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Just finished crying after an erp session. This is so hard. I just can’t stop crying 😣! But I will get through it and so can you with anything else

Hi everyone. So recently I have been feeling so scared and paranoid of going crazy. I am terrified of i will go crazy and turn schizo. I’m so hyper aware of everything. My mind convinces me that I will end up like this but I really don’t want to.It’s my biggest fear and I think abt it almost everyday and I can’t handle it anymore. I just want to be ok. I have told my parents this and they say it’s all in my head and just laugh at me. I know it’s in my head but I physically feel sick to my stomach being constantly scared. Please someone help me please please. Thank you.

okay so I basically texted my therapist and she's left me on read and I don't see her until thursday so I need opinions/help. i started talking to someone and I been thinking about how im best friends with someone I had a crush on like a little crush nothing major and I feel so guilty because what if he finds out and he's heart broken I don't want to be with my best friend like that but what if i do? it's really making me go crazy and I don't know what to do. if ur not understanding what im saying by now basically I feel guilty that I'm talking to someone and then still being friends with someone who I kinda had a crush on a long time ago. and this situation is bothering me even more because here and then I would have thoughts abt things abt my best friend and i hear the thoughts but I don't think I really pay attention to them they're just there but recently they've really been in my head and I've been paying attention to them and they're thoughts I don't want to have but what if I actually do want to have the thoughts. I'm gonna be honest I don't even know if it was a crush or if I just wanted to be closer friends with her cause I was jealous of her being close friends with someone else. this crush took place in like middle school to like 9th grade?? just help i don't want to be with her

It literally feels like I’m going insane and that all my worst OCD fears are going to come true. It feels like I’m losing control and that I will do something bad. This is so terrifying. It’s never been this scary. It makes me feel like there’s no way this is OCD. Idk what to do. I’m trying to power through but even writing this makes me feel like I am faking it. Omg. Please someone help me!

Can anyone relate to this? The idea of being human is so… overwhelming. I want things to be perfect and for them to be perfect and good it feels like I have to be something other than a person. Sometimes I feel like a trapped, confused child trying and failing to integrate into a world that at some point was shown to me as something threatening and demoralizing. I feel so easily disturbed, so easily violated emotionally, and it disturbs me. I’m not sure what to do about it.

It hurts I hurt a lot of people and the guilt is killing me like actually eating me alive and I can’t even get help my parents are kinda abusive and don’t want me going to therapy cause their afraid they or I will go to jail but I idk if I can go on When I started highschool at 14(currently 15 rn) I had a weird mentality that everything was sexual and that I could date anyone by just telling them I liked them and being honestly creepy. Idk what’s wrong with me I feel so weird like I don’t have crushes it’s just me wanting to have sx with people I find attractive and it’s so horrible. But before I realized how bad this was I hurt people I had 4 friends they all don’t talk to me anymore because I was so sexual with everything I made sexual jokes made everything sexual and just sexualized myself at every turn even when they told me to stop I wouldn’t listen. It’s sick. When I realized this was wrong it was too late. One of them stopped talking to me and doesn’t even want to look at me or wants me saying his name.and one of them says they don’t care but idk I think they do.and I was honestly in a horrible mental state and tried a few times and my other friend had enough of it and just stopped talking to me. I have a best friend who I met online she was so nice to me we used to date but we broke up. And we get close but I betrayed her trust when I sent her explicit butt pics to this 17yr old I wanted pics from and he said he wouldn’t mind me sending them (my best friend was 15) and I was begging this 17yr old for pictures when he declined a lot then the 17 yr old said he was manipulating me and how he was keeping me in a loop of mystery. My best friend found out about the picture thing and she was sick but forgave me cause she didn’t want me self harming IMFEEL sick because of that she put my feelings above hers when I was in the wrong and she said she doesn’t want to lose me as a friend but idk she said she forgives me cauee she knows I’m broken ig but that makes me feel worse. And I also begged this 16 yr old for pics when I was either 13/14 and I feel sick I begged for pics when he declined but my best friend says not to feel bad cause he was grooming her kinda but idk I wanan apologize to him. Lately I’ve been thinking of how I think I s@d someone from my school someone I one or my baby cousins or my little brother and it feels real like it happened and I feel like a pedo and a s*x offender and Ik no one can forgive me idk if I want to go on it feels like death is the only way to atone for what I did . When I told my 4th friend about why my other friends don’t talk to me anymore he didn’t respond I think that cemented how bad I really am how sick I am I’m no different than a child pred or sx offender. My parents don’t even like me they always remind me how I treat them bad or how I’m a bad person. I feel horrible. Maybe I should just be locked up

