Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Hello- so my intrusive thoughts came back and i upped my lexapro from 5mg to 20mg. Now for 2 weeks. Still don’t feel great. Anyone know if it takes longer to get back in your system? Or what? Frustrated . Txs

I was talking with my family. I got groinal and usually try to avoid it. My therapist said for erp dont avoid it. Even lean into or aomething. I felt my hips thrust or me lean forward as i was sitting and ocd makes me feel guilty. I than did mental compulsions like self talk repearing “no” and ruminating on it after. But i know i wasnt trying ti do anything inappropriate

Just all social media, the white and black thinking is just horrible and makes me spiraling a lot. Specially when I read comment like, If you dont think the same then you are *insert something horrible * I struggle a lot with moral scrupulosity so the cancel culture the anonymous comment etc just makes my anxiety go high I am trying to sit with the discomfort and continue doing what I am doing but it feels bad I want to be more flexible with myself and the world but it is so difficult I am not going to delate my social media because I want to be able to manage this anxiety withow having to avoid thinks I like I dont want to change what makes me happy in a intention to calm this horrible feelings But it is so difficult Thinks are better but low moments hits hard

I'm in the bathroom rn and I left class just too post this 😭😭 my teacher said some shit that scared ME so bad. She literally keeps saying shit that's triggering my ocd so bad, and it got my friend really anxious too. See I don't listen to wholesome music most of my music is about murder, or abuse stuff like that. She straight up told my class that if u listen to dark music like that u can end up that way. I am so pissed off. My moms got ahold of her too, she started arguing almost with me and my friends because we literally tried to tell her no it does not. She said "scientific studies prove" and I'm fucking scared as shit and my mind already has the fear of going insane because of my music. So now I'm sweating head down and I'm super pissed to say the least. It was almost as if she was tryna scare the kids. She says shit all the time that triggers it and it gets me SO pissed off. I'm so like stressed rn today was going good now it's going fucking down :(

This is just a petty rant, but has anybody else had this experience where you tell someone you have OCD and their response is “Really? 🤨 YOU?” I’m a pretty disorganized person. Cleaning isn’t easy for me, I’m not good at prioritizing small details, and my physical presentation is acceptable but not excessively neat by any means. So sometimes when I’ve told people who know me that I have OCD, they almost don’t seem to believe me, because their image of someone with OCD is “clean freak (but only in a convenient and acceptable way).” Things like cleanliness and symmetry have never been themes of mine. I’m sure those who have it can attest to the fact that those types of themes are very much not pretty up close, but the popular concept of OCD seems to encompass only that theme and only in “cute” ways. Like when people go “I’m so OCD haha I have to keep my car super clean!” And it’s just so frustrating, because it feels like people think you’re making it up if you don’t have whatever they’re looking for from your mental illness. It feels like they look at me and my messy spaces and go “If you had OCD, you would be more organized than this, so you probably don’t have it.” I developed religious OCD when I was seven. I mentally ‘erased’ sinful thoughts and raised my hand to get saved every Sunday because I was always afraid I didn’t mean it enough last time. I developed suicidal OCD at twelve. I hid pills from myself in the back of my dresser and refused to be home alone and laid on my floor for hours completely still because if I didn’t move I couldn’t hurt myself. I developed POCD at seventeen. I looked away from every commercial with a child in it, monitored every sensation in my body, hid in bathrooms during family gatherings because I thought I might be dangerous in a way I didn’t even know I was. I developed home invasion OCD at nineteen. I checked every lock day and night, kept a knife under my pillow, slept on the bathroom floor because I was sure if I opened the door someone would be on the other side waiting to hurt me. I developed existential OCD at twenty one. It’s been two years. I’m not a Christian anymore. I don’t want to be. I’ve found something different that makes me happier. I wonder every day if I’m demon possessed. I look for answers and find that everyone says they have them but nobody can prove it. I sit alone in my bedroom and beg for mercy from a god I don’t believe in, just in case. I almost want to die sometimes, but I can’t, because if I die I’ll get my answers, but if I’m wrong about what I believe I’ll fast track myself to eternal suffering. I look at my loved ones and their spectrum of beliefs with suspicion. Who of them is manipulating me? Who is being puppeteered by something evil? Who is just…wrong? If I could trust myself, I would, but I can’t. This is what OCD is for me. For a lot of us. This mental illness doesn’t exist to make our cars prettier for people without it to look at.

This is a repost ------ Imagine your mind is like a house on Halloween night. Intrusive thoughts are like persistent trick-or-treaters knocking at your door, with thier silly and scary customs. At first, you might feel compelled to answer, just as you would with kids in costumes asking for candy. You try to be polite, explaining you don’t have any treats, but they just stand there, waiting. If you keep responding, they’ll keep knocking. But if you turn off the lights and ignore the doorbell, eventually, they’ll get the message and move on. They might even tell others not to bother knocking because no one’s home. Treat intrusive thoughts the same way. If you react to them, they’ll keep coming back. Instead, let them knock without opening the door. With time and no reaction from you, they’ll give up and fade away on their own.

