i don’t think i can, i can’t stomach the possibility of these things, or maybe i can (because they might be true and deep down i know that) and just don’t want to and want to pretend it isn’t there. i can’t do ERP, i just want to pretend it isnt there and won’t happen to clarify, i know i have to do ERP, i know it’s necessary; i don’t need to be told this, this is just how i am feeling currently
Hey you’re not alone, trust me it’s uncomfortable to say the least. I know you can do it though! The self doubt aspect of ocd sucks and can play tricks on our what we believe to be our true selves.
i cant do it, theres a lump in my throat and whenever i think of my fears all the anxiety goes away and it feels like what im fearing is true, im just too afraid to face it, these are my genuine feelings and im not really sure how to feel about that.
I know how you feel. When I was first introduced to ERP, I said, "YOU WANT ME TO DO WHAT???" It seemed so counterintuitive. Our first response is to run away fromthat kind of thing. But, my therapist gradually led me through it and, over time, I learned that there ain't no bears in there after all, and those awful exposure exercises really work! It's tough work, but well worth it if you want to recover. Please keep in mind that at first your OCD flare ups may get worse. Don't lose hope. It's hard to believe, but it means it's working. It means you're standing up to the bully, and the sucker is doing whatever it can to keep you on the treadmill. I remember times, early in my therapy, when I just would sit down and cry. But, guess what, the more I kept at it, the more the flare ups diminished.
It will happen to you, too. You just have to get tough and have faith.
You’re not alone! I have had to write multiple scripts about killing myself and my family. My therapist makes me write them again when they aren’t graphic enough. Then record and listen to them over and over again. But it works, and the fear and discomfort of doing ERP is better than the fear and discomfort that is the never ending abyss of OCD.
while ERP is intense (i’ve held a knife to my throat and just sat there with my therapist working through thoughts and feelings) it cannot be overwhelming for you or it will not be effective as you will not be able to complete it effectively. if you are feeling too much too often from your next step with ERP, it is okay to slow down and work more on slightly less anxiety inducing ERP until you can work back up in your hierarchy. consistency is really important and small steps lead to big changes in life! you got this!
I’ll list some key things with my main subtype, and I hope that I can get some erp advice, but it’s okay if not, I know nobody is my therapist..! 1. I have this thing where when I feel false attraction about a k!d, I will be immediately convinced and say “that means I am?” “I am attracted” “I feel attracted?” “He’s attractive” not to be weird but I panic and say these because I don’t want them, and I feel like I agree with it, this makes me feel like a bad person when I say them (sometimes I can’t help it when I get really stressed) what can I do for this to be better? 2. My brain will give me an intrusive question, asking if I’d do this,this or that, and I feel like agreeing or saying yes to this, sometimes I will hear a yes and I’ll freak out 3. When I get triggered by a photo, I have to keep checking and checking (this will always last forever) till I’m sure that I think the photo is cute or adorable and not in any way that I feel false attraction Whenever I feel convinced, I feel bad that I feel convinced and it’ll say “well if you were a good person, why do you allow yourself to get convinced even if you know you aren’t this”
I know I need therapy. I have a flare up every three months that rocks my world— it’s been like this for four years. I’m just too scared. I’m too scared to have a therapist tell me I’m a lesbian. I’m too scared to do ERP and have it not work because it wasn’t actually OCD. I’m too scared for the ERP to work and me finally feel comfortable with being bisexual or a lesbian. I don’t want any of that to happen. I don’t understand how I can get over this and still be straight. I’m petrified at the thought of therapy, but what is going to happen to me?
I did an erp and I was thinking over and over again “I want to be with girls I just don’t want others to find out” and then it felt like a moment of yeah that is what I want. It felt really real I can’t believe it’s not. I wasn’t anxious about it. It felt completely like me and even when I tried to deny it like it was a true realization and that I wanted it to be true. I can’t do this. What do I do!!! Erp suggestions?
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