Hi, do someone know how to “let go” of intrusive thought? The intrusive thought feel so real that I’m terrified that I’m actually going to act on the thought and I’m so scared. This is so weird because sometimes when I have the thought im anxious and sometimes im not. But even if I’m not anxious im still terrified that I’m going to act on the thought someday. I’m having a lot of different thoughts 24/7 and I feel like I can’t live like this anymore. All my day it’s doing compulsion (physically and mentally) and im thinking about the thought all day and I feel like my head is spinning from all the thought , I don’t know what to do anymore. I started erp yesterday but I still feel strong urge to do compulsions. Can meds help with this? Like can it help being less obsessed over the thought? Cause I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like my life is ruined and I will never recover from this.

Happy Tuesday friends. Question for you all: I have recently started ERP therapy (about one month ago) and I feel in a way it has helped. But I also notice that I feel the thoughts I do have are SO intense that I feel like I’m gonna explode and then I’ll cry and get upset but then feel better after having a “freak out”. Does this happen to any of you guys? Also, I told my therapist yesterday some of the exposures we had been doing made me uncomfortable. Like really really uncomfortable. She made me feel a little bad about not doing it and stated this would prolong my progress if I didn’t do it. I’m not sure if I should push my self to do this exposure because she told me to or to stick up for myself and move at my own pace. Thanks everyone.

So yesterday i started saying to myself that i love myself and it helped coping with negative emotions. I could face panic and many negative emotion. Then i started experiencing the thoughts of this is just avoidance, i really struggle with these obsessive thoughts that i wont recover cause im avoiding my problems and its a huge fear to me. Then suddenly loving myself didnt worked, i tried to be kind to myself but i got more panicky, i get sad, and it didnt helped me cope, it actually became worse. So now im again depressed about me not being able to recover. I still think that sitting with the feelings and be with it means you stare at it with full focus and entertain it cause if you give attention to that you will entertain it automatically. I always try to just acknowledge it and move forward, sometimes i see something helpful that i can think about but many times are just unhelpful fears that if i give attention to it they take over the control and im just lost. So i neee help cause im afraid of depression, why suddenly loving myself doesnt helps? Like being kind and accept myself? Why it makes the feelings worse and im afraid more? Is this a normal reaction?

OCD has taken a lot from me. I miss when I was able to live life and not feel so consumed with anxiety.

Earlier today for about a few hours i spent the whole entire time in my room researching a certain topic and feeling 100% convinced it was true and that it was the real me and i never had ocd. There was convincing evidence too. I was freaking out, crying, etc. i hardly remember what i was thinking, its almost like i blacked out. I keep trying to remember because from what i do remember some of the thoughts kinda bother me. I ended up calming down and snapping back into what i think is reality, and felt completely opposite of what i was thinking just 5 minutes prior. Im so confused, i dont know who i am, i feel like im actually going crazy.

For the first time in my life, I feel calm. I have never known what it felt like to be relaxed and not anxious. Exposure and response therapy combined with the right anxiety medication for me has changed my whole life. I am doing things I never thought I’d be able to do. I am able to relax finally and when the anxiety comes, I work through it. I never knew life could be like this, but I am so grateful. The obsessions still come, and they likely always will, but being able to work through them in the moment instead of falling into a seemingly endless cycle of compulsions feels like such an achievement.

I’ve been struggling a lot recently with intrusive thoughts that have really taken over my life. Lately, I’ve got so much thoughts that tells me people I care about, like my mom, won’t have a life after death because of me or my thoughts. It feels like my mind convinces me that these thoughts are true, and the fact that I can’t feel my usual anxiety makes it even scarier. I’m terrified that not feeling anxious means I actually want these things to happen, which I know deep down isn’t true. I’ve had constant anxiety for pretty long and now the last few days I haven’t been able to feel anything. I’m unable to feel any of the love or connection I normally do for my family and friends, and even my anxiety feels dulled. This is so unsettling because in the past, my anxiety acted as a reassurance that I didn’t want the horrible thoughts my OCD was throwing at me. Now, without that, I feel completely lost and afraid that I’ve lost myself. Has anyone else experienced this emotional numbness or a disconnect from your feelings? How do you cope when your OCD thoughts feel so real, but you can’t feel the anxiety that usually comes with them? I would really appreciate any advice or experiences you could share.

