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I understand that rumination is a choice but it feels out of my control. I cannot stop doing it and I’m driving myself crazy. What’s the best advice you’ve gotten for this?

Fear of psychosis ocd… For about 10 months now I’ve had an OBSESSION with developing schizophrenia or some related psychotic disorder. In the beginning my symptoms manifested as hyper awareness of potentially hallucinating and things like that but the main fear that has really stuck is the fear of having delusions. I’ve reached a point to where I can’t enjoy anything in life any for because according to my brain EVERYTHING has to mean something or is suspicious. I’m so suspicious of everything, “what if this commercial means something” “why did that person make that weird face” “what if this song has some kind of hidden meaning” “everything feels so fake and staged” “why did my cat look at me like that” “what if none of this is even real” “what if there’s more to reality than what we know” “there’s no way other people are real humans” “there’s definitely more than what the government tells us about reality” “this can’t all just be science and biology” etc etc. it’s fucking exhausting. I can’t enjoy anything anymore, everything has to have some malevolent intent or meaning. These thoughts feel real, some of them feel like they could genuinely be possible, but I don’t want to think about this kind of stuff, I’m not sure if I even care if there’s something more to everything that I’m missing, but my brain will not stop this search for delusional things to believe. It’s gotten to a point where everything just feels fake and staged like a big act or illusion. Government, politics, media, just day to day life, feels so fake and artificial. It feels like I’m losing emotional attachment to things I love and care about because I’m constantly getting thoughts like “why should I care? Nothings real anyway?” Etc. Has anyone ever dealt with this?FYI: I’ve been to NUMEROUS mental health professionals who do not believe I have anything more than just ocd and severe hypochondria.

Hey I’m new to this, I’m a 20 yo female, and I’m pretty sure I’ve had ocd since my childhood, but it’s gotten worse has I’ve gotten older. I never really understood my intrusive thoughts and always felt so sick and uncomfortable when I’d have them. They took a turn many months ago when they became more often and more intense. And I started doing some research on them and came across ocd (which I always thought was just when people don’t like to be unorganized and are like perfectionists or something) but as I was reading different websites and seeing how many types of ocd there was I noticed that I related to most of what I was reading. I still haven’t been officially diagnosed or found a therapist yet but I’m working on it. The past year has been the hardest with my intrusive thoughts. I’m mainly bothered by my pocd and I feel sick to my stomach whenever I get an intrusive thought about a child. I absolutely love kids and would never do anything to hurt them it physically makes me ill when I think about it. (If anyone has any tips to deal with this please reply😭) I think I have an idea to why I have those thoughts. I didn’t have the best childhood I was sa’d at 4&9 by 2 different people that were supposed to take care of me, and I have this horrible fear that i could be like them and it makes me feel so incredibly sick. I was also way too exposed to s3xual things as a child, my family was way too open about s3x growing up like I’m talking adults in my life thought it was okay to openly talk about it to me when I was 6/7 like it was normal. I wish I could explain more but this is already way too long. I’ve only opened up to a select few people about this so this was extremely hard for me, I’m literally fighting for my life… Thank you to anyone who cared enough to read this all the way through I appreciate it so much.🤍

I am finally meeting with a therpaist. Been really helpful. Only meet once a week but some days i get overwhelmed. Its so hard being a parent with pocd. I love my child and wouldnt do anything to hurt them. In fact im very caring and protective. I still get pocd thoughts like when im helping my wife bathe our child or dress them or chsnge their diaper and my hand moves down or in any direction my ocd freaks out saying i was trying to touch inappropriatelt or do something. Its totally ego dystonic and extremely heartbreaking. I sometimes avoid my daddy duties because of it. Tomight i was helping my wife bathe and clothe our child because theyre both sick. As i was doing that i looked away for a second and my hand moved amd i worried was i trying to touch her. Then the ocd what if and doubts and guilt feelimgs came rushing amd it makes me not want to be around my own family its so distressimg. I just want to help my partner and be a good father 😂💔

Repost because someone flagged my posts again, l'm asking this because I never had an experience with intrusive images like this one, it's new for me. l've never had intrusive images so vivid and real like this one + a familiar face associating with it making the intrusive image all the more real, and feeling more guilty and horrible because of it.

