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i’ve been doing so much better sometimes i forget i even have ocd and then it comes right back to remind me in new ways

Hello! I'm new here and new to OCD. My therapist suggested I might have OCD due to my tendency to ruminate endlessly on doubts and fears. These thoughts are indeed intrusive and I can't seem to stop them. The thing I'm kind of stuck on is that I can't see where the compulsions come in. Unless the thoughts themselves are compulsions. Can anyone relate to this?

I’m so tired of feeling like a bad person, i’m so tired of my brain treating me like I’m a pr//dator, it’s making me feel like I want all these things and I don’t. But I don’t even believe myself anymore sometimes. I used to get a feeling that reassured me that I wouldn’t do something like this but now it’s gone. Now it’s all feelings that I would do something like this. I’m so uncomfortable. I just wanna go back to normal so bad. I was just watching good mythical morning, every time they talk about their kids, my brain will always say “ they shouldn’t allow you around them” or “ you would hurt their kids” or “ you would be attracted to them” something along the lines of that. It’s always a different variation of that but they all mean the same thing. And It convinces me because it makes me feel like I would do something like that, wouldn’t mind finding these things attractive when I really would. I’ve been trying to move on from what happened earlier, but I can’t… I just wanna start ruminating …I just wanna stop checking…. I just wanna stop asking for reassurance. I want to stop, but I’m so scared. Even when I’m clearly freaking out about something I don’t want to happen, it’s still punishes me and says that I actually want it. It all seems so real, the attraction feels so real, the emotions feel so real, the intrusive thoughts feel so real. Everything feels so real. I’m just scared. I don’t wanna be a bad person. I don’t wanna do bad things. Just worried that it will never go away. Like I’m stuck like this forever. I don’t want this to be the first thing I think of whenever I see someone younger than me. I wanted to have a family in the future, but I can’t stand the idea anymore. I’m too scared. Not only because I’m afraid that I’ll hurt them or what if I feel an attraction. But I’m also scared of having to deal with my POCD and them… which would be a hard struggle. I just want this to stop. I want to be all over. Why do I feel like I want this? Why do I feel like I am attractive and I don’t care? Why does my brain try to make kids look older than they need to be? What does my brain do this? Does this mean I’m turning into a bad person? I never wanted to hurt people.… I never wanted to do bad things… but I genuinely feel attracted and I don’t know what to convince myself that I don’t… I don’t wanna be attracted. But my brain keeps making me feel like I do. And It does it by altering kids faces to look older, I’m really scared. Why do I feel all these emotions about wanting to do these things? Sometimes I’ll allow myself to feel it, but then I’m like why did I allow myself to feel that? Sometimes I feel like I feel things on purpose, and it scares me. I just want to not be a bad person. I don’t want this. I don’t care how much it tells me that I do or makes me feel like I do. I do not want this. Why do I feel like I do? I feel really messed up saying that… it honestly grosses me out, but I hope that people will understand this post.

Been prescribed SSRIs (sertraline) to try and help with the OCD. I know it's serotonin that plays a huge part in the OCD when it's at it's worst, so this is definitely the answer. Only problem is if I know that my OCD knows it too, and so I need certainty that the compulsions I'm stuck on can still be completed after taking the medication. Yes, I know how stupid that sounds. How do you overcome that barrier and take the medication? There are compulsions I feel I need to do because of how debilitating they can be - if I alter my brain chemistry there will always be doubt so I can never fully complete them (this is the OCD perspective). It just feels like when I start I can't go back.

Im so scared to fall asleep I genuinely do not want to because the fact that there are confirmed cases of people murdering others in their SLEEP is enough proof that my fears are legitimate. What if i harm myself or my family. what if the next time my boyfriend sleeps over I hurt him. what if I am eating cough drops in my sleep and that's why they are in my bed when I fell asleep with them on my end table, and I choke on one and die. These fears are genuine like yeah ocd is probably amplified it but the proof that this happens is hard to ignore. if I could lock myself in a empty room every night with no way of hurting anyone I absolutely would at least I'd know me and everyone else is safe. how do I even begin to combat this fear again and not let this fear bother me anymore.

I’ll give you an example of what I experience on a daily basis, so there was this one time I was on a date with my gf at the time and I was so caught up in the moment then all of a sudden a thought pops up into my mind. In the exact moment of having fun with her, the thought was “she doesn’t love you, she’s only here for the ride, she only “loves” you because you make her feel good not because she loves you as a person” in a split second it hits me. It changed my whole demeanor, it ruined the mood for me, and I couldn’t tell her about because I grew up keeping my thoughts to myself or expressing my feelings as a weakness. So after that initial thought, I became so agitated to the point where I’d go quiet, and when she would continue to be herself I would get annoyed by her continuing to do whatever it was she was doing. I’ve continued this behavior up until she left me because I exploded this one time. Messy breakup, but i genuinely didn’t know what was wrong with me until I started reflecting. Now that I’ve fully acknowledged it, im trying my best to avoid it, but I still find myself struggling with it severely. I lost many friendships over this. What’s your advice ? Is this considered ocd ? One initial thought that lingers for hours or even days at a time for me. I’ve recently started taking Wellbutrin and im able to move on from the thoughts within mins but the feeling still lingers on. But whenever I’m not doing anything, the thought comes back. Before Wellbutrin, the thought would linger as I’d be doing daily tasks like cleaning, cooking, walking, conversing, and working. Am I screwed ? I feel extremely lonely.

