad”. My own mother has called me weak and lazy for what apparently was this disorder slowly driving me insane. I am so tired. I thought I was autistic for years. I’m not. So now… this suddenly isn’t “I am who I am and I am valid” it’s now “this disorder is ruining my entire life and I’m so tired of fighting my own brain I wish I could just accept this reality and that I have a disorder and live how I need to to feel calm.” Am i supposed to be mean to this inner ocd voice? It wants me to stay home from work and hide my big feelings so I’m not a burden. It’s how I stayed safe growing up- avoidance of situations was the only way out of my mom’s explosive anger. now these survival mode coping skills are keeping me from providing food for myself. My executive dysfunction is so bad I’m barely eating and I’m TRYING to, but I’m not getting enough protein so I can feel myself starving. I am so tired friends. Please tell me: how do I move forward? Can I please just rest first before I have to fight more? I’m trying to add more relaxing activities to my daily life so my work shifts aren’t so daunting. But I can feel my depression coming back with winter coming. I don’t want to spiral again.

So I don’t think I ever had a groinal response until now. Like i hyper focused on the groinal and I don’t understand what I’m feeling. Like I don’t even know if it groinal because every time I hyper focus on this it’s feel like I’m doing it on purpose? I don’t understand. Like I’m focusing on it and then I feel like I do it on purpose. I’m afraid it going to be for life now? What? Yesterday I was better and this today? It’s feel like when I’m focusing on that I’m doing it on purpose. Now I’m trying to block the thought away cause I don’t know if it’s Groinal or not so I don’t want to think about it while I’m having a Groinal or purposely doing a Groinal? I really don’t understand it like I really don’t . It’s feel real. Now I don’t even want to go outside cause what if I see a kid and it will happen cause I’m afraid I’m doing it on purpose

I’m really struggling with a bad flare up these last couple of weeks. My ocd tends to latch onto my kids. Last night my ocd turned an intrusive thought that I know isn’t true, that i’d normally just shrug off, into me being so depressed not able to beat it because the ocd keeps trying to convince me it’s true and won’t let me believe anything different. I was taking a picture of my kids setting up the tree. What should have been a happy family moment but the ocd said I had a wrong motive. I truly didn’t and I feel like I can’t do anything with my kids anymore without ocd destroying it. It has me so down. I just want to be a normal mom with a normal brain😪

I keep thinking I hate my mom, although before my OCD flared up I never once thought this about her. Her and I are very close and I consider her my best friend. Most of my thoughts target her, especially harm related. When I have this thought, it even feels like I dislike her. But I think this is anxiety and the dread feeling. It makes me sad and I get emotional. But it feels real, and then I think I’m in denial or just telling myself to feel a certain way to not be guilty or whatever. Like I feel angry if someone tells me this isn’t true or that they know I love my mom, and if I feel that way does that mean it’s true? As if they’re trying to force me to feel a certain way or brainwash me to feel something. But I don’t want to hate her, so why would I get mad at that? I know I love her deep down. I have even confessed all this to my mom in a state of panic and she told me she knows it’s my OCD, but now I just feel so guilty for telling her all that since I think I hurt her. What mother wants to hear those things from her daughter? She is so kind and loving, and has done nothing to ever make me think I might hate her. I know I’m in a spiral right now and ruminating too much, but it’s so hard to not think there’s a deeper meaning or if this is how I truly feel. It makes me want to avoid her. I feel so lost and sad.

One of the things that has made my rocd flare up is the fact that my bf and i are now past our honeymoon phase and getting into a new more comfortable stage of our relationship. I’ve never gotten to this point in a relationship before so i’m not used to what comes with this new stage. I know that this stage comes with some conflict, some boredom/frustration, maybe some annoyance because those little differences that used to be cute kinda annoy u a bit now. I also know this is where you make compromises and you grow together to become a strong, calm, reliable love. I have been struggling with this because i have taken any sign of annoyance, disconnection or difference as a red flag. I ran with this and it ignited the intrusive thoughts that i now get everyday. “do you really love him enough? We have differences so we’re not meant to be. You’re lying to him you don’t want this anymore you’re not happy” (that last one is because i deal with these thoughts so much!! nothing to do with him!) Anyways it’s very exhausting because he is the most amazing person and I know that even if we have differences i’d rather work on them than run away. I feel like i’m always half in half out because of these voices in my head. If anyone has any tips on navigating this new phase of a relationship or can attest to some of this being normal it would be great! Any tips on letting thoughts pass as well would be appreciated ! thank you

