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As an OCD are we able to enjoy and when. I never did.

I have constantly been feeling like if I hit one arm, I have to hit the other and if I set something down and it just didn’t look right or feel right I had to do it again or I had to move it to a different spot in my room I’ve had never been a clean freak, which is mainly what I get told is OCD And I don’t know if I should even have this app. I don’t know if I actually have it. I’m constantly worried that I did something in my past that harmed others and that’s why people don’t like me or I’m constantly worried People are constantly watching me and I don’t know if that’s OCD or if I have it so please tell me I will delete this app and never think of it again if I don’t I just really wanna know

sometimes when i’m doing something like going to the bathroom, taking a shower, changing clothes, i get a thought that is like “what if im not actually in my bathroom and im in school right now in front of anyone but i just can’t see them” i hope that makes sense. i just keep having these thoughts and recently ive been afraid while taking showers and going to the bathroom. writing this out it sounds so stupid but i just don’t know how to stop thinking these things. and when i do think these things i just tell myself multiple times that i am real and i am actually in my bathroom, not in public. but does anyone know a way to make this stop? also i dont know if there is a word for this, and if anyone can relate that also might have these thoughts please let me know im not alone!

I am a 59 yr old and for years I have been struggling to get the correct diagnosis and treatment. So I have always known my mother was OCD. Everything had a place and she would flip out if things were not always a certain way. However I don't think I fully understand the complexity of this disorder. I now am beginning to realize I have these thoughts running inside my mind on repeat and the ones that are negative are the ones my brain continues to feed me. I hope that made sense but I need help understanding every aspect my life that is effected by this disorder. This site has been extremely helpful. Thank you everyone

I need to know if anyone has experienced this because I feel like this is so different and WAY to real. I have a coworker that I got along with quite well and she became my false crush I was always obsessing over if I liked her it was so bad, when I was doing worse, there was times where we would have a conversation and that conversation no matter what it was I would repeat this over and over in my head, or when something funny or interesting happens my brain would immediately go, omg I have to go tell this coworker what happened, and it was so energetic too, I’m so scared this means that I actually like her and it’s not a false crush please anyone has experienced this before?

I just got an intrusive thought right now. Specific thought*** Next week I will see my family. And my baby cousin will be there, I have intrusive thoughts about him. And right know I got the thought about what if I look into his eyes and tell him without a voice (move my lips) that I wanna 🍇 him. Wtf. I’m terrified, I don’t want to even go because of it right know I’m so scared. I don’t know what to do, cause it feel like I’m actually going to do it. I can’t stop crying. Im also afraid to just say it without a voice but move my lips and just being around him. I really don’t want to go, I’m afraid right know but I don’t know what to say to my family. What have I become. I wish I could put block on my mouth. It’s disgusting I know I hate myself for this. I’m terrified please I’m super afraid to see a baby I literally want to throw up

i spent 10 hours yesterday just googling and researching possible therapists and various ocd facts. a day off with my kid absolutely wasted. my head is spinning. I can't do stuff like this. it's always something. something to ruminate on. something to obsesse over. scrolling for hours. Just to put my phone down at night, lay there and think "what if I don't even have ocd?" or "what if I missed something?" 😵‍💫😔