Anyone get thoughts that they are possessed?

A good life, success, healing, beautiful things? ⚠️ Important: please don’t read if this is triggering. No one should think this way about themselves, of course you deserve it all. I struggle with real events and harm OCD. My worst fear is being a bad person, causing harm or doing the wrong thing. These thoughts haunt me all the time and cause me to essentially throw my life away. I don’t go out, pursue opportunities, etc. because what if I don’t deserve them? I think of the worst things I’ve ever done all the time. The things that I’m most ashamed of. Like a broken record that’s all I replay in my head. Doesn’t matter if it was 5 or 10 years ago. And I beat myself up for not doing better. And I just don’t know how to move past it. I’ve read a lot of quotes and books about self help and love and acceptance (e.g. once you know better, do better). But for me I feel like I have to hate myself forever. I won’t ever get a clean slate, there’s a permanent stain on my record. I just can’t forgive myself, whether other people know it or not, I can’t allow myself to move forward. It’s about integrity for me. Does anyone relate? How do you do it? I’m so sorry if you’re also struggling. I don’t wish this for anyone. Please keep fighting, you’re not alone. ❤️

Can ocd cause you to completely question what you thought you knew about yourself? Like make you analyse everything and then convince yourself it wasnt real? And can it make desires go away if you think about them too much? Spiralling all day today

I was in a server, and a person revealed her age to be 13, and my brain keeps being weird about it, by making me feel attraction and that I “want to be with them” when I wouldn’t ever??? But it’s so convincing and it’s a really strong feeling??? And it is genuinely scaring me, I don’t want to be a disgusting person, I do not, I instantly left knowing their age, but my brain is making me feel like I wanted to stay and that I find them attractive, I just want this to stop, I feel so convinced I’m a bad person, I’m so confused if I actually want this or not, it’s so convincing… My brain is making me feel like “oooh theyre so attractive” like please stop, it’s like torture in my head, I don’t want to feel this way, how to make this stop… I’m scared to be around 13 year olds. This is the exact same thing that happened with my ROCD when I was dating my gf (im now single) ,, it would make me feel attracted and that I wanted to date people even though I didn’t

Just finished crying after an erp session. This is so hard. I just can’t stop crying 😣! But I will get through it and so can you with anything else

Hi everyone. So recently I have been feeling so scared and paranoid of going crazy. I am terrified of i will go crazy and turn schizo. I’m so hyper aware of everything. My mind convinces me that I will end up like this but I really don’t want to.It’s my biggest fear and I think abt it almost everyday and I can’t handle it anymore. I just want to be ok. I have told my parents this and they say it’s all in my head and just laugh at me. I know it’s in my head but I physically feel sick to my stomach being constantly scared. Please someone help me please please. Thank you.

okay so I basically texted my therapist and she's left me on read and I don't see her until thursday so I need opinions/help. i started talking to someone and I been thinking about how im best friends with someone I had a crush on like a little crush nothing major and I feel so guilty because what if he finds out and he's heart broken I don't want to be with my best friend like that but what if i do? it's really making me go crazy and I don't know what to do. if ur not understanding what im saying by now basically I feel guilty that I'm talking to someone and then still being friends with someone who I kinda had a crush on a long time ago. and this situation is bothering me even more because here and then I would have thoughts abt things abt my best friend and i hear the thoughts but I don't think I really pay attention to them they're just there but recently they've really been in my head and I've been paying attention to them and they're thoughts I don't want to have but what if I actually do want to have the thoughts. I'm gonna be honest I don't even know if it was a crush or if I just wanted to be closer friends with her cause I was jealous of her being close friends with someone else. this crush took place in like middle school to like 9th grade?? just help i don't want to be with her

It literally feels like I’m going insane and that all my worst OCD fears are going to come true. It feels like I’m losing control and that I will do something bad. This is so terrifying. It’s never been this scary. It makes me feel like there’s no way this is OCD. Idk what to do. I’m trying to power through but even writing this makes me feel like I am faking it. Omg. Please someone help me!

Can anyone relate to this? The idea of being human is so… overwhelming. I want things to be perfect and for them to be perfect and good it feels like I have to be something other than a person. Sometimes I feel like a trapped, confused child trying and failing to integrate into a world that at some point was shown to me as something threatening and demoralizing. I feel so easily disturbed, so easily violated emotionally, and it disturbs me. I’m not sure what to do about it.

