Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I’ve spiraled to the lowest of rock bottom. I now have all subtypes and I do not deserve to live. I hate my mind so much. This has all happened in 3 months and all because of reassurance.

So even tho I'm not yet diagnosed, I am very sure that I have OCD because of other things unrelated to this post. But I was wondering if someone else also knows these situations and thinks this might be OCD as well^^ Sooo these are just three Situations but they are representative for other very similar things that happen to me every now and then. 1. So i was wearing a knitted jacket and noticed a lose sticht. This already made me angry because the jacket wasn't "perfect" anymore. So I took out my sewing kit and fixed the sticht and made it look as good as possible (and it DID look good in the end!). Nevertheless i had to check the entire day if it still looked good or if it looked ugly/unprofessionally done and then I always realized it still looked fine. 2. Whenever I wear tight pants or pants made out of thin material, I always worry about "something showing" through the pants. So I always have to check if people can see something and then I worry about people thinking I'm undecent/pervers for having a body that shows through clothing 😂 3. I was in the train the other day and there was this weird smell. Maybe someone was sweating or something. And then I started to believe it was me smelling weird and then I felt so gross, even tho I knew it was propably not me smelling bad.

For those that have managed to get better how didnyou manage doubt? I have i hard time trusting myself so i tend to always be on gaurd of my thoughts and feelings, so its hard to relax even though ik intrusive thoughts and the need to do compulsions reduces when im relaxed. Last night i was able to sleep without being tense and anxious or on gaurd of what thoughts im having i felt so much relief but then i woke up this morning fine until had the thought of "what if you actually want these thought? what if you enjoy them?" then I spirals again 😭 Im working on learning to trust myself enough to relax again but its quite scary.

I was recently diagnosed with OCD last month, and my new psychiatrist started me on two new medications. I have not been put in any therapies yet, (talk therapy has always proved ineffective for me) but I am open to it in the future.) For the past 16 years, I’ve been living my life diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. My new psychiatrist has “undiagnosed” me with those two disorders, and diagnosed me with OCD. She said my “anxiety” has actually been caused by severe untreated OCD. I particularly struggle with suicidal thoughts/ideation and have been hospitalized multiple times for severe depression episodes; including Catatonia and Existential Crises. Being treated for those other disorders my entire life (starting age 12) many of the medications they put me on always made my symptoms worse. This new revelation has caused me to experience feelings of confusion and loss of self-identity. This new diagnosis is scary to me, even if it makes so much sense. I’d appreciate any advice on navigating this time in my life. I appreciate this app finding its way to me in this time. ❤️

yesterday when i was texting my bf i felt this overwhelming feeling and hotness in my chest and i felt an urge to kill someone (specifically him) i love my bf to death but i freaked out and i thought i was going crazy and i thought i was a physco path. i told him about this feeling but i didnt mention that it was specifically towards him bc i didnt wanna freak him out. so last night i asked my mom to sleep with me bc i was so scared and i was just out of it. i was shaking, i was experiencing a panic attack and i kept thinking that i was going insane and i convinced myself that i was a serial killer and i almost called the cops on myself because i was so scared of myself. i also wanted to go to the hospital to talk to someone but my mom didn’t let me. im not sure what triggered this feeling but i did watch scary stuff and stuff that i was advised not to watch but i watched it anyway because i was curious. im not sure if this is the cause. i am not diagnosed with ocd but ive read many things online and watched many videos and i feel like i fit into the criteria of ocd. im genuinely scared that these thoughts wont ever go away because today that was the only thing i could think about, i started avoiding my boyfriend because when i see him or think about him those thoughts come back and i get scared. i just feel so alone and i feel like a physco path. i have no intent of doing any harm to him or anyone in general but i feel like at any moment im gonna do something stupid and snap. im really scared and i dont know what to do to help myself there are moments where im okay but then it comes back all over again. i feel like my entire life is over. *this is the first time i have ever experienced such a horrible intrusive thought, i’ve had intrusive thoughts before but shrugged them off but this one is different, i couldnt stop thinking about it and i freaked myself out and made myself cry*

Literally noone wants to diagnose me with ocd My therapist said they are sure its ocd,my osychologist said its just my autism(I dont agree at all,like find me another autistic person without ocd having violent sexual intrusive thoughts what leads to seeking reassurance,rumination,checking bodily sensations and replacing thoughts) and my psychiatrist doesnt care and I feel like if she dont want to help me at all,she doesnt even talk to me I hate self diagnosing but I feel like thats the only option for me,especially because noone believes me with my ocd because my compulsions are mental,and in Poland practically not any psychologist,therapist or psychiatrist knows about this Also they think that autism is some sort of problem for me when its not

Today I realized I’m actually really scared of becoming a bad person. I’ve been dealing with symptoms of OCD for a few years now, or maybe they were always there and i never knew what it was. I’m scared that i’ll eventually become a bad person. I’m scared I’ll hurt someone one day, even though i have no violent urges or tendencies. I’m scared i’ll be a pedophile even though i have no attraction to kids. I’m scared that i’ve done something really bad to someone and i don’t remember. I’m just scared and I wish I could tell people my thoughts but i know it’s hard to understand intrusive thoughts when you don’t have them.