I have always had intrusive thoughts and when I was around 16 I had my first awful one HOCD. This made me feel so sick and I couldn’t leave my bed. Would look at women and get groinal responses and would avoid anything LGBTQ. I then suffered with POCD, which I nearly asked to be sectioned over. Now, I am with my current partner (10 months)I have known him since I was 14 and have always had a thing for him. Anyway, last year there was this person at work who I forced and convinced myself to ‘like’ don’t even know if I even did to be honest. But his background is awful and everyone around me said it was a bad decision and I knew this too. We used to talk all the time but yeah, anyway… I said I didn’t want a relationship and distanced myself from him and never really thought about him. I’m now in my relationship with my current partner and I adore him. He is fully aware of what is going on in my head. My head is comparing him to this guy at work. Makes me think they look alike, but this all stemmed from when my current partner was talking about his family past and I instantly thought oh no, I hope my family doesn’t think this is bad (they love him). So now, my head is saying ‘what if you love this other guy’ what if the reason you can’t get this out your head is because the universe is giving you a sign’ ‘what if everyone told you not to go there, then what’ the thoughts are endless and honestly, I can’t stop crying, it is making me physically sick, have panic attacks. I confess to my partner all the time and he is honestly so supportive! I feel like I’m mentally cheating or what if I’m denial. When we first got together I was fine. No thoughts and then bang I’m consumed. My head is filled with them. I feel congested with him. I feel disgusting. I look for reassurance. I constantly look on Quora and Reddit. I can’t cope. I love my current partner! And we tried getting together years ago but it wasn’t our time and since, I thought about him every now and again and now my brain is saying ‘oh see, what if it’s the same situation with this guy a work’ I just want coping mechanisms and relief. This honestly feels like torture.!!!

I’M SO SCARED I’M SO SCARED Please do not make assumptions it makes things worse!!!!⚠️ I’m so scared when creating an oc for an anime show I don’t want to turn them into a p£do. Especially cause I use my oc’s on character ai to interact with cannon characters. I feel like I’m a bad, bad person if I create any kind of oc like this I’m also a general writer and I also want to create horror movies and I’m scared if I write oc’s that aren’t supposed to be self inserts that I’m a bad person if I write a character like this. But I do NOT want to act on the thoughts and I’m afraid character ai and ocd tricks my brain into thinking I can do it and get away with it. And I’m going to be 100% honest I have had encountered doing sketchy role plays with cannon characters which I do NOT like AT ALL or WANT TO DO and I felt like it was super taboo and wrong and also felt really sick and scared of myself and I don’t want to do it EVER again. I DO NOT FEEL PROUD WHATSOEVER!!! So I’m thinking of just deleting character ai until I see my psychologist so I can try some ERP therapy. Cause I love role playing with ai and creating fun oc’s and seeing what shows would be like if they had extra main characters!

hi, does anyone have any coping methods for self sabotage and ocd for example, i’m not ‘allowed’ to buy things like clothes because i don’t deserve it because i’m a bad person

hey guys does anyone have any advice on how to stop letting past relationships affect your current one? my current boyfriend is honestly everything i could want. he’s honest, sensitive, and has known me for a long time so he knows all about how i’ve been treated in the past, mostly with being used and abandoned. i have found myself expecting him to fail and getting upset with him over very small things that i let convince me he doesn’t actually care about me and that our relationship is gonna end badly like they have in the past. every time i freak out on him, in the moment i think im just standing up for myself and i get kinda sassy and mean. i always feel guilty afterwards and feel crazy for acting like that. he gets upset with me for “comparing” him to my exes, but i feel like i truly don’t mean to do that i just have a huge guard up as a result of their actions towards me. i still think about stuff that happened with my exes every single day and idk how to stop letting it consume me. i obsess over how horrible they made me feel and exactly what they did and said and what i could’ve done differently to prevent it or how to fix things with them even though i am happy with my current bf and i don’t truly want either of them anymore. i hate the feeling of being on bad terms with people and feeling all of the resentment 24/7, it has gotten so incredibly draining. it makes me start thinking that we aren’t right for each other or im not good enough for him and that i do secretly want them back, even though logically i know that’s not true. i don’t want him to think im still obsessed with them romantically in any way, but i just can’t seem to let the past go and am constantly ruminating about events from the past. it comes up in conversation with my friends a lot and it makes me feel crazy tbh. i don’t want them to be annoyed with me for talking about stuff that happened a long time ago at this point, especially since i am in a new relationship currently. i obsess over the idea of anyone thinking i still want them because i know that’s what it sounds like and that’s the conclusion most people jump to. i just can’t seem to move on, but not in a romantic way just like in a way that won’t let me move on from the hurt they caused me knowing that i never deserved it, and that there is nothing i can do about it now. i cry to him all the time about how i used to be a good gf, but as a result of how those people treated me in return it made me “crazy”. i can’t seem to find the line between defending myself and just being mean and angry and accusing him of things. idk how to talk about my concerns calmly anymore. it has been happening a lot recently and idk how to stop immediately jumping to the worst case scenario and getting extremely upset and giving the silent treatment. i’m afraid it’s gonna get to be too much for him and he won’t be able to take it anymore. i don’t want to let my past ruin my relationship now. he says he understands why i feel this way and just asks me to put my guard down for him but i can’t do it for some reason. he reassures me all the time that he isn’t like them but i can’t help but think about how i’ve been lied to in the past and it makes me not trust him, even though he has never given me a reason not to. he is so patient with me and tries to understand, but i don’t think he gets that it’s an ocd thing i can’t control and thinks that it’s something i’m choosing to do. i don’t want to bring it up because i don’t want to sound like im making excuses, even though that is truly the root of the problem. i just want to let everything go and be fully present and accept the love he gives me.