TW SUICIDE i’m kinda just throwing this out in the void, i don’t really plan on taking myself off anon because of past experiences i know i’ve had ocd or at least intrusive thoughts for a while, at least 16/17 (i’m 21 now). i had people tell me that had them too that it didn’t mean i was a bad person, and that i didn’t want to act on them. i was doing ok with them for a while until i told the wrong people online essentially people tried to write callouts for me on social media/try to doxx me/send suicide baits. it got so bad that i did actually attempt, although it was pretty half assed (handful of pills washed down with vodka). i put myself into a php a few days later with the sole intention of working on my thoughts, only for them to immediately try to hospitalize me the second i said anything. obviously i shut down and didn’t work with them at all, i was in the troubled teen industry and quite literally got left inside of a psych ward alone locked into the day room for 40 minutes for about a year? maybe more people constantly tried to prove i was a pedophile. any “weird” interaction i had with anyone younger than me, having interest in fandom/shipping/sexual interest in minor characters (i was 17 so honestly a non issue regardless), even posting anime figures at one point people told me was “proof”. i would try to tell them i had this form of OCD, and that would make them tell me to kill myself even harder, like it was proof i jerked off to children or something. i constantly tried to remake my social media and people chased me everywhere i went, it took me deleting everything for a year and completely cutting off almost everyone i knew to get rid of it. it damaged me so much, i relapsed (self harm) multiple times because of it, and the other violent intrusive thoughts got worse during it. i believe people started to attempt to doxx me as well but weren’t very good at it thank god i don’t struggle with the POCD as much anymore, but my harm OCD is really bad. i also have dissociative identity disorder, and i have an alter who has latched on specifically to the POCD so badly i refuse to let him front because i’m terrified he’s going to hurt someone. he’s threatened to do it, and boasted about liking it/hurting me as “punishment” for existing i guess. constantly i get flashbacks that my brain tries to fix, and i get stuck in this loop of these flashbacks, violent thoughts, and trying to “fix” them. i’ve tried to accept them but then my alters just tell me i’m a horrible person and it reflects onto me, or the other alters consistently have to remind me it’s not my fault and i can’t control them/it’s just a disorder. i hate falling asleep because it’s all i ever think about then it feels like. cant really go on trains, i had therapists almost encouraging the behavior by telling me just not to go to doctors when i’d have rumination about not being listened to/blown off/medical malpractice for my disabilities. i’m at least a little better now with my health and sticking up for myself, but it feels like the violent thoughts are never gonna end and it’s just some kind of cruel joke for me existing wrong, like i have all this trauma, literally multiple disorders mental and physical because of it, and my brain will never let me be happy. it has to remind me of my suffering constantly and that 12-15 year old me somehow couldn’t prevent my medical/other traumas and it’s AlL mY fAuLt. not to mention the constant fear that if i talk about this i’ll be locked away forever, like i literally was as a child, and how it quite literally was validated the second i tried to at first. i want help, but help feels like risking my sanity, freedom, and identity as a human being and i fucking hate that. thanks for reading if you do, and i’m really interested to know if anyone else on here is a troubled teen / residential “survivor” i guess. this is only to corrupt, abusive facilities, not ones that actually help people as ik there are some good ones out there. i just didn’t get to go to those. 🫠🫠

i posted this before but i’m freaking out rn has anyone else ever gotten intrusive thoughts telling you that right and wrong doesn’t exist and stuff? like, i get thoughts saying “murder isn’t wrong” “SA isn’t wrong” and i feel the need to prove it wrong so i ruminate and i do a bunch of compulsions because my worst fear is becoming amoral.. on top of that, i get thoughts telling me i shouldn’t fear losing my morals bc “they don’t even exist and it’s stupid” which hurts me even MORE. i posted here last night, i suffered because of a philosophy video i watched that triggered me so bad, saying morals aren’t objective and.. even typing that sucks for me because i get nervous. i don’t want to believe these things. my mind tells me these things and THEN i get terrible harm thoughts about animals, my family, friends. it then tells me that those thoughts aren’t wrong and doin those things aren’t wrong. i’ve been in pain for months and it gets better but as soon as it does it gets worse. i’ve been hiding the true nature of my obsessions but i cant anymore because i feaR these thoughts.. i even didn’t tell my therapist because i’m embarrassed.. nobody else seems to have these thoughts and when they do, it’s a bad outcome. i don’t know what to do