I just think this isn’t ocd anymore, i don’t know how to explain it very well but every since my ocd started i’ve been getting this weird sensation that i described as anxiety but i associated with the fact that i’m actually going crazy and that i’ve been faking mi whole life and i want to hurt the people i love (specifically my mom) i know i love her but i get trigger literally by everything and i’m so scared. My mind is telling me that i don’t have empathy so i’m constantly checking if i feel the way i have to when something sad happens and the thoughts are racing, i’m so tired of this it’s like i don’t know who i am anymore, i feel like i’m about to snap and hurt someone.. pls someone respond to this

18+ I don’t know the ins and out of ROCD so tell me if I’m wrong here… I have been fearing lately that I have groomed my partner/friend. In the beginning I used to make sex jokes all the time. Something shifted in me and I don’t do that all that much anymore. I dealt with intrusive thoughts about them lying about their age and for the longest time I cut off all sexual talk even if just a joke. It made me incredibly ill. Now I’ve slowly gotten passed that and we make jokes like that once more but less frequently since I’ve found the old jokes now to be tacky and tasteless. Now my brain is telling me that my partner only returns these jokes cause I’ve groomed them…. They are one year younger than me so maybe that’s why these thoughts are coming up. I’m worried that I’ve somehow groomed them unintentionally to get sexual stuff out of them. That idea plagues me pretty badly. One incident does stick out and makes me sick to my stomach where they teased me by showing me a bit of a nsfw story they were writing and I played up the whole begging thing to see the rest. I felt as if I pressured them. They showed some of it but I begged to see the rest…. Of course I didn’t know to the extent how nsfw it was… but it made me feel ill. Please what should my next step even be anymore? I feel like I should just leave, but they always talk about how much they need me to stay. They talk soooo much about how they need me. I feel like… but do you really? How do I know I’m not hurting/coercing you… how do I know this is right and okay?

I’m very anxious that I’m making the wrong career choice (I’m two semesters away from getting a bachelor’s in software engineering) and I’m worried my real passion is in being a life coach/filmmaker. I get so anxious that I’m making the wrong choice that I’ve dropped out of school three times in the last six years and I have no idea how i’ve made it this far in my degree. On the other hand, whenever I quit school, I feel so much relief and then I pursue filmmaking and get equivalently anxious and end up quitting that. It’s gotten to the point where this is a weekly/daily cycle and completely debilitating. I tend to seek external validation on my choices but it makes it worse. Help.

Just got an intrusive thought and I’m having a panic attack as I write this. Someone called me weird today, somebody said I can’t listen at all, then someone else said something hurtful. Been feeling down today and then as I was eating I got an intrusive thought that said I am going depressed again. I’ve been going crazy. Fidgeting, bouncing my leg, sped up breathing… And I feel light headed and I just need somebody to tell me everything is okay. I can’t tell my mother because I told her I think I have OCD and she simply brushed it off and she will get frustrated with me if I tell her I am having a panic attack…

I have been with my boyfriend for just over a year now, I have been having rocd like thoughts and confessing since February. There was a situation when I’d just turned 16 where I was immature and feel like I cheated and I am struggling to forgive myself and keep seeing myself as a horrible bad person, even though my boyfriend has forgiven me because it was almost 2 years ago and he knows I was just silly and immature and he said it wasn’t cheating but close and still not good. When I was 15 I was friends with a guy who I had a crush on for a few months, but he was giving mixed signals and I have autism and don’t understand things unless it’s straight forward, so I was confused on if he actually liked me or if he was jokingly being flirty for fun but was too scared to really ask. Then that August a diff guy messaged saying he liked me. This guy was acting more mature/serious, so I took it as him actually liking me. A few days later I was 16 & the second guy said he was 18. I was a little bit funny with the age gap so it was more of a “let’s wait until we are older” situationship thing. There wasn’t really boundaries set or any talk of being official/exclusive. Before I had met this second guy in August, I send lewd pictures to the first guy I had a crush on. After I met the second guy I sent lewd pictures to both guys when I knew them both. So basically after meeting the second guy and sent him lewd stuff, I also continued to send lewd stuff to the first guy. This was stupid of me, although I had no bad intent and just didn’t really think about what I was doing and didn’t have much relationship experience, it was still a stupid idea and I feel insanely guilty and like a awful person who can’t be forgived. The first guy found out about the second guy and shouted at me and made me realise maybe the first guy was actually serious but I didn’t pick up on it so talked to the second guy. After he told me off, I realised yeah that was wrong I won’t do it again, and any situationship/relationship I had after that I never did the same thing again because I realised it was wrong. Also within the same week of the first guy finding out about the second guy, I stopped being in a situationship with the second guy cause i found out he lied about his age. So I stopped talking to both of them. I always think of wanting to be a really good person in a relationship, but whenever I remember that situation despite never doing it again I’m just like ugh I did that I’m not a good person I hate cheats but my ocd is like “you cheated so ur a hypocrite u can’t say u hate cheating” I feel so horrible and guilty, I confessed it to my bf a few months ago when I was having these ocd like thoughts. Am I a bad person who shouldn’t be forgiven? Is it cheating???