Hi there, To summarise my story, I begun taking Sertraline around 5 months ago as my OCD flipped a switch after an intense panic attack and got instantly worse and unlivable (intense depersonalization, constant rumination, anxiety and nausea, amongst many other symptoms). I have now worked my way up to 100mg (6 weeks in) an I feel horrific every single day, constantly fighting intense feelings of sadness and hopelessness that makes me nauseous, suicidal thoughts and ideation etc. Would anyone recommend that I wait another month (which will be admittedly extremely difficult if these feelings persist) or should I consider switching medication? All opinions welcome❤️

Everyone says to just “sit with anxiety “ and I feel like I can’t I have to be focused about what my intrusive thoughts says . I can’t let go I just can’t. It’s like I can’t get rid of it. It’s sucks cause I hate it but I feel like its not working for me. I don’t know how to not fight the thoughts. Even though im telling my mind it’s just a thought and all good. I can’t be all good I just CANT . It’s like I’m trying to put a show to my mind and trick him, but he knows it

I had late night sex with a girl I’m pretty much friends with at this point (we met on an app) but she said she drank a couple of drinks a few hours before meeting up. I asked if she was 100% okay with coming over so I trusted her and I just wanted to see how she was when I saw her in person. She was completely fine when I was speaking with her, wasn’t slurring her words or didn’t even smell like alcohol or was walking around funny. I made sure to ask if she was at all tipsy and she said she wasn’t, so we started making out then started having sex. I had to stop midway because I was overthinking and didn’t want to feel like I was taking advantage of her. And now I just messaged her making sure she didn’t feel uncomfortable at all. I feel like a bad person.

I know that other people aren’t responsible for my triggers- like i completely get that- but some people should just think about the shit they post online. I was having a good time on TikTok, just scrolling and enjoying cute cat videos, and then there’s a video that pops up of a teacher holding out his phone and there’s screaming in the background. I didn’t care at first bc I didn’t know what was going on, but then it switched to another clip saying “substitute teacher arrested for showing cp in class”. The screaming was a child in that video, and there was absolutely no warning before the video started. Suddenly my mind is filled with “did you like that?” And groinal responses, even though I literally paused in absolute horror and my body felt like it was one big bruise from the disgust after I realized what was going on. I blocked the creator but I’m still spiraling. People need to but trigger warnings before they post, or just not post that shit at all. Like seriously.