My dumbass OCD is trying to convince me that I was stalking this one dude I had a crush on back when I was 19-20 years old. I was a depressed teen who had never had a real crush on any guy and my brain just latched on to whatever guy had seemed respectable. And of course back then I didn’t know I had OCD so it was probably OCD guilt and OCD infatuation and guilt tied into that infatuation. 😞😞😞 I literally forget that that person exists on the daily basis unless I’m reminded of him but only through HIS friends of whom we have mutual. I don’t care where he is and I don’t think I ever truly cared and my OCD was messing me up with this weird crush I don’t think I ever had control of or even WANTED. My brain just convinced me I should want it because I was the loser girl in high school who never got any good guys 😔

Since my ocd started i feel really weird, like i’m faking my hole life and i’m not the person i know i am, it’s really strange and it’s making me feel like i’m gonna lose control cause i’m not being myself… i don’t know how to explain it but it feels like i’m constantly fighting and every single thing means i’m gonna snap and hurt someone i love

I’ll be on TikTok/instagram scrolling and suddenly there will be posts like “if he does this he is probably cheating”….”this is a huge red flag and you should leave”…. “No matter how loyal he seems there will always be another girl”….etc. these posts trigger me very badly and lead me to checking memories and my partners past mistakes and I panick when videos talk about stuff my partner or I have done… and the comments are even worse :( it’s always people sharing their stories and saying “not to trust him if he___ blah blah” and it sends me into a spiral of searching if my partner is bad. Are people on TikTok just saying things for attention and scaring people or is it all true?

I know I probably ruminate but I have a hard time knowing it. I am also kind of obsessing over if I’m doing it right now. Can rumination contain what ifs? Like recently I’ve been constantly obsessing over whether or not I’m doing compulsions, and what if I’m doing erp wrong and stuff. I try to lean into uncertainty, but I also feel like I deliberately force myself to feel uncertainty and I can never be present. Is that rumination? I constantly wonder “what if that’s a compulsion?” Or “What if that’s a compulsion?” Or “what if I’m avoiding this” “what if I’m not doing anything right” Is that rumination? I’m very frustrated, stuck and confused with this theme. I really want to stop and am willing to do what it takes but I genuinely feel like I have no idea. This wasn’t a problem with other themes. I’m even questioning right now if this is a compulsion, if I’m being genuine or just want reassurance.

Does anyone else ever experience serious OCD symptoms/spikes when they’re about to get their period or even worse during ovulation? I’ve noticed some of the worst bouts of anxiety and non stop racing intrusive thoughts during these times.

I was curious if anyone has had a similar situation. I have been on Sertraline for a year now and I've essentially been OCD free the whole time which has been wonderful but because of the extremely low libido my phychiatrist prescribed Wellbutrin as an adjunct to the Sertraline. I tried this once before 2 years ago when I was on Escitalipram but after a week I felt way more anxious and figured it was from the Wellbutrin and went off. I decided to try it again this time as I thought maybe it would be different with Sertraline. Again exactly on the 7th day I started having intrusive thoughts. I decided to stop taking it because I do not want to go back to that place after a year of being OCD free. I stopped yesterday morning and today I still had a couple thoughts this morning. I really hope I didn't just mess everything up in my brain and now my OCD is coming back.

I need some help with this. Anyways when I watch PHUB sometimes I don’t remember the name of the video or the channel of the pHUB video and the next time I want to view that video I try to remember the gist of the title. While I was trying to get off I’m trying to find that video that I seen last time and it was an amateur couple and one of the title of the videos (paraphrasing it) suggested they are married and have a kid. So the video name was something along the lines as their kid was away at school they were at home alone. No clearly nothing illegal or suspicious So I search that up on PHUB and the word “kid” was in it and instantly PHUB shows this page where it’s “illegal” to look for anything in that context. But the thing is, I was NOT looking for that at all, not my intentions, not my desire, I was trying to find that video but didn’t realize that word “kid” could be interpreted the wrong way. Because that video title was indicating the married couple home alone while their daughter or son was at school and I typed their “kid away at school” and I got flagged which again I didn’t intend to do anything like that or look for that. I immediately backed out and felt very uncomfortable and stressed. No I’m extremely worried that police might get the wrong idea or the government watching over our internet search and they think I’m a pedo when I’m not at all. I don’t know who to talk to about this. Now I’m worried that something will happen to me and people will think I’m someone else when I’m not.