**long post, sorry, need advice so if anyone could help, I’d really appreciate it, thank you** So I’ve been a little anxious and mad at my boyfriend lately since I found out he’s voting for trump in the upcoming election. I’m voting for kamala for a lot of reasons but I also simply don’t like trump one bit. (I’m not considered a democrat or liberal either, I’m neutral with stuff, but not with anything trump stands for). We’ve been together for almost 2 years so I already knew my bf aligned more with the Republican Party rather than democratic, but that wasn’t really a problem for me since I think that both parties have their issues, and he’s mainly neutral with a lot of topics, and so am I. And we’re not really political people either, but this is our first time voting in a presidential election so ofc we talked about it and he said he was voting trump bc he wants the economy fixed. And I agree with the economy but I don’t like a lot of the things that trump says and the fact that he 🍇’d a woman, and everything with abortion, so it threw me off. And then I started to research more and found out that trump wouldn’t fix the economy, he’d make it worse, and when he was president before, we were under obama’s tax plan so that’s why the economy was so good. But anyway, after learning more and more, I started to grow angry at my bf cuz I just don’t see why he’d vote someone who would actively take away my rights if given the chance. I’ve tried talking to him about this and he understands where I’m coming from, and agrees with me that a lot of stuff that trump says and does is ridiculous, he’s not even a trumpie at all, and my bf isn’t against abortion either, he’s told me himself that if people should be allowed to carry guns, we should be allowed to do what we want with our own bodies. And all that makes me feel better, but he’s so focused on the economy and the fact that he just doesn’t believe that my rights would be stripped away, he just thinks that the government wouldn’t allow that to happen. And I tell him that they definitely would, but idk he just doesn’t believe it. He told me that he’s mainly voting for the Republican Party rather than trump, and that statement made me feel better at one point but regardless, the vote is still going to trump so it just rubs me the wrong way. It also doesn’t help at all that I keep seeing TikTok’s and tweets of people saying “if your partner loves you so much, why are they voting for someone that would take your rights away?”, saying to break up, etc., and that really freaks me out because of my rocd. I know my bf loves me and he wouldn’t want anything to happen with my rights, but I think he’s so oblivious to that the fact that there’s a possibility that bad things can happen. He doesn’t think anything will happen and everyone’s being dramatic, but I guess he’s not so skeptical about the government. I’m just hoping that kamala wins so I can move on from this, but if trump wins and he takes away womens’ rights, just like I thought he would do, I don’t see how I could ever forgive my bf. I would just hope that he’d admit he was wrong and actually understand, but it’s also sucks that something would have to happen in order for him to believe that any bad thing can happen. And I know that if trump loses, he won’t be able to run again after this, and that gives me some peace of mind, but now it’s freaking me out that if someone comes along in the Republican Party, that’s similar to trump, I feel like my bf would vote for them and it’d be the same thing every election. Idk I’m thinking too far ahead. I guess I just needed to vent about this, it’s all confusing, idk if anyone can relate, or has any advice (that isn’t to break up with him).

Today has been, not ideal, but better maybe? I actually was able to spend the night at a friend’s house. We went to a haunted house place, I was dressed as Mario. I kept getting these thoughts, what if I was uncomfortable with the Mario costume? It was very distressing. Halloween has been hard for me since I started my whole OCD journey. Last year, halloween was hard because my Harm OCD was at its peak. Halloween and scary movies would really trigger my thoughts. This year my theme has been identity typically pertaining to gender. Picking my costume was very triggering because I would look at the female costumes and I would be like “Do you want to wear those?” or “You want to wear a girl costume.” it was VERY hard. I’ve also been struggling with this crippling derealization, i’ll look around me and things just.. don’t feel right. They don’t feel real. My head is constantly spinning and honestly i’m just tired. And my question is, why? Why do these things happen to us as people? We’re given a gift, a chance at life, a chance to find all the beauty in every corner of our lives and yet we are plagued with a curse that most people don’t have to endure. Everyone has their issues.. everyone has their battles and endeavors. But why is that? Why do we struggle so much? What makes it worth it? I fight to survive, I grasp on to little shimmers of hope with my life. But it all fades.. and it’s back into the abyss. It’s overwhelming how insignificant our problems can be in the grand scheme of life.. I’m only 16, people say these are the glory days, the days I will remember and cherish for the rest of my life. And yet, I’m living in constant torture. Constant pain, questioning, and suffering.. There was a point in time where I was so connected spiritually too. Where I felt like God heard me. I felt Him.. but lately I don’t feel that way. My psychiatrist and my mom think that this is me just self-sabotaging. And for all I know they may be right. All I know is I am tired of this. I am tired of every minute of my day being taken and controlled by OCD. I hate anxiety, I hate depression, I hate OCD, I hate it all. It makes me feel weak and futile. There was also a point in time where I saw the good in everything. I saw the light. When I was younger I was the friend that people could talk to when they needed a boost. Now I can hardly keep myself together. I miss the person I was. I miss that Landon. I miss that boy, who was kind, and optimistic, and tried his best in school and didn’t constantly question every aspect of living and only saw the good in everything and even people. I feel helpless, scared, and most of all alone. TOCD has been worse for me than harm. This theme has warped not only my identity but my sense of reality, my sense of hope, my sense of self. I just hope the Lord has a plan for me, that he’s working through me for something great..