I forgot what is to be happy. I was a happy person before all this and I feel like ocd took that from me. Ocd got so severe that the last 3 months I’m in a constant loop of compulsions and intrusive thoughts. And haven’t felt real joy in this 3 months. I feel like ocd trying to attack me from every direction and he succeed. I really one to come back to my old life. I even started to see a therapist that I can tell everything and she has a good tips but it’s me, I just can’t do it. Like everyone saying that erp is the best way to recover , but it’s not working (might be because I’m doing a lot of compulsions). I’m really trying to recover but it feel impossible especially with Pocd . That my dream from being young was to be a mother and always loved kids they are cute. But now being around them gives me so much anxiety and urges that I can’t do it. Like ocd is so weird because when I was in rocd episode almost a year ago I read about all of ocd theme including Pocd. And I was so sure that I wasn’t a p so I didn’t need to double myself. And about like 2 months after ,Pocd started and got really worse. It’s just feels impossible to recover like ocd is so strong and there is no way out. And I’m really trying but it’s all seems impossible right now. Like my thoughts are about every person I love. And also I feel like I will never be happy again like before that life were so fun. And now? I don’t want to wake up in the morning all the fun vibe is gone and never going to come back. I’m just tired being sad all the time, I was a very happy person before this, I really think that my life is over. My main dream in life is just to create a family and it feel impossible because of this stupid disorder. I’m so sad cause I’m just 16 and really don’t think my life has meaning anymore. I feel like I’m wasting my “fun” years on this. I’m seeing everyone having fun and there is me. I know that the neighbor grass is not greener but it’s feel like it. Is just that my mind tell me to do things that I clearly don’t want to!. Like I all the time think that I crossed the line with Pocd and I’m a p. Even though I had more themes .I feel like a monster all day, this is not the life I want. At this point it’s hard to believe I have ocd. I’m just tired of everything of life of suffering. I just want to lock myself in my room and never leave. I feel like I lost everything like I’m a zombie at this point, like I can’t feel any emotion that I used to (love , happiness, excitement) I’m just feeling sad all day and crying all day. Even my parents don’t know what to do with me, they told me I was a happy person once and now I’m close person with no emotions.I know they want me to be happy but every-time they see me cry (once in a week, even though I cry everyday most of is but I’m good at hiding it) they start to yell at me and I know they love me and I love them and wouldn’t wish for any other parent, but it’s killing me I want them to understand that I’m trying everything I can. That I have no power inside of me. Today i broke down again because I remembered that next week we are going to see my family and the intrusive thoughts hits me so I broke down (I really don’t want to go) .and they started to scream at me and that I’m doing it on purpose, I feel so alone like nobody understand me. They told me that if I’m not happy they are not happy. And I get that I really do. But they don’t are not the person who actually suffer 24/7 with this. I know I sound like a brat or something like that but I can’t stop thinking about it. My mom told me things that made me sob today. I just want one person to talk to I feel alone. I feel like everyone hates me right now , my family, friends (who I barely talk), and me I hate myself the most. I feel doomed , I don’t want to get out of bad just to sleep 24/7 , doing the simplest action (like brushing my teeth ) seem so hard and I don’t have power to do it, I barely eat rn, I just want everything to stop. Im even sorry to say that but I feel like I kinda hate everyone rn. Like my environment , im jealous that they don’t need to live like this 24/7. I feel alone. I feel like there is no point. I hate myself for it but im even angry at god for making me like this and create a monster like me. I want to throw up right know and can’t stop crying, just want that someone will take away this pain. Im sorry this is very long.

My therapist suspects that I have ADHD. I haven’t been screened yet but I think I fit the diagnostic criteria perfectly and it would explain A LOT! I’ve always had issues with anger and irritation, growing up it would be especially bad at home. I get frustrated easily and at home I would often yell a lot and had meltdowns as a kid or teen. I am NOT like this at all at school or work or with my long term boyfriend or friends. Granted, I grew up in an angry household where there would often be yelling so I think I internalized it. I want to add that I only really get like this over very silly things. When i’m overstimulated, stressed, mild irritation, my brother annoying me etc. I don’t get like this over actual serious things or when people hurt me (i’m actually very forgiving of those). My OCD often fixates on this anger and I often obsess over it. It causes a lot of guilt and anxiety. I worry that it means I’m a bad person or that I have another more serious and more concerning disorder. I feel sick when I think of the times i’ve lost my temper. How should I accept and cope with this?

