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working to conquer OCD
I’ve spiraled to the lowest of rock bottom. I now have all subtypes and I do not deserve to live. I hate my mind so much. This has all happened in 3 months and all because of reassurance.
I was recently diagnosed with OCD last month, and my new psychiatrist started me on two new medications. I have not been put in any therapies yet, (talk therapy has always proved ineffective for me) but I am open to it in the future.) For the past 16 years, I’ve been living my life diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. My new psychiatrist has “undiagnosed” me with those two disorders, and diagnosed me with OCD. She said my “anxiety” has actually been caused by severe untreated OCD. I particularly struggle with suicidal thoughts/ideation and have been hospitalized multiple times for severe depression episodes; including Catatonia and Existential Crises. Being treated for those other disorders my entire life (starting age 12) many of the medications they put me on always made my symptoms worse. This new revelation has caused me to experience feelings of confusion and loss of self-identity. This new diagnosis is scary to me, even if it makes so much sense. I’d appreciate any advice on navigating this time in my life. I appreciate this app finding its way to me in this time. ❤️
Today I realized I’m actually really scared of becoming a bad person. I’ve been dealing with symptoms of OCD for a few years now, or maybe they were always there and i never knew what it was. I’m scared that i’ll eventually become a bad person. I’m scared I’ll hurt someone one day, even though i have no violent urges or tendencies. I’m scared i’ll be a pedophile even though i have no attraction to kids. I’m scared that i’ve done something really bad to someone and i don’t remember. I’m just scared and I wish I could tell people my thoughts but i know it’s hard to understand intrusive thoughts when you don’t have them.
I just think this isn’t ocd anymore, i don’t know how to explain it very well but every since my ocd started i’ve been getting this weird sensation that i described as anxiety but i associated with the fact that i’m actually going crazy and that i’ve been faking mi whole life and i want to hurt the people i love (specifically my mom) i know i love her but i get trigger literally by everything and i’m so scared. My mind is telling me that i don’t have empathy so i’m constantly checking if i feel the way i have to when something sad happens and the thoughts are racing, i’m so tired of this it’s like i don’t know who i am anymore, i feel like i’m about to snap and hurt someone.. pls someone respond to this
Just got an intrusive thought and I’m having a panic attack as I write this. Someone called me weird today, somebody said I can’t listen at all, then someone else said something hurtful. Been feeling down today and then as I was eating I got an intrusive thought that said I am going depressed again. I’ve been going crazy. Fidgeting, bouncing my leg, sped up breathing… And I feel light headed and I just need somebody to tell me everything is okay. I can’t tell my mother because I told her I think I have OCD and she simply brushed it off and she will get frustrated with me if I tell her I am having a panic attack…
does anyone have like the strong fear to be always distressed and is hypervigilant all the time for signs it's true? and then get triggered when noticing even in the slightest?? how to handle that? I've traed ignoring but it doesn't work
I feel like there are times with my OCD that I don't feel anxiety but just feel this low grade, nagging, constantly under the surface guilt/sense of dread. Does anyone else have this? Like this morning I woke up and remembered something that happened yesterday that wasn't great and now it's not even specific "what if" thoughts or fears, just like this feeling that I did something wrong and everything is wrong because of it. I listened to an OCD podcast yesterday and they mentioned that there's also a lot of guilt and shame with OCD but that anxiety gets focused on more and that was helpful because there's this whole other set of experiences I have that I feel like are related to OCD but aren't necessarily anxiety or fear feelings. Anyone else have this experience?
I am angry 24/7. I’m in a constant war with my mind, and the images I get inside my head are unbearable to say the least. My mom passed when I was 17. (I’m 24 now)my two older brothers died this past November 2023 in the same week. I have no way of expressing my grief. I feel like nobody understands me. I’m not an alcoholic, but I feel like the only times I’m able to feel genuine emotion is when Im out with family drinking. My OCD is a battle from the moment I wake up, until the moment I drift off to sleep. And I feel restless because I have no relief while I’m sleeping, because of the kind of dreams I get, that are based off of the themes of my OCD. This is my first time seeking help with this, and I have had OCD since elementary school. I don’t wanna carry this anymore. Please, any advice you can pass along, share it. I feel alone.
i want to feel human. i want to feel emotions how normal people feel them. i get everyone is different but i dont get it. everytime i feel human for a second i get a random feeling of discouragement and false sense of temporary joy. i want it to stop but it wont stop why wont they stop. ocd and bipolar are not a good combination
We all have triggers to our OCD but what mine are like are i just recently got out of my OCD attacks, but recently there’s a story of a girl who recently committed and me being dumb knowing that that stuff triggers me watched all about it. now my thoughts are “what if i do that” “what if im not happy in my life” “what if i want to kill myself” but also “your just like her your depressed and want too” and “your not happy” when in all reality i’ve been so happy with my life and living until i started watching all of those videos. I’ve been panicking all day and have been isolating myself from everything because i feel like everything is a trigger to my thoughts. my thoughts are convincing me that i want to kms and im not happy but in reality i am. i hate ocd so much i hate it. because i know i would never do this thought but its causes so much stress and time of my life i feel that i cant function.