I feel like shit absolute shit for months and idk how to tell anyone because my intrusive thoughts are about stuff like flr example today I was in class and I was like I wish and then my brain said I wish I could rape a dead baby but like obviously I don’t want that and it’s really made me sad cause like what if I’m a rapist

I would first like to disclose to you all, that I am not actually diagnosed with OCD. I am pretty certain I have it, but idrk at this point. Anyways, I haven’t posted on here before, but I kinda just really want to talk to people about things that have been bothering me. So first of all, every single day for literally the last year, I have been constantly mentally checking to see if things I’m doing are OCD-related or not. The thoughts, the actions, the emotions; they all feel surreal to an extent. I know it sounds stupid, but it gets to the point where I have screaming arguments in my head that never go away and it feels so loud :(. That started when I first learned about OCD and I connected the dots to harm-OCD, which in turn led to a bunch of repetitive research. Next, I would like to ask, do you guys ever have lapses where it gets really bad and then just disappears for a couple months? These last two months have been pretty relaxed mentally, and then school started and my head is trying to kill itself again. But I feel so doubtful now because I no longer have so many symptoms that match up and idk if I’m just faking everything. Like, the harm-ideation has mainly gone away (except to my self because my mind is like “hey it works for other people, you should do it” but I can handle telling myself no), and I’m not washing my hands over and over again to get the sticky feelings away. But idk. Another thing on my mind is surrounded around npd/aspd. Idk about you guys, but my brain is really mean, and I often end up accidentally saying things I really shouldn’t. And as you can tell by my writing, I write a lot about ME. It is super annoying and I have to rewrite texts and stuff over and over because it just seems self centered and I don’t want people to think that I think I’m better than them, because I really don’t. I feel like I’m kinda a jerk and it really bugs me. Do any of you worry about this? I know I’m not a narcissist, but I can’t get it out of my head. And I struggle with empathy, but we think it’s autism so idk. But if it isn’t autism, then what would it be, you know? Also, this is kinda personal but none of you know me so I’ll say it anyways: So my gf was the one who asked me to go to the homecoming with me (I really should’ve asked…) (which I’ve never gone before), and I was kind of being reclusive the whole time we were there. I know it was a dance, but I couldn’t get myself to do much other than holding her hand for like 10 seconds, which on my part is REALLY HARD because idk why but physical touch feels really wrong and inappropriate, even though it’s meant to show affection. But I didn’t do much and she keeps saying that it was all okay and that I’m okay but I’m afraid that she doesn’t like me, and I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable being around me. We’ve been friends for quite a while, and I think it’s okay but idk and I’m so tired of worrying. I want to ask her if she still likes me but I don’t want her to say no ;-;. She is so supportive and kind, and I think she’d speak up if she wanted something to change, but idk. Plus, I watched a video today where a guy’s wife told him that she didn’t love him anymore but she stuck around anyways, and that is NOT helping. Long story short, I’m feeling really overwhelmed right now, and I have procrastinated homework until now… I had a cross country meet yesterday, and today I have wasted the vast majority of my day in bed (after sleeping for 15 hours, may I add…). I’m sorry that this is so long, you guys don’t have to say anything, but it would be really nice to talk to someone. And don’t worry, my parents are trying to find out a psychologist person/therapy (allegedly), but they said insurance won’t pay for it so it might be a while :’c. I don’t think it’s in their list of priorities rn Have a good rest of your evening/day everyone!

Hi, please somebody help me. I’m living the worst time of my OCD, and I really need reassurance that this is really OCD. I’m wake up already with the thoughts and the emotions, and even the physical sensations. I can’t stop thinking about killing people, I don’t want to stay alone but at the same time I also don’t want to be with certain people. I even question if i like my parents, and my close people. I feel like I Will lose control at anytime. I feel like I am some kind of psycho or a serial killer from the tv series.

Does anyone have any tips on how to move on from intrusive thoughts when you’re constantly afraid that if you ignore them God will be mad at you?