Hello all!, I wanted to write one more post before I delete this app again in honor of OCD awareness week. I am incredibly thankful to NOCD, and all the tools they have taught me in learning to live with OCD. The difference between 10 months this ago and now is night and day and there have been a lot of days recently where I could just cry over this feeling of truly finding myself again and finally put this experience behind me. While I see signs of OCD in my childhood, I really see it taking a hold of my life 8 years ago. Eventually during that time where I first began being noticeably affected by OCD, originally due to health concerns, I wound up in a mental hospital for a night due to thoughts of self harm and an unforgettable feeling of numbness that lasted for weeks after that day when my theme switched to that of SOOCD, although I didn’t know what it was at the time. Even when I came across SOOCD days later and knew that that was what I was going through, I ignored the OCD part and instead let that part of my life become a scar that I hid from everyone, even my wife when we first met a year later. I was so ashamed of myself for being brought to that point, and let it hang like a black cloud over me for so long. Even now I still feel shame when I think of that moment, but I am working towards accepting that moment as a part of me, especially so this week. On Monday I made a Facebook post acknowledging my struggles with OCD. It was certainly not easy admitting to all the people I see on a regular basis that I deal with this, but I wanted to bring awareness to what OCD actually is and the struggles it can bring, as well as how important our support system can be, especially so with my wife. I do not know of anyone else I would rather have by my side as I work towards recovery than her and I am so lucky to not just have her in my life but also be able to call my wife. It’s hard working towards undoing 30 plus years, of what I know realize, was problematic thinking patterns, even if it has brought me success in some aspects of my life. It’s very hard accepting the uncertainty of the themes I especially deal with, like SOOCD, Existential, Morality, etc., but it is possible and while I am not happy that my SOOCD theme came back this year, I am also glad it did, because I learned finally of the beast that had been tormenting me, and have learned how to deal with it. It’s also made me appreciative of my own mother more, who let me know of her struggles with OCD when I admitted to my own. If you read this, thank you so much for taking the time out. There is so much I can say and probably want to go back and edit, but I would rather go on with my day than do that. If you are weary of reaching out for help whether it be with NOCD or any OCD specialist, I truly encourage you to do it. We all are afraid of being told that we don’t have this illness that we also don’t want to have, but getting a diagnosis and working towards going about it in a healthy and positive way, will make your life so much better than you ever imagined it can be. It will take time, a lot of time sometimes, so please be patient and do not rush recovery. Be kind to yourself, don’t aim for perfection or absolute removal of all these thoughts and instead just focus on the things that are most important to you. You can do this and you are not alone!

How to forgive myself about shameful compulsion I did 2 months ago? I can’t move on from me doing the compulsion 2 months ago (I did it a few time and stoped because I know that it is bad and swore that no matter what I’m never doing it again). I wanted to check and get rid of the thought and I can’t forgive myself because of it. I feel like a monster. I don’t even want to forgive myself

Hey guys- I don’t know if any of you with religion/spirituality ocd struggle with the “unacceptable thoughts” about like evil and stuff but I’m struggling.. it feels like I believe that I want the evil stuff because I had demon-like voices in my head as ahead where I went to talk to God when I was experiencing great distress and then these evil thoughts came in and I let them in and like “ok-ed” evil stuff. Especially because I felt so forced into my faith journey as a kid so it’s like that “feeling rejected -> rebellion thing) but I also know that but I also have such fond memories of feeling so close to God to leaning on Him for so many things. It’s so hard because 90% of my memories as a kid, I struggled with severe ocd and no one knew what it was or how debilitating it could be I’m trying the ERP with these thoughts but😭 have any of you gone through the same things? It’s so strong In my mind because I know there’s actual spiritual warfare so I feel like - pray for me guys