I'm Christian and I struggle with being close to god a lot but lately I just feel like I will never near a full relationship with god because of this not only that my heart physically hurts because I think about how I want god to allow me to get married and have kids but I don't think that's his will for me I feel like it will never happen and my heart hurts thinking about it and even if god does allow that blessing to come my way l'm afraid I'm going to end up hurting my husband or committing adultery and I'm afraid how he would react to my past and old relationship and ocd I don't think it will ever go away not because I don't think god is powerful enough I know he is I just think he wants that to be my story for the glory of his name and because it keeps me close to him idk I just my heart hurts thinking about not being married and not having kids but l'm trying to accept that in case that isn't his will for me it just really hurts my heart physically

recently, I’ve been feeling so alone and my OCD journey. I don’t know if this is normal but when I convinced myself that it’s OCD I feel so much better and then less than sometimes five minutes later my brain is saying to me that I’m just in denial of who I really am and it’ll say really disturbing comments I can’t tell if it’s actually saying it or if it’s just my intrusive thoughts it’s really hard to piece them apart. I’ve been struggling with this since March and I have started therapy, but I feel like every time a few days without my therapy. I feel the same way again or I start to get this feeling in my chest being absolutely just doomed and feeling like I’m just in denial of who I really am I just wanna know, anyone else this way has anyone else experience this with their OCD because it really makes me feel like I am that actual person and some of the comments that my brain tells me just feel so real and it feels like I’m actually saying it and meaning it once I process what my brain just said it gives me extreme anxiety and fear that this is really it and there’s nothing I can do to fix it. I also am a soon to be Mom so I feel extreme guilt towards my child and my family but part of me says well this is just who you are so you might as well just be become that person.

Hi! I've been dealing with something that really bothers me,I'm in therapy for it but I end up being sucked up in a loop of thinking about it all the time. I need help. Ok this is the story,I was having ocd thoughts like always " if u do this,this will happen,if you don't do this,ull attack someone" . That day I had a thought about my nephews,that I'll do something inappropriate with them,I was working in the house and I stopped a compulsion earlier and in that second my brain was like " omg what if something happend now" I continued my work yet was like "did something happen? Maybe I went to their house" lol after a while I was analyzing the thought like " what if I do that,would I feel guilty?" I didn't freak out,nothing,that surprised me. Then I feelt like ,wait what if I really do it,what if I snap?like an urge. If I think about it does it mean I will do it cuz I didn't have any negative feelings about it at that time. I started to ruminate and ask myself "what if I test myself and start the car and go to their house to see what I will do" .."I would probably just turn around or say hi but be in total panick and at the end I wouldn't even believe myself if I didn't do anything. I tested myself with the thoughts. And I got such anxiety rush afterwards while I was working in the house as if I might snap and had to be sure that I'm in the moment and remember everything. When I got to the house of my brother,I had anxiety but I didn't fight it,I thought, ah ill feel it,just continue walking,my mind was like trying to endure it and not analize the feelings,I remember I sit on the couch,we were talking,I went up and waited for my sister to get out of the bathroom and I tought to myself " now that I'm in the house,I could go to the kids room but I wont" .like I was analyzing that now that I'm near I wouldn't do it. But damn when I woke up,I feelt horrible, like I really did something, my kind feelt like it has a blockage,and I feelt horrible and guilty until today,that I cannot tell my brain what really happend. I was analyzing my thoughts and testing in my mind how far I would go that i have no idea now what to believe. I'm doin EMDR now for that day,my question is,is ALL THAT OCD? I was afraid afterwards why I didn't feel disgust that day cuyz of my thoughts. And now I'm spiraling,is that also ocd? And what can I do to finally stop the doubt and be sure 100 that nothing happened. Hope someone can relate

If life couldn't help giving me ocd at birth, I wish that it didn't give me pocd out of all the other themes. I know it's not fair to say this, but I wasn't this much depressed when I had contamination ocd and pure ocd.

What if I get stuck in an obsessive loop where people don’t understand me and they get annoyed instead of supportive

Guys I don't know what to do. I saw this instagram post of a famous person getting married. There was her daughter and she was wearing white stockings. It was triggering to see at first, but when I checked to see if I was attracted or not I didn't know what to make of it. It feels like I was attracted. I don't want to be attracted. I'm afraid that when I saw that I felt attraction. In my mind "stockings" are like a se&ual clothing. It really feels like I felt they were attractive. I think I could have se&ualized it. I really need someone to explain this to me. I don't care if it is reassurance seeking I really can't do with this.