I have all 4 forms of pure OCD, I'm 47 been dealing with this since I was around 12. This past year rocd came with so much pain and confusion. I didn't get my first taste of exposure therapy until I was 43. I never communicated as a child. So it has developed into a demon within my mind. As far as the rocd it is complicated, but one theme is if I'm attracted enough to my wife. My wife is my heart, my soul mate, and I am very attracted to my wife. I had such a bad trigger today, at a certain angle I could see some wrinkles or something near her mouth. I instantly went into panic mode, had terrible intrusive thoughts. It's so confusing because we age, it's part of life. But it completely caused me to compulse. I've been doing it for probably 8 hours, I can't even think straight. I was just so focused on the wrinkles, and questions like do I think she's not attractive enough started, and haven't stopped. We all age, I never had any of these thoughts for 10 years. I just don't know how to stop compulising, I feel guilty and scared. But I never had these thoughts before, and I love my wife so much and am very attracted to her. But the OCD was so focused on the wrinkles, I couldn't see anything else, I'm in therapy, but I just don't know how to navigate these thoughts. I'm also bipolar, and an alcoholic who deals with content anxiety and depression. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Sorry for the long message.

I experienced kind of a sexual harassment by my uncle when I was 9 years old, I loved him and wanted to hug him and sleep next to him even I had some feelings that I liked to be caressed in a seducing way, then one night I woke up and saw a white liquid on my leg and got traumatized, didn’t know what that was but since then I started to hate him. After that in my teenage years I began to have ocd symptoms and intrusive sexual thoughts about a celebrity with the urge to tell my parents with all the details and it was a hell for me. I saw lots of doctors, one of them sexually harassed me when I was in my mid twenties when I was telling him about all my intrusive sexual thoughts that I had been experiencing, I told him I thought to myself at home as I was seeing myself in the mirror that I might want the doctor to suck my breasts (that was my intrusive thought) and when I wanted to leave the doctor approached me and tried to kiss me and comment disgustingly on what I had said. I cried so much because I didn’t know who I could trust anymore. Right now I am struggling to be in a relationship because I constantly think I might be bisexual and have to try it out with the same sex, experience threesome, and stuff before being in a serious relationship. My past two relationships ended because I never was sure and peaceful in them having these thoughts. Now I’m doubting all the things I wanted to do and scared to death what if I do all of those things and no one ever want to be my partner in the future because of that. What if no one loves me and I make a horrible mistake by experiencing those stuff. I always think I have had the worst experiences and thoughts that I am ashamed of sharing with others and get so overwhelmed. I shared these to see if anyone else feels the same or had similar traumatizing experiences and struggles.

i cant do this anymore im really tired, i cant keep up with all of these thoughts and all of these themes im just tired and i wish i could choose not to care but some of these things are bothersome to my heart so i cant just ignore it idk im so tired. im seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow to get medicine so thatll be great but still these worries are very real worries and i have absolutely no clue how to address them

i don’t think i can, i can’t stomach the possibility of these things, or maybe i can (because they might be true and deep down i know that) and just don’t want to and want to pretend it isn’t there. i can’t do ERP, i just want to pretend it isnt there and won’t happen to clarify, i know i have to do ERP, i know it’s necessary; i don’t need to be told this, this is just how i am feeling currently

Everytime I get a new ocd event it feels so much worse than the others and I look at the others rationally and think idk why I was worrying about those, THIS is the bad one. And I feel like that right now like it just feels like I actually did something horrible and it’s not ocd idk what to do. I want to get reassurance but it might make it worse cuz sometimes I get anxious after confessing to someone.

There’s a famous album cover that features a nude baby, and even though it’s not meant to be inappropriate, my OCD keeps fixating on it in a way that makes me feel guilty and anxious. I know that ERP might involve looking at it neutrally, but I feel really conflicted because it feels wrong to even look for it. My brain has been obsessing over it ever since I saw it in Target yesterday. The compulsion I’m dealing with is the urge to look it up to see how I feel about it, but I really don’t want to give in. I already know I feel uncomfortable looking at it. My goal is to get to a place where I can see it without any strong reaction, but I’m not sure how to reach that point. I don’t want to let this interfere with my life. What do I do?

I’m feeling like I can’t get out of my head that I’m not a good person. Everything I am checking to “make sure” idk what I’m trying to make sure of but I’m very insecure about this and it causes me a lot of distress. Every word that sounds like it could be something else, sounding very inappropriate and thinking people can hear it too makes me feel very embarrassed. I feel very alone in this and I’m unsure of what to do.

I can’t stop thinking about my boyfriend with old crushes or people he found attractive I play images of it in my head on repeat all day long. So I have started a system where I make him promise he only likes me, gets turned on by me, and finds me attractive currently. It has gotten excessive and I make him promise at least multiple times and hour and if I see anything that reminds me of the old crushes I get triggered. I know me asking him to promise and reassure so many times is a compulsion and I physically can stop but everything in me screams no. My therapist and I have been trying EMDR which I really dislike because when talking about the “traumatic event” which is a dramatic way of saying me finding out about my boyfriends old crushes I feel the need to reach out and find validation from him. I think my therapist thinks that I have OCD because of some traumas but I really feel like i was born like this and that I have always had compulsions since I could talk. I am not sure what to think or do but I seriously need help with the whole asking for reassurance thing because when he doesn’t do I have panic attacks and threaten stuff I don’t mean in order for him to realize I need to hear. I don’t know how to stop and he didn’t say tonight before bed and its really bothering me so I have to reread his old messages again or something bad. I just wish someone who relates could give me some advice or suggest therapies for OCD other than EMDR and CBT which is what I am doing. I hate having to let this affect my relationship and hurt him but I feel like I have to be reassured.