I was going through my old account (I had when I was 12-13) I noticed I was following this little kid that was like trying to flex, and my brain keeps saying weird things, I feel so uncomfortable rn, I keep yelling at it to shut up, pls help guys

My life now compared to when I first started therapy with NOCD has been drastically different. I remember thinking that what I was going through was a case only affecting me. I was miserable, alone, and afraid of the things my intrusive thoughts said I would act out on or become. I was disgusted with myself for having these thoughts/images, frustrated that I kept relapsing back into old patterns, sad that reassurance seeking didn’t alleviate compared to other people. I lost interest in a lot of things that made me happy, family, friends, hobbies. The anxiety and depression wasn’t helping at all, especially with OCD latching onto these symptoms and further enhancing it like some sort of super drug. I was tired of being paralyzed, I was tired of my low self esteem, I was tired of constantly giving in to OCD. I came across NOCD through various Google searches about my symptoms and social media platforms. At this point I decided to try it out, and let me tell you that the amount of psycho education that went into this helped tremendously. Seeing a community of people going through the exact same thoughts and experiences as me, The amount of support backed into this, and the survivors who are living a seemingly “better” life gave me more hope. Throughout my sessions, I cried out of frustration, desperation, heartbreak. It is not easy accepting the truth sometimes, and the same goes with accepting the intrusive thoughts as just thoughts. The amount of patience, self compassion, and mindfulness I learned to cultivate is an ongoing path I will continue going forward with. Some days OCD does not interfere with my life, while others it’s as loud as it can be. Understanding that it’s “Just OCD” and how I do not need to identify with my thoughts is a hurdle that I’m still applying to my life. Relapses exist, but I know that the tools I learned in my sessions can help me be present. ERP being the main help, although very frightening. I will admit I try to find any excuse or avoid my exposures, but my determination, that little voice inside my head that tells me to overcome, that I am capable of facing my fears, pushes me to do them. I encourage anyone reading this to do the same. DO YOUR EXPOSURES. It does not matter if it takes the whole day, a whole hour, or even a simple 5-10 minutes. I would rather live with facing my fears than letting my fears take the life I want to face. I am not stuck with OCD, OCD is stuck with me. As of today, I am taking it a day at a time. I am learning to cultivate a better life for myself. To be more loving, forgiving, and present. To feel any emotion and not numb/make it go away. To notice my intrusive thoughts and let them filter through. Sometimes, all you gotta do is live with uncertainty and accept life for what it is. There will be bad days, but there will also be good days. There is a reason why we fear and react to our intrusive thoughts, and if they were true about ourselves and what we would “presumably” do, we would have done or become them already. OCD attacks our values, so let’s be grateful that we at least have them.

I’ve struggled with ocd for many years. I’ve had a bunch of different themes over the years but for the past 5 months my brain has broken. Out of nowhere I got these two images in my brain that I immediately thought were real. They acted as memories and I was horrified. Then I started logically being like ok there’s no way that all the sudden my fears are true and I’ve remembered this so called “event”. They go completely against my values and include someone who I’m super close to. I asked that person if they remember what happened in this so called “memory” and have reassured me multiple times that it never happened. They’re very understanding of my mental health and have helped me through all my past and present struggles with different issues. But my brain is latched so hard onto this I truly don’t know what to do. I’m scared that these false memories are actually real and that I’ve just repressed them or something. I’ve never had a theme like this before and it’s awful. My ocd has stuck to just thoughts, this is the first time it was images. It’s like snippets from a nightmare. So I guess I’m wondering 1. Can ocd truly just give you images out of the blue of totally false things? There’s some elements that are real like locations but what actually happened in the false memory is not true at all. At least I hope not. And 2. How do I get my brain to stop latching on sooo hard?? I feel so stuck it feels impossible not to react because I’m so scared I’ll never be the person I used to be before this theme ;( I’ve lost so much time to it already. And I’m especially afraid it’s going to always be on my mind whenever I’m with the person in the false memory. I love that person so much I don’t want this to affect our relationship. For context there’s been a lot of change in my life and I’ve had a lot of stress to unrelated things so I’m pretty sure that’s what sorta caused this whole relapse. My ocd was manageable for the past 3 years and with this new theme I feel lost. Again it’s something that would totally go against my morals and aligns well with some of my core fears that ocd likes to attack with other themes lol. I’ve always been so good with my memory and sure of the kind of person that I am and this theme just totally caused me to lose my sense of self trust.