It hurts I hurt a lot of people and the guilt is killing me like actually eating me alive and I can’t even get help my parents are kinda abusive and don’t want me going to therapy cause their afraid they or I will go to jail but I idk if I can go on When I started highschool at 14(currently 15 rn) I had a weird mentality that everything was sexual and that I could date anyone by just telling them I liked them and being honestly creepy. Idk what’s wrong with me I feel so weird like I don’t have crushes it’s just me wanting to have sx with people I find attractive and it’s so horrible. But before I realized how bad this was I hurt people I had 4 friends they all don’t talk to me anymore because I was so sexual with everything I made sexual jokes made everything sexual and just sexualized myself at every turn even when they told me to stop I wouldn’t listen. It’s sick. When I realized this was wrong it was too late. One of them stopped talking to me and doesn’t even want to look at me or wants me saying his name.and one of them says they don’t care but idk I think they do.and I was honestly in a horrible mental state and tried a few times and my other friend had enough of it and just stopped talking to me. I have a best friend who I met online she was so nice to me we used to date but we broke up. And we get close but I betrayed her trust when I sent her explicit butt pics to this 17yr old I wanted pics from and he said he wouldn’t mind me sending them (my best friend was 15) and I was begging this 17yr old for pictures when he declined a lot then the 17 yr old said he was manipulating me and how he was keeping me in a loop of mystery. My best friend found out about the picture thing and she was sick but forgave me cause she didn’t want me self harming IMFEEL sick because of that she put my feelings above hers when I was in the wrong and she said she doesn’t want to lose me as a friend but idk she said she forgives me cauee she knows I’m broken ig but that makes me feel worse. And I also begged this 16 yr old for pics when I was either 13/14 and I feel sick I begged for pics when he declined but my best friend says not to feel bad cause he was grooming her kinda but idk I wanan apologize to him. Lately I’ve been thinking of how I think I s@d someone from my school someone I one or my baby cousins or my little brother and it feels real like it happened and I feel like a pedo and a s*x offender and Ik no one can forgive me idk if I want to go on it feels like death is the only way to atone for what I did . When I told my 4th friend about why my other friends don’t talk to me anymore he didn’t respond I think that cemented how bad I really am how sick I am I’m no different than a child pred or sx offender. My parents don’t even like me they always remind me how I treat them bad or how I’m a bad person. I feel horrible. Maybe I should just be locked up

Hi, do someone know how to “let go” of intrusive thought? The intrusive thought feel so real that I’m terrified that I’m actually going to act on the thought and I’m so scared. This is so weird because sometimes when I have the thought im anxious and sometimes im not. But even if I’m not anxious im still terrified that I’m going to act on the thought someday. I’m having a lot of different thoughts 24/7 and I feel like I can’t live like this anymore. All my day it’s doing compulsion (physically and mentally) and im thinking about the thought all day and I feel like my head is spinning from all the thought , I don’t know what to do anymore. I started erp yesterday but I still feel strong urge to do compulsions. Can meds help with this? Like can it help being less obsessed over the thought? Cause I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like my life is ruined and I will never recover from this.

Happy Tuesday friends. Question for you all: I have recently started ERP therapy (about one month ago) and I feel in a way it has helped. But I also notice that I feel the thoughts I do have are SO intense that I feel like I’m gonna explode and then I’ll cry and get upset but then feel better after having a “freak out”. Does this happen to any of you guys? Also, I told my therapist yesterday some of the exposures we had been doing made me uncomfortable. Like really really uncomfortable. She made me feel a little bad about not doing it and stated this would prolong my progress if I didn’t do it. I’m not sure if I should push my self to do this exposure because she told me to or to stick up for myself and move at my own pace. Thanks everyone.

So yesterday i started saying to myself that i love myself and it helped coping with negative emotions. I could face panic and many negative emotion. Then i started experiencing the thoughts of this is just avoidance, i really struggle with these obsessive thoughts that i wont recover cause im avoiding my problems and its a huge fear to me. Then suddenly loving myself didnt worked, i tried to be kind to myself but i got more panicky, i get sad, and it didnt helped me cope, it actually became worse. So now im again depressed about me not being able to recover. I still think that sitting with the feelings and be with it means you stare at it with full focus and entertain it cause if you give attention to that you will entertain it automatically. I always try to just acknowledge it and move forward, sometimes i see something helpful that i can think about but many times are just unhelpful fears that if i give attention to it they take over the control and im just lost. So i neee help cause im afraid of depression, why suddenly loving myself doesnt helps? Like being kind and accept myself? Why it makes the feelings worse and im afraid more? Is this a normal reaction?

OCD has taken a lot from me. I miss when I was able to live life and not feel so consumed with anxiety.