I feel like it's got to a point that I just can't deal with stuff on my own anymore. I've tried to help myself with compulsions and thoughts and behaviours and it helps to an extent but I feel like I just need more help. But I don't even know where to start, I've felt so ignored in the past and I don't even know where you can turn to. I'm in the UK so it's difficult, especially considering I'm only 17, to get any help for this kind of thing. I just want someone to talk to, something to help – medication, maybe? I want to try it, I want to see if it would stop the overthinking for a while. Stuff isn't as bad as it has been before, but I feel like I can't just leave this anymore. I just don't know who to turn to or where to go from here.

Going through a ready hard time rn. Anyone have advice for how they get out of rough patches with their ocd. It’s completely taken over my life the past two days and I feel like all I do is sleep and have this knowing anxiety.

my mind is spiraling, trying to not listen to the worries about what if my bf SAed me and that's what's wrong. That it was more than a simple mistake and miscalculated move on his part that even though we've talked about mulittle times, including him listening completely and making sure to apologize and do what he can to make me feel safer Bringing up when he forgets to ask before touching me like he used to and I wouldn't mind. But now since my OCD keeps watching onto these moments, I need him to always ask. I didn't before. I was comfortable before. And im comfortable with him. I'm sure that without my ocd, I wouldn't be so hypervigilant and have these fears ruining my relationship with him. Although the ruined feelings are one sided, me being the one who feels that way. he's completely understanding and doesn't make me feel bad for it. I love him for it. But I feel so awful that I have these fears making the adrenaline course through me making me unable to think about anything else. Making me think that I'm trying to justify what he did even though I don't think it was SA, but every mention of rape or abuse is a trigger of those moments where I worry I'm suppressing what might be true. This isnt something can just "maybe, maybe not" until I calm down. I want nothing but to vent to him and cry in his arms about this. but we bith dont knowbwhat to do or say. It makes sexual intimacy so difficult too. I feel like I'm ruined. Like our relationship is doomed because my ocd latched onto one of the worst things ever, convincing me that something awful happened. im so scared and can't seem to navigate my way through this.

Two weeks ago I did a compulsion that I'm very ashamed of doing and it honestly put me in a deep depression I just don't understand why I gave into it when I could've just ignored it I feel like everyone on this app has so much better things going on with them and I wish mine was like that too but it's not for me it's starting to feel very real like so real and I can't say I'm scared because I'm not even scared I was but now I feel numbness and tiredness and I'm not really as anxious as I was before even when I'm out I don't get anxiety and like I have really bad social anxiety like I've completely lost myself and who I am I just want this to pass I don't want to feel like I like this when I don't and ever since I did that compulsion my mind is litterly just like oh well you did that that's who you are now u can't go back your attracted to this now and it's like no I'm not but it feels real I Don't want this to be who I am I don't know if anyone else is going through the same thing I just don't wanna feel alone like I completely feel so dull like when I see a guy my age now I feel dull like this is really scary........ because I feel like everyday it gets worse. I can't even go outside and it's just like if I do want this and my body and brain is saying I do then why do I feel so tired all the time why am I on here getting reassuranc from people like why am I feeling anxiety in my chest why do I feel like throwing up it's just so confusing. And when I do try to agree with the thoughts my mind nothing happens I still feel the same. Like I don't know what do I've never felt this way I've had ocd compulsion before where I'm like yeah ok and I can simply just move on from it but this one I litterly can't

Can I please get someone’s opinion on this. I am scared of having my own baby. I’m terrified of the diaper changes. I have the same intrusive thought that I would kiss my child’s genitalia during this. I feel like I could possibly justify it by saying it’s out of love. I’m sure there are parents who have done it in a non sexual way which scares me too. I don’t know if that’s a real possibility but my brain tells me it is. I’m scared that I don’t know if this is right or wrong. And I’m just scared I’ll love my baby so much I won’t see anything wrong with it. I know we’re supposed to sit with uncertainty but this one is killing me and I don’t know how to deal with this.

Should stopping my rituals and compulsions be my priority? So I dont mean trying to run away from my thoughts or trying to find out what they mean. I have learnt that my thoughts are my thoughts and I can really control them so it's pointless trying to do that. I'm talking about stopping how I have been responding to them thoughts for example by doing physical compulsions or menatal rumination. This might sound like a daft question but I just want to know others opinion on this?