Same old story, loud loud thoughts playing on repeat telling me this. I think OCD uses is as a way to open the door to disparaging self talk. After all, if it gets you to believe that everyone around you doesn’t value you, maybe you’ll fall in line too. I’m trying to exercise self compassion when I can catch those moments where I’m piling on to myself, but it’s so much easier to not do it. I always underestimate the shear amount of energy it takes to be kind to yourself. Beating up on yourself is a low effort solution to momentary discomfort. Self compassion is a skill that is honed with time.

My mom passed away on January 24th but my husband and I didn’t know till Sunday a few days ago. Since Sunday - I have not showered, brushed my teeth, have over ate and binged on junk food and drinks. My support groups and therapist is in the know but I have unable been able to respond to texts or calls. I have my finals due this week and my processors said I can have another few days after the submission. I just feel like my life has stopped. I’m only 27. My dad is gone too. And I don’t have a relationship with my other family members - I’m not asking for advice please. I’m only sharing this as a way to literally just share that I am someone whose mom has passed away and I needed to say that. And that I feel complusions coming on but also for a moment … I felt like I wasn’t someone with ocd for a few moments when I got news my mom is gone. But then I also got reminded immediately when I thought how do I get through this now ? Send prayers to me everyone.

does anyone have like the strong fear to be always distressed and is hypervigilant all the time for signs it's true? and then get triggered when noticing even in the slightest?? how to handle that? I've traed ignoring but it doesn't work

So, last night i atarted my sertraline journey and i halfed 25mg into 2 halves and took one in the evening and one in the morning just so i could gauge how sensetive i am to them and after i took the first abt 12mg after an hour i noticed my head was instantly a bit more clear. Whether that was the medication or the fact that i was distracting myself i dont know but that has turned into a fear that the meds are working too fast and thats somehow a bad thing even though i cant find any reason why it would be anywhere. Then it turned into thoughts that im going manic somehow every time i laughed at something or smiled i would get thoughts saying im going manic or the next time i take a pill ill go manic or have an alergic reaction or something. The worst part is that my anxiety has been a bit better today than yesterday, but im still also obsessing and afraid but i dont feel it? Im genuinely really worried about what this means because i cant find a lot of info about it.

I feel like there are times with my OCD that I don't feel anxiety but just feel this low grade, nagging, constantly under the surface guilt/sense of dread. Does anyone else have this? Like this morning I woke up and remembered something that happened yesterday that wasn't great and now it's not even specific "what if" thoughts or fears, just like this feeling that I did something wrong and everything is wrong because of it. I listened to an OCD podcast yesterday and they mentioned that there's also a lot of guilt and shame with OCD but that anxiety gets focused on more and that was helpful because there's this whole other set of experiences I have that I feel like are related to OCD but aren't necessarily anxiety or fear feelings. Anyone else have this experience?

I am angry 24/7. I’m in a constant war with my mind, and the images I get inside my head are unbearable to say the least. My mom passed when I was 17. (I’m 24 now)my two older brothers died this past November 2023 in the same week. I have no way of expressing my grief. I feel like nobody understands me. I’m not an alcoholic, but I feel like the only times I’m able to feel genuine emotion is when Im out with family drinking. My OCD is a battle from the moment I wake up, until the moment I drift off to sleep. And I feel restless because I have no relief while I’m sleeping, because of the kind of dreams I get, that are based off of the themes of my OCD. This is my first time seeking help with this, and I have had OCD since elementary school. I don’t wanna carry this anymore. Please, any advice you can pass along, share it. I feel alone.

I just looked up if ocd thoughts can be right on ChatGPT and it said yes. I cannot do this. That answer literally put my anxiety through the roof. I’m so scared right now. Like I can’t even explain it. For the last month, my ocd has been revolving around having a certain fetish. It’s been telling me that if I were to go out and do anything related to that fetish in a sexual context, that I would enjoy it. My thoughts are telling me that I would enjoy it which is why I don’t want to explore it. But the truth is, I don’t want to explore it and im disgusted by anything that has to do with it in real life. I know I DONT have this fetish but my mind keeps distorting everything and literally ruining my life. I don’t know what’s real and what’s fake. Like I literally cannot tell anymore. Like this is literally the worst thing ever and im so terrified of my thoughts being right. I keep getting intrusive thoughts about this fetish and it gives me a groinal response which scares me so much. I wanna throw up.

Hi, I'm currently on 40mg of Prozac for my OCD anxiety and depression and I have a fear of never being able to get off of my meds. I've been on them for 8 years now and constantly changing the mgs. I don't wanna be dependent on medication anymore and I'm afraid I'm going to have to be on it forever. My psychiatrist just upped me to 50mg and says it's normal for people with ocd to take that much. I've never taken this much and I'm genuinely afraid going up more is gonna cause me to die or have a seizure or something bad. Im afraid I'm going to be at the highest dosage eventually and it is not gonna work for me because of my tolerance. I'm so terrified of possibly going back to being very depressed again.