I swore I wasn't going to tell anyone this or even try to post about it but lately it been feeling like I have just been fighting with myself. I remember when I was a %100 sure that I wasn't the type of person to be creep twords anybody but now im so unsure, like one min I would know im not attracted to kids then the next I have to constantly ask myself if I am and even that I still wouldn't be sure or think I do want that. Imagies and thoughts would keep popping up in my mind and it feels like a boxing ring trying to just fix them, I remember when I would scream and cry to these thoughts and feelings but now I just feel numb.. it feels like my morals have been switched and im just in denial about me not being a pedo. I obviously dont want to be a pedophile but now it feels like thats just what I am now and there will be nothing to ever change that part of me.
Hi everyone ! I have been diagnosed with pure, somatic and harm OCD since last year as well as dermatillomania. Oh ! And to top it off I have diagnosed ADHD as well. I wanted to just come on here and share some experience that I’ve had. I’m 23 years old and ever since I was a child I have memories of my dermatillomania as a way to cope with my anxiety. I have struggled with my mental health since being a child, my undiagnosed ADHD made me very self aware that I wasn’t “fast enough”, “smart enough”, or “cool enough”. My psychiatrist even says that this undiagnosed ADHD until my 20s probably exacerbated my ocd as a way to compensate. Now I still rely on my parents as they help me out while I finish my studies. One parent is very religious and believes that “disease does not exist” (only a projection in peoples minds), and is very against meds and my other parent seems to always want to change the subject and has refused to come into therapy with me to meet my doctors and understand what I live through. My religious parent, I refuse to tell them I am on medication and I know that they will disapprove and try to gaslight me into believing something that will “make it all go away”. So I’ve given up. My other parent although they appear to pay attention always changes the subject and makes me feel invalid, and no matter how many times I try to explain I feel like I am talking to a wall. I just feel sad because.. well you would want your parents to want to understand and help you. In my case I am fortunate that financially they back me but I feel like I need to be a different person around them, and when it comes to my mental health I have no support. I look at mostly white families (not all) online and they seem to want to understand and be a part of a healing process, or at least believe that OCD is a valid diagnosis. I just want to ask if any of you have had unsupportive family members, have felt alone on your journey, and if it’s okay to never really let go of that hope that one day they may understand you. And honestly advice is great but just knowing I’m not alone in this will already comfort me, knowing that we are all in this together.
So one of my themes is the fear of going crazy. When it was so bad I was having thoughts all day that everyone knew that I was going crazy and they were talking about it and just not being honest with me. Has anyone experienced this? Is it just ocd?
So my theme has revolved around the fear of having schizophrenia for about a year now, many therapist and mental health professionals told me they believe it’s a mix of ocd and hypochondria. Well my main symptom of this disorder is the fear of having delusions, so over the course of this year I’ve had thoughts ranging from “what if my wife is a demon” “what if this song means something” “what if there’s some hidden message in this movie” “what if the government created the world and controls everything” “what if Satan is the true creator of the world” “why did my cat look at me like that, what if he’s a spy created by the government, what if all animals are?” Literally crazy shit but it all feels so real, I’ve thought about this stuff so much that I’ve started to have almost an emotional detachment from the world around me, I’ll have thoughts like, “why should I care, nothings real anyway”. And now it’s starting to feel like my normal line of thinking, like now I genuinely feel like everything is fake or staged in some way, nothing feels real or genuine, it feels like everyone around me, the media, news, politics, all feels like some sort of big act or lie. Feels like there’s something more to reality that I’m missing or something, everything feels “too perfect”. I’ve lost all happiness in everything and I’ve become SO suspicious of every single thing, everything has to have some deeper meaning according to my brain, it sucks. Has anyone ever had the fear of schizophrenia and it got this bad?
Me and my girlfriend had a conversation last night about how bad my OCD has got and how I'm over analysing her texts/movements etc for signs of the relationship going south. I plucked up the courage to talk to her about trauma and other stresses in my life which has triggered my OCD to spiral. We have agreed to keep all OCD talk out of the relationship and if I feel like analysing or asking for reassurance to get a notebook and write it down instead. I am now thinking constantly about how she asked me to talk but has kind of left me on my own and it doesn't make me want to talk to her about stuff now in the future. I get it's hard, but has my OCD taken a hold of this or is it valid to feel this way?
OCD definitely makes me feel like my future is nothing but bad. A bunch of what ifs and it feels super anxiety inducing. I remind myself that no matter how bad my life gets, I never want to harm myself or end my life. I want to get through each struggle in a healthy manner. I just have a fear of bad things happening in my life and Im scared how I would react to it. My OCD is definitely super anxiety inducing and I would love for anyone to share their thoughts.
I’m starting my first year at college after this gap year I used to improve my mental health aka ocd, and I’m not super sure how this will go. I’m living on campus, and I’m super excited to start classes and move in, meet new people. I just know it will be overwhelming, and if anyone has tips on coping with that, so my ocd doesn’t go absolutely wild, it’d be greatly appreciated
Does anyone else get this sinking feeling in their gut, like something terrible is about to happen? I use to panic over it but now I know it’s my OCD, it’s just so random, like all the sudden my brain is like SOMETHINGS WRONG OMG OMG DONT BE ALONE DONT LEAVE OTHERS ALONE 🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨
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