I went to my friends house for a couple of hours and they have a ton of siblings. Every second one of the siblings would ask to play with me, and so I did. Yet I kept thinking, "you're not giving your friend enough attention and they'll hate you." It just kept coming to my mind over and over. My friend was kinda out of it today so they weren't as hyper as usual. So they didn't join in a lot. I feel like a horrible person. My mind keeps telling me I was third wheeling. Once I got home they didn't say their usual stuff that they would like "I had so much fun" and now I'm so worried that I'm a horrible friend. It's causing so much distress.

I am so unsure of what to do. I have had 4 sessions with my new therapist, but after each session I feel even worse. I’m frustrated with it because she is not giving me any coping strategies. I need to know what to do and how to cope when I’m triggered. I’m so scared to keep carrying on every session but not learning how to actually cope with my problem. That will make me more stressed. Is this normal? I can’t afford to waste money, it’s soo expensive 😪 I would have expected to have started erp or some sort of intervention by now, and she doesn’t give me an answer when I ask when will we start erp. I don’t think that’s an unreasonable question. I don’t even know what type of intervention she’s got planned! I’ve just told her I’m interested in erp. Surely I should know that by now? I just need a rough answer so I’m working towards a goal and I know what’s happening. She just says that’s me looking for certainty again. I disagree. I’m not looking for certainty, I’m just asking for what to expect from the sessions and whether I’m going to get what I’m paying a lot of money for. This will probably be my last chance for therapy because of finance and I don’t want to waste it on the wrong treatment 😩 would any therapists start erp or coping strategies earlier than the fifth session or is what I’m dealing with the norm? Thanks 🙏🏻

Hi, could someone give me some advice or at least a friendly word? Or even a like on the post so I feel I'm not alone or whatever (This post contains mention of depression, porn and, as always, OCD traps) For a while now I've been feeling a deep sadness and struggling to live a minimally happy life, or at least one without so much melancholy. In order not to make this too long, I'll get straight to the point. Yesterday I drank and got a bit drunk, but nothing too bad, in fact when I drink it's one of the few times I feel like my life is happy. But I wasn't drunk enough to just go to sleep, and I felt like trying to feel something because I'm desperate to feel something other than this emptiness. So I thought about porn as a way of trying to feel something, but I didn't feel anything significant, I don't know, the emptiness continued. And to make matters worse, OCD came along with its traps, and I began to question "Have I watched any problematic content?" even though deep down I know I haven't, but OCD always makes us see the traps as things that are all too real. I've tried checking the list of videos I've watched just to make sure and eliminate these thoughts, but I watch in private mode because I'm ashamed to use it to try to feel something, so the history isn't saved. The truth is that when it comes to videos, I avoid as much as possible anything that seems the slightest bit problematic, even some terms that I find disgusting. So now, in addition to feeling immense emptiness and sadness, I'm dealing with these nonsensical OCD thoughts, like, I would never feel satisfaction from something problematic or wrong. When I was younger and, obviously, much more ignorant, and got to know things I didn't understand how problematic certain topics and terms were, but I really was very young and didn't have someone to explain them to me, but today I know. Well, back to the other point, it seems that even this way of trying to feel something doesn't work, simply because it hasn't caused me any great things lately and also because of these OCD traps, which I really wanted some advice on how to deal with. Or at least a friendly word. Sorry if this is too long, I feel the need to explain every detail. And sorry for any English mistakes

I don't even know what my compulsions are so how can I resist them? I am always doubting my OCD diagnosis because of this very reason. How can I get better when I don't even know what is keeping me from getting better?

i had some intense intrusive thoughts about the past while trying to sleep and it scared the hell out of me to the point that i couldn't sleep. i just woke up this morning feeling like crap after getting a nightmare afterwards.

I am struggling recently. I am working with my therapist and I have recently finally did an exposure I have been struggling to do for months. However, I also recently have had more obsessions and given in to more compulsions after the exposure which has made my ocd worse and caused me to mitigate the exposure I did in the first place. Since my worst point with ocd, I have made a lot of progress. This is one of my hardest areas to overcome, but I feel like it’s setting me backwards and resulting in me engaging in compulsions that I have not engaged in for while. I am feeling mentally exhausted from all this, and it reminds me of how I felt when my ocd was at its worst. I am exhausted of ocd winning and know I need to make a change to be free of ocd.

I’m afraid of falling in love with anyone now. Especially since I have pocd. I fucking hate it. I’m afraid of liking someone that’s even 1 year younger than me (I’m only 18 btw). I’m so scared this has been the most terrifying thought for me. I sound and feel like a creep writing this. How can I stop these thoughts I do NOT want them turning into feelings which I’m very afraid of. I want to not wake up again but I still keep waking up. Might eat a whole jar of melatonin just to not wake up again. And I’m afraid if I don’t have ocd then I’m actually a creep which I do NOT want to be!!! I’M SO AFRAID THAT I HAVE FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS WHEN I SEE A CHARACTER THATS MY FAVORITE BUT IT’S A KID IM TERRIFIED. I’M SO SCARED OF MYSELF AND I JUST NEED TO GET IT OFF MY CHEST. I am petrified. It’s like I’m in a never ending nightmare but I’m not in a dream… it’s like there’s another side to me that is not me…

I’m going to a Psychiatrist today for the first time because of ocd. Do all Psychiatrist knows about ocd and the themes ? Or I need Psychiatrist that knows about ocd cause im afraid she will not know and then she will think I’m crazy or a bad person

hey everyone !! i come again asking for help. my ocd gives me copious amounts of intrusive thoughts and feelings, and while i try to not stop and think about them too much, the fact they are happening, that im thinking and feeling those things is very scary, which makes me overthink them, worry, try to disprove them, yknow, classic ocd stuff. thats also not the only issue though. this makes it so that for the rest of my time i live based off "if i dont do this, it means that x feelings or x thoughts were true" and (as lots of you probably know) that is very exhausting and upsetting. i want to live my life without paying attention to my ocd and without attributing every single thing i do to whatever my ocd throws at me that day. does anybody have any tips? i would really appreciate it !!

What does it feel like as you go through the process? I feel like absolute crap. I feel like it just keeps attacking me. I’m exhausted and new thoughts and urges keep coming. Is this normal? I thought by not doing compulsions I would get better but I just feel so awful. I don’t even know who I am! And I feel like I can’t find joy and everything seems to be a threat. Any insight would be great.

The pain of ocd is unbearable...I know it's not me. But why do I have these thoughts? What's wrong with me?! People should stay away from me. I'd rather my arms be cut off than harm someone. I hate me...the medication isn't working. I keep remembering past mistakes adding to all the reasons I think I'm evil. Seemingly validating my ocd intrusive thoughts...I can't do this. I wish I had a therapist. I wish I could afford this app.

Hi, sort of a vent, idk. This year i had a really bad time with my ocd and autism. I had a sudden and unexpected change that happened and it sent me into a spiral. I felt so out of control and that made my triggered certain things with my ocd so everything just started going downhill. A relationship i had that didn't last long cause i couldn't get my brain to calm down and then i lost 2 friends that I'd known for years. Even though i acknowledged that the friendships weren't great and they weren't the right people for me, i still found it really hard to come to terms with and i keot overthinking and going over every single detail of what happened. It's just hard enough for me to make friends as it is and even though those people weren't really great for me it's still like, great now in back to being alone. Im waiting for my counselling to start (I've been on the waiting list for ages now) and i still have 3 friends i talk to but they have their own things going on, i don't feel comfortable bringing up what im going through because i know it is likely to trigger them or might bring them down in some way and honestly they've been through so much, i just want them to be happy and i don't want to put anything else on them. But then that leaves me feeling like i wanna cry as soon as I stop talking to them/hanging out, cause im carrying so much and I'm surrounded by family that just diminish what im going through and don't respect me. They help me with some things i can't lie and i still have a connection with them but im just over here wondering what exactly am i supposed to do? Theres always something going on and i know thats just life but this year, the way things have been getting on top of me i just constantly feel so tired and done with it all. Ive considered going in-patient but being a black person who is so often misunderstood, i don't know if i would feel safe in those places. Also i know I'd feel so uncomfortable because my need for things to be so clean and perfect and orderly is overwhelming enough when im in my own space or at my family's home let alone some random place I've never been. Idk im just tired of my brain and life right now. To think my day was going well as i was watching one of my favourite shows before i got a call telling me i needed to leave the house to do xyz last minute and I've just been feeling miserable and irritated since then. I can't go back to my show either cause i would start associating everything with something negative and overthinking again. It would be amazing to just be a vegetable rn.